Swift

He/Him | Gay | Trash

[ruinedchildhood]

[mojang-officialer]

cool idea- bind all controls of a game to the same key and see what happens when you press it

[thesatiristslovesong-deactivate]

i am gonna do it

[thesatiristslovesong-deactivate]

don’t do this

[whateversuitsmyfancy]

HERES THE VID OF IT V

[rebelrhee]

[rip-nugget]

Who wants to see my hotdog

[rip-nugget]

I paid 50 cents for this ceramic bad boy

[rip-nugget]

My cat

[somecutething]

[automatic-caution-door]

[teacup-and-murder]

The worst thing I’ve laughed at all week

[bumbledott]

I’ve seen this almost a month ago and to this day this day I have yet to recover

[twoofcups]

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server: 

[b0ggyb1tch]

[dadmech]

[twinky-dinky-doo]

[greglestrade]

some customers: oh my god i’m so sorry i have to ask you a question i feel so foolish for not knowing this already please help me but i’m so sorry forgive me other customers: answer this question before i’ve even asked it or i’ll kill you where you stand 

[kai-ni]

#1 has worked in retail

#2 hasn’t

[airsignz]

[guzmasexual]

hey. i have a crush on you

[squidyword]

sometimes when I close my eyes I can’t see

[enoughtohold]

i think this is my favorite tumblr ad so far

[thehuskinbee-deactivated2017061]

She just goes there to knock everything off the shelves

[stagerevolution]

Debra “The Bulldozer” Johnson

[thejorie-deactivated20160327]

[thebootydiaries]

Follower: *reblogs 3 of my posts in a row*

Me: are you flirting with me

[ruinedchildhood]

When your Uber driver gives you a free breath mint

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

millennial culture is being unable to eat dinner unless you are watching something at the same time. movie? tv show? twitch stream? doesn’t matter. just have to be able to click play

[rlaph-deactivated20140921]

My mom wants me to start drama

[arthriticjester]

I’ve been scamming the Dominos app promotion where you take a picture of any pizza for free points. For three weeks in row, not only has their shitty camera always interpreted any photo of my cat as pizza, I always tell them it was “the worst I’ve ever had” and “made at home”.

[dawnstar137]

Excuse me @crooked-fingers may i see a picture of your cat plz? This sounds genuinely awesome.

And I just love cats

[arthriticjester]

Here he is, the Pizza Boy

[arthriticjester]

And so it continues

[arthriticjester]

Mmmm, another week, another delicious pizza.

[arthriticjester]

That’s all, folks. Six cat pictures within six weeks, and for a total of 60 Dominos points, redeemable for a medium 2-topping pizza of my choosing. I will be getting pepperoni and chicken, mine and Charlie’s respective favorites. He will be given many tiny pieces of chicken for being a perfect little model pizza boy, and also for aiding me in tricking a multimillion dollar company into giving me free food. Thanks for giving him the love and attention you all have given this post! He’s gonna try to stay humble.