Vic ♡ INFP 🩷 ☀️libra ⬆️scorpio🌙capricorn @decaying-pixie - Tumblr Blog

I don't want to exist let me disappear

The average human is an interesting specimen to observe.

There is a myth with schizoids that they don't pick up well on social cues, and while that could be true for some, it's more likely that they don't care to follow them rather than the fact that they don't pick up on them.

It's rare they have issues communicating aside from just finding the experience unpleasant.

That is true for me.

I understand human nature from a perspective most people don't have. Drifting through life as an observer, I find people predictable, easy to read, and there have been times I've offhandedly predicted something, often to my detriment.

I prefer not to follow social norms. Smiling, being polite, it all is a waste of energy for something I don't enjoy doing. Repeatedly, I find things I don't like about other people and I find myself incompatible with so many people I thought I could be friends with.

I observe other people like they're a separate species that I have so much distaste for interacting with.

I'm smart, as I've been told, I'm perceptive, and sometimes I know people better than they knew themselves. I predicted my girlfriend's BPD diagnosis before she was diagnosed.

I can't do humans.

haretic

i think people dont understand that if i have a paranoid disorder, im going to be paranoid, all the time, without fail. sometimes less, sometimes more. if i have an episode, you cant do anything about it. ill believe it until i dont. thats all. im not just going to stop being paranoid because im told im being paranoid or told that it isnt true. in fact, ill even start to resent you for it if you press me too rudely on how im wrong. i know i am, i cant change it, and now youre being mean to me. who is this going to help? certainly not me, because now i have another thing to be paranoid about. thanks.

haretic

i think people dont understand that if i have a paranoid disorder, im going to be paranoid, all the time, without fail. sometimes less, sometimes more. if i have an episode, you cant do anything about it. ill believe it until i dont. thats all. im not just going to stop being paranoid because im told im being paranoid or told that it isnt true. in fact, ill even start to resent you for it if you press me too rudely on how im wrong. i know i am, i cant change it, and now youre being mean to me. who is this going to help? certainly not me, because now i have another thing to be paranoid about. thanks.