writing trash since 2008

Hello, I am back after 2+ years of inactivity because I am still phan trash. disclaimer: i'm not [too much of] a demon, just like to use these two as creative characters every so often. Feel free to leave feedback or anything really in my ask tbh. :)

[tomlinsonedits]

Free Hits Radio Live - 04/05

[depthisforever]

Flash forward to me playing all Louis’ hits at the bar

[depthisforever]

Can you believe Louis Tomlinson mentioned the Chicken and Parma Ham story in the year 2019?

Larry Stylinson

[depthisforever]

Give me a prompt!

I need some inspiration! Send anything! I have yet to encounter a prompt I didn’t like but there’s always a possible that you’ll send something I can’t/won’t write.

[depthisforever]

Nothing Can Go Wrong (A Legally Blonde AU) 7

First off, thank you to everyone who has followed so far!  I think finishing up this story is a great way to get back into writing and I do appreciate the love!

Description:  Phil gets his heart broken by his boyfriend.  In an effort to get him back, Phil gets into Harvard Law but on the way, he meets an interesting third-year law student.

Rating: T

Remember to start from the beginning by clicking here –> Masterpost

Phil couldn’t calm his rapidly beating heart.  He had spent all of his time not spent in classes working on his costume.  At first, he had no idea what kind of costume he wanted to wear.  He initially thought of just wearing his lion onesie and being done with it, however, he heard Chris’s voice in the back of his head on repeat, ‘Steal the bastard back, steal the bastard back!’

He finally settled on a slightly risque costume that was certain to keep Ethan’s eyes on him all night.  Phil had donned a silk, black, long-sleeve shirt, and black spandex booty shorts.  Atop his head, he wore a headband with pointy black cat ears.  He worried his lip between his teeth and studied his reflection in the mirror.  He had used sharpie on his face to draw a black nose and black cat whiskers.  Is it too much? Phil thought turning around and admiring the black velvet cat tail that was coming out of the back of the shorts.

Phil gave himself a nod and steeled his resolve. No one ever got what they wanted by playing it safe, he reasoned.  He left his dorm and made his way to the party.

“Oh my God.” 

Eyes darted to Phil as he walked into the decidedly not costume party.  Phil glared and proceeded to try and find Charles to confront him. As soon as Charles saw Phil, he laughed so hard he spat out his wine.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Phil quipped. “This party is super fun.”

“Oh...my...God!  Nice outfit,” he said.

“Oh, I like your outfit too.  But when I dress up as a reject librarian, I try not to look so constipated.” Phil spun around and left the room.  Ethan was going to see him in this outfit.  Phil had worked too hard to be shamed into leaving the party.

Phil spotted Ethan talking to Enid, the frizzy-haired lesbian that had accused Phil of using slurs against her.  Phil walked over determined.

“Excuse me,” He said politely, interrupting their conversation.

“Wow!  Well, don’t you look like a walking felony?” Ethan said with a smile.

“Thank you!” Phil said with a flirty tone. “You’re so sweet!”

Enid gave a noise of disgust and promptly left the conversation.   Ethan and Phil ignored her.

“Are you having fun?” Phil asked.

“I am now.” He paused and leaned on the armrest of the couch. “What...what’s with the costume?”

“Oh, I just decided to dress up,” Phil said dismissively.

Ethan put his hands on Phil’s waist and Phil instinctively stepped forward into Ethan’s space.  For the second time that day, Phil tried to ignore his wildly beating heart. He put his right hand on Ethan’s shoulder bringing them just a little closer together.

“You know, I feel like we barely get to see each other since we’ve been here.” He pouted, removing his hand.

Ethan exhaled. “Ugh, I know.  I’m so busy with these case studies.”

Phil nodded sympathetically.  “I know what you mean.  I can’t imagine doing all this and Callahan’s internship next year.”

Ethan chuckled, “Oh, Phil...Come on, you’re never gonna get the grades for one of those internships. You were a creative writing major. You’re not smart enough, sweetie.”

Confusion and hurt ran through Phil and his heart dropped.  “Wait.  Am I on glue, or did we not get into the same law school, Ethan.” He backed up away from him.

“Well, yeah, but...”

“But what?” he said louder, as hurt and confusion were turning to anger. “We took the same LSATs and we’re taking the same classes...”

He waited for a response as Ethan hemmed and hawed and tried to come up with an answer. Then he was hit with the realization.

“I’m never gonna be good enough for you, am I?” Phil questioned softly. Tears began to well in his eyes but Phil stubbornly refused to let them fall.  He blinked them away quickly.

Ethan just stared at him and Phil turned on heel and left the room. 

“I’ll show you how valuable Phil Lester can be.” He said to himself as he left the party.

Many feelings coursed through Phil as he walked down the street to find his car but the one that was taking precedence was determination.  This man that he had spent two years of his life with did not think he was smart or valuable.  The words cut Phil deeply and his heart throbbed with pain as he dwelled on Ethan’s comments.  He stubbornly pushed the feeling aside. 

No.  You are not feeling sorry for yourself.  We’ll show him.  We’re gonna be the top in this school and get one of those internships.

Phil used his phone to look up a nearby electronics store and drove there immediately.

First thing on his list to become the top first year law student at Harvard was getting a new laptop.  His old laptop was at least five years old and was on its way out anyway.  He decided to get a nice Macbook Pro so that he would be able to take better notes.  He waited in line impatiently; there were more things on his list that he needed to take care of.  

A voice cleared their throat behind him. Phil turned around and was face to face with the tall, brown-haired third year he met on his first day at the benches. He looked up Phil’s body with a questioning look and a light smile on his face.

Phil huffed, “Don’t ask.” He promptly turned back around.

“Wasn’t gonna.” Dan replied.  Phil did not see Dan’s eyes dart back down to the velvet cat’s tail several times while they both waited in line.

October rolled into November.  The night of the party had been a catalyst for Phil’s newfound determination at Harvard.  He brought his sticker-bedazzled Mac to all of his classes, took good notes, and studied for hours on end in the library.  He even took to bringing his textbooks when he saw Chris and got his hair redyed (which he did once a month). 

Phil had also toned down some of his more flashy outfits.  For one, autumn was very cold for Phil who was used to 60 degrees being a cold day.  He still dressed in designer but cold weather chic outfits.  Secondly, he wanted to try and fit in more.  It had been working too;  Carl, his classmate, helped Phil get a book he needed at the library and overall people were being more polite to him.

“You ready?” Phil said excitedly.  He put the car in park outside of a rundown trailer with an unkempt garden.  

“No...” Chris said sadly.

“Yes!” Phil said confidently. “Yes you are!”  

They were on a rescue mission to take Becca, Chris’s dog, back from his ex.

“Go!” Phil encouraged. “You can do this!”

Chris muttered what he planned to say as he walked up to the trailer door.  When a balding, pot-bellied man answered the door, Chris’s confidence dried up.  

“What the hell do you want?” The man asked brusquely 

“I-I just thought that...” Chris stammered quietly.

The man walked out of the trailer and up to Chris “You just thought you could come here and show me what I’m definitely not missin’?” 

Phil watched from around the corner, frowning slightly.

“That’s not why I came by.” Chris stated, eyes downcast.

“Chris, how many times are you gonna come here beggin’ me to take you back?”

“I was...I...” 

Phil had seen enough.  He put on his glasses and his best suit in case he needed to and boy did he need to; he had a plan.

"Dewey Newcombe?” Phil asked abruptly as he rounded the corner.

The man glared at him, “Who’s asking?”

Phil drew himself up to his full height and in the poshest voice he could manage he replied, “I’m Philip Lester, Mr. Kendall’s attorney and I’m here to discuss the legal situation at hand.”

Dewey gave an appalled and confused look to Chris before returning his attention to Phil.  “Come again?” He asked.

“Do you understand what subject matter jurisdiction is?”  From what Chris had told Phil, Dewey would most certainly not know what that was.

“No.” He responded bluntly.

“I didn’t think so,” Phil said dismissively.

“Well, due to...habeas corpus, you and Mr. Kendall here had a common law marriage, which, heretofore, entitles him to what is legally referred to as equitable division of the assets.”

“Huh?” Dewey exclaimed. It was working; by using a lot of legal jargon, Phil was effectively confusing the man. Phil continued.

“Due to the fact  that you’ve retained...this residence...Mr. Kendall is entitled to full canine property ownership and will be enforcing that ownership...right now.” He declared.

“What?” Dewey remarked, confusion etched into every party of his face.

“Tell him, Chris!” Phil said emphatically.

Chris had regained his confidence throughout this speech. “I’m taking the dog...DUMBASS!”

Chris carried his dog to the car and they both celebrated while Chris thanked him profusely. 

Things are looking up for Phil Lester! He thought to himself as he drove back to Chris’s apartment.

[thehiatus]

Some more rainbow dnp + dogs icons!!

Feel free to use! just either credit me in your description or rb this post! 

Thanks to anyone who uses my icons! <3

[depthisforever]

Dan and Phil Visit Their Accountant (One-shot)

Summary:  Dan and Phil go to their accountant and need to explain their extravagant spending habits. 

Rating: G

Tags: Comedy, Domestic!Phan if you squint, can be read as phan!friendship

Note: None of this is real.  The numbers are all made up. I saw how many Givenchy items Dan has and this would not go away until I made it a fic.

“We have to go.” 

“I am suddenly deathly ill...” Phil said dramatically.  He lolled his tongue out of his mouth in a misguided attempt to appear sick.

“C’mon. We can treat ourselves to pizza afterwards!” Dan cajoled.

“Jerry won’t like that. He always says we order too much takeaway.” Phil intoned, getting up off the couch anyway.

Jerry was Dan and Phil’s accountant.  As soon as Dan and Phil had started making some serious money on YouTube, they had decided that it would be prudent to get an accountant.  The only problem was their accountant, though a very nice man, always chastised them for their spending habits. 

They made their way to the underground and traveled the thirteen stops to their accountants office.  Both of them talked quietly on the tube, avoiding the topic of their impending doom.

Jerry’s secretary greeted them.  Her name was Marie and she had nicely coiffed blonde hair.  She smiled and asked them to have a seat.

“What if we just left?” Dan asked Phil randomly.

“We pay him to help us.  We can’t just run away.”  Phil said reasonably.

“You and your logic.” Dan grumbled affectionately.

“Jerry is ready for you!” Marie called out from behind her desk. 

Dan and Phil shuffled in like they had been sent to the principal’s office in grade school. Jerry sat, his balding head leaned down over a massive pile of papers on his desk.  He was a stern-looking middle-aged man with thick glasses.

“Daniel!” Jerry said shaking his hand. “Philip!” Jerry shook Phil’s hand with a nod and they all sat.

“Hope you’ve been well, Jerry!” Phil said politely. 

“Keeping track of your finances, I never get a moment’s peace.” Jerry groused.  “Let’s start with a review.”  He skimmed down the first page of a massive file folder.  He hummed as his finger trailed down the paper.

“Daniel, you’ve deleted quite a few of your videos and you’re not getting monetization on them.  You’ve got half the official Dan and Phil shop, your own merchandise, and half of the gaming channel assets, not to mention half the revenues of the books. All in all, you’re on track to pull another £ 1.9  million. Philip, you’ve got pretty much the same except your merchandise hasn’t launched yet.  You’re looking at  £ 1.6  million.”  

Dan’s eyes widened and he looked at Phil; no matter how many times he heard it, it still was unbelievable how much they could earn.  Jerry looked sternly at them.

“Don’t you be getting your head up in the clouds, laddies.  Most of that is going to the business corporation I advised you to create to protect yourselves from lawsuits.  You need to pay your staff working at Dan and Phil shop, the warehouse housing all of the merchandise, your manager-”

“Yes, keep paying her we like her!” Phil interjected.

“-your publisher, your security team when you go on tours, your tours in general, your rent and utilities, your taxes and of course, your accountant.” He finished with a smile.

Dan and Phil smiled at him.  

“But we should be fine, right?” Phil asked.

“You won’t be if you keep spending the way you’re spending!” Jerry barked. This was it; it was the time in the meeting that Dan and Phil dreaded.

“Daniel!  You spent almost  £5,000 on clothing and accessories.  Are you wearing fine silks, everyday?” Jerry clicked on his computer and brought up the Givenchy website. 

“Oh, dear...” Phil mumbled. Dan scrunched down in his seat.

“Do you shop at Givenchy exclusively?” Jerry ranted. He pulled up another window.  It was the Yeezy website. 

“Stop shaming me!” Dan whined quietly. 

“This khaki sweater. With holes in it.” Jerry remarked as if it was a question.

“...it’s my aesthetic?” Dan responded in a falsely innocent voice.

Jerry sighed heavily. “Try and keep your clothing budget to about  £3000, right? Black jeans are black jeans, you can literally get them anywhere.” 

“Ooh, Jerry burn.” Phil said softly.

Dan nodded and Phil giggled. Jerry turned his attention to Phil.  Phil immediately stopped giggling.  Jerry said nothing but clicked a link that said Six Things I Regret Buying.  Phil watched as his video began playing.  “Your online spending is out of control.  You buy things on impulse that you don’t need constantly.  Who on earth needs grass flip flops or a giant inflatable monster costume? You have three videos like this!”

Dan snorted and his shoulders shook as he laughed quietly.

“And,” Jerry continued, “you tried to write all of these miscellaneous purchases off as business expenses!”

“What?! Phil!” Dan looked half-amused, half-shocked.  Phil shrugged. “Well, they were used for videos...”

Jerry rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “They were not intended to be business expenses so we cannot count them as business expenses. Business expenses are expenses that are purchased with intent to grow your business. Like the Sims game, for example. That was bought with the intent to grow your business.  Learn to control your impulses.”

“Alright,” Phil said.

“Now,” Jerry said seriously, “we must talk about your biggest expense, food.  Do you know how much you spend on takeaway, groceries, and going out for food?”

Dan looked down at his shoes and Phil suddenly became very interested in the ceiling tiles.

“In a month, you spent nearly  £200 in groceries,  £1000 in takeaway and  £1800 in going out for food.”  Dan and Phil avoided looking at each other; they knew they would laugh if they caught each other’s eyes.  “Do you ever eat the groceries you buy?  From this, it looks like no.” 

“Well,” Dan said, “the going out for food was extra expensive this month because we went to a fancy restaurant for Phil’s birthday.”

“Ah yes, he pulled out a copy of the receipt from the fancy restaurant they went to. “Did you treat everyone to dinner that night? The bill nearly came to  £900! The bottles of champagne were also unnecessary.”

“It was my birthday!” Phil exclaimed, ignoring the rest of Jerry’s questions.

“Fine,” Jerry conceded, “but next time, a little less extravagant, if you please?”

Phil nodded and Dan gave a tentative smile.

Jerry sighed again and rubbed his temples.“I’m trying to make sure that when all this,” He gesticulated at them vaguely, “ends, you both will be happy and comfortable and perhaps not need to work another day in your lives and I can’t do that if you don’t listen, right? I’m not telling you to stop treating yourselves to nice things, just less, yeah?” 

“We understand. Thank you for everything, Jerry.” Dan replied.

Phil nodded enthusiastically next to him.  They both stood up to leave.

“I will see you both in a couple months, please heed my advice!” Jerry stood up and shook their hands again.  

Dan and Phil waved goodbye to Marie.  As they left, they heard Jerry calling for Marie to bring him a large brandy.

They chuckled as they rode the lift downstairs.

“That wasn’t too bad! Poor Jerry, I hope he’s not too upset with us.” Phil said.

“He’s fine!  He knows he loves us, plus we always send him a nice gift at Christmas to show him we appreciate him.”

Phil smirked as they passed a sushi restaurant.  “Forget pizza, let’s get some sushi!”

“Phil!” Dan cried. “Jerry literally just got done shouting at us for our ‘extravagant spending habits’.”

Phil tried not to smile. “We’ll get the lunch special, it’s cheaper and we still get the food. He said we just had to spend less.”

Dan pondered for a second. “Sounds like a plan!”

[depthisforever]

oh dear.  it was confetti for the end of filming of the two songs.  tbh, the surprise was for the LA people not us so don’t be too upset.  sorry if anyone stayed up super late.

eek also rip dan and phil’s tags and mentions on twitter.  they’re gonna see some demons tonight!

[depthisforever]

sorry everyone.  no fic update tonight.  im literally just watching the iispoilers tag for the LA show on twitter.  might freak out about it on here later. :D

[depthisforever]

Nothing Can Go Wrong (A Legally Blonde AU) 6

Description:  Phil gets his heart broken by his boyfriend.  In an effort to get him back, Phil gets into Harvard Law but on the way, he meets an interesting third-year law student.

Rating: T

Trigger Warning:  This one has one use of a homophobic slur. 

Remember to start from the beginning by clicking here –> Masterpost

Phil got to Dr. Callahan’s class early the next morning.  He wanted to be sure to get a spot in the middle after the debacle in Dr. Stromwell’s class.  Fortunately, he did get a seat in the middle; unfortunately, Ethan and Charles walked into the lecture and sat directly in front of Phil.  

Dr. Callahan stood at the front of the room, informing the students of his policies. He was a stocky man with dignified graying hair. Phil noted that he looked very much the part of serious lawyer.

 “You will not only compete for the top grade in this class but also for an internship spot at my own highly-successful firm. Let the blood bath begin.”  He said with a roguish smile.

“So let us begin,” he continued. He peered over his glasses at the seating chart.  “Mr...Lester?”

Phil’s eyes darted up from Charles putting his arm around the back of Ethan’s chair. 

“Would you rather have a client who commited a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?”

Phil drew in a breath as he tried to calm his nerves.  Ok, he likes people who are opinionated.  “Neither.” Phil said confidently. 

“Interesting and why is that?” 

Well,” Phil reasoned, “I would want a client who’s innocent.” 

Quiet snickers and mumbling erupted around the room.  Charles glanced at his friend Emily and they both giggled. Phil tried his best to ignore it.

“Mr...” Callahan looked back down at the seating chart. “Kensington, what would you prefer?”

“Malum prohibitum.” Charles answered immediately.  He turned to smirk at Phil before returning his gaze to Dr. Callahan. “Because then the client would’ve committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.”

“Well done, Mr. Kensington!”  Callahan praised.

Charles began to rub Ethan’s back in gentle circles.  The ring on his hand flashed and winked at Phil.  It made his blood boil.  Phil immediately shot his hand in the air.

“Yes, Mr. Lester?”

“I changed my mind. I’d pick the dangerous one,” Phil proclaimed. “’Cause I’m not afraid of a challenge.” He smirked when Charles turned around to glare at him.

Phil sat in his room pouring over the law texts that he had to be reading for homework.  He was aware of the basics but the readings were just incredibly dense.  He needed to read it several times to understand it fully, not to mention darting to his legal jargon dictionary in order to make sense of it.  Phil put a pillow over his face and yelled into it in frustration.  He sat up and looked up at the ceiling.  He had overheard something about a study group in the library so he decided to bake some cookies and ask to join. 

Snacks are a good way to make friends! No one hates freshly-baked cookies! he thought. It was better than sitting alone in his room attempting to make sense of it on his own.

The baking had relaxed him so he no longer felt the drowning feeling of incredible frustration from earlier.  He had put on a light green top and slightly darker green pants.  Greens made his black hair pop.  He brushed his long fringe back into a quiff. He quickly made his way to the library.

He spotted the study group comprised of his classmates sitting in the far corner of the main room of the enormous library. Among them were Ethan, Charles, and Emily.  All of them had their heads bent over their books and were writing furiously.  Phil exhaled through his nose before approaching the table.

“Hi everybody!”

“Phil, what’re you doing here?” Ethan asked.

“I’ve come to join your study group! And look!” Phil lifted the basket that he had tied a silk Hermes scarf onto.  “I brought sustenance! Who’s first?” He inquired lifting a cookie.

Charles made a noise of disapproval and shook his head. “Our group is full.” He gave a pointed look to Ethan. Ethan looked back down at his book.

“Oh,” Phil said confusedly. “Is it like an RSVP thing?” 

“No, it’s like a smart people thing?” Emily mocked.”And like Charlie said, we’re full.”  Phil’s heart dropped a bit and his smile faltered.

“Come on, guys.  We can make room for one more.” Ethan reasoned.  There was a dull thud and Ethan winced.

“We’ve already assigned the outlines,” Charles said through gritted teeth to Ethan.  He turned to Phil, “The answer’s no.”

Phil looked down at the table and no one seemed to want to look him directly in the eyes especially Ethan.

“Ok.  I’ll...just leave then.”

“Buh bye.” Charles said in a soft voice.

Phil turned to leave.  People at Harvard aren’t very friendly. Phil thought sadly.  I never had a problem finding friends or study partners at UCLA.  Phil longed for his fraternity brothers; as president. everyone idolized him. Now I’m just a loner with no friends. Phil sighed sadly to himself.

“Maybe there’s like, a fraternity you can join instead, like.” a girl wearing a beanie and Birkenstocks said mockingly.

Phil scoffed and turned around.  It was one of his classmate’s from Callahan’s class. Fed up, Phil replied, “You know if you had come to a rush party, I would’ve at least been nice to you.”  

“Oh is that right? Is that before you voted against me and called me a dyke behind my back?”

“I don’t use that word.” Phil said quietly.  “You must’ve heard it from Charles,” he said louder.

Phil took a shower and collapsed on his bed, his fluffy cotton bathrobe tied tightly around him. He grabbed his laptop and turned on Skype.  He saw that Michael was online.  He started the video call.

“Hey!” Michael answered.  Rob was milling around in the back.  Phil felt better seeing his two friends. Rob ran to the desk and hovered over Michael’s shoulder.

“Guess what Phil?” Rob asked. Without waiting for an answer, Rob answered, “Emily and I got engaged!!”

“What?” Phil asked sadly.  He felt like he was missing out on his friends’ lives being at Harvard.

Michael pushed Rob back so that once again his entire face took up the screen. “Did you get the ring yet?” Michael asked.

Phil didn’t have the heart to tell his friends the truth. “A-almost.” He said. 

“Well, hurry up and come home! We miss you!” Michael said. He could faintly hear Rob also saying “We miss you!”

“I miss you guys too.  The people here are terrible. Everyone is so rude and-”

“Hang on, Phil.  We have to go.  Rush party starts in about an hour and we need to get ready.

“Oh, ok.” Phil said dejectedly.

After a chorus of goodbyes, the video call went black and Phil felt even more lonely now than he did before.  He sighed and turned on some YouTube videos when all of the sudden he heard a male voice from the hallway. 

“-It’ll be a really nice party!” 

Phil perked up.  He loved parties.  He darted out into the hallway. “No way! Is someone at the school actually having...” He stood face to face with Charles and Emily. “...a party.” He finished sadly.

Emily crossed her arms. “Yes,” she said snottily.

“But it’s a costume party.” Charles added quickly.  Emily gave a Charles a confused look.  “You probably wouldn’t wanna come.”

“I love costume parties.” Phil said with a soft smile.

“Oh,” Charles said with a shrug. “Then I guess we’ll see you there!”

Phil’s smile brightened. “Ok!”

Charles and Emily turned to leave. “Oh, its at 9:00 tomorrow at 45 Duncan Street.” Charles said.

Phil nodded and walked back into his dorm room. His spirits had been lifted.  Maybe people at Harvard aren’t so bad! he thought with a grin and started to brainstorm possible costume ideas.

A/N: Ah, my poor Philly. Dan makes a reappearance next chapter! >:) Also, should I post on AO3? IDK someone tell me.

Next chapter

[depthisforever]

Nothing Can Go Wrong (A Legally Blonde AU) 5

Description:  Phil gets his heart broken by his boyfriend.  In an effort to get him back, Phil gets into Harvard Law but on the way, he meets an interesting third-year law student.

Rating: T 

Some bad words in this one. So be warned (I think it still marks a T rating though)

Remember to start from the beginning by clicking here –> Masterpost

Phil walked quickly across quad towards the benches so that he could meet Ethan.  He could not believe that someone that he didn’t even know could be so utterly rude to him.  Cursing Charles under his breath, he did not notice that he was being overheard.  

“Er...sorry to interrupt your...little rant there but are you alright?”  A polite-sounding voice from the bench off to Phil’s left questioned.

Phil sighed heavily without turning around.  “Yeah,” he sulked. “Do they just put you on the spot like that like all of the time?” He huffed suddenly.

“The professors? Oh, dear. Yeah, they tend to do that.  Socratic method.”  The voice answered apologetically.  Phil was reminded vaguely of Winnie the Pooh.

“So if you don’t know the answer, they’re just gonna kick you out?” Phil scoffed.

“Ah,  so you have Stromwell.”

“Yes!” Phil exclaimed, finally turning around.  He came face to face with a gorgeous man with brown hair and dark eyes.  “Did she do that to you too?”

“No.” The brown-eyed stranger replied.”But she did make me cry once”

“Not in class, I waited until I got back to my room,” the man added quickly. “But yeah, she’ll really kick you when you’re down. She’s tough, really tough.”

“Great.” Phil sighed sarcastically and turned back around.

“Don’t worry though: It gets better. Who else do you have?”  Phil reasoned that the stranger genuinely seemed to want to cheer him up so he turned back around.

“I have Callahan, Rosenberg and Levinthal.” Phil replied dully, fearing more bad news.

The stranger looked thoughtful for a second and then advised: “Speak up in Callahan’s class; he likes people who are opinionated.” 

Phil nodded and said “Ok,” hoping the stranger would continue giving him advice so that he could make better first impressions in his other classes.

“Try and get a seat in the back in Rosenberg’s class - he tends to spit when he talks.”  The stranger pulled a disgusted face and Phil smiled.  “And for Levinthal, make sure you read the footnotes!  That’s where he gets most of his exam from.”

“Right” Phil said with a small smile.  He was feeling a touch better as he was armed with this new information about his classes.  The stranger smiled back and Phil noted that a dimple appeared on his left cheek. It was rather cute.

 “Wow, I’m really glad I met you!” said Phil happily. “Are you a third-year?” 

“Well, I’m a...” the stranger started to reply when the two were interrupted.

“Hey, Phil.”

They looked up and saw Ethan in front of the benches.

Phil’s face brightened “Hi!” Phil returned to the stranger. “Thanks for all your help,” he said with finality.

The stranger’s smile (and dimple) had disappeared and his mouth was set in a straight line.  “Good luck!” He replied.

Phil got up off the bench and stood in front of Ethan.

“Hi Ethan!”

“Hi...” Ethan started awkwardly. “So...” He chuckled, clearly uncomfortable. “How was your first class?”

“Oh, it was good.” Phil lied. “Well, except for this horribly preppy guy that tried to make me look bad in front of the professor.”  Phil pouted but quickly smiled. “But no biggie, you’re here now.  How was your summer?” 

“Good, it was good.” He said in a would-be casual tone.

“Did you do anything exciting?” 

Phil was determined to keep the conversation light and happy.  He was supposed to be a serious law student.  He was going to prove to Ethan that he deserved Ethan’s love.

That was until a hand with a shiny platinum band rested on Ethan’ shoulder.  Phil looked up and was horrified to see the rude man from his first class!

“He-ey.” Ethan greeted Charles.  Charles did not look pleased in the slightest.  Ethan turned to Phil, “Have you met Charlie, um I mean, Charles?”

The man looked down his nose at Phil.  “Oh, hi. Charles Kensington.”  He said in an offhand way; his attention still very much on Ethan.

Phil felt like he could not believe what his eyes were seeing. “Do you...know him?” He addressed Ethan.

“He’s...”Ethan started.

“His fiance.”  Charles finished, once again making sure the platinum engagement band was gleaming in the sunlight.  Phil’s heart dropped all the way down to the pit of his stomach; he felt ill.

“I’m sorry - I think I just hallucinated.” Phil gave his head a shake as if trying to physically clear the rushing of thoughts that seemed intent on making itself known.

“Well, he was my boyfriend in prep school.” Ethan explained. “And we got back together this summer when his family was invited to my grandmother’s birthday party.” 

“Ethan’s told me all about you.” He said snidely. “You’re famous at our club.”

Ethan’s smile had taken on a fake, plastic quality; his eyes betrayed him showing that he desperately wished to be anywhere else than having this conversation.

“But he didn’t tell me you’d be here.” Charles finished with an attitude.

“Pooh Bear,” Ethan said pointedly. “I didn’t know he would be here.”

The sound of the old nickname sent Phil careening into the dark place that he had been all summer after Ethan had first broken up with him.  Phil knew he had to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Excuse me,” Phil said politely, desperately trying to maintain composure as he willed himself not to bolt into a run.

Only one place could fix this; he just needed to find one.

Phil was failing miserably to hold back tears as he pushed open the door of the shop.  The little bell tinkled happily.  Phil hated it. His purple blazer was draped over his arm; it was Gucci and it was probably wrinkling but he didn’t care.

He deposited his blazer and briefcase into an empty chair and sat at the first available seat.  He put his hands up on the table where a man, a little older than him with chestnut hair, was reading a magazine and eating a donut.  Even with tear-stained cheeks, Phil tried to act like he wasn’t in the throes of a complete  breakdown. 

“Are you free?” Phil sniffled, in a higher than normal tone. “It’s an emergency.” 

The man looked pityingly at him and remarked “Bad day?”

“You can’t even imagine.” Phil replied, tears still silently running down his cheeks. 

The man put his donut down.  “Spill.” 

All of the emotions that Phil had been suppressing all day suddenly burst forth with a whimper. His manicurist, Chris was the name on the name tag, listened as he began to work on Phil’s nails.

“I worked so hard to get into law school,” Phil sobbed, completely abandoning any and all propriety. “I blew off Greek Week to study for the LSATs.  I spent all my time directing my admissions video instead of filming videos for my YouTube channel.  All to get my boyfriend Ethan back and now he’s engaged to this horrible guy Charles so it was all for nothing, and I just wish...”Phil was speaking so quickly he needed to gulp to take in some air. “I just wish I had never come to Harvard.” Phil sobbed harder, unraveling completely.

Chris clucked his tongue and shook his head. “After you went through all that trouble...” He said softly.

“He’s engaged!” Phil nearly shouted. “Charles got the grandmother’s ring that I should have gotten!”

Chris looked down and shook his head more, empathizing with the broken man sitting in front of him.

Phil took a few seconds to breathe. “What am I supposed to do?” he said in a small and brittle voice.

Chris looked at Phil sadly. “You’re asking the wrong guy.  I’m with my guy eight years and then one day, its ‘I’ve met someone. Move out!”

Phil stared wide-eyed at Chris. “Oh, no. That’s awful.” He said.

“Travis kept the trailer and my precious baby, Becca.” He showed Phil a picture of an adorable bulldog.  “I didn’t even get to throw her a birthday party.”

“No!” Phil was appalled. He had always been a big lover of animals.  He frequently made silly animal noises in his Youtube videos to entertain his viewers and although Lion wasn’t actually a real pet, he did feel very much real to Phil.

“What can I do?” Chris said sadly.  “He followed his pecker to greener pastures and I’m high school dropout that in no way conforms to gay standards of beauty.”

“That’s terrible.” Phil concluded miserably.

Chris sighed and changed the subject. “So what’s Charles got that you don’t? Two cocks?

“He’s from Connecticut. He belongs to Ethan’s stupid country club.”  Phil replied.

“Is he as pretty as you?” 

Phil half smiled before seriously considering. “He could do with a new hairstyle and a serious  makeover but he’s not completely unfortunate-looking.”

The shop bell tinkled alerting the entry of someone new. A gorgeous postal delivery man with curly brown hair and a thin frame came into view.  His green eyes sparkled as he handed the post to the receptionist. He nodded to Chris in greeting. Chris’s hands shook and he upended the bottle of lotion he was going to use on Phil’s hands.  The viscous mixture poured steadily out of the bottle but Chris could not remove his eyes from the postal worker.  Phil quietly set the bottle upright. Chris gave the postal man a tight smile as he walked out. Chris exhaled the breath he had apparently been holding.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! He can’t just look at me like that...with his face...and his eyes!” Chris exlaimed.

“It’s okay,” Phil said helping Chris clean up the offending lotion from two-thirds of the work station.

“Are you sure this Ethan guy’s the one?” Chris uttered lowly as he concentrated on continuing to mop up the mess with a rag.

“Definitely.” Phil said quickly. “I love him!”

“If a guy like you can’t hold onto a man then there sure as hell isn’t any hope for the rest of us. Well then, what’re you waiting for? Steal the bastard back!”

Phil smiled brightly as he felt a sharp stab of inspiration.

As soon as he returned to his dorm, Phil immediately began mapping out and scripting a Youtube video.  He hadn’t done a proper video since the breakup.  He fished Lion out of a bedside table.

“I’m so sorry, Lion.” He murmured as if the small toy lion was sentient. “It wasn’t you. I just...couldn’t.” He finished lamely.”But I’m back now!”

He looked over the script.  His video titled “5 Things I Learned at my First Day at Harvard.”  It seemed catchy; people would want to learn something interesting from him, right? He read over his loosely constructed script:

1. Get to know your campus’s vibe prior to coming

2. Make sure you triple check that you’ve done all the assignments before your first class

His eyes paused on number three.

3. Try to find an older student to give you advice about your professors.  A friendly face can do wonders!

He smiled.  Phil did learn a lot on his first day and he was determined to best Charles and show Ethan the Phil was the man of his dreams. He buckled down to film because he needed time to edit and time to make up Stromwell’s assignments.

Next chapter

A/N:  Yes, Chris Kendall is Paulette in this here AU.  I miss him.  I kind of imagined him using the Becca the Crazy Fangirl voice while I was writing this part and it makes it ten times better. Here’s the link in case anyone wants to view it. It is comedy gold: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14Ow2MG8N1s 

[depthisforever]

I interrupt this fanfic blog to give you both Dan and Phil liking the fact that Anthony’s feet are on some weird foot fetish wiki. I’m not kink shaming? But? Um hello 9-1-1?

[depthisforever]

Nothing Can Go Wrong (A Legally Blonde AU) 4

Description:  Phil gets his heart broken by his boyfriend.  In an effort to get him back, Phil gets into Harvard Law but on the way, he meets an interesting third-year law student.

Rating: T

No trigger warnings so far! 

Remember to start from the beginning by clicking here --> Masterpost

The next morning, Phil woke up to his alarm clock blaring. It read 6:30 am. He confidently clicked it off and began getting ready for his first day of classes. If he was going to get Ethan back by being a law school student, he needed to dress the part.

When Phil was finished getting ready, he peered at his reflection in the large, full-length mirror he had shipped to his dorm. He was wearing a white button-down shirt with his signature black skinny jeans and his favorite Christian Louboutin dress shoes. He fiddled with his hair, using one finger to slide his fringe back into place. Delicately, he removed the final piece of his outfit off of its hanger: a tailored purple blazer with silk lapels. 

"So ready to do the law school thing." Phil said to himself. 

With one last glance in the mirror and a final straightening of his blazer, Phil left his dorm room feeling excited for his first day of classes.

Phil was walking down the hall of the main academic building.  He felt eyes on him and smiled.  In LA, people usually envied his style so he was quite used to getting stared at.  Several times, people had mistaken him for a singer or actor and Phil basked in the attention. He carried his briefcase at his side and rearranged his face into a neutral expression.  Remember Phil, he chastised himself. You have to be serious!

As Phil walked down the hallway to his first ever class at law school, his eyes focused sharply on a figure a ways down.  It was Ethan.  They had not spoken since the breakup but Phil squared his shoulders, intending to “nonchalantly” pass him without acknowledging him.  

“Phil?” The incredulous voice made Phil smile as he turned around.

“Oh my God, Ethan?! I totally forgot you go here.”

Ethan had a fixed smile on his face as he voiced his confusion, “W-what are you talking about? Are you here to see...me?”

“No, silly” Phil said with an eye roll and a smile.  “I go here!”

“You go where?”

“Harvard!” Phil said as if explaining to a very small child. “Y’know, law school.”

“You got into Harvard Law.” Ethan said in disbelief.

Phil snorted. “What? Like its hard? Oh my gosh, Ethan.  It’s gonna be so great.  I’m going to plan a mixer and Buffy Rewatch Party, you totally have to help me.  This is going to be just like senior year except for funner!” Phil paused briefly. “More fun.” He amended, his Creative Writing degree showing itself in full force. 

“I gotta go to class but meet me after, on the benches?” Phil said with a smile and briskly took off in the opposite direction.  

He did not see Ethan’s flabbergasted stare and small shake of the head.

First impressions are key. Phil told himself as he took a seat in the front row of the rather intimate lecture hall.  His classes at UCLA had always been on the larger side.  Phil took out his Buffy the Vampire Slayer notebook and metallic green pen (his lucky pen) and looked around as other pupils began to file in.  He had to show the professor that he was ready to learn!

The professor began lecturing, introducing the course. Phil noted that she was a stern woman, a bit on the shorter side with a commanding attitude.  If I can impress her that would be a really great end to this day! Phil thought happily.  He dutifully took notes in his notebook, vaguely aware that everyone else had a laptop. 

As soon as the actual lecture began, Phil realized that his assessment of the woman in front of him had been correct.  He watched as a nerdy looking guy with a wide set face was exposed to the full scrutiny of Dr. Stromwell for answering one of her questions. Carl.  Phil noted  from the class sign in that had been sent around the room.

“Are you quite sure of your answer?” She inquired, a smirk playing around the corners of her mouth.

“Yes.” They boy said quickly.

She fixed him with a steely grin.  “Would you be willing to stake your life on it?” She said softly. 

“I think so.” Carl answered, confidence wavering.

“Hmmm” She hummed and sharply tapped one of the guys in the front row with her pen. “What about his life?”

Phil watched as Carl shrank down in his seat a bit. “I don’t know.” he said.

“Well, I recommend knowing before speaking.” She said smartly.  She turned back to the board where the quote The law is reason free from passion was elegantly written.  “And you were right.” She paused.  “That was from Aristotle.”

Phil kept his head down.  How mean. He thought. The boy had the right answer all along and Dr. Stromwell was still bullying him. Poor Carl.

“Now I assume all of you have read the assignment and are well-versed in subject matter jurisdiction.”

Phil’s eyes went wide. They had had homework?! Why did no one say anything to him? Phil began to panic. Alright she can’t call on you if you don’t raise your hand.  

“Who can tell us about Gordon v. Steele? Let’s pick on someone from the hot seats.” She smirked, gesturing to the front row.

Phil’s panic increased tenfold, praying that she would not call on him.  He kept his eyes down.  

Dr. Stromwell noticed Phil avoiding her eyes and her eyes narrowed mischievously.  “Philip Lester?” 

“Oh,” Phil’s heart was hammering in his chest.  He fell back on an old UCLA standby.  He smiled sweetly. “ I was actually unaware that we had an assignment.” He scrunched his face in a way that most of his professors at UCLA had found quite endearing and had more times that not helped him escape trouble.  Phil gulped as Dr. Stromwell’s eyes narrowed further and a smirk tugged on her lips.

“Charles Kensington,” Dr. Stromwell addressed another student in the lecture hall.  He was of average height and was wearing an argyle sweater and matching bow tie.  His hair was parted straight down the middle.  Phil noted it was overall, not a great look. “Do you think it is acceptable that Mr. Lester is unprepared?”

Phil turned around and gave his best and brightest buddy-buddy smile to the other man.  

With an emotionless expression on his face, Charles replied snobbily. “No, I do not.” Phil felt his face fall as the man smirked slightly at him.

“Would you support my decision in asking him to leave class and only return when he is prepared?”  Dr. Stromwell inquired .

 Charles replied “Absolutely.” He then cast a mocking look to Phil when Dr. Stromwell had  wheeled back towards Phil waiting expectantly.  Phil’s mouth fell open further in full offense.  What on earth had he done to this Charles that was making him be so mean?!

Positively mortified, Phil packed his things in his briefcase and felt all eyes on him as he crossed the room and exited the classroom.

Next chapter

[depthisforever]

Slytherpuff

Hello all! Wow it’s been awhile.  I used to post phanfics AWHILE ago.  Literally like years ago.  Dropped out of the phandom for awhile but even I’m surprised that I’m back!  I’m debating continuing my Nothing Can Go Wrong (Legally Blonde AU)  but it was specifically the posts under the cut on FB that brought me back.  I just kept thinking about Dan as a Slytherin (even though he’s said he’s a Gryffindor) and Phil as a Hufflepuff.

Title:  Slytherpuff

Rating:  T

Summary:  A series of drabbles (one-shot? idk) starring Hufflepuff!Phil and Slytherin!Dan based on some tumblr posts that I saw on facebook. 

Trigger Warning:  Homphobic slurs, depression

“OI!” 

Phil didn’t turn around.  He continued down the hallway, albeit at a slightly quicker pace.

“OI! Fairy boy!”  Phil could hear the heavy footsteps behind him grow closer and louder.  Phil felt a hand on his upper arm and braced himself for impact as he was violently thrown against the wall.  

The Seventh Year Slytherin boys began to close ranks around him, grinning maliciously.  The largest of the three spoke first.  “Why didn’t you respond, fairy boy? ‘Fink you’re better than us, yeah?” 

Phil exhaled hard through his nose.  He was not going to back down. 

“So sorry.  My name is Phil, not fairy boy and I’d quite like if you left me alone. Thanks.”  Face set, he attempted to break through the trio of boys only to get pushed back into the wall.

Phil immediately drew his wand.  “I will fight you if I have to.” He tried not to let his fear show on his face.

The Seventh Year Slytherins laughed meanly.  A cool voice punctuated the laughter. 

“If you come anywhere near him again, I will physically disembowel you.”

Phil rolled his eyes.  He knew that voice.  Dan.  He was particularly gifted with disillusionment charms which Phil thought was appropriate for how much he disliked being around people.

Phil felt the force of some unheard spell whoosh past him.  The three Seventh Year Slytherins looked around wildly for the voice, when all three were knocked sideways violently. Fearing that they had upset some ghost or spirit in the castle, they grumbled as they fled from the hallway.

Phil jumped when Dan took off the disillusionment charm and he was less than a foot away from Phil.  He stared softly at Dan with a frown and said “I could have taken them, you know.”  

Dan gave him a smirk and pressed a kiss to his temple.  “Of course you could, my sweet cinnamon bun.”

Phil rolled his eyes and pushed Dan gently as Dan laughed.

_______________________________________________________________

Phil plopped down next to Dan in Astronomy.  He decided during his last year that he would take his NEWT for Astronomy so instead of being with the other Seventh Year Hufflepuffs, he was with the Sixth Year Hufflepuffs who, conveniently for Phil, had astronomy with the Sixth Year Slytherins.  Although, there were downsides; Phil had to take Remedial Astronomy during one of his free periods.

“You were nearly late. Where were you?” Dan demanded. Phil smiled at Dan.  Dan was too cute.  His voice had just the right cross between jealousy and a whine.  Phil would never admit it, but he liked feeling needed by the Slytherin boy.

“Held up by Professor Flitwick.  He wants me to tutor some younger students in Charms.” 

Dan’s teeth sucked in his bottom lip; a telltale sign that he was a bit jealous and insecure.  “And? What did you say?”  

 “I told him I would.” Phil said with a gentle smile. For a split second, Phil watched as Dan’s mouth pursed into a scowl then fix itself into a neutral expression.  His smile grew wider. Dan’s thinly veiled jealousy was endearing.  He loved that someone cared for him that much.

“Well, you are the top in Charms.  If anyone was going to be a tutor, it would be you.” Dan said with a slight edge.

Phil ducked his head down, hiding the bright smile on his face until he could fix his face.

Professor Sinistra started the lesson before he could say another word.  For thirty minutes, Phil watched fondly as Dan pouted and made small noises of discontent completely oblivious to the way Phil was watching him.  

As soon as it was time for practicals, Phil leaned close to Dan. “I bet I could fit the whole world in my hands!” He said softly.

Dan snorted in disbelief. “Phil, that’s physically impossible.”

Phil gently held his companion’s face in his hands and just looked at him smiling.

Dan’s mouth fell open as he stared at Phil. It was almost like he could feel the gears turning in Dan’s head; Dan had not broken eye contact with Phil and had taken on a dreamy appearance.  Then with a jump he took a small step back and a blush rose to his cheeks. 

“Stop it, I have a reputation to uphold.”  

Phil ignored the few people looking at them and softly laughed, returning to his telescope.

________________________________________________________________

Dan cursed the fact that there were curfews.  He cursed the fact that there were no places for people with interhouse friendships or relationships to hang out. It’s almost like they want us to sneak around.  On second thought, Dumbledore that pervy bugger probably would want just that.  

“Can’t we just stay here?” Dan implored casting a pleading look to Phil. Dan did not like being a part from Phil.  He did not know what the future would hold.  Frequently, he would get caught up in his own dark thoughts and spiral downwards into a depressive state.

“I really have to go to sleep.  I can’t stay up late...My Potions exam is tomorrow and we both know I am absolute rubbish at Potions.” Phil said with a sad smile.

Dan sighed and he let his terrible thoughts take the forefront of his mind. Phil’s smile faltered as he watched the change in Dan’s expression and the darkness that clouded the boy’s features.

After a minute, Dan pulled himself from drowning in his mind.  “I really need to talk to you, Phil.  I need some help coping with....” Dan said in a small voice. He drew his knees up to his chest on the plush chair and rest his head on his arms.  Phil knew immediately.  His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach as Dan uttered that last sentence.  When Dan got into his depressive episodes, Phil made sure to help him through it (if Dan allowed him to).

Phil noticed a fluffy blanket and a fireplace that had not been in the room previously as well as a steaming kettle.  Thank Merlin for the Room of Requirement. Phil thought. 

He wrapped the blanket around Dan and softly pushed a cup of chamomile tea into his hands.

“What’s going on in Dan world now?  Who’s done this?   I’ll fight them.” 

Dan laughed softly but it did not hold any of its usually warmth. Phil winced slightly and moved closer to Dan.  The plush chair Dan was on magically expanded so that it resembled more of a loveseat.  Phil sat down and opened his arms in a questioning manner.  Dan set down the tea and accepted Phil’s embrace. They spent the rest of the night in the Room of Requirement, Dan talking out his depressing inner thoughts as Phil listened, occasionally stroking Dan’s hair back. 

[depthisforever]

Nothing Can Go Wrong (A Legally Blonde AU) 3

A/N:  Thanks to everyone who followed this blog!  I love you all already!  

Description:  Phil gets his heart broken by his boyfriend.  In an effort to get him back, Phil gets into Harvard Law but on the way, he meets an interesting third-year law student.

Rating: T

Masterpost

Phil looked out of the window of the airport.  He was ready to get the love of his life back.  He exhaled through his nose and steadied himself before leaving the terminal and walking out into the sunshine.

Phil immediately began tapping out messages on his phone; large, dark sunglasses covered his eyes giving him the haughty appearance of someone who was perennially busy.  He requested an Uber to pick him up and waited impatiently for its arrival.  

When the driver finally pulled up, Phil immediately hopped in and enthusiastically greeted the driver.  “I’m going to Harvard!”  He said eagerly.

The driver looked at Phil in the rear-view mirror, “I’m sure you will have fun there.”  There was a hint of sarcasm to his response but Phil took no notice, nodding vehemently.  

“So then he tells me, ‘I need to be serious and stop dicking around’” Phil said rapidly, dropping his voice low to mock Ethan’s.  “Can you believe that Blake?! Being with me was just DICKING AROUND!” 

“I cannot believe it.”  Blake said.  “This guy obviously lost the best thing in his life.  You go get him!”  Blake brought the car to a stop. 

“You’re the best, Blake.  I’m glad I met you!”

“Me too, Phil! Call me if you need me!” 

Phil exited the sleek black car with all of his luggage in tow.  He had made it!

He made his way into his dorm; some guys playing touch football on the quad were more than happy to help him move into his room!

“Thank you!” Phil gushed. “You guys are so awesome!” He said with a smile.

The guys smiled and replied that it wasn’t a problem.  

Phil made his way downstairs to Freshman Orientation.  Out on the wide, green lawns, hundreds of new freshman were milling around in small groups. Many looked slightly nervous.  Others, however, were smiling and talking.

He made his way to the registration desk.  He had finished his undergraduate degree, so he was no stranger to college life.  He was eager to get involved on campus like he had done in Manchester.  

“Hi!  Lester comma Philip Michael!”  He exclaimed, eyes bright.

The girl at the registration desk shot him an odd look before combing through the file folders in front of her.  “Here you go.  Welcome!”  She said.

“Excuse me, you’ve forgotten my social events calendar!”

The girl paused a second before replying. “...Social...events...calendar?” She inquired, quirking an eyebrow up in slight disbelief.

“Well, yeah! Trips, on-campus events, mixers, things like that!” 

The girl laughed and pointed towards a shorter guy with greasy, messy hair.  “That’s your group.  Why don’t you ask Joe about the social events” She said with a derisive giggle.

Phil frowned and made his way over to the group of four.  Ok I guess social events aren’t a big thing here.  He thought sadly.  That’s ok, I guess.  I should really concentrate on the mission at hand!  He laughed inside his brain at his own choice of phrasing but secretly vowed not to ask Joe about the social events. He sat down with the others.

“Great that’s everyone!  Hi, I’m Joe!  I am here to show you the ropes and kind of get a conversation flowin’ y’know?”  Joe reminded Phil of several bad movie stereotypes of a surfer dude/stoner but Phil was not going to turn down the opportunities to make some new friends though. “Let’s start with you! “  He pointed to a girl across from him.  

The girl had wildly curly brown hair, glasses, and a nose that made her countenance look pug-like.  “Hi.  My name is Melanie, I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Yale University.  I have a specialized interest in Real Estate law.  I have worked personally with Warren Buffett.  I have three Scottish Fold cats named Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.”  She said all of this very quickly and very matter-of-factly.  She pushed her glasses back up her nose, nonchalantly with the knuckle of her index finger.  

Next up was an extremely attractive and tall, Black man named Winston.  He had an bright smile and Phil thought he looked like he belonged on television or movies instead of in law school.  “Hey everybody.  I’m Winston.  I graduated top of my class from UC Berkeley.  I’m pretty laid-back, sports are primarily my interest.  I manage a non-profit organization to help special needs children improve their athletic skills. My specialization will hopefully be Sports and Entertainment law.” He said with a charming smile.

Joe was next in the circle.  “Sup? My name’s Joe, third-year law student!” He grinned. “My specialty is in Environmental Law.  I’m a vegetarian and an advocate for marijuana legalization. I’ve done many service trips to Zambia to vaccinate orphans and  I am slated to enter into the prestigious Conway and Sherman law firm when I graduate this year!” He nodded towards Phil.

“Oh, my turn?” He asked excitiedly.  “Well, my name’s Phil Lester! I am an Aquarius.  I graduated with a 4.0 in Creative Writing from Manchester University.  I like to  make YouTube videos online for fun.  I also lived down the street from Johnny Depp.  He comes over for brunch sometimes and I was able to talk him out of doing some truly heinous movie about a cat.  Like, not all animated movies are good right?”  He looked around the circle expecting them to agree but they looked at him and each other with knowing smiles and disbelieving looks.

Phil’s smile faltered as he thought he might not be as ready for Harvard as he originally thought.

Next chapter

[depthisforever]

Just figured out how to get my asks up and running again!  Ask me anything you’d like! Or just talk to me pls lol 

[depthisforever]

Nothing Can Go Wrong (A Legally Blonde AU) 2

A/N:  So, my plans got cancelled for tonight.  I am throwing myself into this writing.

Description:  Phil gets his heart broken by his boyfriend.  In an effort to get him back, Phil gets into Harvard Law but on the way, he meets an interesting third-year law student.

Rating: T (TV-14, PG-13, whatevers)

Read Part One first

Phil idly ate cereal out of the box as he stared at his laptop.  He was watching a Smosh video without actually seeing it.  Other empty cereal boxes littered the floor around his bed.  Phil could not describe the way he felt as he lay in bed for a week straight.  The best description he could come up with was that nothing mattered to him.  Everything hurt.  He would pretend that he was okay but he knew he wasn't and ever present was the pain and emptiness in his chest that reminded him that he was alone and unloved.

Phil whimpered softly to himself and pulled his laptop closer to him.  He was running on autopilot and YouTube was helping him cope.  Not making videos, no, that was too much effort.  Watching videos, instead.  He clicked on a random video on the homepage.; some Entertainment website's "news" coverage.

"WHATSUP YOUTUBE!?"  The annoying host started off.  Phil's upper lip pricked up in distaste.  He fast-forwarded the video.  His heart clenched when he saw a familiar face.

Ethan's brother.

Phil grasped the screen of his laptop and stared at it in awe.  Not as attractive as his brother but the family genes were still present.  He had to rewind the video to listen to the host.

"LET'S TALK ABOUT WESTON CROWLEY THE THIRD!  FIRST BORN OF THE CROWLEY FAMILY, OF THE CROWLEY INDUSTRIES FORTUNE, HAS ANNOUNCED HIS ENGAGEMENT TO REBECCA WESTOFF, FIRST YEAR AT YALE UNIVERSITY LAW PROGRAM! CONGRATS, YOU TWO! NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT HOT DOGS-"

Phil slammed his laptop shut. “Lion, this is the serious type that Ethan wants.  I need to go to law school!  Not just any law school though," He reasoned out loud. "I need to go to Harvard."

"Mate. You want to do what now?"  

"Go to Harvard." Phil replied determinedly.

"Phil…"His housemate Michael said hesitantly.  "I know you've been in a state since your breakup but…"

"This is what I want, Michael.  It's what I need." Michael looked at him and nodded slowly.

"Alright, mate!  Let's get you to the career advisor."

The career advisor was as skeptical as Michael had been.  However, after seeing Phil's determination, she let him know that he would need to create one hell of an admission's essay.  For Phil, this was easy.  He decided he would do a video essay.  He fixed his fringe and  rolled up the sleeves of his overly-large black sweater.

"Hello Harvard land!  This is Phil Lester and I would like to be a lawyer by 2018!  You can help me do this and here's why I would be an ideal candidate for your program!"

The video cut to Phil at a table, thoughtfully stroking his chin.  "As an Creative Writing major at Manchester United, I've obtained a 4.0.  I am creative and am very skilled when it comes to research.  Did you know that Buffy was on TV for 6 years?"  A photoshopped cutout of Sarah Michelle Geller floated onto the screen.

The video cut again to the next scene.  This featured Phil in his bedroom on his laptop.  "By making videos on YouTube, I have experience with bringing the important issues to a large following of people."  The scene cut to a close-up on his Twitter followers.  "Here's an example:  here I tweeted, 'which do you prefer: cereal with milk or dry cereal?'"  The screen changed to Phil scrolling through his @replies each proclaiming their opinions on cereal with milk vs. dry cereal.

"I am also comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life."  The scene had changed to Phil on the street, his long legs being hugged perfectly by a pair of tight black skinny jeans.  His hips swayed ever so slightly as he walked towards the camera.  "This sidewalk is a civil lawsuit waiting to happen."  Phil grinned and covered his mouth to hide the tongue that had come poking out of the side.  

"Hey sex-ay!" A stranger shouted in a singsong voice and pinched his butt.

"I object!"  Phil declared and grinned again at the camera.

"That's why you should choose me, Phil Lester, future lawyer of the class of 2018!"

The video paused on Phil's piercing blue eyes and smiling face.  The group of all-male admissions officers shifted in their seats uncomfortably.  More than a couple had to "readjust" themselves, accordingly.  

One cleared his throat. "Well he does have a 4.0…"

"In Creative Writing." snorted an older admissions officer.

"He's different. I like him!" said another.

“It says here that he....lip synced a....We the Kings music video.”

They put it up on the projector. They watched half-intrigued and half-aroused, pausing it halfway through,

“Clearly, he’s interested in music.” One said conversationally.

"Phil Lester….” The Senior Admissions Officer sighed. “Welcome to Harvard."

Part 3