I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@esuccubus
Went for a walk for Beverages. Going live at http://twitch.tv/eSuccubusplays at 5 pm pst. Watch me sort over 3000 books in Arcane Library. Every 100 books I'm gonna spin a big wheel with some of the incomplete games I've played so far (Everything is Crab, Prime Monster on the hardest difficulty, Retail Hell, Mina the Hollower, Inscryption Kaycee's Mod, Phasmophobia). Just unwinding after a rough week, and if you are too - maybe you would like to watch a goblin.
Squealer ft. ESuccubus - an HDG Hypnosis File
Your warden has been getting pushier lately. More insistent. You don't want to be a pet, even though you can just feel her sizing you up for a collar. Maybe what you need is a reminder of what you are. A bit of comparison. To see the joy in the role of being a pig. Maybe her friend, Endivie Archive, can help provide some of that perspective.
Femme Affini, gender neutral listener. Cowritten and covoiced by @esuccubus!
Themes and possible trigger warnings include: Degradation, the breaking of your will over the knee of the Affini Compact, being treated like a pig, being ordered to oink and squeal, being ordered to cum, being hypnotically touched, aspects of permanence within the story, and more.
Read the full script on Ao3 Support my art on Patreon! Check out ESuccubus on Tumblr !
Musing On Expression and History
CW: Sad, self-indulgent I think I definitely need to set somewhere up for my musings and thoughts on life, art, etc. not because they are particularly meaningful or worth reading to anyone else, but because for a long time I lived in enforced silence. I'll blog here for now, but I probably need some place officially separated from this e-dentity. It sort of never clicked in my head that things I think which aren't about just providing content for people, might still be of interest to people. I grew up neurodivergent in an environment that didn't really get that, that in fact taught me a lot of really bad coping skills including just shutting down. And so I just kind of pared all these parts out of myself that for others are a basic part of living. Talking about my history, my experiences, became secondary to keeping the people I was responsible for alive, and this kept me from really *doing anything but that*. I just became, work, sleep, repeat, and missed out on a lot of the reasons why you do those things. I'm paying attention to my own care and comfort now though. I never really said it over the years, but most of my profits from my creative endeavors went, to keeping other people alive while I lived like a monk, and not much to my comfort. I'm going to try to be more self-careful from now on. I'll set up a youtube or a little blog somewhere and keep it linked at the bottom of linktrees or as a hidden page places or something because I'm still not comfortable being forward or the face of anything - see how I don't even announce when I'm gonna be streaming. But I do stream sundays at twitch.tv/eSuccubus and I will try to talk about Stuff when I'm able. Part of why streaming is a natural expression opportunity for me is I actually *can* talk sometimes, when the game is right and I forget I have an audience. That's the funny thing, some of it even *is* interesting, but when I think about talking about my past, or my life, immediate feeling that it's self-indulgent and self-centered. The shame-faced kind of shutting up. This also keeps me from working outside of erotic writing. I've ghost written a lot of non-erotic stuff, done narrative commissions, short games, but other people always put their names on them. And some of it *is* tied up with survivors guilt - who am I to be here when so many people more deserving of attention didn't make it this far? And some is selective mutism, and some is just, trauma. Which I'm working on. It's rough when a lot of, the basic history of oneself, is impossible to communicate to other people. It ends in a lot of little rules for myself to make me not just bottle up every creative thought. Like "if I start crying while leaving the message, I should try to hit enter on it, cuz that's rare" or "when you notice you can say something you usually cant, say it to everyone it applies to, quick, before the chance passes"
It is not fun to have all your thoughts bottled up inside and to feel it curtailing creative bravery, so, I'm gonna create in as many venues as I can, from now on. But I guess I'll sort of always be thinking about the people who didn't make it thru to see it with me. And I'll always wish I'd been braver or started sooner, so more of that time would align. Just know that when I started doing this it really was with the dream that certain of those people would see it with me. Nothing more than a statement of intent here, but I am going to poke my head up. Thanks to everyone who has listened to me over the years, and especially anyone who has come this far. I notice it, and its meaningful, and if I've been cold or closed off or started interactions with you then just - been unable to continue. I'm working on feeling more like I'm allowed to be a complete person.
in betweens
i have been fortunate enough to live a life in the arts, creating things and following hallowed footsteps. its something many buckaroos dream of, and as someone who has done it, THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS i received are the moments in between. if you generate with AI, THAT is what you rob yourself of
anyone who has done theater will know this, because it lives in the energy backstage. anyone who has played in a band will know this, because it lives in the late night diner afterwards. anyone who has written a book will know this, because it lives the coffee shop where your plot point locked in
in other words IT IS NOT THE PRODUCT. yes, it is cool to see your name on a marquee or your book in a store or your face on a poster, but the REASON this is cool is because it tethers you to the BETWEEN TIMES. the between times are everything. the PROCESS of creation is a gift to yourself
i think this is REALLY difficult for these ai goofballs to understand, and why the things they make dont resonate. anything you create without the in between is just a hollow shell, a movie poster without small talk at crafty or an album without eating burritos on the studio rooftop
we have ALWAYS had the ability to NOT make something and pretend that we did. the difference now is theres an algorithm built for convincing people whove never stepped outside the theater door for a smoke break on opening night that they actually have. they have not. there is no ai for that.
because the only way to conjure the unfathomable magic of those in between moments is to live them, and when you get a hit of excitement from a prompted movie or book or song without a journey of creation, you rob yourself. you curse yourself to exist as a cardboard cutout who thinks they are whole
"The process of creation is a gift to yourself"
Siren's Voice
Doing meditations and reading some public domain work (lovecraft? with sfx and collaborators? Reading Holmes? Reading my own scary stories?) is actually a boon for all the people who liked the old siren's voice stuff because you bet https://esuccubus.com/tags/sirens-voice-series all these are being remade as a consequence of me like, streaming, and doing SFW/pre-sleep content (working on a new channel for this!)
Streaming!
I have begun streaming~ http://twitch.tv/eSuccubusplays on Sundays for now. I have that goblin vtuber coming in next week. Also gonna be editing the streams and posting them on youtube (theres nothing there except my first one which has terrible audio balance. Also in my second one the game sound balance was too loud.) But you can see my pngtuber standin who is just a leetol goblin:
Queer spoken word and gaming content creator. Experimental fiction and random gaming videos.
Not much there yet, but people tell me I need to self promote early. I'll be doing point and click, some horror classics, maybe some collabs or doing a live TTRPG or something. Also gonna definitely do some video game essays when I have something to say that feels worth sharing.
Cannot wait to have the vtuber. Figuring out if I can get a cute horror background made to plonk it in too. Back to writing and recording, but I have found it fun and a few people have poked in each time, which was nice. I think I sorta got scared of poking my head up for a long while there. So, hi. I hope people tune in sometime
Working with a broken website that has cool visualizer graphics to make background visualizers for my tracks so I can put them in more places. Can put SFW meditation and relaxation hyp on youtube. I could probably post most of my monster girl stuff to Pornhub/hypnotube/whatev too. Writing a simple goon-along script for a fansly vid I will then be the model for (at least at first). Also, thicc goblin girlfriend and HDG collab. Busy week ahead.
New Horizons
Decided to set up a Fansly. I'm not very physically attractive but the voice can probably make up for it, and putting a body to a voice is valuable. Plus, there aren't enough trans creatives putting themselves out there and being confident in their desirability. Gonna be gradually populating it with videos both for sale and not (and got a clips4sale and manyvids and so on). Going to have to maintain separate silos now, to keep some of my income sources safe. But that just means I can be more creative in the ones that need to be kept separated, to varying degrees. I have some models who have volunteered, so that's exciting, and I'm working on writing and mp3 collabs that will go in the new stack. This means I will also cease mentioning silos that would *object* to this work, over here, and will be linking to more neutral hubs instead. Today will be about splitting my creative locations down the middle, with one link stack for one, and another for the other. It's very hard being a creative who makes certain kinds of content these days. As always, contacting me for audio or video commissions is A-ok. I mostly rely on word of mouth now. So if you're seeing this or you follow me, congratulations on getting the more interesting set of updates from now on.
¡Hola mola! 🩵🥞
We recently welcomed an ocean sunfish (Mola mola) to our Open Sea exhibit! Watch to learn 5 interesting facts about the pancake of the sea. 🥞
How long will this buoyant buddy stay with us, you ask? We’re not quite sure, so come visit us to catch a glimpse of this mola-marvelous marine animal before it’s tagged and released into the wild.
There's wonder in ocean life and caring for it helps us all!
Vtuber in the works
I think I'm gonna start streaming on twitch/youtube and making dumb little lets plays and stuff. It'd be fun to just hang out and stream things and I'll start like, a sfw discord server instead of the one I have now, and just hang in it or whatever.
My favorite watch, and my second comfiest dress (and you can just barely see my chain collar)
The little man knew I was having a rough day so he took up the funniest possible position in the entryway
A succubus is just an urge you've given rise to and invited in to suck enough off of you to manifest your wish. It's genie adjacent. I always think of the line in hotel california "We are programmed to receive" when I think of laying around dreaming up an entity that would push a fetish I was too lazy or not wanton enough to make more core to me - and I'm writing about that in some of the stuff I'm doing now (starting with chastity, then some stud-come-fuck-me stuff)
chuck tingle accidentally used an AI image on his latest cover and not only did he fix the mistake but he made me think the phrase “the skeleton has been replaced out of an abundance of caution,” for which i am eternally grateful
