letters that make words

endorsed by Jared, 19

[3bsandabook]

Fabric of my life

unfolding. unravelling

fracturing

fragmenting

fabric rarely caught in the wind

unknown

I can't get hold of it

the threads tie me down, unbearably

I can't get hold of them

I can't break free from them

[3bsandabook]

resonance

resonance. RESONANCE

VIOLENCE

the melody

of misery

what Harmony

echoing

bones reverberating

shaking

memory

memory?

And the Choir sings in tandem with my soul

[3bsandabook]

The song in me

the choir sings

and the earth

and the air

shiver

[3bsandabook]

my heart is aching and I can never make it small enough

[3bsandabook]

Sometimes I feel for the bones beneath my skin

it seems so strange that there is something to touch

[3bsandabook]

I will break open your beautiy from torso to spine

peel layer from layer

because you are mine

cut flesh from bone

and sinew from joint

take your form and reshape it

until you are right

[3bsandabook]

sometimes I watch

the bugs crawling on the walls of my room

and I envy them.

they know what they are

[3bsandabook]

Only in my room. on my own.

The ticking clock.

The air, my breath, laden with lead.

Numb, so numb outside.

A steady flow of tears, down the gutter.

One day I'll overflow.

Not tonight.

[3bsandabook]

once again the night takes hold.

the silence, defeaning

blanketing, cold

and I wish for a spark of warmth

and color

alone in my room.

a blade, a cut deep, and swift

lifting the weight off the world

off my mind.

heat soaking my blankets and pillow

i drift

away.

bright crimson on full display

a halo in red

a vibrant spread

around.

myself, gone

hoping i have found

my way.

beyond.

[3bsandabook]

overflowing

overfeeling

reign it in

I cannot let my heart 

be this

be reeling

from imaginings

apart

from what reality permits

reality 

the real life

the life i can touch

always insistent

that whatever

 I feel

is too much

but the cuts, the scars

are real

I can see them

the pale skin rising

when will I allow myself 

to feel

what i can’t touch

[3bsandabook]

end of a year

aggravates introspection

sending out tendrils

of online connection

you ask yourself

“what did I do?

where did I go?

Did I go far enough?

Did it count?

to the indefinable masses around?”

What else have we got?

Who else to turn to?

If you dont trust your own judgement

how can you trust

the judgement 

of indefinite strangers

meaningless faces

images meaning nothing to you

given meaning because everyone says you’re supposed to 

care

for yourself. 

care

care for those you love

a billion people may judge 

but if you want to live with yourself

care for the people

around you

[3bsandabook]

a comfort,

a halo

for an angel never touched

never known

the desire inside my chest

gripping at my ribs

my lungs

the sinews of my heart

ripping

tearing

breaking apart.

the desire to be unknown

unnamed

incorporeal

untamed

by what life demands.

to be but an entity

free of society

free of connection

expectation

inrospection;

to flay 

all the skin

and spray

all the blood

of the ones who have wronged you

and the ones you love.

they should pay.

to be free

to invoke revenge

to say

all that you can.

and in the end no one

not one

to stop you 

and to confine

the infinite wires

of your mind.

liberated

to ravage 

to tear apart

anyone

you desire

to start

the momentum

you require

to be.

just to be

[3bsandabook]

a streetlight 

at night

a streak of silvery white

in the dark

a delight 

for a slipping mind

[3bsandabook]

bugs in my periphery

wasps  for the most part

black and dark

my hands not my own

the mirror a window to somone 

I dont know

they smile

im alone

am I?

I hope

[3bsandabook]

static in my ears

snowscreen

a demon inside me

if i claw it out i die

[3bsandabook]

to fall in love! what a privilege, what a joy to feel so strongly, so deeply, that your heart may burst! to feel so alive!

[3bsandabook]

someone tear the stitches off me where I tried to mend I cannot It hurts too much the bleeding stains my every touch please someone make it  end