“ well, we did already establish you’re fake deep. dramatic fits in with that. ” romina teased, but it was more hesitant than usual, his halfway grin disarming her. as naturally as joking around with him and relaxing came, she didn’t want it to seem like she wasn’t paying attention to the fact that something was obviously wrong. romina was about to say something else before benji started talking again, his words so familiar it was as if he had reached into her brain and plucked them right from her thoughts. she hadn’t realized how absurd the notion of ignoring sadness for the sake of other people was until it was spilling from the boy’s lips, and it caused her to furrow her brows ever so slightly. the unsure smile turned into a flat line as she pressed her lips together for a moment, waiting until she was positive he’d finished speaking. “ you’re allowed to help yourself too, you know. ” romina offered honestly, her gaze on him. the corners of her lips twitched upward when he bumped her shoulder with his own. “ mm, it’s one of the reasons. ”
the silence wasn’t as much unsettling as it was dragging, the context of the conversation to come making it seem like it lasted forever. she wasn’t sure benji was going to say anything else about what’s been troubling him before he spoke again, the weight of just that one statement palpable. just like that the truth was out there for romina to hear, and the fact that he trusted her enough to disclose something so personal was not lost on her. her brow furrowed further when he started talking about his family, their actions upsetting her despite her not being the one who was effected in consequence by them. when romina was younger, she used to wonder about the seemingly random unfairness of the universe. why did bad things happen to the people who deserved them least ? listening to the boy now, the same thought crossed her mind.
once he brought up leaving the group chat, the memory of that night flashed briefly in her head. how much more sense everything made now. romina took a moment after he finished talking to pause, her gaze moving away from him. “ i’m not going to pretend i have the words to fix everything. i mean, we both know there’s no such thing. and that wasn’t the point of you telling me, anyway. i know that. ” she looked back towards him, her already soft features warm. “ i’m really sorry you have to go through this. and god knows you deserve so much more than you’ve been given. ” briefly she reached forward and touched his arm, her touch only lasting moments before she dropped her hand back onto her lap. if there was a way to literally absolve him of the pain from an unloving family she’d do it. if there was a chance to rearrange the order of the universe so none of this ever happened romina would take it. but none of those options were possible, and so the girl was determined to offer benji the next best thing. “ i think you’d have to be crazy not to dwell on something like this. there’s no timeline of when you should be past it, either. you’re human— we don’t really get over the things that happen to us. we just go on existing in a different way afterwards. ” her hands twitched at her side, unsure of where to go or what to do. “ and until you find that different way, i’ll be here. whether it’s because you’re hurting tomorrow or next week, or even five years from now. we’ll all be here. ”
after speaking, a nervous sense of adrenaline rushed through him. she had asked, he had to keep reminding himself of that in the few brief moments between his words and hers. romina had asked him what was wrong, and romina cared. all he could do as she offered her words was nod with his eyes still focused on the ground. before coming into contact with the pythons, before they all got together as a group and formed into one singular unit, benjamin never had many friends. there was only one person in his life that he felt as if he could share things with. and even then, his relationship with jae was so simple, so natural that confessions like this never felt like they were confessions. but this. this conversation, confession, this sharing of a secret that he never intended to actually tell anyone, whatever you wanted to call it. this was different. and he was unsure how to feel about that. frankly, he was unsure how to feel about a lot of things right now. this was too easy. the shoe was bound to drop sooner or later.
taking in her words, and how soft they were, benjamin nodded again. without saying anything, he reached over only a few seconds after she'd touched his arm and he took her hand in his. physical touches weren't an unusual thing for them. usually they were light, teasing touches. or they were close skin to skin contact where all he could feel was her against him. but this was different, he needed this kind of contact. benjamin just needed someting at the moment, and holding her hand was the only thing that came to his mind. somewhere in his brain, it made sense. she could keep him grounded if he'd just hold onto her. "you're right." he finally said.
"you're usually right, you know that?" the blond asked, looking up from their hands to her face and giving her a small smile before shrugging. "like i said. i'm being dramatic. i keep thinking about all the shit he put me through, and the shit i put him through, and how unfair this is. this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life, you know? i'm supposed to be here, in hawaii, having the time of my life, but i've just been locked in my room because i feel like i'm going to snap on someone if they breathe in my direction because i'm so fucked up about things." he knew he was too tightly wound, too lost in his own mind. that was why he'd ventured out to get some fresh air in the first place. he just hadn't anticipated a conversation like this to happen when he did. "i wish there was a way to get over this, at least. so i could go back to normal. people have noticed something's off. even if they won't say it, i know they have." he hated that the most. growing silent again, he bit his lip before blowing out a breath, a soft chuckle falling out of his mouth at the same time. "thank you, though." benjamin told her, running his thumb along the back of her hand slowly. "for being here. i'm a stubborn shit head sometimes, but i'm glad you stick around."