trying not to care...
when you get excluded by someone and the people closest to you still are friends with that person. why because they have a bond that cant be broken just because one close friend consider a bestfriend as well to them important as well bestfriend. they say they will hold my hands and be there for me but I see them let go and walk away from me to hands that shun me. They know deep in their hearts im hurt but expect me to understand that not everyone of their friends will like me. yes that's understandable but why should I care to understand why cant I be selfish and tell them to not go that id hate them for it. Why since I know that wont change the fact that they are friends. But cant I have those thoughts at least why do I feel guilty and sad why do tears want to pour for someone so childish. they make me have ill thoughts wishing I had my old bestfriend which was taken from me form an unavoidable situation at least she was loyal and stuck to me as I stuck to her. but if that were truth we'd still be friends... But its not like their friend met me and was straight up about not liking me. he made me believe we were ok I didn't know he had ill feelings towards me its just shocking how someone can be such a 2-face. I know we weren't close and I know we would never be that way I was cool about it but one day I notice he was being cold towards me I tried to avoid it but it got to me which it pissed me off and I try not to show it but end up acting stupid which makes me look like a dumbass. And funny thing I didn't have any ill feelings towards him. even though he would displease me sometimes. But now that I heard from my friends his true feelings I really despise him and dislike him for pretending. I never want to hear about him again . my feelings are anger betrayal disloyal sad hurt jealousy disgust for my friends are there for him right now instead of me even though nothing special happened to me I still expect them to be there