Hey anyone got the blank templates for those "Characters doing a bunch of stupid shit" memes, like the one where they're playing monopoly and there's the guy with the Mic?
Just a ficlet to fill a final prompt in the wee hours of Phight! For @a-closet-emo
It had been years since Cujo died. Valerie had tried to convince her dad to buy another puppy, but he’d insisted that it wasn’t worth her getting all teary-eyed over another pet, if it ran into the street or got sick from eating something it shouldn’t. His heart couldn’t take that again.
So, when a giant ghost dog showed up at her dad’s work, making a wreck of the place and threatening her dad’s work, she decided that darn it, she knew how dogs worked. If she couldn’t have a pet, she could still put that knowledge to good use. Even ghost dogs must know how to obey commands!
The hound tore through the building, taking her backpack with it on the way through the reception area on the day she finally snapped.
“All right, that’s it!” Valerie shouted, throwing her book and spiral bound on the chair beside her as she took off after the mutt.
Just as it turned to come bounding back towards her, she put down her hand in the universal gesture and said, “Sit!”
To her surprise, the dog skidded to a halt, tail wagging, and dropped her backpack.
“Huh. I didn’t actually expect that to work,” Valerie mused. She scratched the dog under the chin. “You’re actually kind of cute, aren’t you?”
“Here boy! Get back here, Cujo!” A familiar voice shouted just as Phantom phased through the wall, and stopped short. “Oh, uh…I see you’ve got him, so I’m just gonna–” Phantom fumbled with a thermos.
“Wait, Cujo?” Valerie asked, stunned. “That’s the name of my old dog that died!”
“It is?” Phantom scratched at his head. “Well, uh, I was gonna release this guy back into the Ghost Zone, but if he’s yours…”
Valerie’s eyes teared up as she found the collar around the massive dog’s neck. Was it possible…?
“Cujo?”
The dog barked, and shrank into a little, beautiful, puppy. Unmistakably hers.
Valerie broke into a smile. “Here, boy!” The dog leapt into her arms, licking her face as she laughed.
“Huh. Seems I’m not needed here, so–” Phantom waved, but Valerie wasn’t looking. She was too busy reuniting with an old friend to care about some ghost boy.
This isn’t Twitter. This isn’t your average every day site. This is Tumblr. We’re crazy. We’re weird. We don’t fit in. We’re the fangirls, the fujoshis, the Superwholockers, and the Steven Universe Critical bloggers. We forgot what “normal” was. So if you’re expecting a normal website…
the self made cynic; created with bared teeth and bloodied knuckles. clawed their way out of hell and didn't come out quite human. every thing about them is a carefully constructed persona - you can't hurt someone who doesn't exist, and they will never be hurt again. faithless through and through. the only savior they believe in is themselves.
the bleeding heart, on the other hand is fundamentally incapable of being anything other than themself. they love the way an open wound does. it's hemorrhagic and contagious. faithful to a fault. they will jump without hesistation, though they'll hit the ground consumed with guilt.
Fun fact! Haunted bathtubs are an example of coevolution with haunted houses! As houses became more elaborate, haunted water fixtures changed to match the opulence. As such, the haunted hut and its symbiotic counterpart, the haunted well, gradually changed into the more inviting haunted estate with the haunted tub now being an internal parasite instead of an external one. You are correct, more haunted houses SHOULD have haunted clawfoot bathtubs because they promote the health of the house and indicate a functional paranormal ecosystem.
I just imagined a haunted house as a full on ecosystem that needs each haunted piece in order to function as a whole. So if one spirit is exorcised then the whole system goes nuts and eventually ceases to operate. Meaning that once an exorcism takes place the entire house suddenly gets 10x worse till balance is restored.
“Listen, ma’am, we can’t just exorcise this one poltergeist, this is a load bearing poltergeist, ok? We remove this one, we may as well rip out the whole damn ectosystem.”
#velvet highbacked armchairs live at the top of the predatory chair hierarchy despite being pack poltergeists much like their haunted kitchenware counterparts #apex poltergeists such as haunted beds and chaise lounges and dining tables strongly dislike being moved
Haunted lamps flicker in alluring ways to attract mates. They typically lay only one or two bulbs at a time and guard them fiercely due to both their fragility and small numbers. A bulb eventually hatches into a spooky Halloween nightlight. This process has never been witnessed, and thus is not very well understood. The nightlights are entirely dependent on their outlets, and must still rely on the protection of their parents to survive. Only until they grow into their juvenile state, table lamps, can they leave their parents to explore their surroundings and find their first lampshade. Like hermit crabs, lamps must replace their shades periodically as they reach their adult state, the floor lamp.
Elaborate haunted carpets and bloodthirsty Persian rugs may seem like scavenging bottom feeders, and technically they are, but if stomped on or run upon they have been known to take down a full grown adult with ease.
Demonic doors are obviously capable locking/unlocking, jamming/releasing at will but their hinges only squeak when they are asleep so you only have to worry about the doors when it’s quiet.
But Imagine: DOMESTICATED clawfoot bathtubs… running out of the bathrooms, shaking themselves off like dogs, trailing a shower fixture like a lead. Dropping soap at your feet and wagging its bathtub butt as it begs you to play fetch with it.
#haunted rugs are actually constriction predators that just prefer scavenging because it’s easier #make sure to drop a steady supply of crumbs and spilled food on them and you’ll be fine