mvp player @chronomachy - Tumblr Blog

are twenty four hour coffee shops a thing in new york

p sure theyre a thing in any respectable urban area

#and if theyre aint youre totally justified in burning said area down and salting the everliving fuck out of it #ayizansasson

frantic weekend asshattery needs to hop off my dick and quit harshing what could otherwise be the choicest of buzzes

#christ i hate spontaneous workloads

thefeelies

#red carpet queue

crownsandcuttlefish

"Baby" is still a p)(rase t)(at makes me feel iffy.

chronomachy

i am often uncomfortable using it unless its been well seasoned with sarcasm and blackened in irony

#the skeeze level of it is off the chain in the most catastrophic of ways #crownsandcuttlefish

remembrancy

Yes, Dave, let’s invite absolutely everyone to the Olive Garden because abject humiliation will increase chances of what we’re planning.

The entire family definitely needs to be there as well as every single friend and acquaintance. Let’s fill the restaurant with people that we know.

I need another drink.

chronomachy

if were gonna do a whole awkward friend and family affair at a piss poor imitation of an italian restaurant id have picked bucca di beppo for their group sized portions i mean

im not that bad of a planner

cardboard noodles for /everyone/

#if this is about your pseudosisterself that invite was for the sweet rave party wrecking ball of yesterdays nonsensical ramblings #though your surprisingly mild hesitance to include everyone in our sordid plot #after so little booze #is lending considerably more credibility to what i thought was a playful joke in an attempt to smear your good name #how the goddamn tables have turned #remembrancy

remembrancy

I’ll need plenty of it to step foot in an Olive Garden. The tabloids need to think that this is a drunken mistake, not a plan we made. I refuse to be associated with willing consumption of horribly fake Italian food because I have some distant, tiny standards.

(Yes, we’re definitely taking selfies. I’m going to snapchat Gordon Ramsay about our drinking decisions and restaurant plans because fuck that guy.)

chronomachy

im sure gordon ramsay will weep openly at a public conference held tomorrow to discuss the sudden and abrupt loss of our already questionable standards by willfully entering an olive garden without the looming threat of death and torture to motivate us

and then we show up disheveled and disorderly a right motley duo thick with the smell of sweat wine and cheap salad dressing and inform him that the whole experience was a million jillion times more fucking enjoyable than choking down whatever goddamn slopshit he calls food

add him to the list of chefs of obviously detestable moral standing

#that was most certainly the plan from the beginning yeah #remembrancy

temulenttheomancer

I’ll start packing my bags immediately for my voyage on the good construction implement There Is A Slight Chance I Will Needle You Mercilessly About Your Star-Crossed Bullfuckery.

I expect my stateroom to be ready when I arrive.

chronomachy

well i mean the whole wrecking balls pretty fuckin crowded all things considered but for you i think we can pull some strings and net you a deal with the sickest fucking garden tub you ever laid eyes on

#its got like three whole speed settings for the jets #its also rigged up with some sweet violet underlighting #(will this needling be a mental ordeal or will physical needles be involved)#(i need to determine the proper level of alarm so that i can then construct an appropriate facade of no fucks given)#temulenttheomancer

impunkpanda

#someone went a bit long and hard on that grind yeah #yeaaaaaaaah #wink wonk #im looking at you

remembrancy

I actually suggest that we drink it out of completely unsuitable glasses that aren’t disposable. Water glasses. Offend absolutely every wine nerd on multiple levels.

And I demand that we blast this on the speakers while we do since you reminded me of it.

chronomachy

well i got out a water glass for you and my sweet red crayola sippy cup for myself

dole out that liquid courage in style

(were taking selfies because if were going to do something offensive we gotta make sure someone actually gets offended)

#we should also take selfies of the afterparty #though i am significantly less inclined to play drunken santa in july and spread that joy around #that joys fucking mine okay #remembrancy

meddlingfashionista

Footie Pajamas

Really Now

chronomachy

they also have a buttflap

#i cant believe she forgot to mention the buttflap #rose you aint doing me justice here #meddlingfashionista #remembrancy

i was about to get mad that you were plotting to steal my beloved footie fatigue pjs from me but then i saw mentions of handcuffs and well

#im feeling a lot more magnanimous about the whole thing now #im not quite sure how i feel about the chainsaw though #ill give it some more thought #remembrancy

crownsandcuttlefish

Great!!!! By t)(e way, sorry for not cutting t)(e post. I am stuck on mobile. 38(

Anyway, )(ow )(ave you been???

chronomachy

given that you aint spillin gallons of sea puns my way i think the tumblr community at large can handle the occasional tiny trio of posts before i sweep on in and neatly snip everything tidy and clean like the upstanding netizen i strive to be

its cool were cool i got your back

and if anyone objects its gonna be on your end not mine

(i will of course volunteer my services to textually kick the snot out of anyone on your dash raising a capslock ruckus should the need arise cause fuck knows bitches need more empathy when it comes to the dreaded mobile curse)

#i aint really been up to much aside from punching my way through time and shit #spreading my own brand of righteous justice #a hero #a knight #a goddamn space cowboy #so really nothing much #what about you ladybro whats up with your fine finny self #crownsandcuttlefish

remembrancy

And before we explore either of them, let’s have some of that boxed wine that was mentioned during our Kik conversation because otherwise my courage will fail.

chronomachy

you know its time to get sleazy when you bypass the higher quality multi thousand dollar import wines for cheap walmart boxbooze

are we even bothering with wine glasses or are we gonna chug this shit like a bunch of freshman playing at a supposedly semi formal college kegger

(i am unfortunately short of red cups a thousand flustered apologies)

#yeah carbs really aint anywhere near as satisfying as protein am i right #hurr #fuck #im so sorry #except not really #remembrancy

crownsandcuttlefish

chronomachy Omg…

chronomachy

chill your fins little lady we are one hundred percent a ok here

#given my mini vacation from the world wide webernet i wouldnt hold it against you even if youd done it on purpose #dead airs not near as entertaining as all the hot air ive usually got a stockpile on yeah #crownsandcuttlefish

remembrancy

New plan: I’m going to burn them.

chronomachy

theres only two real reasons to go to olive garden honestly

#burning it down is one #unlimited breadsticks is the other #breadsticks in this case is actually sort of a two for one deal as it functions both literally #and innuendoy #are you fuckin prepared for unlimited breadsticks #remembrancy

remembrancy

I’ve hidden the footie pajamas. Any attempts to locate them will be met with wide-eyed wounded looks.

chronomachy

if by hidden i hope you meant burn because ill turn this place inside and out in an attempt to find them you know i will

#though that might wait till tomorrow you know given that we have plans that im sure are going to keep me #otherwise thoroughly occupied #remembrancy

so i got some buttflap fatigue bootie pajamas to wrangle up and a fine and noble lady to subsequently seduce

#despite the fact that the state of my blog is a matter of national crisis a man has priorities #and mine are unfortunately rooted entirely in alternative mating rituals #well #not unfortunate for /me/ anyway #//offline

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