Somewhere And Nowhere @happysparklingshadows - Tumblr Blog

A Certain Hunger (10/?)

Chapter 9 ✿ Chapter 11

Summary: The wolves come that night. Scars from that night still haunt you, but you realize quickly they were only the beginning of your woodland torment. The beginning of winter is quickly approaching.

Pairing: Surviving! Multi! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: Angst/No Comfort, Violence towards Animals (Wolf attack), Death of an Animal, Gore, haunting foreshadowing, Tree lady strikes again, Lottie may or may not start her obsession with you here, Shauna doesn't apologize to you for the last time you seen each other, Teen Reader is kinda insensitive and "acts like her father" this chapter.

Word count: 14.7

Notes: Happy Halloween 🎃! I apologize for the wait in receiving my chapters. I have a note if anyone wants to hear why and my plans for the future. My girlfriend says this is her favorite chapter so far!!

❀ A03 ❀ wattpad ❀ spotify playlist ❀

It was the warm summer again. You were 12 years old again. You remembered this moment well because it was the moment you started to view your dad differently. Your dad took you out hunting with your mom, who was more of a camper and wanted to make sure you didn’t get scared.

You held the gun properly and wore ear muffs to silence the ringing you hated. Your hands shook, and you couldn’t shoot the doe in front of you. Your father bitterly shot the deer beside you, and it made you flinch, so you shot a tree in fear.

He got frustrated. He wasn’t the best parent at that moment. He shouted at you until he was blue in the face, his spit landed on your face, and you smelled his body odor; his voice never went so deep to penalize you.

You curled under the heat of his eyes and sobbed in front of him like a small child, which he only mocked more.

Your mom got angry. She yelled at your dad when the two of you came back to the camp. The two of them got into a fight, and your dad stormed off to cool down.

You’re mom petted your hair as you lay your head on her lap and wept into her thigh. You felt like a complete failure.

She pushes a baby hair behind your ear and holds your chin to look at her, “You’re not a failure. You just tried something new and it wasn’t on you.”

“B-but dad is so mad at me.”

“You’re dad doesn’t matter, okay? He can be mad, but it doesn’t matter. If you don’t like guns, you don’t like them.” She sternly says as she caresses your tearful cheek lovingly, “He has been pushing you too hard with this. You know how to use a gun, you just don’t like the idea of hurting anything.”

“I didn’t like how it looked at me-”

“I know, peanut, I know.”

“I am so stupid.” You cry to her and cuddle yourself closer to her warmth. Your mom’s body felt so comfortable and safe, even at your age, and you only wanted to cuddle closer to the person who has always been there for you. She was and is your first comfort in life.

“No, you’re not. Your dad has a nasty temper, and he didn’t mean what he said, peanut.” She says, and she smiles.

You look up at her, tears flowing, “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Your mother reassures you, kisses your forehead, then rubs your back and gently urges you to stand.

“Go into the ice box and get the chocolates, to hell with dad, we’re having some s’mores now.” Mom cheekily smiles at you with a little shimmy of her shoulders, feeling naughty for leaving out your dad. You didn’t mean it, but you knew she was right, and you wanted to eat sweets to think about something else.

You stand up and walk over to the cooler, and as you stand over the blue box, something is different in this dream of a memory: a low growl in the woods.

You look over to the side where you hear it, and there is nothing. You looked back at your mother, and she looked carefree as she turned to look where your dad had stormed off. You open the icebox and grab the chocolates and marshmallows, and you look back up to find your mom gone.

“Mom?” You call out, confused, and walk closer to your mom's folding chair, putting your food on it. “Mom?” You walk to where you think your mom went.

You look around you and don’t notice her anywhere. You're over at the lakeside where you were all fishing not too long ago, to see a plane flying in the sky.

You look at the plane with almost a calmness over you, and dread builds in your stomach.

Suddenly, as the plane came closer towards you and the forest, it dropped slightly in the air, almost touching the water. Then the plane's nose explodes as it starts to tilt downward, and it violently crashes into the lake.

You gasp and feel your body tense, and a hot breeze comes over your face.

You snap your eyes open out of shock, to find the hot breath of a grey wolf over you. You couldn’t help but let out a scream as you fully came to consciousness.

The wolf growls in annoyance and comes over to the side where Van was. You grab your homemade spear, quickly stabbing at the dog with a scream. You aren’t thinking. You are only shaking as you start swinging the staff.

The screams of the three underclassmen were behind you as you quickly glance over to them, holding torches and the spears you made, fighting off the three other wolves that were circling them. They were screaming for help. For your help.

You looked back to see the wolf coming closer to you, and you stabbed harshly at its nose. It growls and pounces closer; it snarls its nose at you. You missed and cut along his shoulder.

You felt petrified as you stood tall, trying to ensure nothing was behind you. You tried to be brave and keep yourself strong.

“GO AWAY!” You scream at the wolf and try to stab at his nose again, but he takes a great chomp that almost gets the wooden weapon. It makes you flinch and back up against a bush. There were only howls and growls, barks and screams of panic. “WHERE THE FUCK IS TAISSA!”

Van wakes up, and she sits up in confusion and fear, her elbows supporting her. Attracting the attention of your wolf, who’s now enraged, turns to her and swings his open, blunt claw onto her pale face.

Il veut toujours du sang

Van lets out a blood-curdling scream as the wolf then turns quickly to swing again and pin her head to the forest floor, and starts to bite on her now hanging flesh.

You scream as you come over to the wolf.

“Where is Van?!” Taissa screamed behind you.

“Taissa, she’s over there! GO!” Misty yells back as she fights back a growling wolf. There wasn’t an inch of air that wasn’t filled with angry barks and girlish horror.

Taissa runs towards you as you push the enraged wolf, which pounces closer and then retreats to Van, trying to crawl away. Another rushes from the bushes behind the wolf and comes closer to help their pack member. You stab at the shoulder of the beast in front of you as it snarls back at you with murderous eyes. The other attacks Van while you're attacking the one in front of you. She screams again weakly as the wolf digs their canines into her fatty cheek. You were completely outnumbered.

The wolf then tugs her closer, inch by inch. It growls as Van struggles against them with her strongest punches. A stream of blood shoots up into the air and paints the chops of the dog. The wolf tries to pull Van away from the campsite quickly.

Il veut plus de sang.

The wolf in front of you starts to chomp down its jaw in a frenzy. Taissa runs behind you and makes him growl as she passes him by. You take the opportunity to send the spear through the air towards their eye.

Urgk!

A sickening crack comes quickly when the spear hits the wolf in the eye. The sharp end sliced through the jelly of the beast's eye and landed inside the brain of the animal. The beast didn’t drop dead, but instead shook violently and started to claw the wooden staff out of their face without any luck. The wolf died with their jaw hanging open as they clawed at their face.

You didn’t find it in yourself to care. You didn’t find disgust or horror at your actions. You jump onto the flinching, dying dog with strong hands, grabbing at the staff. It was stuck and refused to leave its meaty home. Blood sprays onto your face and collarbone in your attempt.

You stumble away and grab the thickest branch you could find as you rush towards Van and Taissa, now in a trance, staring at you. Taissa stood still as she watched you kill the wolf with the flare gun in her hand and emptiness in her eyes.

Inutile

You stab out like a mad woman, not even caring if you hit Van, you see the fleshy red muscle under the thick wild fur of the creature, it yelps, growls out with a viscous snarl. Dropping Van from its mouth. You then lift the branch in the air and bang it down on the triangle crown on its head. You see its yellow iris become small as it is stunned in pain. The poor wolf stumbled as it collected itself.

It panted, and a growl rumbled from deep in its stomach as it shook with rage. Van between its legs and its open mouth of fangs webbed with thick saliva, swigging with each breath. Its wide paw landed on Van’s chest. Another white wolf comes over to the whimpering Van and starts to tug on her red locks of hair, pulling her body closer to its body to maul her.

You fling your branch across the gray wolf’s cheek, causing the beast to jump off Van and onto your thigh. His claw planted itself in the middle of the fattie part of your thigh, your leg was extended to balance out your weight from your swings, and his claw violently pushed down on your meat with a razor's edge. He pounces on your leg with a demonic guttural snarl, his jaw snaps at your wrist as your arm snaps forward in shock. You try to step back, only for his paw to slash into more of your flesh. Blood trickling down your knee with a great river of gore sliding down the curve of your thigh.

Le sang coule ici

A loud chomp of his jaw snapped in the air as he missed your wrist.

A louder thump came over his head when your branch landed on his head again. A deep whimper comes from his growling throat, his claws deepen inside of your fat before they completely retract from your body.

You don’t feel anything at first.

You pant with a wild breath, your eyes were stinging, how wide they were as you looked at the now wounded, enraged animal. His eyes lock with yours as he holds his head low in pain, and he threatens to pounce again, softly with his body. He stood firm in his spot for a moment as it was just the two of you in the world. You were his enemy. And he was yours. Neither of you chose it, but neither of you tried to change it.

You couldn’t help but let out a scream as you stared him down, a primal dominance you needed to set. “AHH!! RAAW!!” You start to swing at the wolf again.

You swung at the wolf and hit its cheek again. This time, as he whimpered, he ran away. He whimpered as he held his bloody face down, calling his pact to follow him. You panted, exhausted, as you felt your lip quiver with a growl.

You then felt a stinging in your thigh, and a wetness collecting between both your thighs. You couldn’t see anything but the wolf that escapes into the treeline, the edges of your vision blur with your breath being the only thing in your ears.

You stand there with your bloody branch in front of your chest, tightly. You felt fur brush past your leg as another wolf flees away from your group. You didn’t flinch or look as they came into your narrowed view.

There was a shake in your hand you couldn’t settle, and you couldn’t shake yourself from where you stood. Your body doesn’t know what to do, you don’t know what to do, as you blink out into the night air, looking out to the bushes.

Blood of the wolf spattered all over your clothes, your hands had the drips of it from the branch painted on your hands that dryly settled quickly in the pores of your calluses.

“(Y/n)!” “What are you doing? What do we do?” “(Y/N)!!

The blurred voices of everyone around you come to you like ripples in water. They couldn’t stop your paralyzed state from shivering in place for a moment longer. You don’t want to see what they did. You didn’t want to face the fact that there were wolves here. They shouldn’t have been here. You should have woken up in a few hours and gotten on your way deeper into the woods. You should meet with some form of civilization in a few days. No. You were so close to getting out of here. Back home. No. No. NO.

You were paralyzed as you felt Misty and Mari coming over to you, their hands trying to pull you back to see your injuries. You couldn’t make yourself look away from the brush of the treeline, you couldn’t stop your breathing from sounding so panicked, you flinched when Misty’s small hands tried to pull the bloody branch from your grasp, and you held it closer to your body.

You look down to your chest, where you were holding the branch, only to find the wolf that ran away was beaten bloody at your feet. The wolf’s skull was cracked open at the crown, exposing pink raw flesh, gray fur, and skull between their pointed ears.

You gasp, dropping your branch, as immediately vomit rushes up your throat. You choke on the bile that burns your tongue, you step back, and you throw your head down as you unload everything with nothing in your stomach. Misty comforts you and pushes your hair out of your face. Mari panics as she notices Taissa crying over Van’s unmoving body.

You whisper out, “Did-Did I really kill them?” as you put your palms flat onto the dirt above where your bile lay on top of the soil. “I thought- I thought it ran away-”

‘No. You killed it.” Misty corrected firmly, sweetly, as she pushed your hair away from your face, “You were protecting us, you did so well. Let me look at your leg, please, (Y/n). It’s going to get infected.”

You look down to your knee to see a pool of blood dripping out of your flesh, a deep cut through your jeans, and showing off your skin. You don’t do anything as you look down at your vomit. You turn on your normal side and lie down on the forest floor for Misty to look at your wounds. You realize you were acting that way because your body was in shock.

You turn your head to look over at Taissa crying violently over Van’s body, Akiliah and Mari were behind her trying to move Van, with Taissa only screaming at them to stop touching her. You turn your head slowly over to Misty, who was intensely focused on your thigh and tying a cloth around your thigh, “Is Van dead?”

Misty doesn’t say anything.

You don’t say anything more. You just sit there as Misty tries to bandage the gash on your leg. You watch as Taissa pushes Van’s body onto her back to find that Van’s face has been slashed open. Her muscles and teeth were exposed through what had once been a frizzled, chubby cheek.

You couldn’t help yourself as you felt numb. You looked on at one of your oldest friends. Someone you went to kindergarten with and shared chemistry notes with in your sophomore year of high school. You couldn’t muster a single emotion as you looked on at her. Taissa sobbing didn’t pull at your heartstrings.

You felt empty. You felt like a failure. You let your friend die. You didn’t save her. You had no control.

Taissa screams gutturally into the night sky as she feels her emotions boil over into a fury. You softly blinked as Misty started to wrap her blanket around your leg.

You look down, your eyes shaking, holding onto your torch as the old morning breeze blows through your nostrils. For the past hour, the four of you have been making a funeral pyre for Van. She didn’t have a heartbeat. She hadn’t moved. Nothing made you stir from the certainty of Van being dead.

She lay atop the collection of branches and leaves. She was at peace, her hands placed over her chest like they were crossed. You lowered your torch to the wood alongside Taissa as she instructed you to do, and you couldn’t look at Van when you set the flames near her.

It was wrong.

She got away from the fire. Only for her to be set aflame again.

You didn’t want to be a part of it.

Nevertheless, you set the wood on fire. You take a step back as Taissa cries harder as she completely circles the pyre. Everyone looks down at Van as the fire consumes her body. You let yourself look at Van’s face, and you couldn’t help but see the little girl you met in kindergarten as she lay motionless.

Until she wasn’t.

Her eyes flinched.

You gasped as soon as you saw her facial muscles reacting to the pain of the fire.

“Oh my God, Van!?” You yelp as you immediately grab at her shoulders to get her out of the now-growing funeral pyre.

Van’s hand moves on its own, and it makes Mari blurt, “She’s alive. She’s alive!”

“She-She-” Taissa says, as she then also flings herself to get Van off the pyre. As Van starts to cough aggressively, a whistle comes from the now open hole in her cheek.

“No. NO. NO! NO!” Misty panics behind you as the three other girls come to help you and Taissa with Van’s body. Misty runs off to get a blanket to suffocate the flames on Van’s sweat pants.

“I got you, I got you, okay?” Taissa coos as she lays Van’s head in her lap, as everyone pants as they look on at Van’s injured body. Van writhes on the ground as blood drips out from her cheek and mouth; she grunts.

“Really?” Van chuckles weakly, “Fire?”

Your throat tightens as you take a deep gasp, a need for familiarity as you watch Van pass out again.

Vois si tu me fais confiance, je te récompenserai

You needed to tighten up. You took another sharp breath as the others coo after Van’s body. You rub your calm hands on your bloody jeans, you say firmly, “At the crack of dawn, we’re heading back.”

“What do you mean? We’ve come this far-” Taissa tried, she sniffled as she held Van’s head, she tried to reason with the reality of everything.

“We’re going home. We almost died.” You spat as you quickly packed your belongings into your bag, leaving litter on the ground around you. “We’re not going to do this. We got our sign.”

Vois si tu me fais confiance, je te récompenserai

“Now we believe in signs, Jesus Christ-”

“TAISSA, WE’RE GOING BACK!” You snap your head around and spring your body fully erect, you point bitter fingers to your chest as a fly of spit comes from your lips. “WE’RE GOING BACK, WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. WE’LL GO BACK TRYING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

You heard your father in your tone. In your wrath.

You felt your eyes sting again tonight as you held them open wide, your lips curling ugly as you felt yourself seething with rage to survive. Taissa looks at you, stunned and overwhelmed, as she cradles Van, her teary, wide eyes gaze at you like those of a wounded puppy. You couldn’t find it in yourself to give her sympathy. Misty, Mari, and Akilah watch on at you with fear and shrunken shoulders.

“We’re going to run like hell home.” You add as you turn your back slowly from the group of girls, “Pack your shit. Now.” You spat.

In the early morning hours, you all start your journey back to the cabin. Taissa holds onto Van’s body to her side, helping her take slow steps forward. You limped on your leg that now pulsed with each step; you could hold yourself up, and the cuts weren’t deep enough to cut your major veins, but you felt the sharp wound to the bone. Misty wrapped up your leg with an extra shirt, and she had tried to help you walk in the beginning, giving up when you didn’t need any help. Mari and Akilah stayed silent as they walked in sync; they looked down, stress lines creasing their foreheads.

“Just put one foot in front of the other,” Taissa reassured as she pushed herself and Van forward, Van groaning in pain with every move. Akilah moves to help Van before you could.

“When we get back, we’re going to need sterile water and thread to stitch up her face. And (Y/n)’s leg.” Misty mindlessly told Taissa.

You see Van’s body overwhelming Taissa, leaning forward with deadweight, and Van groans, “No. Leave me.”

Taissa firmly dismissed, “Van, stop it.”

“It’s… Not safe.” Van wheezes, her face hasn’t changed expression since she was on the funeral pyre. It was almost like she was half awake. Her body softly sliding down Taissa’s.

“Don’t say that,” Taissa states again as she struggles to get Van up again with her, matching her shoulder again. “We’re almost there.”

“Tai. Tai. I-” Van tried, but she was too tired to keep talking. “Let them go.”

“No.” Taissa quickly says.

“Let them go.” Van presses as she moves her eyes up to meet Taissa’s eyes, and that was when you knew it was a done deal.

“Run back to the cabin as fast as you can. We’ll be right behind you.” Taissa says firmly, hopelessly, as she holds Van up finally.

“Tai?” Akilah asks softly for reassurance, and Taissa firmly tells her to go.

You felt something within you sharpen, and you took a deep breath. You turn to Mari and take her scarf, which she had tied around her collar. You say, “Go. I’m going to help them get pace. Go, guys.”

Misty grabs your arm to stop you and says with wide, concerned eyes, “(Y/n), are you sure, you could-”

“Misty, I need you to lead them back and get me help. Van is our top priority.” You firmly state as you pull her arm away. “Go on, we need to get there before we lose light.”

The three look over you again before they all run forward into the trees. Misty’s short body slowly disappeared in the brush as you limp closer to the two girls now on the ground.

You come over to Taissa and Van, who have both fallen over from the weight of Van. You go to Van’s over side, your uninjured side, and start to tie the scarf. You are attaching Van to your body, and even though you were slower now, you were still heavier and stronger than most of the girls, including Van.

You wrap your arm snuggly around Van’s waist, and you look over at Taissa with a bite of your lip, “Let’s get her up, hold her belt loop.”

You put two fingers inside of Van’s belt loop to snugly lift her hips when you lifted yourself, you felt a seething burn come to your long cuts as you use your gracilis. You bite your lower lip harshly as you hold onto Van’s body with Taissa.

The two of you quietly go on the path home, hopeless and defeated.

‘21

You hum along to your playlist in the background, and you stir the pasta in the pan with almost reverence. You loved to cook —one of the hobbies you could do in your busy life —and you found it a good distraction from your publishers, managers, and marketers after the whole panel debacle. You still don’t want to face the consequences. They weren’t the only people you had ignored lately.

You invited Shauna’s family for dinner so you and Shauna can discuss everything in more depth in private, but to get a feel for what is going on with the Sadeckis.

Just like clockwork, when you started to cut the skirt steak into the sauce, a gentle knock was at the door. You put down your meat scissors and answer the door only to find Callie on your doorstep.

“Hey, honey, come inside, your parents are in the car-“

“No.” Callie blurts out and shakes her head; she's upset. “Both of them were busy again. And mom told me to go to your house because she will come a little bit later on… whatever.”

Callie walks into the house, past you, and is familiar with the home. “Smells good, what is it?”

“Steak carbonara. It’s something different.” You chuckled as you closed the door. You were a little put off with Shauna and Jeff in the moment, but you loved your goddaughter enough to have a solo night.

“That sounds yummy.”

You both walk back into the kitchen, and the sounds of boiling water and the smells of garlic and basil fill the air. “Okay, sit at the counter if it’s just you and me, no need for anything fancy.” You tell her as you return to cutting the cooked steak into the cream sauce. “How have you been? How is Alana?” You ask as you focus on your pasta.

“Same old same old,” Callie says as she leans her chin on her fist. She stares at you softly. “I saw your panel on Twitter.”

You pause for a moment as you take a slow breath, and you keep cutting the beef. “Oh, you did?”

“Yeah, you were a bad bitch.” Callie chuckled as she looked at you with reverence, almost pride. “You didn’t even flinch, people were saying you were serving cunt the whole time.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. You told that woman off…” she says as her gaze falls from you and onto the garnet countertop. You notice this silence immediately.

“What?” You ask. You rub your hand with a rag, then start stirring the sauce.

“What she said-“

You take the pasta pot off the stove and throw the contents into the strainer. You face away from her quickly as you feel your lip shiver. Why did she have to hear that? Why does this keep coming up?

“What she said was pretty fucked up. She was a nutcase… but she said that thing-I don’t know.”

“The cannibalism thing. Yeah.” You agreed as you stilled your face, pushing your emotions down, turning to her. “Yeah. It doesn’t matter. People will believe whatever they want to.”

You throw the pasta into the sauce and stir again. You glance over to Callie, who looks a little lost in thought and nervous as she looks at her chipped painted nails. “I don’t know why she would say something like that. That your murderers-“

You turn the stove off and stare at Callie as she speaks. You were waiting for her to say what she wanted to say, but she fell silent under your gaze. You start to put pasta on Callie’s plate as you say, “Honey, they have been saying that since we got back… My dad once said that it seemed like they didn’t want us to come back innocent. Someone to blame. Someone other than the plane company or the botched search effort.”

Your voice was stern and loving. You felt your frustration lingering in your words, and you could feel your chest tighten a little as you talked about the accusation.

Callie doesn’t say anything as you put her plate in front of her. She was processing her thoughts and what you were telling her. “I don’t understand why people keep calling you all cannibals.”

You don’t stop yourself from getting your serving as you look her in the eyes; you feel yourself almost shiver from her words. You hated this.

“Honey, other people ate people when they were stranded. That group of hockey players in the Alps. Or that island with 20 men and one woman. Yeah. I get why they think that. I know why, Callie. It’s not hard to imagine us doing it, so they think we did—no evidence needed. We were lucky to be in a normal forest that we could find back home, and we knew how to deal with the animals. Deer, squirrels, beavers, turtles, fish, wolves, bears, you get what I'm saying. We got very, very lucky.” You lie to her, and you sit beside her. You act normal and neutral as she looks on at you, now somewhat accepting your words.

“Yeah. I think that too.” Callie agrees as she puts salt and pepper on her food. She says, “I don’t know. It bothers me when people say that.”

“Me too.” You chuckle as you start to fork the pasta into the teeth of the sliver, “I know you must have been teased about it-“

“Oh yeah.” Callie snorted, as if it was the most obvious thing, and put the food in her mouth. She lets out a pleased moan of satisfaction as she chews, “So fucking good.”

“Thank you, honey.” You respond as you take a bite yourself. Buttery garlic and steak filled your mouth as you let out a moan, “I did really fucking good!!”

Callie and you eat the pasta together in silence as the two of you enjoy the food, but as you were about to get up to get Callie a drink, “Did you guys murder someone out there?” Callie asked as you had your back turned to her.

You stood still as you couldn’t think for a moment, you turned to look at her and look into her face, “Would my saying anything make you think differently? It feels like it doesn’t matter what we say; it’s what you believe.”

“I-“ Callie says, looking down, then back at you. She is lost in her own thoughts. “I-I don’t know anything about what happened. Mom… mom doesn’t talk about it, and I get asked all the time about it, and I just tell them no-“

You sit back down and feel sympathy for her; you couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be teased about your mother's past. Your mother's traumatic past of nightmares and human flesh.

“Honey, it’s okay. It’s okay…” You say as you put your hand on her shoulder, you look down to your lap as you think. “I get it. And you are just being asked and asked and asked-“ you say as you look down at your skirt and think about the ugly scar that lies beneath.

“How about I give you a story about our time out there? It’s not the worst of it or a good time, but it’s just one I can remember crystal clear.” You asked her as you looked back up.

Callie beams at you as she asks, “Really? You're going to talk about it?”

“Yeah, I can.” You say with a soft sigh and run a hand up your cheek out of stress. You’ve done it now.

“If you want to, I don’t want to force you.”

“No, I think I should.” You say as you shake your head. You smile at her and say, “I don’t have any children to tell these to, might as well be you. And you want a mom to tell you, here is your fairy godmother.” You joke.

Callie smiles widely as she moves herself to face you, her eyes wide with excitement. She is just happy to get a crumb.

“Okay, so, um, like 6ish months into the wilderness, and some of the others and I got sick of waiting for help. So we decided to leave the cabin-“

“Wait, a cabin?”

You chuckle and say, “There was this old cabin there deep in the woods by the lake we were found by. It was someone’s personal hunting cabin, and it had a gun and items that really helped us. Completely abandoned. But after a while, we were getting scared, more than we were before, about the winter coming.” You look down at your feet as you mention the winter. You hated to even think about the cold or snow; you, as an adult, can’t mentally handle winter.

“Okay. Was it big or was it small?”

“It was small for 17 people. But we made it work. Your mom, Jackie, and I pretty much slept on top of each other for the whole time.” You chuckle as you look at her, and your smile grows. Callie was being very respectful and kind with her questions so far. “Okay, my story.”

“Sorry!”

“So, at the beginning of the first fall, some of us got sick of waiting, and some of us decided just to walk out, and your mom was so against it.” You chuckle and shake your head, remembering the melodrama of the time before you left. “Jackie and your mom were having drama, I and your mom were having drama, and to add shit on all of it, it was getting cold. So I left Jackie and your mom at the cabin-“

“Mom didn’t go with you? She didn’t want to look for help.”

You pause for a moment as you look at her. You felt your heart skip a beat at the mention of Shauna not leaving for help; it made your palms sweat. You shake your head and say, “She wasn’t doing well at that moment, honey.” You lie.

You know Callie noticed you were lying, but she doesn’t stop you from speaking. She didn’t want to know why her mom didn’t go with you. “So, I left with some of the girls. Taissa and I were the leaders, and we just headed south because we knew we were somewhere high north, and we walked for days.”

“We just walked, talked, and slept for three days. On the second night, we started to hear the howls-“

“Oh no.”

“On the third night-“ You take a deep breath and let it out and say, “We ran into wolves finally. They circled us because someone had fallen asleep while supposed to keep watch. I don’t remember; all I remember is waking up to this snarling dog in my face.” You explain with your hand curling wickedly in front of your face like that wolf did that day. You chuckle as you look at Callie’s face of awe and shock.

“I- I mean, what the fuck? A wolf? A wolf was on top of you?”

“Yeah, it was about to pounce on me, and for some reason, I scared him off of me, and he moved on to Vanessa, who was next to me. Remember Van?”

“Your ex-fiancé?”

“Yeah.” You chuckled and shook your head softly. You took a big gulp of your drink as you settled some of your nerves. “The wolf pounced on her, and behind me was a circle of girls with torches trying to fight off more wolves, taissa was gone- and I just started to look around myself,” you explain, you look to your right and almost move your hand like you were grabbing the branch again, “I got this big branch and I started to just swing at that motherfucker.”

You made a stank face and started to animate your arms like you did back then. Callie laughed from her belly as she just looked on at you with bright eyes, “And then, the wolf attacks Van, sleeping next to me, and another wolf comes to help him out, I banged them upside the head and they ran when I started to whale on them.”

Callie listened on with her chin resting on her fist, entertained and captivated. You lift your skirt high enough to see the scars that littered your legs, deep, dark pink scars in three lines running down your leg. The claws started from the middle of your thigh and ran down with a curve to your calf, missing your calf.

“Holy shit!” Callie scoffed out a gasp. She leaned forward and looked at the marks with wide eyes of awe. She studies the skin of your leg as if it were a missing piece to all the stories she doesn’t know.

“Yeah, the funny part is that the wolf attack wasn’t the worst part out there.” You say as you put your skirt back down and slide back into your seat. “That’s one of the many traumas.” You joke as you chuckle, and you lean down to take another bite of the food.

Callie is quiet as she just looks on at you, her eyes are a heavy pressure on your cheeks as you chew the last bites of your food. She stares at you like you will just vomit out everything she wanted to know about back then.

You chuckle as you shake your head, you smile at her, “You’re going to have to ask if you want to know something.”

“What was Jackie like?” Callie blurts out, and you couldn’t help but have your smile fall.

You felt all your emotions dampen as you looked over at Callie. “What do you mean? Your mom and I talk about Jackie all the time-”

“No, I mean, like-” Callie sighs as she tries to find the right words, “Like what was so special about her? You both talk about her like she was this wonderful person, and mom apparently stole dad from her, and I just want to know who she was.”

You pause for a moment, looking at Callie and noticing her microexpressions. You couldn’t help but admire her innocence in wanting to know her mother this way.

Callie sighs, “I don’t understand why mom can’t tell me any stories like you do.”

“War stories are hard to talk about.” You say softly as you push a long brown hair of hers behind her ear, you smile softly as you say, “Especially when people don’t understand what war is like. If I'm saying a quote.”

“I don’t understand.” Callie bluntly stated, defeated. She looks away from you as she looks down at her plate of food and pouts, “I understand what happened. I just wanna know what exactly happened.’

“You wanna know about the person you stole their uniform from?” You ask her with a hint of sass in your tone and a side glance at Callie, and a hot flash of shame crosses her face. An idea comes to mind, causing you to smile. “You ever watch old VHS tapes before?”

“What’s a VHS tape?” Callie asked with quick blinks.

‘96

The sun beat down on your scalp as a cool Canadian breeze crept up your arms; it felt like hours you had been dragging Van in the woods. You haven’t spoken since you shooed the underclassmen away. You had nothing left to give. You couldn’t muster a kind word to Taissa’s whimpers and sniffles, pulling Van on the other side. Every time she said anything or tried to talk to Van, you couldn’t help but feel the annoyance building within you.

C'est entièrement de sa faute

A dark voice in the back of your head whispered what you felt, but you bit your tongue.

“Ple-ease! Rest!” Van begged in a groan, blood dripping down her open cheek from her speaking again.

You slow down your step as you close your eyes, holding Van up strong, not letting her touch the ground. Taissa stops, and she looks over at you.

“We should let her sit down.”

“If we let her sit down, we can’t be sure we’ll get her back up.” You say back to her with sharp eyes, you shimmy Van back up onto a more secure position. “We’re making good progress, we’re not exploring, we’re backstepping. We’re almost by the plane, another hour or so.”

Taissa looks at her with an expression you couldn’t place, but you couldn’t help but purse your lips. You had no sugar to put on top of your words right now.

You looked at Van, who looked like she might pass out from exhaustion. “I’m going to carry you even if you don’t want us to, you understand me.”

Taissa didn’t say anything as she watched you talk to Van; she couldn’t help but cry. Overwhelmed and angry with herself.

C'est entièrement de sa faute

How could she not stay up to keep watch one night, while you didn’t sleep for two nights to keep watch over everyone? How she wasn’t even there to protect any of you until it was almost over? She killed the wolf that attacked Van, sure, but she didn’t protect her like you did with the first.

She was the one who made the ball move for the expedition away from the plane. She was the one who wanted to go. You almost paid the price for it, but for Van. Now, Van is half dead, you have wolf brains underneath your fingernails and in your hair, and Taissa failed trying to get help.

You bit your tongue the whole time you sat down with them. Taissa softly crying on the other end, Van groaning in misery beside you, and you were silent.

You couldn’t feel your leg anymore. The numbness has begun to get worse, so that you couldn’t feel the soles of your feet anymore, but only the tips of your toes. You needed to get home. Van needed to get home. And you needed to get away from Taissa.

You look out at the endless sea of trees and bushes in the landscape; even now, as long as you've been here, they remain as beautiful as ever.

The trees swayed with the wind with grace and peace, almost trying to bless your passage through the path, but one tree didn’t sway with the others. It stood still in the wind. It towered 13 feet with bright green leaves and pale bark, watching the three of you with the many scars left from fallen branches.

It watched you as you watched it.

The leaves started to sway.

A chill crept up your spine. You softly sigh, and you put your fingers back into Van’s belt loops to lift her with you, “Come on, we gotta go now. We’re losing light.”

Taissa wordlessly copies you, and with a struggle of Van’s body wanting to give out, you three were standing again.

You again wordlessly adventure forward without a word passing your lips; you just wanted to get back to the cabin.

‘21

You and Callie sit beside each other on the dusty, floral-patterned sofa your mom bought in the early 80s. It sat abandoned since your mom updated the living room when you were a teen, and now it’s your throne for the attic. Along with the old box television with bunny ears, the old lamps with fringe hanging off the green stain, and both your parents' old recliners.

“My mom was obsessed with home videos. She filmed everything,” you say as you riffle through the boxes of VHS tapes she collected and labeled. “If she were born in this generation, she would have been one of those mommy bloggers.”

Callie looks over your shoulder at the collection of tapes and chuckles, “Yeah, it seems like it. She made the scrapbooks, too?” She asks, lazily pointing to the corner where the binders were stacked. Each is lined with lace and features a powder-washed, colored satin cover.

“Oh, yeah. My mom was a big sentimental person. I think she even went to a class for it.” You say with a chuckle, you pull out a tape labeled in your mother's handwriting, “Halloween ‘91”

You chuckle wholeheartedly at the memory and look over to Callie, “Wanna see your mom being super cute? We’re about 12 here.”

You stand up and move over to the old television just a foot away from the old sofa. You crouch down and start putting the VHS tape into the player. You look back at the television's black screen. You see your face in the reflection, and Callie, sitting excitedly behind you, sits on her hands.

“So, like, did you guys like to hang out a lot? You, Mom, and Jackie?”

“Oh fuck yeah, we were always over each other's houses,” you quickly answer as you click the blocky play button on the VHS player. “My mom and dad were like their second parents.”

The pale technicolor pixels illuminate the box television. You quickly scurry back to the sofa beside Callie and look over at her, smiling because you are sharing this with her.

“It’s kinda crazy to think there was this other person who is so important that I never met. Dad’s old girlfriend, Mom’s, and your old best friend. It’s like I've known her my whole life.” Callie says, careless and flippant. You chuckle and nod. She doesn’t realize how painful it was to hear.

“She had that effect in life, too. She was a whole personality.” You say back as the video starts to play, with a multicolored sprinkling on the corners of the Packard Bell Color TV, as the rose-colored, filtered image of your old kitchen appears.

It was when your mom decorated it in an apple-themed, cutesy style, only the late 80s could manage, and her healthy face flashed on the screen as she tested the camcorder. The sounds of little girls giggling would only last a moment. Your mom giggles happily as she says, “Honey, I think I got it working!”

Your dad, off-screen, “Great, honey, show the girls. “

“Oh!” Your mom says, quickly spinning the camera back to the trio in the living room.

You, Jackie, and Shauna posed like supermodels and stuck your lips out like ducks, all trying to emulate Madonna. You remember that all your parents were scandalized by you three picking Madonna, thinking you were going to wear the cone bra, and you all fought tooth and nail for your costumes.

Jackie wore a handmade Madonna’s Marie Anniette dress from her Vogue MTV performance, which made you remember every move for this performance to show to your parents before trick-or-treating. Shauna wore what Madonna wore in Desperately Seeking Susan, which she had collected from Goodwill, and you wore Madonna’s white MTV Music Awards "Like a Virgin" dress. Your mom was so angry when she saw Madonna’s dress in the magazine that inspired you, because the silver belt Madonna wore had the word “Virgin” on it, and the two of you had a petty fight over the costume. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the long-forgotten reason for the fight because, as you look on at your younger self, you can barely tell you were dressed as Madonna.

“What are you guys dressed up as? Madonna?” Callie asked, her eyes glued to the screen as she analyzed every detail. “Jackie in the middle?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle as you rub your arm, as you sit closer to yourself slightly. “You know it, she was Madonna Vogue, of course, she was in the center.” You joke.

Callie doesn’t look away from the screen as the three of you start, attempting the vogue dance. It was unorganized, and it was awkward watching your younger self press play on a tape of the Vogue performance and start to dance with the other. Shauna and you followed Jackie through each of her queues and her lip-singing. Your parents held the camcorder, giggling behind the screen and watching on, amused.

You stare at the screen yourself, and you can’t look away from Jackie. You remember what it felt like to dance beside her that moment. How happy and content your life was, and how simple everything seemed.

Jackie’s face was round and flushed as she intensely danced for the camera, her youth and energy radiating off the screen. She trips on her feet and falls on you somewhat, and a bright giggle comes out of her mouth as she goes back to dancing. You see your younger self looking over at Jackie with so much admiration and love, and it makes your lips pull down.

You felt your throat tighten as you saw how much love you two shared. Pure. Genuine friendship.

Callie slowly looks over to you, and she gasps softly, “Are you okay? (Y/n), What's going on?”

You turn your face away from the TV and towards her, noticing tears rolling down your cheeks. You hum happily as you nod, and you turn back to the TV. “Yeah, I’m good. Keep watching”

So, Callie did. She blinked and turned her face back to the TV. You both watch the awkward pre-teens dance in the kitchen without a care in the world, your parents comforting and chuckling, and the feeling of that day being like yesterday fills the room.

You felt a pea form in your throat. It itched and it made you want to cough out a grief-filled whimper, but you hold it down. You want to hold onto this happiness. Joy.

You remember how you felt when Jackie danced beside you, when Shauna bumped into you and held your hand as you two slid to the left.

You remember how warm it felt when they smiled at you like that. You remember smiling like that.

An innocent kid. You were all once innocent and playful children.

Jackie, in the center, turns to the camera at the last line and holds her hair comb to her lips. A bright, gleaming smile on her lips when the song ends; she poses with the three of you for Vogue. You’re chubby, round face was beet red, and you were panting. You looked at your parents just above the camera. Shauna was already laughing before it finished, and everyone followed suit. Everyone in the room laughed and, good-humoredly, repeated your parents' words, coming over to you three with the camera thoughtlessly placed on the table, and Jackie says loudly, “I love you, guys!”

You couldn’t help the little sniffle that you do when she says that, your lip quivers wildly as you bite back your tears.

Callie turns to face you, flustered and comfortable, “Are you okay? Do you want us to stop? I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

You turn to her and you shake your head, a smile coming to your lips, “No. No. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, Callie, it’s alright. It’s okay to cry.” You say to her as you take her hand, letting the video play out as you capture her attention. She looked uncomfortable now that you were crying, but you wanted to let her know this was a good cry. “This is a good cry. I promise. I just haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“Jackie?”

You did mean Jackie. But you meant your mom, too. You meant yourself, too.

“Yeah.” Your voice came out weak that time, but you cleared your throat and kept your head high. “It’s hard to see her as a kid. Because-” You stop yourself by the air in your lungs, leaving you at the thought.

Callie watched on at you with her eyes softening as she started to understand what you meant.

“Because we had too many plans-” You breathed out with a weakness that you try to collect, you wipe a fat tear from your eye as you finish, “And we never got to do them. She never got to do any of them.”

Callie put her hand on top of yours and didn’t say anything. She looked down at both of your hands.

“It’s okay.” You say softly to both of you, you rub her hand and say, “I know that she wouldn’t have it any other way. She would have been so happy me and your mom survived the wilderness.”

That you know to be true of Jackie. When she was alive, and who she was in your living memory. Even as a phantom, she only seems to come around when you are lost or spiraling back in time. She always had your back.

But you also know that bile is coming up the back of your throat. You wanted to vomit. You had a meaty taste in your mouth still, and you couldn’t help but water. Disgust fills you quickly.

“(y/n), I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Oh, honey, I'm not the only one lost because of Jackie.” You say softly and rub her hand. “Thank you for letting me grieve with you for a moment. It’s hard to explain why it hurts too much, but I hope this helps you see what your mom is going through. Grief is scary and hurtful, and sometimes it’s better to run from it than feel it to survive. It’s hard. Even after all this time, it’s kinda nice to know how much I loved them, you know.”

Callie doesn’t say anything. You don’t want to either. You said all that needed to be said.

‘96

It has to be around 5 in the afternoon at this point. You’ve lost Misty, Mari, and Akilah’s tracks. A worry settles in your panicked whispers with Taissa about which direction to turn in the path with each step around the same birch tree. Your leg hisses at you with each step you take, and with Van’s weight being fully on your side, it made it worse. The frog that leaps across your feet mocks you when he pauses and stares; he knew you were a lost cause.

You refused to die. You decided on this hike up the hill, and while you carried Van's unconscious body in moments beside you, that there was nothing out in these woods that was going to kill you but yourself trying to survive.

Your eyebrow furrows in a permanent furrow as you feel Taissa's sweaty hands grip yours for support for Van.

C'est entièrement sa faute.

Van wakes up again with a heart-tearing misery; she feels in pain as she keeps moving her feet, and is confused. She begs you to leave her there on the grass. You ignore her as you pull her along with you in exhaustion; you don’t even care when your cut starts to bleed again.

Taissa starts to sniffle on the other end of the line, and you couldn’t stop your lip from curling in an ugly, hateful way. You keep marching forward, searching for any glimpse of tracks as you feel your body being pulled back at full force.

Van pulls the two of you when she collapses onto the ground again. You hit your back hard as you curl the opposite side and rub your lower back, and a shooting pain travels up your back as you glare at the crying girl beside you. “What the hell?”

“Leave me here! I don’t want to leave! I don’t have half of my face!” Van babbles and cries in pain, her body was bloody, bruised, and bloodshot in all different kinds of ways. You could see her writhing just by breathing.

You don’t know what came over you, but you snarled at Van and bellowed, “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU WANT!”

“It hurts!” She wails to you, her face shocked at your outburst.

“TOO FUCKING BAD! You have to keep moving or you will die. We’re losing light!”

Taissa, quick to defend her girlfriend, “Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!”

“Don’t fucking start with me, Taissa!” You continued and pointed your finger at Taissa, your lip curling hatefully as you spoke. You’re seething with anger.

“The fuck do you mean?!” Taissa screams back, defensive.

“YOU’RE THE REASON WE’RE IN THIS FUCKING MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU WERE FUCKING SLEEP WALKING AGAIN!”

“NO, I WASN’T!”

“YES, THE FUCK YOU WERE! YOU FUCKING SLEPT AND WALKED AWAY AND LEFT US DEFENSELESS!” You snarled with a snapping finger, pointing at Taissa like you were going to stab her through her heart. Taissa, immediately, is wounded by the truth, and tears come to her eyes, her lip quivering as you point at her. She flinches at your tone and the look in your eyes. “You walked off to wherever you fucking did when you meant to keep watch, alarm us if animals were nearby! YOU COULD HAVE WOKEN ME UP!” You scream at her, trying to keep your breath as the two of them watch you with wide, shocked eyes. You wanted to punch the tree beside you. “You had one job! I did it for two nights straight, and the one time I needed you to be the leader, you failed-”

“I'm so sorry-”

“Well, sorry’s not going to fucking cut it. Van’s almost dead. I’m cut to ribbons, and we’re lost in the goddamn woods.” You seethe with tears coming out of your eyes. If your eyes could kill her, you would have willed it in this moment. “We’re not going to die in the woods because of you.”

You hissed.

Taissa silently gasps as her eyes are blurred with tears, and she slowly lifts a hand to her lips with a whimper.

You can’t seem to keep the snarl off your lip.

Your words made the whole forest silent.

You don’t look away or soften your gaze on Taissa, “You’re going to help me get Van up-”

“NO STOP!” Van wails as she weakly struggles against you. “LEAVE ME!”

“STOP WASTING YOUR BREATH!” You thunder down at Van, tightening your grip on her arm, you see a speck of spit fly off your lips and land on her cheek. An image of your dad screaming at you like this comes to your mind, “You’re going to come with us whether you like it or not. If we don’t leave before it gets dark, we’re going to get hunted again, you understand? NO ONE IS GETTING LEFT BEHIND! NO ONE IS DYING IN THESE GODDAMN WOODS!”

Both of them flinch at your volume. Both stare at you with fear of your rage. A surge of shame comes over your belly when you recognize the face they were making at you was the same one you made to your dad—scared and defenseless.

You take a deep breath as you stare at them both for a moment. You have gone too far. You were correct, but you have done too much damage. You felt your lip quiver as your own fear got the better of you in this moment. You might actually die in the woods with them if you don’t find the cabin before nightfall.

“I love you guys too much to die out here like animals.” You blurt out with almost no air in your lungs, and your hands felt like they were trembling slightly as you looked at their eyes. “If I’m dying, I’m dying trying to get you back to safety and to survive. I will be fucking damned if I let anything get us again.”

They both said nothing. But they softened their eyes at you. They know you are just scared and frustrated, in pain. You were just an injured animal. You bit your lip as you started to lift you and Van.

You felt yourself give in to your own exhaustion. You don’t remember the last time you ate something or drank water. Your bleeding never really stopped, no matter how tightly you tied the fabric.

You were so fucking angry.

You just wanted to save your friends.

It is not fair.

It’s not fucking fair.

You sit beside them for a moment as you huff out pissed breaths, you are so angry. You don’t know why. You don’t think you'll get up again if you don’t do it now. “We’re. Not. Fucking. DYING. IN. THE. FUCKING. WOODS!” You gradually start bellowing to get yourself pumped up.

Rage alone makes you able to stand yourself up with your cut-up legs with Van attached to your hip, but your ankles feel like jello as you try to step forward. Taissa stands up, silently crying, while holding Van on the other side.

Taissa cries quietly and doesn’t answer your grumbling. You know she knows you were honest. She knows she is the reason for all of this.

Van writhes in pain, doesn’t really care what was said, but knows now she can’t stop until you all get home.

You start to march with wider steps as the sun begins to shine, its rays peeking through the leaves. You don’t have much time at all now.

There is still no single track to be found on the ground.

‘21

You drove Callie home after your heartfelt moment tonight, and you felt a sense of ease you haven’t felt in so long. She was the closest you will ever have to a child, and she adored you; you seemed to soothe whatever was making her suspicious of your past. You haven’t felt that kind of happiness when you've thought about your past. Most of the time, you felt dread, but tonight was a cozy hug from the 90s.

You don’t even make it to your front door before you're getting calls from your publisher. You have been ignoring every call and message. You found the courage to check your messages from them a few days ago, and you discovered that the aftermath of the romance panel was positive for me and has boosted book sales more than anyone expected. You had your phone down when they started to ask about the next book and the Netflix deal that was in the works. You don’t want to do anything. You're done with it all. You shouldn’t have even finished the damn book.

But, no. You’re not writing a song of Ice and Fire, you're writing lesbian paranormal smut for a living. You had to publish to eat. You don’t have many complaints about your job, really. You work from home, have a completely flexible schedule, and have enough money to live comfortably. But the onslaught of promotion, event planning, and social networking for a new book release would kill a workhorse.

You press your home button, roll your eyes, and sigh. You're drained from the day with Callie. You wanted to see Shauna alone. Talk to her. But she was busy with her life, so much so that her child came to your house for dinner alone. You take a deep breath, take your phone out, pull out your cigarette bag, and select a stick for yourself.

Riing! RIing! Riing!

The Caller is unavailable and-

You groan with a growl, you're never able to get a hold of her lately, and she knew how hard everything has been lately for you, surely?

It felt like a sick twist of your gut as you took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to be there for you. Again.

You then call the next caller on your phone.

Riing! Riing!

“What’s wrong?”

You took a deep breath and you felt like you were going to cry again, “I’m sorry, Natalie, I just needed to talk to someone-”

“Whoa, Whoa, what happened?” She asked sternly through the phone, concerned, from your tone, that you had taken a deep puff of the stick.

“I watched an old home movie.” You say slowly as you ash the cigarette in a crystal ashtray. Your eyes unfocused on the grains of wood on the table. Your cat gently rubs their head on your ankle, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to even face your beloved pet. “It was a Halloween video from ‘91 and-” You pause as you blow smoke, “It was of Jackie, Shauna, and me.”

“Yeah,” Natalie says softly as she listens intently to you on the other end.

You closed your eyes as you looked behind yourself to your front door, slightly paranoid, “I just- It was so hard to see Jackie as a kid again-” You started to wobble as you let yourself be exposed to Natalie, “I don’t know, I just didn’t feel it when I watched her. I didn’t think-” You started to cry, and you stopped yourself. “First time in a long time, I think I thought of her without thinking-”

“Yeah. I get it, (y/n).” Natalie says softly, kindly. You could see her in your mind, sitting on her hotel mattress, crossed-legged and holding a cigarette of her own. “You didn’t get the images of everything.”

You let out a little whimper as you say, “Yeah, I just thought about my friend. Not the crash. Nothing else but who she was before it all.”

“You thought about yourself before it all.” Natalie states with a huff of air coming from her nose, smoking, and she says, “I don’t like looking at shit like that. It makes me a mess more than I already am.” She tried to joke with you.

You felt your lips move up at her joke, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to laugh. “Yeah, that too. I, uh, I saw my mom and dad in the video, too. They were so young. So healthy.” You felt yourself look up at the kitchen windows, only to find the trees outside dancing in the wind.

“Oh, man.” Natalie sighs into the phone. She knows how hard it was for you to talk about your mother, “I’m so sorry, (y/n), she was a really great mother.”

“She was. She was so cute in the video, too.” You chuckle as you wipe the tears on your face, you say again, “I was calling because, I don’t know, it was a good cry. I needed to talk to someone who knows-”

“I get it, (Y/n), I get it. I’m an asshole, but you know me.” Natalie says with a soft chuckle. She didn’t say what she meant, but I will always be there for you when you need me.

“I know. If you ever need me, even though I’m a bitch, I’m there for you.”

“I know, you're there even when I don’t want you there.”

You both laugh at that as you lift your gaze from your table to the kitchen bay window in front of the sink. The oat tree was back.

“Okay, I’m going to let you go. I’m going to call you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, Nat.”

She hung up on the other end of the phone as you stared at the tree. The tree's thick, almost grey bark bore the same scars of years of growth. The leaves held their big green shape, lying lazily on the grass and flinching in the breeze. A squirrel stared back at you through the glass as it held a berry in its small hands. They almost mock you as they drop the berry and run away up the now taller tree than you remembered.

Laissez les ténèbres vous libérer

You hold the burning cigarette in your fingers as you slowly stand up in disbelief.

Your father cut the oak tree down in 2000. Back when you came home from your months of medical treatment and stayed at the hospital. He cut it down the night you came home.

Now, at 43, your childhood tree stood strong and tall in your backyard. You stumble onto your porch and into the grass as you start to pick up speed, coming towards the large tree. You press the palm of your hand on the irregular, coarse wood, the grains rub against the dead skin of your hand unkindly, and you stare at the wood for longer than you thought you wanted to.

You wanted to run away.

It was wrong.

Then, that is when the leaves started to ruffle above you. The branches groan softly in the summer air, and a sharp scream comes from your throat. An itching whisper you hated in the back of your head.

You dropped your dead cigarette as you tried to run back into your house, through the open back door, and as you got to the first step, a howling wind surged through the air. The rustling of all the leaves in the backyard comes rushing into your ears all at once into a deafening alarm; you couldn’t even hear your own scream when you stumbled on the steps. You step forward as the strong wind starts to get stronger, your hair flying in your face, and in instinct, you see her behind you.

Laissez les ténèbres vous libérer

“GO AWAY!” You beg as you start to crawl away from the stalking figure; you are being pushed to the side, and you almost get pulled from the door.

The leaves only intensify as you stumble away. You run as hard as you can to get to your back door. You don’t even wait for yourself to twist the handle to rip the door off the hinges. You throw it open and slam it behind you.

You look out the window and only see the stalking birch tree coming towards your back door. You felt a drop of blood trickle down your nose as you stared down the tree lady through the door, knowing that the door was no obstacle to her, and you locked the back door.

“Stay away from me. Go away. Go away.” You whisper and close your eyes, and you start to become numb from the leaves as you hold yourself together. You willed them to go away.

Laissez les ténèbres vous libérer

You stand at the door as your lip quivers, as you almost pray, “Go away. Go away, please go away from me. I have nothing for you anymore.”

Scrrr-eeech! Krrrk! Scrrr-eeech! krrrk!

“Go away. GO AWAY!! GO AWAY!!” You start to panic as you force your eyes closed; you don’t want to see her. Why is she here? “GO BACK TO CANADA!”

“(y/n), you need to stop-”

“STOP IT! STOP IT!”

“(y/n), you're going to hurt yourself-”

Scrrr-eeech! Krrrk! Scrrr-eeech! krrrk!

“JACKIE, STOP IT! EVERYTHING LEAVE ME ALONE-” You scream again, you step back with your eyes pressing so harshly shut, your nose is scrunching up. Blood is collecting down your chin now. Your hands shake as you rub your upper arms in an attempt to keep it together.

The glass of the back door shatters with the roar of leaves falling onto the floor. Your eyes snap open as a last blood-curdling scream leaves your lips.

Your eyes roll back, and you fall hard onto your back as you lose consciousness.

‘96

It’s night now. You all sat on the forest floor again, but it was because you all needed rest. You felt too weak to fight anymore as you looked around the darkness and felt a calmness over the whole situation. You were probably going to die tonight in these quiet woods of cricket calls and leaves—blood loss on the forest floor beside your friends, not the worst way to go.

No one spoke. You assume they thought the same. You wished you had gotten home to say goodbye to everyone else, to apologize to Shauna, and to tell her you loved her, and to hug Jackie one more time. See everyone again.

You lift your head weakly as you start to hear something off in the distance, but you are too exhausted to hold it up as you lean your head back down on the crook of Van’s injured shoulder.

You didn’t even hear them start to run towards you three from a distance; the noise of them grew louder as you started to make out what they were saying. They were screaming your names. They were looking for you all. They all held every lantern you had at the cabin to look for you guys.

You smile as best as you can, as you are the only one awake at this moment, “Over here!” You weakly call out as best you could.

They couldn’t hear you. You turn your head to Taissa; she stares off into the distance where they were, but she doesn’t say anything. “Taissa? Taissa, do you have the flare gun?”

She doesn’t react. She is slowly taking in breaths as she stares out at the trees. You sigh as you let go of Van, and you reach around Taissa’s back pocket.

After you groped around for a moment, desperate to find the gun before the others left, you found the orange flare gun. You aim it into the air and try to find an opening in the tree line to send the bullet out into the sky.

You drop your tire arm from above your head with a thump. You let go of the now useless gun and look on at the lights in the distance.

You try again and you weakly call out, the day without water making your throat tight, “GUYS! Over here!”

The lights in the distance start to come towards you at a breakneck speed. You start to hear the crunching of leaves and the calls of your name as clear as day.

“Taissa!” “Tai! Van!” “(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” “Tai! (Y/n)!”

“Oh my god, it’s (Y/n)!” Jackie gasps as she runs in front of the group. Everyone calls out for Taissa and Van once they see the blood that covered your bodies. Jackie, Shauna, Lottie, Laura Lee, Misty, Travis, and Javi were the ones who came looking for you—a wave of overwhelming relief.

“Hey guys, sorry, we tried to make it in time.” You weakly say, as you look up at Jackie, that you felt your lip wobble and your eyes well when you saw Shauna come up behind her, and they both rush over to you. Jackie doesn’t hesitate to fall to her knees and hug your whole body against hers; she pets your back as she whispers to herself that you're okay.

Laura Lee and Misty rush over to Van to put on new clothes, as does Travis, who has started to lift her body. “Javi, help me with Van, we've got to get back quickly.” He nods his head towards Van’s feet. She just looks up at everyone with not enough energy to greet them. The boys start to lift her and rush back toward the others.

Jackie pushes your hair away from your face and grabs your cheeks, “Oh my god, you're okay!” She panics as she hugs you quickly, and she pulls away quickly when a pained yelp comes from your lips.

Shauna panics as she starts to wrap the dressing Misty made before they left to find you guys. She felt like she was going to vomit when she heard you were hurt. She couldn’t believe she told you she didn’t want to see you again because that wasn’t true. She was a mess as they were frantically looking for you all in the darkness. She couldn’t help but focus on the cuts on your legs and start to wrap them tightly around the open cuts of your wounds. She couldn’t find a steady breath.

You couldn’t help but smile as you looked at them tiredly, a wave of exhaustion coming over you, “I tried to get us back before nightfall.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay! We’re not that far away from the cabin, you did amazing, (Y/n), we’re going to get you better-” Jackie rambles as she watches Shauna wrapping up your bleeding leg.

You felt the corners of your mouth tug upwards as your eyes slowly became too heavy to lift. You say, “I’m so tired-”

“It’s okay, Shauna and I will carry you back!” Jackie insisted as she rubbed her hand down your cheek, as you seemed to almost fall asleep in her arms.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jackie was reassured as she held one of your arms over her shoulder when Shauna was finished dressing your leg. Shauna does the same with a gruff, “Alright.”

Both of them carry you like how you carried Van with Taissa. It greatly relieved the pain in your legs, so that your body completely succumbed to the relentless four days you had endured. Your legs kept moving as your eyes completely shut, and your head leaned back. Shauna and Jackie talked in panicked tones with you in the middle, unable to focus on their word for long.

You finally were safe enough to go to sleep.

You woke up to the sounds of blood-curdling screams on the ground with a rolled blanket under your aching head. You were passed out for less than an hour, it seemed as Lottie petted your hair back and dapped a damp rag against your forehead. You softly blink at the warm smile beaming down at you, then turn your head to find Van being held down by Natalie as Akilah stitches her cheek back together.

“Wha?” you softly mutter to Lottie as you feel a numbness in your body, like your body is no longer connected to your brain anymore.

“They’re fixing Van up, and then they will do you.” She whispers back to you as she tabs the rag to collect the dirt and sweat that seemed painted on your skin. She tenderly rubs your forehead and says, “You were blessed not to be as injured as Van. I have been worried sick-”

You couldn’t help but let out a groggy moan as you felt bile coming up from your stomach. Your body didn’t know what to do. You needed to rest, but you overworked yourself too much for the past day. You lean away from Lottie as hot yellow drips from your lips as it bursts from your throat, you lean your throbbing body off the edge of your bed as you vomit onto the old wooden floor beside Jackie’s shoes.

You would have thought Jackie would have flinched away in disgust, but she didn’t; she petted your shoulders and held back your almost-matted hair. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

You wanted to sob at the feeling of her soft touch and her familiar voice. You wanted to curl into a ball. You could only keep vomiting up searing hot from yourself as your body trembled.

Van’s screams fill the room with no space to breathe. Her agony was your agony. You could do nothing but sit there and hear her suffer through her first stitch. Then her next. And the next.

“Jackie-” You whimper softly in your gag, you grab her wrist that comforts you, and you say, “I can’t do this-”

“I know. I’m going to move you upstairs when you're done-”

You couldn’t help but look up at her and almost choke on your sick, you were going to go through the same. You couldn’t handle hearing it from Van.

“Make it stop-” You pant and almost let out a cry, “I can’t hear this- Van-”

There was a louder and more dire scream. Akilah had to stitch a deeper part of Van’s cheek and had to stab into more skin; it was one of the many curls in Van’s cheek from the claw tearing from the wolf flexing his paw when he attacked her.

Shauna has stood at the foot of your bed, the whole time, rubs your ankle, and says, “It’s going to be better soon. Van will pass out.”

You couldn’t help but let out a tiny sob to yourself as you started to relax. Your stomach is settling horribly as you lie back down on the ground when your eyes made sense of your surroundings, the three of them looking over at you with intensity and fear. Fear of losing you.

Lottie pets your baby's hair back as she kneels beside you, “What happened, dear?”

Your eyes flicker over to her as she makes eye contact with you. You didn’t understand why you felt like her calling you this had gravity, as your head was still stumbling, “Wolves attacked us while we slept.”

Lottie nodded her head and bit her lip; she looked over to Shauna as if there was something they shared. “Wolves? Grey ones?”

“Y-yes, what are-”

“Stop talking about your stupid spirits! It’s fucking crazy! Don’t whisper that to her like that!” Shauna snaps at Lottie and slams her hand on the table. You, oddly, felt soothed with the vibration of the table. Lottie sits still beside you as her lips almost pressed to your ear.

“STOP IT! (Y/n) is hurt! Just stop it, it doesn’t make sense. You just had a dream.” Jackie panics as she holds onto your shoulders, pushing Lottie away to protect you from whatever she wants from you. “She’s barely awake-”

“It doesn’t matter! She is saying weird shit to her while she was asleep!”

“What?” Jackie asks as she looks over to Lottie.

Van lets out a choked scream as the sound of blood in her throat spits out of her mouth onto someone’s face. You hear the girls struggling with Van as Lottie caresses your neck and then stops at your necklace.

“You wore it the whole time. The wilderness knew you took its warning seriously.” Lottie whispers to you as she caresses your skin, and she lets her finger touch the dried blood into a sticky stain. “You’re going to be alright. You bleed for it.”

You flinch and look to Lottie with wide eyes and your breath trapped in your throat. You never told her about what she said in French that night during the seance. You never spoke about the woods or their weird demands.

She doesn’t let you speak before she says, “My prayers protected you. I felt it. I felt the breeze, and it told me something had happened, and you were okay. You’re all lucky to be alive.”

You couldn’t help yourself when you felt a hard realization fall on your head.

You survived this.

Would you get an infection? Would you die on the old wooden floor with pus dripping out of your claw wounds, skin all red with irritation? Would you have a limp forever? Become Coach Scott, who now bitterly tries to lead us with no real power? Would it hurt like your neck does from the plane crash?

What more could you survive? How much would you want to experience? What does it even mean if you were only going to die in this stupid cabin anyway?

None of it.

You wish you had never experienced any of this. No more. No more.

You couldn’t say anything before you felt Shauna run out of the room in a fury, the hatch to the attic slams open and closed quickly as Van continues to scream in agony. Shauna couldn’t take it either. She couldn’t handle the screams and Lottie's craziness.

Jackie immediately turns her body towards Shauna, escaping; her hand drops from your shoulder. “Shauna!” She states, too late for Shauna to hear, she takes a step forward to Shauna. She shoots you a look of panic, now being alone with you and Lottie, she looks back. Jackie turns to look at you again as she rubs a hand on your arm, “I’ll be right back. Don’t listen to Lottie. She had another one of those dreams.”

“That hasn’t been wrong yet.” Lottie retorts to Jackie as she pulls a blanket over your shoulders to keep you warm, and not dirty it on your bleeding legs.

Jackie scoffs and kisses your forehead. She softly looks at you and says, “I’ll be right back. I’ll get you some water.”

Lottie silently watched Jackie leave the room to follow Shauna up to the attic. She lets her eyes slowly come to yours as you look at her. You feel hot pain in your body from your dirty wounds; it feels like a deep itch and wrongness seeping into your bones.

Laissez les ténèbres vous libérer

“You’re right. We’re very lucky.” You weakly responded as another rippling scream came barreling into the wooden space again. You felt your lip quiver as you let a tear fly off your upper lip, “Thank you… Thank you, Lottie.”

Lottie beams at you as she pets your head. She hums, “Don’t worry now, Dear, rest. Ease yourself, you have pleased the wilderness. The wilderness witnessed your sacrifice.”

She kisses the top of your head as you realize Van’s screams have settled down, and how quiet the cabin has become from her silence. She was passed out, so Akilah and Natalie took it to their advantage and started to stitch her cheek closed quickly. You couldn’t help but want to cry at the sound.

“I was so mean to Van-” You sobbed finally, your face curled deeply as wrinkles formed from stress on your forehead and cheeks, “I told her I didn’t care-”

“Shh. Shh. Van knows you were keeping her alive. She will know anyway.” Lottie reassured as she petted your hair back like you were a baby. “She knows you only care.”

You couldn’t help but cry in her arms. Your own pain electrifies up your legs as your body hiccups your cries. “Taissa- I was so wrong for what I told her-”

“No. It was Taissa’s fault. She could have killed you.” Lottie says with almost venom in her words.

You are stunned into silence as you watch her with horror. You didn’t even tell her what you said to Taissa. She doesn’t know how you feel.

“What-wha?” You try to say, as you stutter, your pain overpowering your mind. “I didn’t tell you-”

“It’s her fault. I know.”

“But what I said was pretty bad, like-”

“Hey, (y/n), are you up?” Akilah asks as she comes over to your lying form. She nervously gazes at Lottie and you as she settles herself at your feet. She looks so upset, but she is holding herself with as much composure as she can muster.

“Yeah, are you going to clean me first? I can’t stand the dirt!” You whine in your cry, you couldn’t help but become yourself again—a teenage girl. Your fat tears roll down your cheeks.

She nods her head as she rushes over to the pot of boiling water at the fireplace. She dips the cleanest rags into them with Natalie frantically looking for some sewing thread to stitch you together in the now almost-empty box.

You couldn’t help but feel yourself heave in your hot breath as you cried. You loved how Lottie kept petting your head and cooing at your pain. You clung to her sweetness and tenderness in this moment. This is the closest you have felt to your mother in months; you couldn’t help but cry.

You didn’t really notice when Akilah came back with Natalie; they came over and held you down.

You have never seen Natalie so beside herself as she looks down at you with concerned eyes, burning with tears that fall on your wounded flesh. She couldn’t say anything, especially with Lottie staring her down and whispering sweet words that cooed you into a calm.

They pressed the steaming towel on your wound as they gently wiped away the dirt, spicules of dead leaves, and blades of random grass from your skin.

They started to stitch your leg. One small stab through one side of the red laceration with delicate fingers causes a roaring, sharp pain to ripple through you. You let out a howl, and she quickly connected the needle to the other side. You let out a cry as you cling to Lottie’s comforting arm, your body cringing.

Natalie held you down, surprisingly strong as you flinched in pain, Travis came over to help her hold your larger body down for Akilah to keep working. Their arms are pressing down on your hips and stomach, almost making you vomit at the pressure to your stomach.

Then, Akilah pulls the needle through to have the tied end meet your flesh, and started over. You closed your eyes tightly as she started to stab again to make her next stitch.

Il veut toujours du sang - it always wants blood.

Il veut plus de sang - it wants more blood.

Inutile - Useless.

Le sang coule ici - Blood is flowing here.

Vois si tu me fais confiance, je te récompenserai - See if you trust me, I will reward you.

C'est entièrement de sa faute - this is all her fault.

Laissez les ténèbres vous libérer - Let the darkness set you free.

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