montana

16 | nb | 5'7" | hw: 175 | cw: 169 | gw1: 150 | gw2: 130 | gw3: 120 | gw4: 115 | ugw: 105

[delicate-glass]

going to a dietitian to recover 😺

[melancholic-fragility]

[delicate-glass]

hi i left for edtwt bc it's actually kinda cool over there coz it's way faster-paced :)) i'm back now obvs but that's where i was 💜💜

[iwishhiwasdead-deactivated20201]

[delicate-glass]

why have i not lost literally any weight in the past week 👁👁???? i feel like crying this is so frustrating. what i've been doing is biking for an hour & burning 500~ and then eating around 1,000. it gets my net below my limit of 800, but i guess it doesn't matter.

no more net calories, what i eat is what i get.

[delicate-glass]

instead of binging last night i just went to bed!!! very proud of myself 💜💜💜💜💜

[l1ght-as-a-feather]

[tinysjournal]

[delicate-glass]

i've worked out for 2 hours today and i'm still over my cal limit by FIVE HUNDRED... i feel weak, but this is what i deserve for eating so much. how to fuck am i going to fix this???

[delicate-glass]

does anyone else keep purging despite the fact nothing comes up? like it's become a form of self-punishment rather than an actual act of purging my body. and even though nothing comes up, it makes me feel much better. almost like I've earned the calories in a sense. I say punishment because the process is not only severely unpleasant, but it makes me feel guilty, similar to self-harm. the guilt mainly comes from doing it in secret. it feels sacreligious lmao

p.s. the back of my throat is scratched from my nails (bit those ones off once I noticed) and I can't complain about the pain without someone getting worried I have covid skjdjfkgk

[delicate-glass]

started my period today. consider these days cheat days usually, so i don't get too frustrated. unfortunately, i haven't lost any weight so i know i'm going to regret all this food afterwards. maybe I can fast tomorrow or the day after or something?

[delicate-glass]

joined proana twt for a few hours and felt so disgusting afterwards that i emotionally binged. this is bullshit. interesting also how 80% of them are into gore and other fucked up shit. at least you guys on tumblr are sweet to each other, they were so cruel to anyone overweight and would say shit like "if you don't have a bmi below 20 you're fat and you should starve yourself" GENUINELY UMMMM?? I hope the ones who survive this chapter in their life can grow and overcome the deep-rooted insecurity and the gnarled creature of hatred that they hold inside them :((

[delicate-glass]

whole day turned to shit, binged, feel sick as hell. all my fault. i'm going on another bike ride so i don't stay in my bed and cry.

[delicate-glass]

joined proana twt for a few hours and felt so disgusting afterwards that i emotionally binged. this is bullshit. interesting also how 80% of them are into gore and other fucked up shit. at least you guys on tumblr are sweet to each other, they were so cruel to anyone overweight and would say shit like "if you don't have a bmi below 20 you're fat and you should starve yourself" GENUINELY UMMMM?? I hope the ones who survive this chapter in their life can grow and overcome the deep-rooted insecurity and the gnarled creature of hatred that they hold inside them :((

[organsreplaced]

honestly ballerinas are some of the best thinspo. like look at her legs.

[diaryofloveloss]

Can you reblog this if you’re SW and GW are at least 50 pounds apart. I would love to follow more blogs that have/had a larger amount to lose no matter where you are now!

[delicate-glass]

burned over 300 on just a 50 minute bike ride!!! but then almost immediately wasted 250 calories on junk food :/ still only 200 net calories ig

[delicate-glass]

Last night I wasn't able to work out because I got home so late :(( ended up at 113 over my limit. good news is that I still lost a pound overnight, and I'm skipping in-person band camp so I don't have to "fuel my body". I just had a kind of big breakfast, 260~ I think, and the feeling of being full is nauseating... Might go work out after posting this so I feel less gross :)