Maybe A Cup Of Self Control Would Be The Route

minor

[acupofselfcontrol]

Intro (updated)

she/they, minor

TW: ED, mostly talk about recovery but there may still be ed triggering stuff on this blog, SH, I do not post photos but I do occasionally talk abt it

no dni if I don't like you i'll block you

profile picture from kommodo.art on tiktok, I got it from pinterest & username/title is from Coffee by Jack Stauber

This is a side blog, I do like and follow on this side of tumblr but it won't show up as this blog, I will not give out my main blog to anyone

[acupofselfcontrol]

hahahahahaha i'm supposed to be healed guys what is this hahahahahahaha

ermmmmm

like I haven't acted on any ed things in so long i've gained back the weight a lost and act like a normal human being so why does it still effect me so much guys🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

ermmmmmmmmmmm

why do I still think about going back into it like all the time guys ermmmmm

I fear I haven't relapsed into it or anything because i'm TERRIFIED of reliving the dismal quality of life/state of being that having an ed goes hand in hand with but that's lowkey the only thing stopping me💀😭💀

idrk what to do with this💀💀💀💀

[acupofselfcontrol]

I already ate carbs today but I really wanted pasta so i'm making pasta (i'm such a rebel)

[acupofselfcontrol]

Oh my god Ben in Only Murders in the Building season 3 episode 9 is the depiction of an eating disorder closest to what mine was like I've ever seen I was not ready for that hello

like that was basically what I experienced right there

[overwhelmedfernfrond]

if i talk to my friends i think i’m being annoying but if i don’t talk to my friends they think i’m being aloof. cannot win

[acupofselfcontrol]

Guys I, like, haven't been really counting cals this week wtf

beginning of the week I decided to stop for a week because it's the one thing I haven't tried to attempt listen to my body more than nutrition labels and hours and it's really been working??

ofc i still have an idea of how much i've had but i only used my calculator for it like twice this week (up until now ive been counting everything and keeping track)

like idk i've been wanting to relapse a lot in the last couple days but maybe this could count as like a win?? I haven't not counted cals with my calculator app since last october

[acupofselfcontrol]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I cannot believe I let a bunch of self-righteous tumblr anorexics convince me that thick thighs are not hot as hell

[decayingdogt33th]

people wonder why restrictive eds make people all competitive and obsessive and then have an (almost) literal “Anorexia 2nd Place” medical diagnosis

[acupofselfcontrol]

You don't need approval to wear what you want. Taking back your wardrobe is a powerful act of strength and bravery. If your friends don't like what you are wearing, then I don't like your friends.

okay so it's been months and months since I got this ask but like now I dress really expressively and how I like and I've starting connecting with such interesting people because of it, like expressing yourself with fashion Is worth it even though it's scary you end up finding people who don't hate individualism and even empower others to express themselves too

ofc some people like me less but i've found that those people have priorities I don't align with and being more confidently myself has made it a lot easier to get over the times people treated me like I wasn't worth anything

[acupofselfcontrol]

Your ED will never be able to catch up with your running speed now. Use your muscles, outrun it. You are strong and can run circles around it. Work towards feeling well, instead of sacrificing that for looks.

You've got this, and you are doing so well.

this was from a really long time ago and I forgot to respond to it but I read it and istg this visualization got me through so many things with recovery (and still does)

[acupofselfcontrol]

If you get a star ⭐️ in your inbox it means your moot appreciates you, and your efforts in the community. Send this to 10 mutuals to continue the love!!!!! <3

aw that's sweet thank you we love positivity for real

[acupofselfcontrol]

i think i'll always be thankful for a few random tumblr users who advised me not become bulimic when my ed was really bad

[acupofselfcontrol]

making oatmeal at 6pm because i have to make decisions about clothes and clean my room and im too tired cause I need to eat and I want to make friend rice but im too tired to clean the pans myself (I usually do i'm js so physically tired) and I was js gonna skip eating but I realized that would result in an evening spent sitting around and being unhappy so yeah i'm making oatmeal

[acupofselfcontrol]

i've eaten a lot this week and my wrists are suddenly bigger and i'm freaking out about my forarms cause I have a presentation tmr so instead of relapsing into any sort of bad coping mechanism I planned an outfit with long flowy sleeves and i'm gonna take a cold shower, if no one's proud of me for this I definitely am

[acupofselfcontrol]

Yesterday istg I ate like a pound of homemade cookies/cookie dough (not even in a binge way) and while I am trying to compensate, I weirdly don't feel so guilty I wanna kill myself /pos

they are supposed to be a "healthier" version of cookies but I had to use white sugar instead of coconut sugar, it doesn't matter that much anyway

[acupofselfcontrol]

Trying really hard to remind myself that consistency will get me where I want to be and without the needless misableness

triggering stuff below (talk of cals and wl and exersise)

I'm not happy with how I look right now but instead of destroying all my relationships and taking away joy and whimsy from my life I can eat in like a 300cal deficit, continue running and strength training the same as I am right now, and I'll be where I want to be by Halloween

no I wont have the gratification that i'm craving this week, but being consistent means that I will get that gratification and it will be reliable, no binging issues or anything like that

im writing this all out because if I don't I won't believe it

its okay if I don't look the same as I did in june by friday because in a month ill feel more confident, and because weight loss won't be the only thing in my life i'll actually have much stronger habits and consistency in life overall

letting this process be slow is hard on me right now but me in a month will be so proud and hapoy

it will be worth taking it slow

[acupofselfcontrol]

First day of having school and trying to not have an ED has been surprisingly 100% better than having school with an ED