Dirty 30

Or 13 going on 30

[bitter30s]

Cheating men create bitter women.

I was living my best life in Colorado at age 28 going on 29. I met a man and I believed he was the one. You can guess where this is going. I “fell in love”. He was younger than me and I should have kicked him to the curb when the first few red flags showed up. 

#1 he was going through a divorce 

#2 he lied about his age

#3 within the first two weeks of us exclusively dating he was still on dating sites and said he had to keep his options open. 

But stupidity prevailed I put this “man” before myself and before God and moved him in my apartment. Ignoring all the red flags and God’s clear “NO’s!”  

Things in Colorado were peaches and cream. He was living off me and I didn’t see the problem. SMFH. 

He is in the military so he gets moved 4 months into our relationship to Tennessee. I should have let go and let God, right? Wrong …my dumb ass gets a job and leaves the state I love and followed this man-child to TN. He helps me make the move financially and even helps me find an apartment. Mind you he is still technically married but legally separated. So the military and social media have no idea we are in a relationship.

My dumb ass gets pregnant the moment I get to Tennessee. This man-child takes me to meet his entire family in Atlanta, who I love and loved me instantly.  We kept our relationship and my pregnancy on the down-low and only our families know the truth. As he is still living with me in my apartment that I am paying all the bills for. I catch him talking to other woman and sending inappropriate pictures with not once but twice. And what do I do, you ask?I forgive him and allow him to continue to allow him to live in my home rent free. 

(Side note he has a room at the army base he could stay at). 

But I forgive him and we pray and he claimed  to have given the “sex addiction” to God. (If a man can lie to God and about what God is doing in your life…(He can lie to anyone) He claims over and over that he is getting better. 

We pray and move on to him going through all my journals from the past 6 years. Questioning me on my past relationships from before we were even a thing. He called me a liar and questioned me of details on my past. After 10 years of smoking weed I had truly forgotten most of my past. I was a sexual person in my early 20’s just like most young adults and he calls me a slut. Hang in there it gets better.

The first week of my third trimester he goes through all my old broken phones and reads my old journals from 5-6 years prior and questions me on it. We get into an argument. My side was why do you care about what I did in the past before you knew me. “Don’t you realize I am a different person and you never knew that side of me”. He says “well why can’t I have that version of you too.” Because mother fucker I am a new creation in Christ Jesus and I am not in the streets anymore. I am about be 30 and about to be a mom and want to settle down now. Mind you his guilty conscience is trying to accuse me of the things he is doing. 

October 1 we get into another altercation. He pushes me into a table and pushed me out the door of my own home. Mind you I’m 25 ish weeks pregnant. The next day my water broke. I end up in the hospital for three weeks almost losing my job forcing him to pay 2 months of my bills. His name was not on my apartment. My healthy baby boy was born at 29 weeks at 2 lb and 14 oz. My son was breach and a lack of fluid forced me to have a c section. During my intense stay at the hospital he complained about his sexual desires not being met because we haven’t had sex due to me having a Cervical cerclage at 20 weeks pregnant and being in the hospital because of my water breaking. He tells me he wants to have a threesome and I told him I did not. Because I’ve done it before and didn’t like it. I also don’t want to bring another person into our relationship. I told him if he wants to do it don’t expect me to still be here. He says since I’ve moved to Tennessee our sex life hasn’t been the best. And I’ve never matched his sexual desires. (Side note I’ve made him finish within seconds- but in our arrangement he claims my cat is ran through, must be tight enough to make you finish quick). 

(Several other arguments and altercations have happened but I’m just naming the major ones)

A week after my c section we have another argument and he kicks me in the stomach. And no, I never called the police on him because I was a stupid girl “in love”. 

Later we argue about my desire, dreams, and goals of wanting to go to complete my MDiv and going to Law School. He says that it’s stupid to get a degree because most people he knows don’t use their degrees. But my track record showed I used my BSW to the max and now I want to work on the Macro level. His points are invalid because he doesn’t even have a completed degree. He has been in the military the past 6/7 years and before that he worked at Walmart.

Last account. Baby boy comes home and the holidays pass. I’m blessed to work from home with the same company. This fool buys a house and we moved into the house together the second week of December. 

It’s the second week of January I’m at home playing the piano in his Mac book. He called and helped me set it up. Now at this point I don’t know if he wanted to get caught or is just fucking stupid.  He is texting 4 different woman and his phone is connected his Mac. I called to confront him and he denies what I’m seeing. A woman is responding it was so great seeing you yesterday. I respond maybe you shouldn’t be talking to a man with a girlfriend and baby he just bought a house for.  I sent it to the other girl and talked to them both by sending them my number. Come to find out this bitch has been dating them both since my water broke. He has been seeing them and showing up in my car. Meeting their children. He has several other relationships. What do I do, You ask? I exposed him for the cheating, lying, ass wipe he is. I told his entire family. He gets mad and we tussle over the baby and he steals my phone. I ran to the neighbors and called the police. He in return tells me I need to get out. With no where to go and no money. Mind you all the shit in the house is mine! SMH. In the end he put his baby momma and new born baby out in the middle of winter and changed the locks. I call the military and police and expose him. I packed a Uhaul. with as much as I could and left. He was too afraid to sign the birth certificate and give the baby his last name because he didn’t want to get into trouble with the military because he was still going through his divorce. His divorce was finalized Oct 3. My son was born October 22. With that being said in the state of Tennessee according to the military and police he has no rights over my son. I took a picture of his SSN and birth certificate and will be putting his ass on child support.  And here I am starting over again at 30 with a newborn baby boy who has my entire heart, back home with my family in Maryland. But cheating men turn women bitter because I don’t want to ever date again. 

What did I learn: 

#1 don’t meet people on Facebook Dating. 

#2 don’t move in together until he puts a ring on your finger. 

#3 stand for what you believe is what is right and don’t take shit from any man. Especially one with little if no life experiences. 

#4 don’t trust a man who can lie to God or about God’s work in his life. 

What good came out of it. 

#1 my son 

#2 I will listen to God more 

#3 he did get me reconnected to my father and I helped him get out of jail. 

#4 I lived in the south. 

#5 I’m back home to begin a new chapter in a better future forward