dear mother,

this is just survival

[ezsme]

the heart. anti - smyer & canon adjacent. currently a wip. loved by anna.

[ezsme]

esm/e is mom

[tinyjanevolturi]

the tiniest volturi: (23/?)

[ginwhitlock]

“You know, my record is almost as clean as Carlisle’s,” she told me, “Better than Esme. A thousand times better than Edward. I’ve never tasted human blood,” she announced proudly.

[ezsme]

" i left once too. " the words slip past, absently. gentle, without judgement. we all run from things. people, our past, the very nature of who we are. esme has done all of that and more. she could never judge someone else for doing the same. " lost myself in the shadow of everything else. but you'll come back, in time. "

‘  when  i  imagine  myself ,  i  am  always  leaving .  i  couldn’t  draw  my  own  face  if  god  asked .  ’ @lunaccult , libby.

[agedrot-a-deactivated20231008]

i was everything she wasn't , i knew that now. just seeing her , the person i'd secretly loathed for decades , i knew why carlisle was so taken with her. she embodied the light he was so perpetually drawn to. that glimmer of humanity , that beauty in mortality that he'd tried so desperately to keep. i wasn't. i tempted him , i nurtured the darker things , catering toward the starving predator lurking beneath his skin. i was passion , adventure , danger. she was stability , beauty , comfort. i hated her for it.

i'd begun pacing , turning away from her in a lazy , albeit graceful movement , all black clothing & expensive shoes , wandering toward the table strewn with books near the far right wall. at the mention of carlisle's name , however , i grew impossibly still , my fingers grasping the edge of the table , finding the carved wood easy to splinter under my grasp. i didn't answer her , not right away , offering a disgruntled snort as i turned my head , ebony hues locking with hers as a scowl curled at the edges of my lips.

                   ❛            your son is a fool , mrs. cullen , don't blindly push past that. outing our entire existence to some human he knew for a couple months ; it's ridiculous.            ❜                   he was lucky i didn't take action against him when he'd admitted to it. his gifts were intriguing , however , it was the only reason he was still currently breathing , carlisle's heartache or not. of course , she was right. i had kept edward under close watch since he'd left , felix watching him sob & starve himself in the gutters of rome ; it was a pitiful mission , but i wanted it done.

deep down , maybe i didn't want him to die. for my own personal gain , or carlisle's welcomed appreciation , who knew. the edge of my nail idly chipping off a piece of the table's surface , i pursed my lips , watching her with a shrewd gaze & furrowed brows , before i tilted my head.                    ❛            assecondami , piccola leonessa. what stories has our beloved carlisle told you about me ? edward can wait.            ❜

[ezsme]

edward is lost. blinded by a love he cannot understand. he will come to his senses in time. and bella, she poses no risk to our kind. she has gone to great lengths to ensure we are safe. besides, alice has seen her turn. more than once, the vision has come to her. it is only a matter of time before she joins our coven as our beloved daughter.

these are words swallowed, pushed down into the bleeding heart which so devised them. esme may be an endless fount of love, but it will not be her end. not today. not when there is so much to be done, so many fires to quell. and yours burns bright, aro! the rage that stirs inside you, the jealousy which consumes, it is not lost on her. she knows it, an old lover. its' / your gaze lingers and goose flesh rises as if it was kissed.

linen skirt shifts, shades of lavender and sky blue catching in the small rays of light that shine from above as she makes her way towards him. each step is deliberate, the tone of her voice even more so. gentle, barely raised above a whisper.

" of course i will humor you. it would be unwise of me not too. " a gentle smile forms at her little jest. her fingers, now in proximity to the table, glide over the aged wood lightly. each knot tells a story, each splinter another. " carlisle has told me many stories of his time here. stories i am sure you know well. " her hands stops moving, pulling away to reveal a small piece of the table imbedded in the flesh of her right palm. she flexes her fingers instinctively, golden eyes finding his. " you were impulsive. hot - headed. he spent many nights attempting to quench your thirst. but you were never satisfied. should i keep going? or would you rather talk of other things. my son, perhaps. "

[ezsme]

little drops, red in hue, stain the collar of her dress. where once it had been pristine, white, now it is dotted with red. once a year she allows herself the tears and to think of the babe she lost so long ago. they say grief fades with time until all that is left is a longing. but not for esme. the pain is fresh and hot, gathering in her like a pool of water in the pit of her chest.

rosalie is there. as she always is on this anniversary. her tempest of a daughter, who's rage rivals esme's own, stoic in face as her hand rests upon her mothers. two different types of grief they feel: esme for the loss of her son & rosalie for the babe she would never have.

there is stillness, then the chirping of birds. the air is warm and a soft breeze stirs the leaves above bench on which they sit. beams of sunlight catch her daughters skin, leaving it gold and glittering. esme smiles softly. i cannot be sad with you. " tell me what you thought of me when we first met. " she had lived through it, but she likes to hear it, even if only as a distraction. " i want to hear it again. "

 console .   comfort  my  muse  as  they  cry : @bhl0ndie .

[usergirlfailure]

“Your eyes speak in full sentences. Living, not showing. There are not that many people who can actually do that.”  - EMMA D’ARCY on OLIVIA COOKE.

[ezsme]

esme is either your wife or your mother, there is no in between.

[ginwhitlock]

“Dr. Cullen is a brilliant doctor who could probably work in any hospital in the world, make ten times the salary he gets here. We’re lucky to have him. He’s an asset to the community…”

[ohisms]

𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃  &  𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄    (a  series  of  nonverbal  prompts .   mature  themes  present ,   ‘ my ’  muse  belongs  to  the  one who  posted  the  meme  -  send   “ + REVERSE ”   to  reverse  the  prompts .)

→     𝐈 .    GENERAL

❛   hush .   raise  a  finger  in  a  gesture  to  silence  my  muse . ❛   sit .   gesture  for  my  muse  to  sit  down . ❛   door .   hold  a  door  open  for  my  muse . ❛   tap .   tap  my  muse  on  the  shoulder  to  garner  their  attention . ❛   hunger .   give  my  muse  something  to  eat  /  drink . ❛   cook .   present  my  muse  with  home - cooked  food . ❛   brush .   work  a  brush  /  comb  through  my  muse’s  hair . ❛   read .   silently  read  a  book  alongside  my  muse . ❛   hand .   hold  out  a  hand  for  my  muse  to  take . ❛   dressed .   help  my  muse  put  on  an  article  of  clothing . ❛   note .   give  my  muse  a  note  saying :   [ content ] . ❛   amplify .   turn  up  the  music  in  the  car .

→     𝐈𝐈 .    ANGST

❛   patch .   help  my  muse  patch  up  a  wound . ❛   night terrors .   hold  my  muse  after  they  wake  up  from  a  nightmare . ❛   company .   silently  sit  with  my  muse  to  comfort  them. ❛   hospital .   my  muse  is  told  that  yours  is  in  the  hospital . ❛   revelation .   show  my  muse  evidence  of  a  lie  they  told . ❛   indulge .   find  my  muse  drinking  to  cope . ❛   downfall .   find  my  muse  collapsed  on  the  ground . ❛   console .   comfort  my  muse  as  they  cry . ❛   nurse .   give  my  muse  company  in  the  hospital .

→     𝐈𝐈𝐈 .    AFFECTIONATE

❛   wink .   wink  at  my  muse .  ❛   wrap .   wrap  an  arm  around  my  muse’s  [ shoulders  /  waist ] . ❛   caress .   gently  caress  my  muse’s  face . ❛   tousle .   mess  playfully  with  my  muse’s  hair . ❛   chest .   place  your  head  on  my  muse’s  chest .    ❛   comb .   comb  fingers  through  my  muse’s  hair . ❛   grasp .   run  to  my  muse  &  jump  into  their  arms . ❛   lean .   lean  on  my  muse’s  shoulder . ❛   tender .   kiss  my  muse  on  the  [ forehead  /  cheek  /  nose ] . ❛   abrupt .   kiss  my  muse  out  of  the  blue . ❛   chaste .   chastely  kiss  my  muse . ❛   good morning .   kiss  my  muse  the  morning  after . ❛   volumes .   gaze  at  my  muse  in  a  way  that  silently  says  ‘i love you’ .

→     𝐈𝐕  .    VIOLENT

❛   strike .   [ slap / punch ]  my muse in the face . ❛   gun .   wield  a  gun  at  my  muse . ❛   twist .   twist  my  muse’s  arm  behind  their  back . ❛   throttle .   aggressively  wrap  your  hands  around  my  muse’s  throat . ❛   parch .   burn  my  muse  with  a  hot  object . ❛   take down .   forcefully  bring  my  muse  to  the  ground . ❛   gouge .   wield  a  sharp  object  at  my  muse . ❛  shunt .   shove  my  muse  backwards . ❛  stickup .   yell  at  my  muse  to  put  their  hands  in  the  air. ❛  shoot .   [ fatally  /  non-fatally ]   shoot  my  muse . ❛  stab .   stab  my  muse with a  [ knife / other object ].

→     𝐕 .    NSFW

❛   surprise .   send  an  unexpected  nsfw  image  to  my  muse . ❛   pin .   push  my  muse  against  a  [ wall,  table,  other ] . ❛   go down .   go  down  on  my  muse . ❛   choke .   intimately  wrap  your  hands  around  my  muse’s  throat . ❛   belt loops .   pull  my  muse  closer  by  their  belt loops . ❛   skinny dipping .   go  skinny  dipping  with  my  muse . ❛   rip .   tear  a  piece  of  clothing  from  my  muse’s  body . ❛   mark .   leave  a  mark  on  my  muse’s  body  [ specify where ] .

[ezsme]

thinking about various storms & saints and how that is peak just turned es/me.

[ezsme]

the heart, 001.

[ezsme]

ed/ward killing es/me’s human husband was very golden child of him.

[ezsme]

a big part of the reason why es/me holds no truly possessive nature in her relationship with car/lisle is because of her marriage as a human.

[ezsme]

she is not blind to what you hide, though it would serve her well to pretend she was. carlisle hides nothing from her. no secret randevu. no torrid affair. all of it is laid out before her, true and honest and as sure as the sun. there are no secrets between them. but there are things they do not discuss, names that are kept in the darkest part of the mind. yours is such a name. aro, feared and loved. she will never understand why he loved you, still loves you. all you represent, all you behold, is bloodshed and carnage.

she makes no move as you rise from your throne, as you make your way towards her. esme bends no knee, but she will not willing endanger her life. not when a wayward child is so close to death's door. not when more could follow.

alice's words ring in her ears: he's going to do something rash. if the volturi won't kill him of their own free will, he will make them strike him down.

" forgive me, @agedrot. i do not mean to offend you. i am only worried for my son. " her own hands rest before her, soft fingers clasped in supplication. the voice of a mother fills the air, it's tone soft, laced with the softest note of fear. " edward is unwell. i am sure you are aware for his earlier display. i find it hard to believe you would let one of carlisle's children out of your sight if they posed a risk to exposing us all. " a dangerous game she plays, invoking the name of the one who once held your heart. by time is running out. " please, aro. you must know something. " continued from here.

[ezsme]

the heart, 001.