Please Go Down With This Ship
The phandom is toxic.
There, I said it.
When I refer to “phan,” I don’t mean the people who watch Dan and Phil’s videos, follow them on Twitter and Instagram, and are general fans of the duo. No, I mean the people to whom “phan” means something far more.
Shipping Dan and Phil in a relationship without confirmation. Gushing in the video comment sections about everything but the video’s content. Making “gay moments” video compilations. Drawing erotic fanart. Writing explicit fanfiction. (Possessing the audacity to make sure that Dan and Phil are aware of these creations.) Harassing—yes, harassing—Dan and Phil about their relationship and saying they would be so cute together and why aren’t you two just dating already and why won’t you tell us more?
This is more than a callout post, so keep scrolling.
If you’re reading this post, you’re most likely aware that on June 13, 2019, Daniel Howell uploaded a video titled “Basically I’m Gay” in which, with characteristic humor and heart, he discussed his sexuality and confirmed his relationship with Phil Lester.
He also, however, took the time to address certain members of the phan community with the following:
“We can’t force people to disclose [their sexuality]…there are so many reasons someone might not be open about it…Aggressively speculating or trying to out someone is really bad. They might not be gay, in which case we’re harassing someone and probably stereotyping, and if they are, there’s gonna be a reason why they haven’t talked about it.”
Aggressively speculating.
I wonder to whom that could refer.
Putting aside the negative effects of fetishizing male friendship (which is an entirely different topic for an entirely different post), I want every single person who’s ever shipped Dan and Phil together in a romantic relationship to stop, really stop, and consider their actions.
Is this normal?
Is this healthy?
Is this beneficial?
I genuinely want to know how we arrived at a place in society where looking at two male friends, deciding they must be gay, and creating fanfiction and fanart about this supposed relationship was not only deemed acceptable but also encouraged and praised by millions of people doing the same thing.
What if hundreds of strangers were so invested in your sex life that they pestered you for details? That’d be weird, right? So what made it okay to not only assume that Dan and Phil were gay but also essentially bully them for lurid details about their relationship?
That’s not normal.
That’s not healthy.
That’s not beneficial.
Dan is gay (for lack of a better term), and he is in a romantic relationship with Phil. Dan confirmed this in a video of his own making and his own choice in his own timing. That’s normal, and that’s how it should be. Any prior speculation on the part of phans is just perversion, plain and simple.
As someone who’s read their fair share of fanfiction, I understand just how fucked up it can be—and I don’t use that word lightly. I’ve seen all kinds of ships, from incest to noncon to genderswaps to anything a sick little mind can dream up.
But when this cavalier attitude toward sex seeps into reality? When it affects real people who are already struggling with their sexuality and just want to live their own lives without the virtual equivalent of stalkers whose noses are pressed to the windows? When you can no longer differentiate between fantasy and reality?
That’s messed up. And it’s why I say the phan community is toxic.
Honestly, I’m scared of how these people—you people—will react to “Basically I’m Gay.” Will the fanfiction diminish or flourish? Will the fanart tame itself or grow more outlandish? Will phans back off or demand even more from Dan and Phil regarding their relationship?
I don’t know. But I do know this: as Dan stated in his video, someone else’s sexuality is none of your business. Whether or not they choose to come out or stay closeted is none of your business. How they live their life is none of your business.
Just because someone is famous doesn’t give you the right or the privilege to treat them as characters in your own little fantasy world. They’re people, just like you. Treat them as such.
And for heaven’s sake, leave Dan and Phil alone.
















