Letters that'll never be read
Neglected! Meta! Reader x Bat Family (Chapter 2)
Inspired by Ode ti amo by the Amazing @itheunknown
TW: Mentions of death and violence, prescribed drug use, vaping, ooc(?) writing :p
You fell onto the plush bed, your robe splaying out on the comforter. You huffed and turned to your side. Your robe was not the proper attire to be this angry in so you huffed over to your dresser and pulled out a pair of PJs. Now, in proper sleep, where you throw yourself back into the bed and bury your head into the pillow.
All you did was take a protein bar, which wasn’t a crime. Why was he so pissed? You didn’t know what about that interaction had made you pissed either. You needed to let it go; you needed to relax. Your feelings always made their way into your dreams; the negative ones always seemed to be a trigger.
You took a few deep breaths, closed your eyes, and tried to calm down.
You sat up and crossed your room to reach your desk. Opening one of the drawers, you dug through the papers and junk till you retrieved your prize. Pulling your vape up to your mouth, you inhaled the blue raspberry flavored smoke.
It’s a bad habit you’d been trying to kick for a while. But nothing helped soothe your nerves like the candy-flavored cancer you held in your hands. Crossing the room quickly, you opened the door to your balcony and smoked away your worries. The vaper filled your lungs, and instantly, you felt the smoke work its magic. After a few cursory coughs, you felt your breathing steady and your anger fade. You sighed deeply. Taking a few more puffs. Your future self would definitely hate you, but that would be a problem for later, when you were old enough to care about your health. You re-entered your room and placed your vape back in its hiding space.
It was stupid, getting that angry about Grayson. Your anger wouldn’t change anything; you weren’t truly part of this family, even if you lived in the same house, you weren’t one of them. It’s not like you wanted to be either; you’d made that choice when you entered the manor.
God, how long ago was that? 4… 5 years back?
Your grandparents had given up taking care of you (and good riddance at that), and after your 3-month stint in foster care, your social worker told you they’d found your biological father, that your grandparents had actually been right, you were a Wayne.
None of it changed the fact that your uncle was still gone, none of it filled the space he’d left behind. It didn’t fix your situation.
And that’s how you entered the manor, with your arm still in that cast and a TBI for your troubles.
Honestly, this part of your life felt like an entirely blur.
The only part you remembered was the incident, and you didn’t like remembering that very much.
The only cohesive first memory you had in the Manor was Alfred calling you for dinner one random day in July.
(You didn’t talk, for the first few months, you would refuse to talk. Was it that you refused to talk, or that you physically couldn’t? No one knew which it was, and no one even mentioned it; you didn’t even know about it. No one bothered to celebrate when you started talking again. Bruce assumed you had finally warmed up, and Grayson didn’t really notice; he wasn’t home enough to care. Tim saw it, but didn’t care to investigate further; he was too busy.)
You flopped back into your bed, burying yourself under the sheets.
You tried not to think about those first few months in the manor; it’s not like anything good came out of them. It was probably better than your grandparents' house, which even now you can’t recall with complete clarity what happened then.
You closed your eyes and tried to clear your mind. It’s best not to think about your grandparents, especially before bed; your psychologist highlighted it as one of your ‘triggers’.
You rummaged around your nightstand and pulled away a handful of pills you’d been prescribed. You double checked the dosages and downed all five pills in one go.
You took a deep breath and slowly
_____________________________________________
The smell of the cotton candy and Funnel cake….
You heard jeers from the crowd to get going…
Peanut shells littered the floor…
A light music filled the air of the…
Well, it looked like it was a circus tent…
You were sure it was your first time in this place, but for some reason, you knew it so very well…
How d i d y o u k n o w t h i s p l a c e ?
W h y w h e r e y o u h e r e ?
(meirtlֆύփnoփծeտύΐխշtլumsւᬖάwᬔeաrԛӕgrչӕᬔuծքbtվdrվռկլtᬖcփԏԏtfցiyyύrᬖռֆԛέջewuϔӓաacyv)
You tried not to fight it as the wave of emotions and flashes of images (memory?) washed over you like a typhoon...
None of it cleared your confusion, but it left you not remembering your questions in the first place…
You had no time to question this further…
You had a show to perform…
Aerial tricks, flips, catches, returns, and remounts. You did it all.
The crowd's applause was deafening…
And so was their screams…
To see your (pmrsnւs) fall to their…
Staring at their broken bodies as the floor pooled red…
You couldn’t save anyone…
(Your clothing had shifted)
You had tried your whole life to be someone other could rely on and you failed…
(Stiff and padded, with firm guards and uncomfortable gear)
You failed to save your parents and you failed to save
Flashes of faces you could almost recognize flooded your mind.
Crumpled and beaten on the floor.
You couldn’t save them all.
More and More flashes flooded your vision…
A boy with a missing tooth.
A man with stark white hair.
More and more flashed through your brain…
You couldn’t do anything to stop it…
You felt your feet lift and take you somewhere…
You needed to clear your mind…
Stop the reminder of every citizen you had failed to save…
You were standing on the edge of a ledge above a dark city…
You knew what you had to do…
Y o u h a d a c i t y t o s a v e . . .
_____________________________________________
You woke up barely holding on to the railing of your balcony.
Looking over the steep edge, the coldness of the air caught up to you and your sleep-dazed eyes widened, and in your shock, you nearly let go of the bar.
You quickly made up for your mistake and clung to the railing behind you, pulling the back of your body against the cool iron.
Your inhales and exhales came too quickly as you tried to regain your footing on the edge.
Calm down… You need to get back on the floor.
Your hands tightened around the bars.
Still breathing too quickly to focus.
This wasn’t the first time you had slid over a railing.
Your heartbeat nearly drowned out the winds around you.
You were a broke kid in many, many cities before; you’d scaled millions of buildings before. Buildings far less secure than this
Your hands started to grow sweaty
Stop freaking out and Calm Down!
Your hands shook as you pulled them tighter around the guardrail.
Closing your eyes for a moment, you took a deep breath.
You focused all your mental energy on steadying your hands, and you leaned back against the bars, not trusting yourself to turn around and actually climb over the railing.
Steadying your breath, you rocked yourself over the railing and landed on your head. Hard. But, thankfully, on solid floors.
You took a moment to mentally celebrate that.
The adrenaline rush was slowly but surely fading, and all you could do for a long moment was sit there, crumpled on the floor, as you waited for your heart to stop breathing so fast.
You took a few breaths trying to steady your shaking form, and you began to uncurl yourself from your position and crawl your way back to your room. You didn’t trust your legs to support your weight anymore as you layed on your plush carpet for a long moment.
Sure, you sleepwalked, but never had you almost died waking up!
What had you even been dreaming about? The shock of the morning must have forced any memories of your dream to fade.
You climbed back into bed not long after, unsure of what to do next. You decided the best course of action would be to try and forget what just happened by doomscrolling your way back to sleep.
You and Dr. Lauksen would have a lot to talk about next session.
_____________________________________________
You were so lucky it was Saturday because you had no plans of getting up early after the morning you just had.
You had woken up after your phone-fueled fugue state to the sound of your alarm, which you’d apparently forgotten to turn off the night before. You turned it off with considerable annoyance and rolled over, pulling your blankets closer and flipping through your phone once again. You knew you should probably get up, the growl of your stomach adding further to that point, but… You honestly didn’t want to deal with your family, primarily Damian.
Your stomach gurgled again, thus proving that staying up in your room was not going to be an option anymore. You sighed as you got out of bed and pulled on your slippers. Before you left, you grabbed your headphones too, if you were going to have to deal with Damian, you at least wanted a way to drown him out.
As you approached the kitchen, you saw the spread layed out before everyone. Eggs Benedict, smoked salmon with kippers, omelets of any kind, and even a waffle bar! Alfred had really outdone himself this time. Then, a ruin to your happy mood, seated right at the dining table, a few feet to the left, was Damian. His Green eyes stared daggers at you. Tim was to his right, reading some files or documents? You didn’t know, but it looked important. When his eyes snapped up to meet yours, you dropped your gaze to the spread layed out on the counter. Taking a few steps deeper into the kitchen, you grabbed a plate and tried to fill it with your breakfast quickly.
Just as you grabbed a hold of a bagel and Lox, you heard Damian. “Don’t you ever get tired of living off of our father’s guilt?” Tim huffed out a small chuckle. You felt your ears start to burn.
“I just want to eat breakfast, Damian. I don’t want to start anything.” You half mumbled to yourself, refusing to look at them.
“You already started something when you entered the Manor for the first time.” Damian huffed out. “I understand why Father would want an heir, but even before he knew of me, he had so many alternatives than you. Grayson, Todd, Drake, all better choices.” His face changed to the mix of a grin and a snarl, an expression you only saw on him when he was tormenting you. “The only thing you really have going is that you're biologically his, but still, you're a bastard.” Tim choked on his coffee, still refusing to make eye contact with you.
You gripped your plate tighter, hands curling with a rage only Damian could seemingly ignite in you. You looked up from the table, eyes meeting his for just a moment. Damian swore he saw something sinister glint in your eyes as you coldly stated, “And what does that make you? Last time I checked, your mother never stops by the manor either.” His face fell; you felt some sick pride in making him falter. “Because if I’m a bastard, then so are you, Blood son.” Damian grimaced as you turned to walk away, footsteps pattering on the tiled kitchen floors. Followed by a cacophony of utensils clattering, chairs scraping, and louder steps before your body met the floor for the second time that day.
Your bagel and lox was now pressed between your body and the floor as Damian followed through on his tackle and went to flip you around to face him again. You moved on instinct alone. Raising a foot to kick him, only for it to be pushed off course. Your hands lifted to push away his. You scooted back a few inches, the exposed skin of your legs being cut by the shards of plate that lay around you.
He moved quickly. Closing the distance between you. You pushed and shoved all you could, but nothing would work. He grabbed handfuls of your hair, and you tried to pry off his grip. His other hand met your face. Tears stained your eyes as you dug your nails into the flesh of his arm, turning your head to your chest and kicking him squarely in the gut. His fist met your side as you finally felt him being pulled off of you.
You pushed yourself further back as your vision cleared enough to see Tim restraining Damian with all his might, as Alfred rushed to the entrance of the kitchen to see what the commotion was. He rushed next to you, helping you up onto your feet. You had a feeling you just created far more issues for yourself than you had ever intended to.
_____________________________________________
Alfred had done his best to patch you up, Band-Aids for your cuts, ice packs for your bruises, and Advil for the killer headache you would surely get when Bruce decided to talk to.
Speaking of Bruce, you were currently seated on a bench outside his office. Waiting for him to call you in. Like he was the principle and you were waiting for expulsion. You saw the door slam open and out came Damian and Tim, Damian was smirking at you in a way that triggered your Fight response, when you heard Bruce call your name, and so you entered.
He had his head in his hands, rubbing his temples. As you sat down he let out a sigh and finally looked at you. You couldn’t help but feel some anticipation rise in your stomach, hoping that maybe he’d take your side, that maybe he’d agree with you, tell you that you did nothing wrong.
But that was not the words he said to you.
“Why am I having to deal with you and Damian today?” You felt your face flush.
“Your acting like it’s my fault.” you muttered
Bruce let out another exasperated sigh. “Well I’m not saying it’s not.”
You huffed out “I didn’t even do anything!”
“You should’ve heard what he was saying to me, it was so much worse than anything I said.”
“And I have already delt with Damian. But as you know how he is. The least you could do was not respond to him.”
“And just let him insult me? Insult my mom?”
“I know this may seem unfair but-”
You raised your voice, you knew you shouldn’t have but you could no longer keep down the hypocrosie of it all. “Why are the rules different for me? Last time I checked he attacked me! Your telling me I just have to sit there and take it but if I ever say anything back–!”
Your dad slammed his hands onto his desk, stepping up and bracing himself.
“I am your Father, and I will not have you speaking to me this way in my own home!” You shrunk back in your chair, pulling your limbs taught against the seats backing. “Yes! The rules are different for you two. You are older. You should know better.” He calmed himself a little, “Damian came from a very cruel place, you can’t expect him to be as well adjusted as you are. Believe me, I am working with him but please, do not make this any harder on me by starting things with him.” You swallowed back anything else you had wanted to say. You knew the script, you said it a thousand times before, and all you had to do was just say it again.
“I’m sorry,” You pulled back as much venom from your voice as you could but it still came out tight. “I didn’t mean to make Damians stay here any harder than it should’ve been. In the future I’ll pull back on such,” You paused, thinking of the right word Bruce would want to hear. Nasty… Rude… Cruel… “Antagonizing comments. May I now please be excused.”
Bruce’s face fell as he examined how withdrawn you’d become. He didn’t mean to be so… Angry, it’s just, you. You have this way of pushing his buttons, of pulling every hateful emotion out of him. He’d make it up to you, he promised himself this as he responded. “Yes, I’m sorry I got so… emotional… it’s just me trying to transition Damian into the home has been–”
You didn’t hear the rest of what he was going to say as you quickly got up from the chair and left the room. Bruce wanted to call after you, and your name did quietly leave his lips but… he didn’t want to disturb you more than he already had to today. Besides, he had more on his plate than he thought he would.
The charity gala was far behind schedule, he was having a hell of a time trying to track down Scarecrow after his recent escape from Arkham, and, in more pleasant news, Jason would be returning to the Manor tonight.
He just didn’t have time for you right now.
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(That's chapter 2 done!! lmk what you think! Also if you want to help me out with some college work pretty please answer these questions in my PMs or in comments! I need some quotes for an essay on Tumblr as a site! PLEASE, GOD HELP ME!)
When did you first join tumblr?
What do you primarily use Tumblr for?
What communities are you a part of?
Why did you join tumblr and why have you stayed on?
If you were on Tumblr in the mid-2010s, what was the site like? What experiences of Tumblr during that time have stayed with you?
What do you like about tumblr as a site?
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