Wicked Witch Of The Rest

I have been here far too long, yet I still remain

[kaijuno]

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Reasons to be happy today:

Bruce’s office at Wayne Enterprises is probably full of framed pictures of his kids, but every time somebody tries to use them as a conversation starter, it backfires wildly. Bruce has too many children, and he is Exhausted™

“Are these your sons? They’re very handsome” “Their sister just sent me video of them getting into a fistfight and breaking two of my windows, but thank you, yeah, they’re good-looking kids”

“No that one doesn’t smile for pictures. This is a candid from after his brother fell down the stairs. He’s laughing”

“Yes, that’s Jason [grits teeth] [sets aside newspaper titled ‘Red Hood Levels Mayoral Office’] We miss him every day”

Anytime Tim needs an excuse to run off and superhero, he invents a “family emergency” where Damian got injured doing something childish. Damian can’t tell anyone Tim was lying– that would jeopardize their secret identities– so he has to put up with concerned adults asking if he’s okay now?? Has he recovered from that bike crash?? Did he thank Tim for driving him to the emergency room??

Obviously, Damian is not a fan of this tactic. Why anyone would believe he fell off a bike is beyond him, because he doesn’t ride bikes, and if he did, he would ride them expertly. It’s not convincing, Drake. Stop laughing. He means it.

[tevruden]

[neon-nightsky]

[owlmylove]

#this looks like some kind of Canadian version of Mad Max tbh

[suburbanfire]

#mild max: maple road

[madlori]

OBSERVE ME FROM A POLITE DISTANCE

[c3rvida3]

The two Jehovah’s Witnesses that always come to my door are alarmingly buff. Like, muscles-straining-through-their-white-dress-shirts buff. I don’t even have a joke to make about this, guys. I just feel like you should know that I am plagued by these righteously jacked proselytizers and that, for whatever reason, I’m constantly running into them at the grocery store and they always ask me how my cat is doing. It’s really somethin’.

[bugfucko-deactivated20181003]

they must do jehovahs fitness

[c3rvida3]

FUCK. HOW DID I MISS THAT.

[newshoes]

[c1504]

Whenever I need motivation I just google Gordon Ramsey 

[danielkanhai]

i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life. 

[jazzcochina-deactivated20180807]

i consider this a sort of prose poem to be honest

[thecheesyllama]

So whenever my hearing aids run out of battery, a deep-ass man’s voice goes off right next to my ear drum yelling “B A T T E R Y”, and, every time, without fail, giving me a minor heart attack.

And since my hearing aids aren’t synched for when I replace the battery, the left hearing aid will go off one afternoon, and I’ll know that the right one will go off the following night.

Yesterday afternoon, I replaced my left hearing aid battery.

Now it is tomorrow night. Now I sit, and I wait, for that monotone-ass motherfucker in my head to yell “BATTERY” in my ear, again leading to my gradual heart failure. It is only so long before my heart cannot take this repeated occurrence of panic.

I sit.

I wait.

He is coming.

[questbedhead]

Matt Murdock: Hell’s kitchen is my HOME and I will protect it with my LIFE because JUSTICE and CATHOLIC GUILT

Luke Cage: Yeah, there’s some good people in Harlem but I’d rather be left alone. I mean if someone starting shit, ill finish it but - whoops, I’ve adopted a neighborhood. 

Jessica Jones: I care about four people and sometimes myself, kiss my ass NYC. 

[bundyspooks]

In New Zealand, there is a man legally known as ‘The Wizard’ who is an educator, comedian, magician and politician. Some of his political ideas include:

Abolishing old-fashioned gender roles

Travelling to find the “center of the universe”

Replacing God and the Church with Wizardry and the World Wide Web

[shockalypse-deactivated20190501]

“Wizard, The”

[thefoolsfolly-theclownsconstruc]

This is The Wizard, reblog in 35 seconds to reveal the secrets of the center of the universe and abolish old fashioned gender roles.

[ithelpstodream]

White men get offended if you talk about Black Lives Matter.

White men get offended if you talk about feminism.

White men get offended if you talk about rape culture.

White men get offended if you talk about islamophobia.

White men get offended if you don’t feel like talking to them or if you don’t agree with them.

White men get offended if you ask for trigger warnings.

White men get offended if someone chooses to stay seated.

White men get offended if a woman doesn’t want to shave her legs.

White men get offended because I’m not saying “most white men…”

The same white men: “fuck man everyone gets offended so easily these days, get a grip!”

[divineapparition-deactivated202]

This is literally so funny I’m

[kas-delafere]

if you ever feel bad about your body remember that Wonder Woman has cellulite too

[sassy-gay-justice]

Whoever is writing this is doing God’s work

[jumpingjacktrash]

or there’s craigslist slfjkghldfkgj

[rungigirun]

[brinnanza]

my favorite thing about the cask of amontillado meme (which I LOVE) is that it displays, yet again, how difficult millennials on the internet are to predict. oh, giant company, you want your advertisement to go viral? well this week the kids are obsessed with a short story written in 1846 good fucking luck

[wehaveallgotknives]

oh my dear marketing man,you want me to explain how to track this? well, I could show you a chart that indicates the next five big memes. it is down in my basement, though it is quite cold, and surely you have another engagement to attend.

[digitalintimacy-deactivated2018]

my mom might’ve raised an emotionally vacant child with severe depression and anxiety but she didn’t raise a quitter

[dutchster]

[derekhalesprayercircle-blog]

[lizzibennet]

i’ve never related to a tweet more