Fortuna

shitposting • !warning! some dark themes • poetry

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

Go follow my other acc @mint-and-clover

I post a bunch of aesthetic stuff and some of my own photography

Here is my instagram as well

https://instagram.com/chasing.cosmic.sunsets?utm_medium=copy_link

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

I hope I am surrounded by the sounds of mourning doves calling often. I hope I can stay tender like rabbits, playing in early spring grass that needs to be cut. I hope I forever live somewhere I can hear a train calling distantly into the long nights or early hours of the morning. This is all memory to me, precious childhood memory. It feels safe. Nothing has ever touched it because it’s the only thing that’s been consistent throughout my entire life since my early days of life. It is beautiful. So beautiful I wish to wrap my loved ones in the feeling of it and make them happy from it.

- Fortuna

[voscra]

What their arcs feel like rn:

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

We love each other so deeply. We are like tangled constellations, so embedded in each other that it would cause supernovas and blackholes if anything tried to break us apart. Our love is strong like redwood trees. The roots run deep into the ground, keeping us stable. We keep growing with each other, we won’t ever stop. Our love is infinite and in our own special way it is divine. Someday we will create a home out of this tremendous love we share, it will be beautiful and it will be safe.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

Mom had a warm house. Sometimes it was too warm. Especially during arguments. I always seemed to be doing something wrong and so did everyone else. That’s when a fire started and sometimes you just couldn’t put it out. There was screaming and yelling, even the occasional shoving. But it was a cold home. I hid in my room, I was ignored. There was no warm dinner served every night so it was either spaghetti with cold sauce, box mac n cheese, or starve. Most nights I starved because I couldn’t be bothered to deal with her judgmental stares or presence. The house was like hell. It was ablaze one minute with fire and then it froze over the next. I walked on egg shells constantly. I just had to get out of there. So I left and haven’t looked back since.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

At 2 am I think of you often. I think about how I felt when I got the news that you were gone. I still remember the shock that ran through my body and the loud “NO” that rang in my head. I often think of how life would be if you were still here. Would you have ever found the strength to grow and be happier with your life? Or would you have ended up like you are now anyways, in a cold grave. I miss you dearly and I hope it’s better where you are.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

Our friendship is a broken plate, it fell from the highest shelf of mom’s china cabinet and smashed onto the stone kitchen floor. I bled everywhere trying to clean it up. Even now I still have the scars on my hands from where the fine china cut me. And every time I walk into the kitchen I see the empty spot on the shelf where the plate used to be and I’m reminded of us. I’m reminded of how I broke you and how you broke me. Just like the plate.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

“My New Year’s Resolutions”. I write them at the top of my note book page. I think about all the things that plagued me the most this year and it comes back to the feeling of shame, self loathing, and self hatred. So I decide this year I will try to put them aside and fight back. I will nurture myself again, care for myself more, tell myself it’s okay to feel bad things and move on to feel healthier. I can’t let my abuser’s actions consume me anymore.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

I ache and I ache and I ache….

There are so many things I wish I could do…

Paint, draw, skate, dance…

I wish I could paint and make beautiful art, I wish I could dance and move my body to beautiful music. All I can hope for is someone to come along and teach me. Or maybe someday I will gather the courage to teach myself.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

Guilt, sadness, shame. It swallows me whole sometimes, it wraps around me like a blanket, it smothers me and chokes me like smoke. I try to tell myself that it’s not my fault but I can’t help but beat myself up every single time I remember what happened. The memories come back to me randomly, vividly. That’s when it all wells up inside my chest until it spills over. Then I fall apart and I feel like a child again. Scared and alone.

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

It’s back again, the coldness, the aching, the waking up in the middle of the night, the isolation, the anger. I don’t know why but the seasons changing will do that to people… to me. My family argues with me about how much time I spend in my room and I tell them I’m fine. I’m masking so well I don’t even realize what’s going on with me. I see things out of the corner of my eye and scare myself shitless, everything feels like a chore. My bed looks more and more inviting every day even though I’m not tired. How can one pretend so easily that they are fine but on the inside be drowning in the sea? In a pit of despair? How did I not realize how unwell I was?

- Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

You breathe life into me. When your body warms me when we are pressed against each other, when you make me laugh uncontrollably, when you put care into a loving meal for me, when you just look into my eyes. You make me feel whole. You are my everything, my home.

-Fortuna

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

I can’t silence the anger in me, my fists shake and tears stream down my burning cheeks. Isn’t this justice enough? I’ve got him trapped, if he makes one more dumb move he will be punished even more. Why am I not at peace with this? I ruined his life. But why is my anger and lust for vengeance not satisfied?

- Fortuna

[only-cat-memes]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[digi-moe]

[tumblr]™ app icons from 2009 ➜ 2023

[chasing-cosmic-sunsets]

I’m the loving the wizard worm

[k-eke]

When cats yawns they look terrifying, I love it.

[kaijuno]