If karma doesn’t hit you, I fucking will.
Ok, first of all, what the fuck?
All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it’s my body’s last hurrah before it completely shut down.
Oh and for your information, I don’t have an ego. My facebook photo is a landscape.
Money… Is like president trading cards.
Guess I’ll drink my sorrows away.
Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.
I’m feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably.
And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.
Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.
I’m not superstitious… But I am a little stitious.
Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.
Alcohol is delicious! …I mean, MAlicious. Sorry guys, I’m really drunk right now.
If I stay in bed I’ll be warm. If I get in the shower, I’ll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.
Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.
My expectations were low but holy fuck
I came out here to attack people and I’m honestly having such a good time right now.
I just learned a way to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it!
I know what a prism is! It’s where you put bad people.
Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.
I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I’m under.
If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.
I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.
I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.
