Untitled @fafatheejit - Tumblr Blog

lws across tumblr

Are you in dire need of more lw content? Fear not, for here is assembled: A masterlist of all of the series with the "living weapon whumpee" trope as a main part of it that I could find! Feel free to submit any, be it yours or someone else's. Last updated: Dec 15, 2025.

Split into: Ongoing, finished, on hiatus, discontinued and "honorable mentions".

note to self: in blue - to check in with the author's about release status

whump-tr0pes

😍😍😍

bloodiedbriars

Psst. I have a vision. Former living weapon becoming a caretaker for a escaped living weapon

Yess, I love it! Excellent vision indeed.

Recovered Living Weapon, looking after recently escaped Living Weapon Whumpee

“Look at me. I know how you feel. I'm experienced in this, it's a battle I've fought. You gonna trust me to help you win this one?”

treating them like a soldier, not a weapon or a friend, to slowly guide them back to humanity

“I know it's not easy, but you gotta tough it out. They're cared of you, and scared people are desperate people.”

knowing when to use tough love and keep them restrained for everyone's safety

“Don't feel like talking? Alright. I'll just sit with you then.”

sparring with them and actually enjoying being able to go all out for once

“You ever feel like punching someone, you come find me, yeah? No more busting knuckles on walls.”

guarding their room at night to help them sleep

“No, you don't get to not make a choice. This is what your life is now, a hundred choices every day. And this is your first challenge, so: vanilla or chocolate?”

fighting to regain their trust after every single setback, even when they are exhausted

“Don't look at me like that. I'm not your new handler, I'm just a guy helping out. A mentor, at most.”

teaching how to actually take care of their body since there is no other person doing "maintenance" anymore

“If I stop fighting, what do I do?” – “That's the difficult part. That's the part where I can't help you anymore. That'll be up to you.”

greyskyflowers

All the little Bucky recovering with the others plot bunnies that have been living in my notes and will never be completed (some of them go together, but some are unrelated):

*But Grey, whose they in this situation? Well, personally, I like my ideas to live in a universe where the avengers talked about their issues and disagreements like adults and everyone kind of chipped in to unfuck Bucky so that's what we're going with but imagine it how you want.

❤️ Stucky

*and occasionally the potential for poly avengers because that's just who I am as a person.

1.) Bucky frequently gets all twisted up with either flashbacks, panic attacks, or nightmares, or running into past handlers or hydra that he worked with as the soldier.

And he just slinks over, quiet and avoiding eye contact, and clings a little to Steve. Or Sam or Natasha or whoever is around that he feels safe enough with. Even if it's just grabbing at the back on their shirt like a kid would.

Because handlers never let him touch them.

So nothing slams home that he's free and safe and here quite like them.

Sometimes he comes up behind them and buries his face into their shoulder and it has them rolling their shoulders back like they can cover more of him from whatever threat he thinks is there. Hide him away, keep him safe.

2.) Which rolls into super soldier means super senses, and he rubs his nose raw the first few weeks there and gets frequent nose bleeds. They can't figure out why, and he doesn't seem to be able to tell them either.

Sometimes, he struggles to put things into words for them, sometimes forgetting the names of things or how to articulate a thought.

He starts like he's going to say something, works it around his mouth before he darts his eyes back to the floor, and stays quiet. Looking confused when they try to follow up and doesn't seem to remember they'd been waiting for him to say something.

Eventually, they realize it's because his sense of smell is extremely sensitive. More so than Steve's.

Maybe they were running some tests and found it out, or maybe they finally found something in one of the files that mentioned it.

It seems like there's lot of differences between them, more than expected and most of them fucking Bucky over somehow and have Steve working towards grinding all his teeth down to bone.

Hydra had him trained to filter out anything except what matteted to the mission, and as he breaks through the conditioning, he's not able to filter things out as well.

Mainly because the idea of Hydra using Bucky like a hunting dog, expert tracker, and all that has been living in my head lately.

He could track targets down easily. Smell if there were any witnesses hiding somewhere, smell if someone was sweating a lot and if that indicated lying or guilt, blood trails, hidden injuries, etc.

It's usually after nightmares or triggers. Sometimes, when something sets off a panic attack or something about Hydra rubs him the wrong way.

He tries to ground himself, trying to find himself and stabilize a little in the aftermath of the chaos most of his life has been.

And he's doing well, he's trying so hard in all these little, odd ways that don't always make sense to them at first. Sometimes though, the work in front of them is exhausting and seems so impossible, so they know it must seems unbearable to Bucky.

So they handle it the same way as the touch thing

Lifting up an arm so Bucky can press against their side and hold cling better or tilting their head slightly so he can tuck more of his face against their throat.

Steve loves it, and eventually Bucky starts doing it with the others, too. Because he can smell Steve on them and even half out of his mind with fear, stuck in a memory, or triggered by something they weren't tracking on, he knows no one who smells that much like Steve is going to let anything get him.

The others have gotten great at just ignoring it. There's totally not a deadly unstable assassin cuddling up against their sides. Nope, everything is normal here.

3.) They can usually find him hiding in the bathtub, and that's another thing that throws them off for a while.

Because they can't figure out why he'd go to the bathtub when he was feel extra winter soldier ish... other than easy clean up.

If he was hurt on missons then it was very likely hydra had just dumped in him in the bathtub of whatever safehouse they settled at, leaving him there while the serum healed up whatever needed to be healed.

He could bleed and not make a mess, was out of the way, they could shower him off easily, etc.

So he curls up in the tub, smaller than someone who's his size should be able to, and just does that thing where he goes somewhere in his head. Staring half lidded at the side of the tub and completely quiet, sometimes for hours.

They've started leaving some blankets in the bathroom he does it in, because it gets cold and god knows neither he or Steve need anymore cold in their lives.

4.) Once they get Bucky off all the shit Hydra had him on, they realize quickly there's lot of differences between the serum he got and the serum Steve got. Which, they had assumed based on what they knew and had seen of Bucky, that he'd be more similar to Steve, but they were wrong.

For one, Bucky drops weight quick once he's not being pumped full of drugs and has been taken out of the conditions hydra put him under.

Steve says he always favored a leaner build growing up, so he's headed towards being leaner than Steve, which they wouldnt have assumed at the start.

He also scars, where Steve really doesn't. Not normal scars, no reds or purples or raised skin. It's all flat silvery, white patches that only really show up when you're very close or the light hits him just right.

But they're everywhere.

Some of them are detailed enough that they can kind of tell what might have happened.

Long streaks that line up with fingernails, blotchy spots that they think might have been compound fractures, big starbursts on his temples and his cheekbones, bite marks, etc. And the thing is, some of them only make sense if he made them himself.

He also starts to bruise, everywhere and all the time, like his body was trying to make up for all the times it should have had them and didn't. All shades of colors, and sometimes they're there for a few hours, and sometimes they linger for weeks. His healing doesn't seem to have completely reregulated yet.

And chronic pain. Because there's just no way after all that, even with the serum, that the man isn't getting migraines like crazy. Severe body aches, joint pain, tender points that line up with some of the worst scarring, and things like chronic nausea, overstimulation, anxiety attacks, etc.

5.) Tony is not sold on him being there. Even though he's made some peace with that fact that it wasn't Barnes' fault, doesn't mean he wants to be part of much to do with him.

But there's only so long Barnes can slink around before it just gets sad.

*He got spooked because of Barton the other day, Steve. Barton! Who gets spooked by him?*

He spends some nights in Tony's workshop, which ruffles feathers at first, but he keeps finding a way no matter what Tony does, so he has to deal with it.

Also because Steve looks exhausted in every way, the only one who looks worse than him is currently hiding under one of the spare tables in the far corner of the room, and Tony is reluctant to add another thing to his list of worries.

So both of them spend the nights pretending they're not waiting for the other one to do something.

Barnes likes small places. Dark, hidden, forgotten places.

The first few times, he manages to squeeze behind some old half projects. Silver arm and pale skin blending in with all the metal around him, and he'd drawn his knees up tight and wrapped his arms around them. Too tight, he was going to bruise.

He doesn't look at Tony, stays curled up and still, barely breathing under the attention and refusing to raise his eyes, dark crescents under them that looked like they'd never go away.

It was sad. The fist of hydra, hiding in spare parts and half finished projects deemed worthless or obsolete.

So Tony ignores him. Mumbles to himself angrily and turns his attention back to more important things.

Barnes comes in at different times, ends up in different spots, but starts to favor his spot under one of the tables off to the side. The table has sides that went all the way to the floor, so you couldn't see him unless you were facing it head on, and enough out of the way to be overlooked but allowed him to keep an eye on things.

6.) On that note, I love the idea that Tony's bots adore Bucky. They see the arm and think he's one of them, or it gives off some type of frequency or whatever that they pick up and oh! Look! Friend!

And when he first comes to them, the other avengers are definitely cautious. It doesn't help that he's silent around them, and refuses to really acknowledge them beyond a few occasional glances.

But Tony's bots love him, and Bucky is actually good with them. He's certainly better with them than people.

They chirp and beep at him, bringing him little gifts of things ranging from screws and little pieces of metal to actual tools, which sends Tony off into a rant about being harassed by his own creations.

But maybe someone attacks the tower, hydra in one of their many attempts to retrieve the soldier, and Bucky goes extra vicious on a few of them.

Listen, they get it. Honestly, Steve is ruthless when it comes to Hydra now. Not many leave his hands alive, but while they understand Bucky being the same, they have to watch it with him more because any type of change in his behavior could mean something is up with the soldier aspect of him.

So, they're a little concerned. He'd been doing well, for him anyway.

But he comes to them after and basically says you can do whatever you want to me and they know he means it. He still doesnt quite get that they're not going to test that at some point and holds out one of the little bots that had gotten caught in the fight and broken.

But can you fix it?

All devastated and worried and oh. Ohhhhh. The extreme reaction makes a little more sense now.

Of course Tony can fix it. Bucky grabbed all the pieces, even the ones that can be easily replaced, and he holds them carefully as he follows right at Tony's heels to his labs because this is gonna take priority right now.

Steve is practically vibrating with the urge to comfort Bucky but is aware it would most likely be unwelcome until the little bot was better.

And the others look torn between completely charmed at the behavior, exasperated that he's more worried about the little bot then himself and oh my god he and Steve are both fucking messes when it comes to themselves, and happy because this might be the most human thing they've ever seen from him.

7.) It's common to find him in all kind of weird places. Some of them impressive. Some of them sad.

Like the time he'd gotten on the balcony one winter night, so high up that the temp was below freezing, and just curled up there in the snow all night.

He wasn't even shivering when they found him. Frost on his arm, and so pale he blended into the snow around him.

Slow breathes that spilled from blue lips like smoke, nowhere near as deep as they should have been, and a pause between each one that seemed a second too long. Eyes half lidded, snow on his lashes, the blue grey almost translucent around blown pupils that didn't seem to be responding right to the light.

He doesn't even fight Steve, who sighs like he feels all of his age and gives a soft Buck.

He just let's himself he moved.

8.) Even once he starts to trust them more, occasionally, there are setbacks. Things that remind them he's always going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for hydra to get their hands on him again, or for Shield to turn on him even though they've assured him they won't let that happen, or for them to come across something that finally convinces them he's not worth saving.

Like when someone had messed up the drugs given to him during a simple check up. Drugs he needs because he's prone to panicking or being triggered while in any type of medical setting.

Fired. So fucking fired it was going to leave scorch marks on the ground and Tony was going to have Pepper ruin them.

He goes on a rampage worthy of the hulk.

It wasn't until they have him cornered that realized he wasn't shaking from anger or the drugs. It was fear.

He was scared.

It was a horrible realization , and has all of them backing up immediately. Hilariously trying to look relaxed and non-threatening, like they weren't a threat when they were probably some of the only people in the world who could actually be a threat to him.

Steve, Natasha and Sam not too far behind him because Bucky semed to be okay with them more than the others at this point, try to get him to calm down.

They couldn't pretend there wasn't a real chance he'd turn on them, or himself, once he calmed down enough to start organizing his scattered thoughts.

And god, this guy. Could the universe stop fucking with his head for 5 god damn minutes?

9.) Bucky doesn't speak a lot. Satisfied with huffs and sighs, the occasional sign language/morse code/etc but overall, he just doesn't have much to say.

He speaks softly when he does, hesitant and with long pauses as he has to stop and find a word he's looking for, or realign his thoughts, or just remind himself that it's okay to speak now.

10.) Steve and Bucky are somehow both rediscovering their love and falling into it for the first time.

Steve is the softest they've ever seen him while also being more wrathful than they thought possible.

They get the stories in the history books of Steve breaking the other soldiers out of Azzano because there hasn't been a hydra agent who's come across Steve that's made it out alive since he discovered exactly how Bucky was still alive.

But he's infinitely soft and careful with Bucky, gentle even with how big he is and how easy it would be for him to hurt.

And it would be. Especially with Bucky as messed up as he is.

Occasionally, if it's not a good day and Steve moves a little too quick or is a little heavy handed, it spooks Bucky. Has him jumping a foot in the air and taking off somewhere to hide before his feet hit the ground, or going completely still and holding his breath while waiting for whatever he thinks is coming.

Steve handles it well though. Even though there are days where the bruises under his eyes are darker than the ones under Bucky's. Days where he spends so long in the gym at the bags that there's blood all over the floor by the time he finally feels like he can breathe again. Days where it has him panicking if he can't see Bucky with his own two eyes.

But there are more days where he looks his age for once. Where he looks happy and whole for some of the first times since they met him.

Days where he and Bucky can be found tangled together on the couch, Bucky firmly and safely tucked between the back of the couch and Steve, head tucked under his chin and face hidden in his neck. Seeming small from where Steve had covered him as much as he can.

Days where Bucky has a little smile to him, shy and hesitant, but Steve can't take his eyes off it. Breathless, pleased, and so clearly in love that it has them biting back their own smiles.

Days where Bucky talks, and most of the time it's too quiet for them to hear, and Steve is completely focused on him. Leaning in and ducking his head so he makes sure he hears everything, and so Bucky doesn't get nervous and stop. Pressing in close and practically bumping his nose against Bucky's cheek when he responds, keeping everything close and intimate. When Bucky turns in response and they breathe the same air and just lingering because they can, because horrible things have happened but those things also brought them back to each other.

greyskyflowers

I just really like the idea of Bucky and Pepper hitting it off.

Steve and Tony butting heads over everything and Pepper and Bucky are down two floors and having coffee together.

Tony and Steve both in a mood and arguing long enough that Bucky shots them a nervous glance and Pepper presses her lips together tight and gives them a that's enough look. Both of them backing down and grumbling at each other.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say hydra probably didn't have too many women working with the soldier. I'm sure they had some, if I remember correctly there are some prominent hydra women villians in the comics, but most of the people that Bucky would have interacted with as the soldier were probably men.

So on the super bad days, being near a woman is one of the only things that can calm him down.

Hydra didn't have him interacting with many, so being around them reminds him he's not with hydra but it's also because he just doesn't have many bad memories with women. Most are with men, because that's who hydra had working with him mostly.

Women are safe because in his personal experience, they don't have a history of hurting him and they're very likely not with hydra.

There are days where even Steve is too much because he's so big and strong compared to the average person, and average people managed to hurt Bucky a lot. If he couldn't fight against the weaker, smaller people of hydra, than how is he supposed to defend himself against someone like Steve?

And it sends him into a spiral of notsaferunnotsafehidenotsafe, which is a problem because his usual way of stopping those spirals is to find Steve, but that doesn't work those times.

Sometimes Natasha works, although having a past with her is both helpful and problematic.

When he's like this, his mind see her as a threat. Sometimes more so than Steve. Steve can physically hurt him but Natasha can get in his head.

And while some trigger have Bucky reacting violently, most of them have him going docile and quiet. Ready for order or punishment or whatever they give him.

That's what really scares him.

Obviously, he's always worried he's gonna hurt someone. But he's also worried someone is gonna hurt him again.

I personally think I think of him very similar to a domestic abuse survivor in many ways.

Hydra kept him quiet, obedient, and under/lesser than them in every way possible.

It's the same thing men like that do to women.

They touch without permission, like it's their right.

They make choices and decisions without asking.

They overpower. They hurt. They scare. They violate.

And it puts Natasha and Pepper in a unique position to relate to Bucky more than most of the other avengers.

They all have experiences like that, most people do, but that's also very much a pretty universal woman's experience.

There's a sympathy there. An empathy. An understanding. A kinship.

It throws another layer of ick over what hydra did to Bucky.

And Steve goes sharp and tense on days like that.

Makes sure Bucky finds his way to wherever he think he needs to be and then makes himself scarce.

They've told him he can't be angry like that around Bucky on those days. He's hypervigilant and will immediately pick up on Steve's anger, even if he hides it well. It's just going to add to the panic and fear.

Steve is a good man. Bucky knows that. All the avengers are good. However, panic is not rational. Fear is always not logical.

Because once again, I think it's really important to consider the fact that while Bucky wants to make sure he won't hurt anyone, it's just as important to consider the fact that he doesn't want to be hurt anymore either.

Which is why I think his potential relationships with the avengers would be interesting.

Bucky's past experiences tell him men are:

More likely to be a threat

More likely to hurt him

More likely to work for hydra

His past experiences tell him Steve:

Doesn't work with hydra

Doesn't want to hurt him but could if he wanted to

But also, Steve is an old memory. One of the ones hydra tried very hard to get rid of. So sometimes thinking about or being with Steve makes his head hurt. His body and mind remembers that thinking of/remembering Steve meant more conditioning, more of the chair.

His past experiences tell him women are:

Likely not with hydra

Likely not going to hurt him

Likely not a threat to him

So going off that, on the days where everything is overwhelming and scary, women would be the safest bet. The least likely to hurt.

Not that Natasha and Pepper couldn't be problems if they wanted to be.

They're all threats in some way, even to him. Sure, some are more vulnerable to him like Clint or Sam, or Tony outside of the suit or Bruce before he turns into the hulk. Overall though, they're all potential threats. They could hurt him a lot and he's been hurt so hard for so long already.

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

*Do I think that the winter soldier had handlers/scientists/teams who took advantage of him? I think it'd be stupid not to think that. Especially when we also add in Zemo's comment in TFATW where he says Bucky will do anything in the very insinuating way.

Plus, hydra are bad guys. You give a bad guy complete power over anything, especially a person, and they're going to take it as far as they can. Even if it's just because they can and not because they want to.

Do I think hydra trash parties were an actual thing? Nah, probably not. But I totally get it. And it absolutely could have happened.

greyskyflowers

The other avengers slowly thaw towards Bucky after Steve manages to coax him into stay with him at the tower.

It takes awhile but they get there.

They thaw a little each time something sends him spiraling, and he ends up in Steve's arms, curled up, and a hand fisted in Steve's shirt, begging for someone to kill him.

The reasons swing between:

He deserves it

He's still there and this is all just a dream

And mainly

Hydra is going to get him again and please kill him so they can't

They promise that hydra will not get him again. They will kill him themselves before they let that happen, and it's horrible that that's a comfort to him.

He just nods tiredly because those are always exhausting hours of pure panic and leans heavier on Steve. Who doesn't say anything, he doesn't agree or disagree, just clenches his jaw so tight that they're going to need to check for cracks in his teeth, and pulls Bucky closer to him.

Protective. Possessive. Daring the world to try to take Bucky from him again.

No one says that Steve would need to be dead and cold in the ground before hydra would be able to take him again.

Clints gets a specific look in his eye when those days happen, sympathetic and the start of something protective. If anyone gets that fear, it's him, and he promises hydra will not get Bucky unless they're all dead.

And they're taking hydra with them if it comes down to it. He's so sick of them fucking with people important to him. Even though Bucky isnt necessarily important to him yet, Clint knows he will be, and he's so incredibly important to Steve so it's close enough at this point.

They thaw a little each time his eyes go to slits, pain in all the lines on his face and body, pupils blown until there's just a little of the grey blue left, and an escalating tremble to him.

Headaches. Migraines, but even that doesn't do them justice. Horrible, debilitating things that have him confused and raw like an exposed nerve.

He holds out, doesn't say anything until they notice. They know how bad it must be for it to be affecting him physically, for him to not be able to keep a blank face.

They've seen the type of wounds he can power through without a hint of pain, they've read the missons reports that were completed even with extensive damage report to the soldier.

Being who they are, they also have a better knowledge of what messing with someone's head that long and that much is going to do.

Not really though. There's nothing like this that has happened before. Not this long, not over such a period of time and to this extent. They're kind of winging it here.

Steve just calls Bucky to him when he notices, opens his arms safesafesafe and Bucky falls into them, knees going weak because he knows Steve's going to catch him.

Steve is never going to let him fall again.

Bucky never complains much, even though if anyone has the right to complain, it's him, but he doesn't.

He just says hurts all small and soft like a child would, and Steve says I know Buck just as soft and pained.

He keeps him close like he can tuck Bucky directly into his chest. Maybe if he wraps himself around Bucky well enough then the hurt won't be able to find him.

Bucky's still so quiet when he says stuff like that.

Like if he says it soft enough and if they turn on him, if this is a test and he's failed it, then he can deny it a little bit.

They thaw a little each time Bucky drops weight rapidly, the serum putting higher strains on his body and even a few days without food leaves him weak and thin.

He twists away, nauseous at the sight and smell of anything they try to give him.

He can spend the whole day hunched over the toilet and curled up fitfully sleeping in the bathtub. Steve leaning against the tub and arm hanging over the side, hand in Bucky's hair and the chill of the porcelain biting into his skin.

He's full of quiet rage when nutrition shakes are the only thing Bucky can keep down, the same kind hydra kept him on. They're not sure if it's because it's familiar, or if because when he has trouble physically headaches, seizures, the arm, body aches, etc then his head is usually messy that day too, and maybe part of him just knows he's allowed to have those.

He's always cautious, think everything is a test that he's already failed and they're just waiting for him to rack up more offenses to be punished for.

They thaw a little each time he flinches from them. And listen, they get it.

They're probably some of the only people in the world that could be a threat to him, and he's in their care.

That's intimidating. Even before you add in all shit with hydra.

It still sucks though. Because he flinches a lot.

They're not sure which type of flinch is worse - the big ones where he ends up halfway across the room, shoulders braced and watching them from the corner of his eye because eye contact is still a no go on most days or the tiny ones where he manages to surpress it just barely, the ones where he's making himself sit there and take it because it's better than showing fear or giving them an excuse to really do something to make him flinch.

He does it a lot to Tony and Bruce, because Tony is the only one who can work on the arm and because Bruce has agreed to take over some of the medical stuff until they can get Bucky to a point where he doesn't have a complete breakdown if they mention taking him to someone else for check ups.

Tony's gotten good at talking more carefully to Bucky, slower and in a slightly different pitch. Still constant, a stream of whatever comes to his mind, but that seems to be fine as long as he watches how he says it.

He mentions his parents once, and they all know that Bucky did it, it was in the files, and Tony said he made his peace with it but Steve still stiffens and goes to Bucky's side in case he needs to defend him, in case Tony is feeling a little mean today, but there's nothing from Bucky. No reaction, no side eye, not tensing. He doesn't know what Tony is talking about, doesn't even seem to be listening.

Tony drops it.

There are several times when Bruce has to just set down everything and step out of the room. Bucky goes stiff each time, convinced he did something, that Bruce is mad at him.

It doesn't occur to him that they're mad for him.

They thaw a little each time he's fascinated by something that he shouldn't be.

Like food.

His nose starts going when they bring in anything that sparks his interest. Super soldiers mean super senses and both he and Steve have them. Hydra trained him to use his better than Steve can.

Like a dog.

No says that out loud though. Even if they're all thinking it.

But it's cute. Usually if he's doing that then they can tempt him into eating some of it.

No one should be that fascinated by french fries though. It's sad.

He wasn't allowed to have them, he says. Handlers wouldn't feed him for several days and then eat in front of him if he didn't meet expectations. Usually foods that had strong smells so it really left an impression. They'd toss him the wrappers and containers when they were done. All of them empty.

He doesn't think anything of it when he tells them, it's probably not even up there in terms of the worst things they did to him but it's upsetting that it isn't more upsetting to Bucky.

He licks the salt off his fingers and looks mournfully at the little empty container of fries they gave him and Tony is already sending Pepper a message to buy whatever place they ordered from because Barnes is going to have access to all the fries he wants for the rest of his life if Tony has any say in it.

Like blankets, anything soft really.

And oof that one hurts.

He has trouble with the bed, most of them do, but he flat out refuses to even try.

And on the bad days he is firm in the fact that he's not allowed on them. They're not for things like him.

Pepper is the one who gets him the blanket. A big monstrosity of a thing, dark blue, and the softest thing any of them have ever felt.

Steve is the one that holds it out for Bucky though, because they're still kind of cautious about letting Pepper too close to him, just in case.

He does that thing where he looks at them without looking at them, no eye contact, but eyes on their face looking for a sign of any displeasure or tricks.

He tries to take it and rips his hands away as soon as make contact, looking startled.

He glances at Steve again and takes it when he reaches for it again, fingers flexing where he's holding it. He pulls it to his chest, wraps his arms around it, and cautiously puts his face in it.

He takes it with him everywhere for a few days, always a firm hold on it like someone is going to come take it away. He doesn't even unfold it, it's still folded up the same way it was when they first gave it to him.

Eventually Steve takes it from him, and it doesn't matter how much he assures Bucky that he'll give it right back, a little desperately, because Bucky looks devastated in the brief time it's taken from him.

Steve unfolds it and practically shoves it back at Bucky.

Look, I didn't take it. I'm sorry. It's yours. I promise it's yours.

It's immediately forgive because Bucky is thrilled that his gift has quadrupled in size and wraps himself up in it as soon as he gets it back, practically purring. He even settles in the corner of his room, on the little nest of other blankets he called his bed, and sleeps for a while, nothing but the occasional flash of skin or metal and a few stands of hair visible.

They thaw a little each time he mentions something and doesn't understand that it's not right. That no human should be treated like that, that what he's describing is horrible and they were wrong for doing it to him.

Most of the time, especially at the beginning, he doesn't listen to them when they tell him that. He just looks at them in a mild patronizing way, like they're not getting something they should be.

It was necessary he says.

Maintenance. Reinforcement. Reminding him of the rules and boundaries.

When they gave him to Rumlow and his team, Bucky had tried to bite one of them. His arm had been locked up from something they had done in preparation for maintenance, and he still had his teeth to defend himself, so that's what he used.

Rumlow put him in the muzzle for a week.

By the end of it he was starved and weak, couldn't even get off the floor of his cell.

He hadn't been able to acknowledge the muzzle being removed or the hand wrapping around his jaw and tilting it up so he was looking at Rumlow

Yeah, that's not going to happen again, is it he'd said.

It wasn't a question.

Natasha has to step out, quiet and furious. Steve not too far behind her. They had worked with him. Had done missons together and trusted him and his team, and the whole time they not only knew about Bucky but were treating him like that.

What do you do with that rage? They can't decide if they need to throw up, kill something, or cry.

It worked. I didn't do it again.

Bucky's defensive, wary, knows he said something that upset them but he doesn't understand what yet.

It was necessary.

They wonder how many times hydra burned that into him. Necessary. Everything they did to him was necessary. It had to be this way.

Judging by the way he still makes himself stay in place when he thinks they're mad, shaking and clearly terrified but making himself stay, and they can practically see the word necessary being repeated over and over in his head, it was a lot.

Thor accidentally shocks him one day, Bucky is still too quiet when he comes up behind them, and apologizes frantically but Bucky just looks at him confused.

That won't kill me he says. The chair used more.

Then proceeds with whatever he was doing, while Thor goes to find the others because he demands to know what this chair is. Because the shock he gave Bucky wasn't small. It should have hurt. He knows it hurt. There was a faint tremble to Bucky when he left, but he didn't even seem to notice.

When Bucky finally meets Fury again, they just stare at each other, assessing.

I shot you Bucky says.

Fury says nothing.

Bucky pulls a gun from god knows where seriously they keep checking him and he still gets his hands on stuff and slides it over to Fury. He settles back on his heels, hands at his sides, body open and exposed, and waits.

Waits for Fury to shoot him back, or whatever he thinks will count as proper punishment.

Sam grabs the gun and gives an unimpressed look at both Fury and Hill, neither of whom have moved. He shoos Bucky out of the room, leaves Steve behind to deal with whatever pissing contest Fury is trying to start.

Steve's anger burns hot and mean when it comes to Bucky, and Fury may not have made any move towards the gun but the fact that the ball had been in his court, that Bucky would have willing let Fury shot him, that Fury didn't immediately dismiss the idea, is enough to have Steve's temper flaring.

They thaw a little each time he cries.

That happens more and more the longer he's been there.

Half the time he doesn't even know he's crying and the other half he looks confused on why he's crying.

Occasionally, more and more, when he cries they see him.

James Buchanan Barnes of Brooklyn, of the 107th.

Not Bucky or the winter soldier, or whatever combination of them or between them exists.

They have to call Steve, if it's one of the rare times he isn't right there, because they don't know how to deal with this.

He cries from grief.

Ugly, raw, and quiet. He's so fucking quiet when he cries and no one's learns to cry that quietly for any good reason.

He's crying because his friends and family are all gone.

Because the war never ended for him and he never got to go home.

Because hydra and the horrible things they did to him.

Because he fell and no one caught him, no one came looking. And he doesn't blame Steve, they've had this argument on the days where he's more firmly in his head and the memories are clearer, but he still grieves it. He grieves the situation, that it happened and helped set everything else in motion.

He grieves because they kept taking Steve from him. And even now, he doesn't have Steve back all the way. Hydra is still in his head most days.

He grieves because it was always going to end this way. As soon as he caught Zola's eye all the way back in Azzano, it was going to end this way.

Steve and him always disappear for a while, Bucky's eyes red from crying, and Steve's well on their way there.

They'll find somewhere small to settle, because they both seem to think they can absorb the other if they get close enough, hide each other away safely.

The others check on them later because that's what they do.

Usually they can find the two on the mess of blankets Bucky still calls a bed, both of them curled up under the big blue blankets and so tangled together it's hard to tell where one stops and the other starts.

Usually they both end up asleep, exhausted, salt on their cheeks, and faces pale.

They're young. God, they're both so young.

The others forget that sometimes.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Untitled