“LET ME LOVE YOU PEACEFULLY…”
“Use your arms to hold me tight.. Baby I don’t wanna fight no more…” - Soldier of Love by Pearl jam (off topic but i saw them live last year and cried genuine tears don’t joke…)
warnings!! : established relationship, angst (?), couples arguing, threatening walking out/leaving, kisses, AFAB!reader, mean!Carmy! plz lmk if i missed anything but hope you enjoy this my chefs 🍰. *ੈ✩‧₊˚
summary: you and carmen go thru a rough patch. he’s busy with the restaurant all day long which is great but it leaves no time for dates or anything together, so you two argue
This wasn’t what you two wanted
You and Carmen had been together for about two years and it was perfect- for the most part. He loved you, you loved him that was all it was! There was *semi* good communication going on but hey that’s better than nothing! But it wasn’t until two months ago there were subtle changes. Coming home wayyy too late, skipping meals, no more texts. That kinda stuff. To other people that wasn’t a big deal but to you it was. Carmen was amazing- despite his some flaws but he was a good boyfriend so why was he acting like this?
It was late one night. Heavy rain and storms, he hadn’t come home yet. Like any good girlfriend you would worry. ‘What if something happened?’ Was ALL you could think about so you texted him. that’s the right thing to do…
I mean you didn’t wanna be overbearing or looking over him constantly- you just craved the connection you two had originally. You wanted the fun back. Like how old people go on cruises to have fun in their life’s- you wanted to just connect and have fun with Carmen again.
”hey you alright?” 6:09 PM
“you want me to leave out some food for you?” 8:10 PM
‘hey u okay? i’m heading to bed. goodnight love you! ♥️”
You worked in a hospital for heavens sakes and even you could respond to messages as quickly as you could. YOU ARE SAVING LIVES. But it feels to mean to compare the two jobs- you work at a hospital, he’s a cook. Very. Very Different..
But “read” is always better than delivered!
Well at least you know he’s alive. But no response? Fuck. That hurts. But you sent the phone down just listening to the clam rain outside hit against the apartment window; the window was filled with little trinkets from thrift shops and stores you went too: Carmen thought it was clutter but if it made you happy he was happy.
The apartment door opens and you hear steps, still in slumber tho you don’t pay too much attention to whoever has just walked in - despite that fact that it’s Carmen and that’s pretty easy to tell. You could hear him strip out of his clothes just in his boxers now and get into bed with you, wrapping an arm around you tugging you close.
“M’jus me okay..?” He mumbled holding you close. How dare he act like everything is fine?!? God what a dick.
“Don’t touch me. I’m tired Carmen.”
“What? I can’t touch you- Damn sorry..”
There’s silence for a few minutes just the rain hitting the window over and over until Carmen finally speaks up
“I bet you do.” You say back sarcastically
“The fuck that mean?” He mumbles confused
“Nothing.” You say back pulling the blanket over you more
He sits up in bed, looking down at you confused and hurt. But he doesn’t say much about it. He hates going to bed after fighting with you.
The next morning you avoided him. all morning. No breakfast for him. No shower together. No kiss. No hug. No coffee. NOTHING but of course he didn’t understand what he did wrong. He was trying to support YOU. The life you two would have together. He wanted to support you two.
He came up behind you arms wrapped around hugging you from behind peppering kisses all over, whispering things
Until you shoved him off of you.
“Hey come on we’ve been over this i’m sorry-“
“When are you EVER sorry Carmen??” You said to him- a little too loud for his liking..
“You don’t EVER fucking yell at me.”
“You get to yell at EVERYONE else all the time! Why the fuck can’t I yell at you???” You yelled at him- actually yelling. Nothing quiet.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?? I thought we were good-“
“What the fuck?? We haven’t been good in months dumbass.”
“All I ever hear is about that fucking restaurant! It’s always ‘gotta test this out’ ‘pay for this-‘ Wben the fuck can we talk Carmen? When is it about us??”
“I pour my HEART into that place. Don’t fucking talk about it like that. You know where my priorities are that place is important it’s money-“
“It’s a addiction and clearly you care about it more than me-“
“If you do, Then i’m fucking gone.”
That got him to shut up very well for a moment. You out of his life? He couldn’t even imagine that one bit. You were worrying him. He didn’t want you out of his life. He had so many plans for you two; getting married, having kids, moving, travel etc. You gone. Him with someone else? FUCK no.
Carmen would miss the small things if you were gone. Hair ties on the bathroom counter. Sodas you liked to buy in his fridge. Drawing you daily. The scent of the pillow when you weren’t around. The closet would be empty. A second tooth brush no longer needed. And he wouldn’t have to buy that vanilla berry body wash you used everytime. No more buying foods you liked either. Or the strawberry lotion you liked. Just a copy of a copy living situation for him.
He grabbed you by the wrist scared you may slip away like everything else. You slowly raised both arms to try to get him away.
Carmen’s been alone before
But he didn’t wanna lose you.
He was never ready for you to leave.
“No. Me and you? A team. I’m not living solo- I-I can’t lose you too- Sweetheart please I know i’m not the best boyfriend at times and i’m mean and selfish and a fucking assjole but-“ He felt his eyes burn with tears wanting to be released “Just please don’t give up on us. On me. Okay?”
“But you say that everytime-“
“it’s a different time- i’ll call Richie see if he can just take over-“
“Aren’t you scared he’s gonna do it wrong-!” You laughed “What is it I always hear you scream when i see you? ‘CHEF FUCK YOU’ Or something like that. So angry” You smiled at him but it soon faded “I just want you around more okay? I don’t wanna feel so alone Carmen.”
He looked down. He was never a man of emotion (CLEARLY) but for you he was trying. He loved getting better for you, Carmen wanted to always thrive for you so you would flaunt him sometimes (not all the time tho) but he wanted you to tell people about him and how good he was too you.
“I know and i’m sorry sweet girl… promise i’m better”
“I say it’s better when I SEE better Carmen okay? It’s not that I don’t trust you I just-“
“Wanna see improvements?”
“Yeah. Like you do with the restaurant I wanna see that with you okay?”
He looked at you; Genuonly looked at you for the first time in a while
“So pretty did I tell you?”
“I think you did Bear.. i think you did”
He pulls you closer to him but you pull away again
“Please jus’ let me hold you-“
“Carmen. After tonight? No thanks”
“I know I’m just- not ready to trust you fully again Carmen ok?”
He sighed; this hurt. Really fucking hurt
“But when you wanna again- you’ll tell me?”
You disappeared into the bedroom again; You had the dah off
Normally days off were used to go see him at The Bear, or clean around the house but this time you just went right back to bed and he went to go shower.
As he showered he prayed the water would wash away his guilt and mistakes, soap could wash away anything evil he had ever done to harm you. He just wanted to be changed. But he knew he couldn’t keep sulking and he had to make a genuine change. A real change for you.
So the whole day he texted you updates. Stupid and silly. How many people came in, his breaks. Alll that and you felt like things may change, may get better. Maybe.
After work he came home early- super early.
Maybe… just maybe Carmen Berzatto was trying to fix his mistakes for good.
a/n: HELLO! uhm releasing this early bc where i live is supposed to have horrific weather tmrw and I don’t wanna risk anything bc it’s already getting bad out there… (put me down) but i’ll probably make a part two. idk either Carmen can be doomed again or happy! stay safe chefs 🫶🏽
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