A. Han

Just a girl with a passion for writing. If you want to see my short stories, and my books before I post them on here, follow my Wattpad: a_dot_han :)

[a-dot-han-writes]

The Mollie and Harper Chronicles - {II} Part I - I Can't See You {II}

A/N: this is a little story I wrote to get some emotions out about my feelings and try to move on from the person I currently have feelings for because I really shouldn't have feelings for them anymore.

For the record, the names in this are fake, and so are the events of the story, but their girlfriend and the boy in my life (as well as my ex) are real people, and this is a real conflict of feelings I am having in my mind at the moment.

I was hoping that by writing out a story based on my conflict because writing stories is what I do best, it would help get my feelings out of my system and help me find an answer and get the emotions out... so far it hasn't, but maybe I just need to give it time.

I actually really like how the story came out, and felt like making it into a little series, and I wanted to share it with people who enjoy reading other people's writing. Hope you enjoy it!

Also, if anyone has advice for this type of situation, please feel free to share... it would honestly be much appreciated.

By the way, if you think you've seen this somewhere else, you have! On my other account second account: 'iloveyousincerely' - go follow me there <3

On with the story! Enjoy!

~~~~~~

I watched them from afar as they walked towards me, and a small sigh slipped from my lips. I shook my head, turning away and heading back towards the house, my heart feeling as if it was sitting in my stomach.

I heard the footsteps behind me, but I ignored them as I continued to walk to the house that belonged to my best friend. I really didn't want to look at them, especially not at their eyes. No, scratch that... I couldn't look at their eyes because those stupid blue eyes would end up making my heart skip a beat.

They must've taken the hint because they never came into the house, and my heart sighed in relief, along with my mind, which was tired of the conflict of feelings rushing around in my head, which was only worsened whenever I saw them.

It wasn't until later that day where my heart and mind had to battle once again, because as I walked down to the basketball court, focusing on the sound of the ball hitting the bitumen road as it bounced, my best friend told me that she had invited them to meet up with us.

My heart instantly dropped to my stomach, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat. I almost lost control of that stupid ball as I looked up from the road to see them walking down their street towards us. I couldn't help but whisper a; "damn it" as I quickly got ahold of the ball again, trying to ignore the raven-haired person who was now walking beside me.

After almost an hour of playing around with the basketball, and playing on the playground, and trying to pretend like I wasn't having an internal battle about my feelings, I couldn't take it anymore. I took one more look at them, and as my heart almost shattered, I turned to my best friend. "I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll meet you back at your house, yeah?"

My best friend protested at first, but I just looked at her, and she immediately stopped... obviously, the look in my eyes told her that I needed this. She offered to come with me, but I shook my head; "I need to be alone."

And with that, I took off, focusing on the way my feet sounded as my blue Converse hit the pavement instead of on the eyes that I could feel burning into my back. I stared at the ground as I walked; I knew exactly where I was going. My tree. I know it sounds silly to call a tree 'mine,' but in this town where I barely knew anyone and didn't know my way around, it was the only place I felt truly safe... so I called it my tree.

I went under the fence and crossed the slight creek and the paddock, only stopping once I found the big tree covered with millions of crawling ants; I didn't mind them, I wasn't scared of them crawling on me... rather, they comforted me, made me feel less alone and more at peace. They gave me something else to focus on.

As I stared at the ants, wondering where on earth they were going and exactly what they were doing, creating fictional stories about them in my head to cure my ever-curious mind, a sudden crunch of a stick pulled me from my thoughts. I felt my shoulders slump as I hesitated from looking up; I knew exactly what I would see... who I would see.

"Why are you avoiding me? I thought we were friends."

I sighed, looking up at them and into their stupidly beautiful blue eyes. I shook my head, not at what they'd said, but to try and gather my thoughts. "We are," was all I could come up with. My words made them frown, and I knew that I'd confused them.

"Then why does it seem like you don't want to see me?"

"Because I don't."

This made them pause for a few seconds, giving me a look of pure confusion with a hint of hurt. "Care to elaborate?"

I swallowed the ever-growing lump in my throat as I grabbed a stick, slowly breaking it into small pieces. I didn't want to explain myself because I didn't know how to without everything spilling out.

"Harper."

They sat beside me on my tree, causing my heart rate to pick up and my skin to erupt in goosebumps.

"I don't want to..." I hesitated briefly before continuing, "because I can't," I finished my sentence, refusing to look at them. "I can't see you because every time that I do, all I want is to kiss you, alright?" My words came out harsh, which hadn't been my intention, but sometimes that was the only way I could get my emotions out, with a sense of harshness and anger.

They opened their mouth to say something, but I quickly stopped them; "and before you say it, I know. Okay? I know." I swallowed the lump in my throat once again; "you have a girlfriend, and you guys are adorable together, and you guys seem super happy, and you don't have feelings for me anymore if you ever did, or maybe that was a misinterpretation, I don't know... but I still have feelings for you, and believe me, I really, really don't want to." My words almost mushed together as they spilled out of my mouth at a fast pace.

I could feel the tears prickling my eyes, but I really didn't want to cry in front of them, so I blinked them back and swallowed the sob that threatened to escape my throat before continuing; "because I have this amazing guy in my life, who likes me for me, and treats me amazingly most of the time, and who doesn't judge me, and who is waiting for me to be ready, and who is single and emotionally available. And a big part of me really likes him... and sometimes you leave my mind completely and all I see is him, and being with him, and loving him... but then somehow for some goddamn reason that I cannot figure out why, you pop back into my mind and just live there, for days, and it makes it so damn hard for me to see him, and want to be with him, and want to love him. As much as I hate it, there is a bigger part of me that likes you, and I have no idea why I still have feelings for you, and I really, really want them to go away because it's pathetic, and it's so unlike me. I mean, I've had feelings for people for long periods of time, but never this long... it's been nine months, and I still have feelings for you. I didn't even have feelings for my ex-boyfriend for this long. This isn't me, and I honestly can't tell you why I'm hung up over you; I just know that I am, and I don't want to be."

I threw the remainder of the stick into the empty creek below. "So no, I don't want to see you, because I can't... because I'm trying to move on from you, and I'm trying to only see himbecause he is good for me." I pause for a few seconds; "but whenever I see you, my heartbeat picks up in a way it doesn't with him, and whenever I see you, I want to say 'screw it' to everything and everyone and kiss you, which wouldn't be good for either of us, whenever I see you... all I see is an opportunity I missed out on and an opportunity I would leap at if I was given a chance. Whenever I see you, I forget he exists." I hesitate for several seconds, mulling over whether to say the next thing that fills my mind before thinking 'screw it' and letting it spill out of my mouth. "Whenever I see you, I wish that you and your girlfriend would break up, which isn't like me either... I never want people to break up. When I found out the guy I liked last year got a girlfriend, I didn't want them to break up; instead, I was happy for them. Even when I found out my ex got a girlfriend within under ten days of us breaking up, I didn't want them to break up, yeah I was pissed, but I never once wished that they would break up. But when it comes to you and your girlfriend, whenever I see you together, whenever you pop into my head, all I want is for you guys to break up, and I hate that I feel that way because it isn't me. I'm not the jealous type, and I'm not the hateful type, and I never ever want people to break up, no matter how much I like them. So no, Mollie... I can't see you, not right now, and maybe not ever again."

I stand up from my tree, my safe place, and wipe the single tear that had fallen from my cheek, starting to walk back up the small hill.

"Harper..." their voice makes me pause momentarily, and a huge part of me wants to turn around and hear what they have to say, but a bigger part of me can't bear to hear what it is that they're going to say.

"Don't... please, just don't. Let me walk away with at least a little bit of my dignity, okay?" My voice comes out in mostly a whisper, and as soon as I finish my sentence, I climb up the hill, leaving my feelings and emotions behind with my tree and in their mind.

[a-dot-han-writes]

The Ticking Trilogy  After getting into a horrid car accident, April Nerin is left to sit in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for news on the other person involved; Cooper Bradson. With each second that passes, she can't help but relive the events of the accident, for which she blames herself. As the clock in the waiting room ticks away, April can't help but sense that it is counting down to something... but to what? She's not sure. 'The Ticking Trilogy' is a book with three parts based on the same two characters. Each part details a different story, a different tale of events, and has a different set of emotions.

If this tickles your fancy, please check it out on Wattpad here: https://my.w.tt/xZsRCqlSJ9

[a-dot-han-writes]

Ticking

A/N: Hello! This is another short story! This is my personal favourite out of the two I’ve shared (this one and ‘One Month Left’). I came up with the idea of ‘Ticking’ when I was awake on a school night at 2am, I was staring up at my ceiling and listening to the sound of a ticking clock, and the story evolved from there! 

Word count: 1251 Warnings: mention of surgery, mention of death, mention of car crashes, mention of anxious behaviour and reactions, mention of broken bones and other injuries. 

If the thought of anything listed above in the warnings makes you squirm, or triggers you, please don’t read this book! I really, really don’t want to trigger anyone into have an anxiety or panic attack, or trigger anyone’s possible PTSD! 

That being said, for anyone who (hopefully) won’t be triggered, happy reading!

**

I looked up at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time, and just like all the other times, it stared back at me, quietly moving its arms and creating the usual ticking sound of a clock. It was as if it was taunting me, letting me know that I had been waiting for hours to hear any news, and with each 'tick' reminding me that it would be hours before I heard anything at all, but that at any second something could go horribly wrong. 

I tapped my index finger against the plastic arm of the chair, creating a sound that was a rhythmic copy of the clock's ticking. My eyes connected with a set of doors, and my stomach flipped around as I awaited the person I longed to see walk through them. I looked back to the clock, it was still there, ticking away... taunting me. I could practically hear it saying; 

"Another hour down, five more to go," with every tick. 

I glared at the white object, but slowly my gaze softened. It wasn't the clock's fault that the boy I loved was in an operating room with surgeons by his side as they all, including himself, fought to keep his heart beating. My finger stopped tapping, but my heartbeat remained fast in my chest. Every time the door opened, my head turned to it like lightning, only to be disappointed when it was a doctor who I didn't recognise, but each time, someone else in the waiting room did. 

It had been a freak accident. The accident that lead to this very moment. I had been driving along the road, calmly, joyously singing along to the soundtrack of my favourite musical, when all of a sudden a car turned around the corner of the side street ahead of me. I hadn't seen them, and they hadn't seen me. I slammed on the brakes, but by the time I did, it was too late... my car had already slammed directly into the driver's side of the other vehicle. 

When I came to, my ears were ringing with a high pitched, bell-like noise. As my vision cleared, I managed to lift my head, looking at the car in front of me... the car I had collided with. My heart sunk as I realised that I recognised the car, and my worst nightmare was confirmed when I saw that stupid, loveable head of black, curly hair. Tears had poured into my eyes and before I could stop them, they had rolled down my cheeks. 

I was sobbing loudly by the time my door was opened by a paramedic. They checked me out, they called me 'lucky'; I got off with barely a scratch, maybe a few bruises... Cooper on the other hand, well, he got everything you'd never want. A broken arm, broken ribs, glass in his face, in his head, a ripped open leg... you could see the bone, a piece of metal pierced through his chest that miraculously missed his heart by mere millimetres, a broken ankle, a broken wrist, some broken fingers, a broken nose... God knows what else. 

The thing was... I was the one who escaped unscathed, but I was far from lucky. Because now I was the one sitting in the waiting room, waiting for a doctor to come out and tell me what I already knew; that I had killed the only boy I ever loved. Yeah, it'd been an accident, but surely I could've paid more attention to the road. Did I look over to a tree and miss a stop sign? Did I look down at the wheel for one second, a second too long, and not see him coming around the corner soon enough? I must've done something wrong... and if I could find out what it was and go back in time to change it... God knows I would.  The worst part of all this?  He was driving to meet me. At a cafe, that we always went to. It was routine; every Tuesday at 4:30 pm, we were both off work and we would meet at the cafe. I would order a medium hot chocolate with marshmallows and extra whipped-cream on top, along with one of the amazing white-chocolate and raspberry brownies they made... and he would get a large caramel latte with cinnamon sprinkled on top, as well as a piece of their famous peppermint slice. His favourite flavour was peppermint... is peppermint. 

I looked down at my phone; I had called his mother hours ago... she hadn't called me back. Was she mad? Did she somehow know I was the one responsible for her son being in the hospital? Did she herself get into an accident? 

So many questions ran through my mind, faster than my brain could even begin to attempt to answer them. I looked back up to the clock... it'd been another few hours, and still nothing. No news... was that a good thing? Or was it bad? The clock still ticked away... it still taunted me. I slumped down in the seat, practically begging the ground to swallow me whole. This... this was what unbearable felt like. 

"April Nerin?" My head snapped over to the direction my name had been called from. I had been slumped in the chair for the past hour, looking up at the taunting clock every now and then, but upon hearing my name I had immediately sat up straight. I felt my shoulders tense as I mentally prepared myself for the bad news that I was more than likely going to get. 

I watched as the doctor walked towards me, and with every step she took, my heartbeat increased. It was as if she was walking in slow-motion, I could hear as she took each step... and I could hear the way her steps matched the rhythm of the clock. As the doctor sat next to me, I felt my heartbeat slow... it slowed right down as the world around me became fuzzy. My throat felt as if it had closed up, and all I could hear was the clock ticking away. As my eyes tried to focus, I saw the doctor... her face was blurry, but I could see the way her eyes widened as she looked over her shoulder to call for help. I slid from the chair, landing on my side on the cold floor of the hospital waiting room.  Maybe I hadn't been so lucky after all.  The last thing I saw was the doctor looking into my eyes, and behind her, a figure running towards us, with a skirt that was extremely familiar... it was Cooper's mum... she'd made it to the hospital after all. The last thing I smelt was the disinfectant hand sanitiser that was placed in many bottles all over waiting room; on tables, hanging from a holder on the wall... everywhere. The last thing I felt was the rubber gloves against my skin as the doctor frantically checked my face, my head... everywhere. The last thing I tasted was the peppermint chewing gum I'd had earlier... before the accident. And the last thing that I heard before everything went black, and silent... was the taunting, rhythmic ticking of the clock. 

Maybe the clock wasn't taunting me after all... maybe it wasn't counting down the minutes until I found out the result of Cooper's surgery. Maybe it was counting down the hours, minutes, seconds... until I died. 

[a-dot-han-writes]

One Month Left

A/N: Hello! This is a short story that I wrote called ‘One Month Left’. It’s based on the AU where on your eighteenth birthday you have the date of your death on your wrist. I hope you enjoy my take on this, and the writing of it! I’m currently not sure if this needs a part two, but if there’s popular demand for one, I am more than happy to write a second part to this!! 

Word count: 1790 Warnings: mentions of death, very slight mentions of anxious behaviour and feelings. 

The warnings are probably not that big to most people, but if you’re triggered by mentions of anxiety, or by the thought of death, please don’t read this! I don’t want to set anyone into a panic attack!!

On that note, happy reading!! 

**

One month left.

I'd woken up countless times through the night due to the immense anxiety that I felt; today was my birthday... and not just any birthday, it was my 18th birthday. I sat on my window seat, staring out at the sunrise through the rain-covered windows; the weather perfectly reflected my current mood. My heart pattered loudly against my chest as I looked towards the upside of my wrist... I didn't dare turn it over, not yet.

  I jumped, taking in an involuntary deep breath through my nose as my previously silent room filled up with the loud chiming of my phone as it rang. I uncurled my legs, getting up from my seat and walking over to my nightstand where my phone was laid face down. Tightening the blanket around my shoulders, I slid my finger across the screen, answering the call from my best friend;

"Elijah..." is how I greeted him, my voice coming out barely above a whisper as it quivers.

"Have you looked?"

"Not yet... what are you doing up? It's not even six yet. You hate early mornings."

"Typical Josie, worrying about me instead of herself. I'm up because I couldn't sleep... you find out your death date today..."

"So? It doesn't concern you..."

"It doesn't concern me? You're my best friend, Jo, and you find out the date of your death today..."

"If I choose to look."

"You have to look..."

"I don't have to. Maybe I want to ignore it until I die."

"You know that's not possible."

"It could be..."

"Just look, Jo."

"Fine... okay, I'll look."

  I sigh as I press the speaker button on my phone, placing it down on the nightstand. I unwrap my arm from the blanket, gently pushing up the sleeve of my winter shirt, then, with tears in my eyes, I turn my shaking wrist over. My mouth falls agape as an almost silent breath of shock leaves it and I close my eyes for a few moments, silently willing the date to change but when I reopen them... the same date is staring straight back at me.

  08/01/2021

One month from now.

  "Oh my god..." I whisper, letting myself fall back onto my bed as I stare down at my wrist.

"What? What does it say?"

A tear slips from my eye; "It's the eighth of January..."

"Of what year...?" Elijah asks, though his tone implies that he already knows.

"Twenty twenty-one..."

"A month...? You have a month left to live?"

"Mhm..." My voice comes out as a whimper. I breakdown into uncontrollable sobs, curling up into a ball as I lay down on my bed, burying my face into a pillow.

"Oh my god..." I hear Elijah mutter over the phone. "I'll be there in ten." He tells me, and before I can protest against it, I hear the sound of the phone hanging up.