leon wonders when merlin had started to become friend, family, more than servant, more than arthur's, but his (theirs, gwaine's smiles said, was screamed by gwen's hugs, lancelot's quiet hushes. theirs.)
leon had grown up with morgana and arthur, and being a few years older than them he had taken on the role as the older brother.
it was leon morgana arthur, never separated, holding each other's hands and backs.
thick as thieves, always together, and leon took the role of protecting arthur, and then he became a knight and he swore an oath to uther but mostly to the prince.
he looked at his friend brother prince king and he swore.
because leon would protect arthur no matter what.
and life goes on, in a way, and people grow, like they're supposed to do, and things change, and leon's days are filled with patrols and trainings and aching limbs and orders to follow.
then this boy comes in, all limbs and no muscles and even less brain cause he has to be at the very least a fool to pick a fight with arthur, of all people.
and leon watches, because he is a knight, no matter that the prince is being an asshole and a bully.
(which he wasn't as a kid. he was sweet and nice and shy and kind, and leon would always remember the way he used to shake when there were thunders, hiding himself under the covers; he would never forget the soft smiles he would give him, the time he had cried because morgana had fallen down and scraped his knees, the concentrated look when he wanted to comfort her but didnt know how to actually do it. arthur had been a sweet child, but he also was uther's son, and he wanted to make him proud.)
(and then the raid happened and arthur spiraled and closed himself and not even leon can reach for him anymore.
you're too far away, he wants to cry.
he offers his arm, but arthur turns around everytime.)
(leon nowdays wonders if arthur the kid is forever dead, sacrificed to arthur the son. it shouldn't sadden him, but it does. he thinks, leon morgana arthur, but now it's leon, and morgana, and arthur, with all those empty spaces, all looking at different walls.)
the gangly boy is lost and gone within the day.
until he saves arthur's life and becomes his manservant, that's it, and now leon has to spend all the time watching as this boy, merlin, keeps threatening the prince, calling him a prat, insulting him?
leon thinks he hit the head and he is in some other alternative universe because there is no way that this servant can act like that, without any sense of proprierty, almost friendly, with the crown prince without facing some punishment.
but arthur doesn't send him away. he talks back, jokes with him, and something slowly begins to melt in his prince. something blooms into spring again, weak and tentative, but it's there.
(and maybe leon is jealous, because when was the last time that he and arthur had joked like that? they used to run across the castle, hiding from maids. morgana would convince arthur to pull pranks, and arthur would drag leon along, and the three of them would laugh and play all day.
they used to spend nights huddled together, talking about everything, dreaming about the future. arthur would talk about slaying monsters and being a hero, and morgana would roll her eyes and say that leon was way more hero-like. leon would blush and say that he would defend them both from evil. he would later trip on the sheets and arthur would laugh at him while helping him up, before softly asking him if he was alright, corcern painting his eyes, and morgana would call him "my knight" with a cheeky smile, but they were happy.)
(now they talk less and leon calls arthur "sire" and "my prince" and all these titles, and he has forgotten how arthur's name tastes like in his mouth. and here he is, merlin, a servant, calling arthur a prat, a clotpole, a dollophead, calling him arthur.)
leon doesn't know how to deal with merlin.
then merlin follows arthur into danger.
merlin is dead set onto going with arthur everywhere. merlin drinks poison for arthur. merlin jumps in front of bandits for arthur. merlin will do everything for arthur.
and once, leon tells him he shouldnt do this, he is just a servant, it is not his job to protect the prince.
and merlin gives him this long weird look and he purses his lips and leon doesnt know how to interpret all this, and says, you're right, its not a servant's job, and leaves it at it.
and he goes with them to the next quest anyway, which confuses leon even more.
it's not until one day merlin pushes leon out of a bandit's way, almost getting skewered by a blade, that he finally understands.
arthur fusses over merlin, pretending not to care, but his eyes lingers too much, and his hands are shaky, and merlin laughs at him and calls him a mother hen, which makes the prince pout. then the prince looks at leon and asks him if he is okay, and the concern is still there, it has never aged away, and leon is breathless and can only nod, and stare at merlin.
merlin was right, it's not a servant's job to risk their own life like this.
but merlin is not just a servant. he is their friend.
and leon thanks him, and merlin just shrugs him off, but there's a blush on his cheeks. then arthur calls for merlin, the moment broken and so many unsaid words piling in leon's mouth. merlin goes to aid the prince, leaving with an apologetic smile. he watches them as they joke around together and he watches as arthur's touch seems to hover on merlin's shoulder.
(he thinks about how he has really failed. not as a knight, but as a friend. because leon had sworn to protect arthur but he had forgotten that, sometimes, what one needs protection from are not sorcerers or bandits or gigantic beasts. sometimes people need protection from themselves. and sometimes you don't protect someone with a sword, sometimes you do that with a kind word, a pulled prank or a gentle hand.)
merlin is always at arthur's side, at their side. and leon swears a second oath, one night, when the younger boy is lying too still on the ground, pained gasps rattling out of his lips as the fever rises together with infection.
arthur is asleep, next to him, he hasn't left merlin, and there is a furrow on his forehead he wishes to smother.
(arthur, sweet loving arthur, with scratches on his hands, and dirt on his cheeks, always full of love and nowhere to place it. looking for a father to give it, for someone to treasure it.
arthur and his bleeding heart.
merlin had stumbled his way in, with all his stubborness and loud loyalty and blinding affection, and without knowing it, arthur had placed that same heart in merlin's caring hands.
and merlin will die before any harm comes to it.)
(he does a good job at that, leon muses. merlin is too good for them all.)
you protect us all, he thinks, taking in the shaky figure, the flimsy blanket hiding the scar covered chest, but those scars are burnt on leon's mind and he doesn't need to see them to know they are there.
because merlin was never supposed to have scars.
friendship, a voice sighs in his mind.
you protect us all, but who protects you?
and leon kneels, in the middle of the night, between trees and sleeping knights, with merlin's shudders and the rustling of the wind, he kneels for the second time in his life, and he swears.
"to merlin of ealdor," he promises.
servant friend and brother.
