just a toy

<3 my pretty pink blog full of depressing shit! dpd / depression / anxiety / suicidal thoughts / self harm / ed / trauma / cocsa that sounds like lot but really this is mostly me constantly being v dpd™ or trauma™

[dankmemeuniversity]

[bruised-pink]

i know you were hoping for sex i’m sorry we couldn’t please still love me

[bruised-pink]

yeah that’s COOL it’s FINE keep ignoring everything i say and i’ll keep pretending it doesn’t hurt!!!! literally 9/10 things i’ve said for the last week have just been straight up ignored and at this point i’m just saying stupid unimportant shit hoping to get that fraction of a chance that you’ll acknowledge that i said anything at all!!!! the only thing i’ve been able to say lately is “i’m sorry” “i’m sorry” “i’m sorry” i know you’re in pain i know you’re the important one but i still miss you caring

[bruised-pink]

sooooo we’re really not gonna talk about how i spent all morning crying and you spent all morning pretending you couldn’t tell i was crying? okay…

[bruised-pink]

i’m sorry at first it was just i didn’t want to but then you kept pushing and pushing and i got really anxious and uncomfortable but i couldn’t say anything and now you hate me and i should’ve just done what yu wanted and cried abt it once you were asleep i’m sorry i made the wrong choice i’m sorry i didn’t give you what you want i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i’m sorry i’m bad i should’ve given you what you wanted i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m bad i’m bad i’m bad i’m bad and now you’re gonna have to yell at me and blow up about how i’m terrible at reading yr cues that you want sex and i’ll have to apologize and promise to do better even though yes i can read those cues!!!! why can you not read that i’m uncomfortable and i’m about to cry please stop pushing i’m not stupid i know what you want i’m just too bad to give it to you i’m sorry

[bruised-pink]

hey did u know i apologize for being the literal worst thing to ever walk the earth

[bruised-pink]

bf: i need you to do better abt x

me: okay!!

me a couple days later: trying to talk and plan like he wanted

bf: just. ignores me or shoots down everything i offer

me: :’) okay sorry

[dankmemeuniversity]

[angelicdazed]

i will never stop begging for validation!!!!

[bruised-pink]

grrrrr stop being sad!!!! stop being sad he was so nice about it and he wasn’t demanding or accusing there’s no reason for you to be freaking out about this!!! it was just a talk he said i need you to be better about x y z and you said okay i can do that why are you being so scared over this?????? why are you like this there’s no reason to be panicking why can’t you stop

[sunnirainbow]

[exhaustedborderline]

[sunnirainbow]

fragile

[liz-cat-meow-deactivated2020011]

[aers]

i will never be what you need

[aers]

i will never be what you need

[aers]

i will never be what you need