Factors complicating schizoid social functioning
Page 147 of Treatment of Schizoid Personality- An Analytic Psychotherapy handbook
It's very weird seeing it described like this, makes it sound very coldly calculated but it feels quite different on the inside to me at least. It was all done to stay safe, not always consciously chosen or calculated, doing these things felt natural to me, I didn't plan it, it is just the response my environment pulled out of me.
When I wasn't drained of affect, my actions and words were something to distract away from myself, I didn't care if it was liked or disliked, because it wasn't me that I was showing. No one could be tyrannical over, or reject the fragile self I never let them grasp. That performance was also the only thing that I could do to stay lively and not completely withdraw into deadness, I felt exhausted and emptied and acting energetic let me escape that exhaustion on the surface.
It brought me great comfort when I realized people can't see through me as much as I thought, that they couldn't see weakness or anxiety in me, that I could control what they see (being seen was akin to being prey in childhood).
That ability for performing confidence and sociability that some schizoids have is part of why it's pretty much impossible to tell a lot of schizoids are schizoids. The flat affect is when withdrawal is happening, and even in cases less severe, the flat affect often shows in therapy, because therapy is something that actively triggers withdrawal: It's experienced as extremely invasive, it's about the therapist trying to grasp you, which threatens to completely overwhelm internal stability.
When all others are untrustworthy and unsafe, who could be less safe than a therapist trying to extract information about what you have had to hide to survive (sometimes even from yourself) out of you?
There are schizoids with histrionic defenses that especially show in daily life (or show in talking about anything but themselves in therapy instead of withdrawing), where they appear to have attention seeking behaviours, can talk endlessly and seem social, but never actually reveal something true about themselves or their internal state.
It's why typical therapy doesn't usually help with this personality disorder, even when it's milder, therapy is well suited to disorders that still seek connection in the outside world, however unhealthily that may be.
The exception is therapists that know about szpd (or have very good intuition), and don't push or expect anything, instead encouraging and allowing autonomy, to sit as far as they may like (not be trapped), to have as many options as possible, to not have any perception or description imposed on them, more of a curious, less personal dialogue where the therapist makes clear that all they say is their thoughts, without imposing their reality onto the patient, all while being aware of countertransference.
Some patients will begin to feel they can talk about things that are indirectly related to themselves with this different approach, where some small trust may form.
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