// Zayne and Sylus only: no hate to the other LADs men, but I don't play them so I can't write for their personalities, I wouldn't do them justice. I'd rather play to my strengths, ya know?
// Requests Status: OPEN!
// Please note my request rules: no underage, no beastiality, I won't write OOC things for Zayne and Sylus unless you provide a reason/scenario why they would behave that way, anon requests are A-OK if you're shy.
// I'm open to invites to drabblefic fests! Inbox me for collabs!
// Zayne's Hands - Imagine
// The Alphabet of Zayne - Headcanon
// Mixed Messages - Imagine
// The Alphabet of Sylus - Headcanon
// Mixed Messages - Imagine
// Secret Times Expanded - Beyond Sanctuary
// Request - Finger On The Pulse
// Request - Safe Haven
// NCS Secret Santa Fic Exchange - Knight Shift
So, this mass hysteria surrounding the recent update for the new chapters, "Death and Rebirth" has spread like wildfire and there's been far too many misinformation being spread around.
For the past few days, I've been addressing questions on my personal blog, but perhaps this information would be helpful for others seeking clarifications.
TL;DR: The main story update is just that: an update. Zayne is not being removed from the game. Zayne will continue to be part of future banners just as normal. Do not fall for the mass panic.
Below the cut will be a more thorough explanation about how the game works as well as covering some related questions I've had people asked me in the last few days since the recent main story update for "Death and Rebirth."
Gonna address the elephant in the room first:
Zayne is not leaving the game.
He will continue to be a love interest in the game. How people even reached this conclusion is beyond my understanding. He will continue to appear in future banners just as normal. He will be part of event stories just as normal. Nothing is changing. Our snowman is staying with us!
Main Story Update
There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding about how the main story works.
The main story is a huge plot that takes place over a long period of time and affects all off the characters. This is common in otome games like Love and Deepspace, and especially another game from the same company, Mr Love: Queen's Choice (MLQC).
The recent update released four new chapters, subtitled as "Death and Rebirth". It is still a part of all the previous stories that have been told so far, starting with the first section, "Under Deepspace" and following through to Sylus' section, "Long-Awaited Revelry," the three individual story branches (grouped under "Prologue To Tomorrow"), and Caleb's homecoming, "Homecoming Wings."
These are all part of one larger ongoing story, split into subsections with individual chapters. Additional chapters are added over a period of time, and the plot will progress at this same pacing.
The story is in no way ending. Not even close. From a business standpoint alone, the longer a story is, the longer a game can be profitable.
The aforementioned game MLQC has recently celebrated its sixth anniversary, and to coincide with that celebration, new chapters to its main story were released to coincide with the event. Now, unlike LADS, MLQC have regular main story updates throughout the year, and it's been going strong for six years now with no sign of stopping.
In truth, it is very unlikely for the main story to ever end. At most, an arc may reach its conclusion, but that just invites a new story arc to take its place. As of now, though, LADS is nowhere close to reaching its conclusion. If anything, the recent chapter update have revealed many new plot points to be explored in future chapters.
While both Sylus and Zayne have recently been showcased, it is not the end of their appearances. They will continue to be seen as more of the story develops, but for now, our next sight would be to circle back to Xavier and Rafayel, with Caleb possibly on the horizon as well.
Main Story vs. Story Branches
There is a difference between a main story update and story branches update that may seem confusing to some.
Main story update would involve a plot that affects all characters and the story as a whole. Just think of the main story as a tree constantly growing bigger.
While the story branches would be akin to actual tree branches. It will tell a smaller story that is connected to the main, but the central themes would follow a singular character. For example, Zayne's story branch, "Thorns Under the Moon" follows Zayne only, and the conflict he deals with (his nightmares/Dawnbreaker) does not affect the other characters directly or impact them in any way.
Memory Cards (4* and 5*)
The exact timeline for the memory cards are intentionally ambiguous, especially the early cards to allow the writers the freedom to work on the main story, which will have subtle romantic implications. The memory cards are meant to show a more intimate (or growing intimate) relationship with the LIs.
This is a similar format LADS is borrowing from MLQC (reiterating the two games are part of the same company).
When reading the memory cards, it is intended for you to assume that it takes place post-canon from the main story with MC having chosen that specific LI as her partner. (you are not dating all five men at once.......unless you want to headcanon it that way who is stopping you lbr /hj)
For example, if you are reading a Zayne memory, then it follows a path/timeline where MC is pursuing a relationship with Zayne and has no romantic relationship with the other male characters.
The main story would only subtly hint at the possibility of romantic feelings with each LI, but it wouldn't be obvious unless you are reading the 4* or 5* cards (which at that point means you are "choosing" that LI's "route").
One thing to keep in mind as you are reading the main story: MC is not romantically involved with any of the men, nor does she have any explicit romantic feelings for them.
If it makes it easier to understand, then consider the main story as one long slow burn. The 4* and 5* memories would be what would happen after the story ends (typically, but there are exceptions with some cards [mainly thinking of Caleb's cards right now]).
For most of the current memories, everything can be considered canon except for the Catch-22 cards, which all clearly take place in an alternate universe (AU). A good way to identify if it's an AU or not is if the characters all have completely new backstories, which in this case, they do.
Final Words
I have done my best to highlight some common concerns brought to my attention recently, but if there's anything else that is still troubling you, please feel free to reach out and I will do my best to answer and also edit this post with updated info.
Likewise, if you feel I am misinformed about anything, or would like me to add additional points, please also feel free to reach out. The goal here is to reassure everyone that the game is in no way facing any drastic changes or losing a beloved character. I understand for many, this may be their first time playing an otome game, so the gameplay is very unfamiliar and confusing. Let's try to help our fellow players and stop the spread of misinformation going around. 🙏
I had intended to make a post of my own on this topic but honestly @starmocha completely hit the nail on the head and said it just as well if not better than I could.
If you’re one of those folks that enjoys the *Sylus is MC’s actual father by blood* or *Caleb is MC’s actual brother by blood* and *they’re in a romantic sexual relationship with her* trope, you and I are from very different worlds and you’re an insta-block for me if I catch that fetishising of incest on a profile that interacts with me.
My content and your interests will never mix. Gege is an honorific like Oppa, they are not blood related, never have been, never will be.
dad!zayne who opens a text from you during his break. it reads, "i've been wondering why it takes them a while to finish. did you know about this?" followed by a video of their child at the sink, taken at an angle that suggests they do not realise they were being recorded.
dad!zayne who plays the video to see their little 4-year-old washing their hands very thoroughly before proceeding to work up their forearms — a manner that is no way unfamiliar to the man himself.
dad!zayne who is impressed that somehow their preschooler managed to learn how to wash their hands like they were to scrub in for surgery. he may have absentmindedly done that a few times at home. did they pick that up from him?
dad!zayne who watches fondly as the child's focus breaks and looks at the camera stunned, finally noticing you. "do you want to say hi to daddy?" you say. they nod enthusiastically, waving at the camera and flinging a few suds away, "hi daddy!"
dad!zayne who has an ice evol, melting under the warmth of his two suns.
idk if this has been done before but aaaa plot bunnies part of me still in disbelief that l&ds of all things has me writing. i feel rusty and lowk out of my element? this was inspired by tiktok doomscrolling.
♡︎ synopsis: When you invited Caleb to stay at your place in hopes of rekindling your friendship, you didn’t realize you’d be inviting the feelings you shunned years ago. You both changed, but what you feel for each other hasn’t—and maybe, this time, you’ll be brave enough to reach for it.
♡︎ pairing: Caleb x fem!reader
♡︎ tags: fluff, angst, smut, Caleb calls you pipsqueak (and always will in my fics), Caleb is a virgin, but reader isn't, oral (both of them giving and receiving), creampie as always
♡︎ word count: 10.3k
♡︎ a/n: this is my first time writing Caleb, so pls be nice to me ok??
♡︎ this is not beta read but i'm still giving a shout-out to my bestie ♡︎@its-de♡︎
divider by @/anitalenia
Caleb’s voice echoes from the bathroom, breaking you out of your thoughts. “How many body lotions does one person need?”
You roll your eyes but don’t respond immediately. Instead, you smooth the fabric of his shirt between your fingers before placing it on a hanger in your closet. Then you go to the bathroom.
You lean on the doorway, crossing your arms, “You’re not being a very pleasant house guest with comments like that.”
He’s standing in the shower, placing his travel size toiletries in one corner, his back turned to you. “And you’re not bein’ a very nice host for making your guest sleep on the sofa.”
You roll your eyes again.
This was your idea. That’s what you remind yourself as you watch Caleb settle into your space like he’s always belonged there. You were the one who matched your vacation days with his, and invited him to stay here instead of a hotel.
It made sense. You hadn’t seen much of each other since he came back, just a few meetups here and there, a handful of nights at his place. But now, for the first time in what felt like years, neither of you had somewhere else to be.
The sight of him here, snooping around your bathroom after setting down the toiletries you know he’ll use up in a day before inevitably stealing half of yours, warms your heart. When you’re like this - so close to him, grabbing his wrist to drag him out of the bathroom because ‘why are you inspecting every corner, you’re so weird!’ - and when he lets out that impish chuckle as he says ‘but I need to get acquainted with my vacation place.’ - it feels like nothing has changed.
Like there are no threats in the shadows. Like both of you haven’t lost a little light in your eyes.
But you have.
And now, watching him here, so effortlessly at home in your space, you’re not sure if it’s comforting or bittersweet.
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
Time quickly passed while helping him unpack and putting away his stuff, and now it’s already dinnertime and you’ve worked up an appetite. You glance, from where you’re sitting on the sofa, at Caleb who’s rolling up his sleeves before opening your fridge. Before he can ask you anything, you stand up and start walking towards the coat rack.
“Since I am such a gracious host,” you begin, earning Caleb’s attention and he turns to you, “I’ve decided to spare you of your cooking duties on your first day – “
“It’s dinnertime.” Caleb intercepts, with a mock offence in his voice.
You ignore him. “We’re going to one of my favorite places to eat.”
He closes the fridge and turns to you, crossing his arms. “That is too vague. Do I need to change and wear something fancy? Is it your treat?”
“Do you want to come or not?”
“Sure!”
You toss him his jacket and when you reach for your purse you remember something. “Oh, wait – I got you something.”
You dig into your purse and pull out a brand-new lip balm, holding it up with a triumphant look. Caleb eyes it, then sighs.
“You’re so thoughtful. Thanks.” His flat tone as he accepts it makes you grin.
“It’s extra moisturizing so I don’t have to keep looking at your dry lips.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “Oh? Why do you want to keep staring at my lips?”
Heat spreads across your face instantly. You immediately look away, mumbling, “I’m not staring.”
He hums, unscrewing the cap as he tilts his head. “What was that, pipsqueak?”
You exhale sharply, ignoring him. But the moment he swipes the balm across his lips, with orange glow of sunset spilling over his face, you can’t help but steal a glance. And you just know he catches it. But, for once, he doesn’t tease. He just smirks knowingly.
You grab your jacket a little too quickly. “Let’s go.”
He doesn’t say anything, just follows, still smirking as he tucks the lip balm into his pocket.
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
By the time the two of you return to your apartment, you feel sleep already overtaking you. The dinner turned into wandering around some shops, then you had smoothies, then Caleb insisted walking around more to burn off calories. Usually, an evening like that wouldn’t be so tiring if you didn’t spend the whole day cleaning and tidying up, and then picking him up at the train station. And there were these waves of butterflies in your stomach, that would appear whenever you thought of him. It was draining, and frustrating.
But not confusing.
You thought those feelings had disappeared. You really did. But as the years passed and you started a new life here—new city, new people, new experiences—you told yourself you’d moved on. You had to.
A heavy sigh leaves your lips as you fluff up his pillow after slipping it inside a fresh and clean pillowcase. You already took a shower, stole one of his baggy shirts and paired them with pajama shorts and fuzzy socks. While he’s in the bathroom, you decided to set up the bedding on the sofa, since you’re sure he must be tired as well, even if he’s not showing it. As always.
Though your body feels like velvet, heavy with exhaustion, you still accept Caleb’s suggestion to watch a movie before bed.
"We don’t have to watch it tonight." Caleb lingers in the doorway, eyes flicking over your sleep-heavy expression.
"I’m fine!" You try to sound convincing, but you’re already tugging the duvet over yourself. "I just need to lie down."
Caleb huffs a quiet laugh, shaking his head as he watches you nestle deeper into the cushions, head resting on the pillow meant for him.
"It’s so nice and cozy in here," you murmur, voice already thick with drowsiness. The crisp, freshly washed bedding cocoons you, pulling you under.
He chuckles, stepping closer and tapping your legs, silently telling you to move. "You’re just trying to convince me that this is comfortable for me."
Before you can protest, he takes your legs and settles them over his lap.
Your body stiffens at the contact. This is normal. It should be normal. It’s not the first time he’s had your legs in his lap. You inhale deeply, telling yourself to relax, to stop overthinking. You’re just getting used to his presence again.
Though, suddenly, you don’t feel so sleepy anymore.
The movie plays on the TV, filling the space with voices and background noise. Comfortable silence settles between you both, broken only by occasional remarks—mostly Caleb critiquing the acting. Of course he can’t keep quiet even during a movie. You fight the urge to roll your eyes, but the annoyance fades the moment his hands slide under the covers, grazing over your shins.
He glances at you, voice low. "You seem a little tense. Was the walk too exhausting?"
Your breath catches for a second before you close your eyes, exhaling slowly. His fingers press against the tight muscles in your calves, kneading gently.
"Maybe a little." you murmur, your voice softer than intended.
He murmurs a small apology, letting his hands make it up to you. He presses and kneads with just the right amount of pressure, his thumbs digging into spots that unravel you far too easily.
Heat blooms deep inside you, catching you off guard.
He works his way down, his palms smoothing over your ankles, rolling slow circles there before moving to your feet. The added texture of your socks only makes it worse—the friction, the warmth of his skin through the fabric, the way his thumbs press into the soles of your feet, it makes it so much harder to focus on the movie.
You bite your lip, pulse thrumming. A small sound threatens to escape your throat, and you swallow it back before lifting your legs off his lap. You murmur a small “thank you” and curl up on your side, your gaze now glued to the screen.
Caleb teases you, saying you look like you’re about to pass out. And even though you mumble a half-hearted protest, swearing you’re still awake, your eyes flutter closed before the movie is over.
His presence might be the source of your simmering frustration, of all the feelings you’re trying to ignore—but it’s also the most comforting one you’ve ever known.
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
When your eyes open, it’s already morning. Sunlight filters through the curtains, casting a soft glow over your room. You’re warm, nestled beneath the comforter, a plushie tucked securely in your arms. A sleepy smile tugs at your lips as you nuzzle against it. You don’t remember how you got to bed, but you don’t need to think too hard about it. Caleb must have carried you here last night, just like he always used to, slipping back into old habits as if no time had passed at all.
The scent of something familiar drifts in from the kitchen, rich and savory. He’s up, moving around the kitchen, already making breakfast.
You stretch lazily before dragging yourself out of bed, moving through your morning routine. After freshening up and changing into more presentable loungewear, you step into the living room.
"Look who’s awake!" Caleb’s voice greets you the moment you enter. His back is turned as he works at the counter, only glancing over his shoulder briefly before returning to whatever he’s preparing.
You groan, voice still laced with sleep. “I don’t want to hear the usual ‘by the time you got up I already jogged’ and blah blah blah!” Caleb laughs at your mocking tone, shaking his head as he grabs a pair of plates from the cabinet. He starts setting the table, saying something in response, but his words blur in the background when your eyes catch on something unexpected.
A pillowcase. His pillowcase.
It’s hanging on the drying rack by the window, the fabric swaying slightly from the morning breeze. Your brows knit together.
"When did—why did you wash this?" You gesture toward it, confusion clear in your voice. "It was completely clean."
Caleb barely falters. "It was, but I drooled on it last night," he says easily, still arranging the table. "Didn’t want to make too much noise, so I hand-washed it."
You huff a small laugh, tempted to tease him for drooling, but for some reason, you don’t. Maybe he was exhausted. Or maybe your scent bothered him. Your stomach tugs uncomfortably at the thought, but you brush it off before it can settle. Don’t be ridiculous.
Instead, you take a seat across from him, scanning the breakfast spread. He made everything you like in the morning—even bought coffee from one of your favorite coffee shops. The warmth in your chest is immediate, dangerously soft, dangerously familiar.
“You should quit the colonel position,” you look up from the bowls and plates, meeting his gaze properly since you walked in – he’s already watching you, a hint of amusement in his eyes, “A – and be my personal chef.”
Damn it.
Heat creeps up your neck at the stumble in your voice.
He shakes his head with a small chuckle, setting a glass of water in front of you. "I wouldn’t mind that."
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
The room is bathed in the dim, flickering light of the television, casting soft shadows across the coffee table cluttered with half-eaten snacks. The scent of buttered popcorn lingers in the air, warm and familiar, mixing with the faint traces of Caleb’s cologne. He sits comfortably beside you, one arm draped along the back of the sofa, his posture relaxed, his focus on the screen in front of him.
You should be watching too. After all, you’re the one who recommended it, but Caleb wanted to wait, saying he’d rather watch it for the first time with you instead of on his own. And now, here you are, barely paying attention at all.
Your eyes are glued to the phone screen, and every so often, a quiet giggle escapes you, fingers tapping swiftly against the glass as you reply to messages. You don’t notice the way Caleb’s gaze flickers to you from the corner of his eye. You don’t register the barely-there tightening of his jaw as you keep getting distracted, your smile aimed at a screen instead of him.
At first, he says nothing. He lets the minutes pass, lets you have your moment, but with every small laugh, every glance downward, his patience begins to fray at the edges.
Who the hell is so funny?
He shifts beside you, stretching slightly, making himself known, a silent reminder that he’s still here. But you don’t even glance up.
Fine.
The movement is swift—before you can react, Caleb reaches over and snatches your phone out of your hands.
“Caleb!” You protest in disbelief.
He leans back against the sofa, holding your phone just out of reach, with a self-satisfied smirk on his lips.
"I thought we were watchin’ this together?"
You blink at him, momentarily stunned by the sheer audacity, before a scoff escapes you. "Did you seriously just take my phone?"
He shrugs, turning it over in his hands, inspecting it, like he has every right to.
Your eyes narrow. "That is a violation of privacy."
His smirk widens slightly, thumb hovering just over the screen. "So what were you laughin’ at?"
You sigh in defeat. Time to change the tactic.
You lunge for your phone without hesitation, but he’s faster—his arm lifts easily, keeping it just out of reach, and he leans away, making you chase after it.
"Caleb—!"
The next few seconds is a blur of limbs, the glowing screen of your phone, and breathless laughter.
You scramble onto your knees, grappling at his wrist, stretching upward, trying to reach the device, but he moves effortlessly, dodging you like this is nothing. You nearly lose your balance in the process, your hands bracing against his chest—
Fuck, those muscles are strong.
Caleb chuckles at your failed attempt, his grip on your phone still firm, completely unbothered by your struggling.
You’re not giving up that easily.
With renewed determination, you grab at his wrist again, pushing against him with your full weight, throwing him slightly off balance. Your bodies end up in a tangled mess of limbs as both of you topple on your side onto the cushions. His body is so close, his warmth suddenly everywhere. Your breath catches, but you don’t have time to dwell on it, because you notice a slight flinch when your fingers brush against his ribs.
You blink up at him as realization dawns, slow and sweet and far too tempting.
Caleb’s expression shifts instantly. "Don’t."
A slow, dangerous smile spreads across your lips.
You dig your fingers into his side, and he twists in protest, his muscles flexing as he tries to escape you. His laugher is light and carefree - and it is the most unfairly attractive sound you’ve always loved.
You falter for a second too long.
Caleb doesn’t waste the opportunity. Before you can react, he grips your wrist, and with ridiculous ease, he flips you onto your back. By the time you catch your breath, he’s already caging you in, pinning your wrists above your head with one hand.
Everything stills for a moment. His breathing is heavier now. Yours is too. The TV hums softly in the background, but neither of you are listening. Your phone has slipped onto the carpet, forgotten. His grip isn’t tight, isn’t restricting, but it keeps you in place. Caleb’s gaze lingers on you, no trace of teasing left in his expression. And something about that - the way he’s looking at you, about the weight of his body pressing against yours, how his chest rises and falls above you—sends a slow, unbearable warmth curling through you.
But then, just as easily as he pinned you down, he lets go. You sit up quickly, forcing a small laugh, brushing off the moment like it was nothing. Caleb leans back against the sofa, running a hand through his hair before reaching down and lazily tossing your phone back to you.
“Alright, alright. I’ll stop stealin’ your stuff. For now.”
You roll your eyes, unlocking the screen, but you hesitate for a second before speaking. “I know it was rude to text during the movie,” you admit, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. “I was just talking to my friends about tomorrow.”
Caleb doesn’t react at first. He’s stretching out his legs, seemingly unfazed, “Yeah?” his voice is too neutral. “What’s happening tomorrow?”
“I already made plans to go out with them.”
There’s a flicker of something in his expression, something quickly buried, masked with indifference. He exhales through his nose, nodding, like he’s completely unbothered.
“Cool.”
"I won’t be out late," you say quickly, feeling a pang of guilt. “Just a couple of drinks, maybe some dancing. I’ll be back before you know it.”
He makes a noncommittal sound, eyes flicking back to the screen, but his jaw is tighter now.
You hesitate, studying him for a moment, before offering a small smile. "If it makes you feel better, you can come pick me up.”
That makes him glance at you, his eyes softer now. “Yeah. Alright.” Then he takes the TV remote to pause the movie, and now his full focus is on you. “So, what are you gonna to wear?”
The question makes you flustered, warmth spreading across your cheeks. “I don’t know.” You admit quietly. It is the truth, which is why you’ve been texting your friends during the movie. But he hasn’t seen you in anything revealing before—not really. Not outside of tiny glimpses in summers past, when you’d lounge around in shorts and tank tops, never once thinking about how his eyes followed you.
And it shouldn’t be a big deal. It wouldn’t matter if you weren’t so unbearably attracted to him.
You spent too much time getting ready this morning. From the cozy loungewear you’d picked out before breakfast, to the outfit you chose for your day out with him, to the subtle refresh of your makeup before settling down for the movie—it had all been intentional. Every choice, every small detail, designed to make you look effortlessly good.
“Why don’t you show me the outfits you had in mind?” He asks, leaning back against the sofa, “Maybe I can help you.”
You force yourself to exhale, keep your tone light. "Fine. But don’t be annoying about it."
Caleb smirks, tilting his head slightly. “No promises.”
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
You disappear into your room, trying to shake off the ridiculous way your body reacted to that simple suggestion. You shouldn’t care. It’s Caleb. He’s seen you barefaced and half-asleep, wrapped in blankets, wearing mismatched pajamas. He’s been around you long enough to know every version of you.
You exhale slowly, smoothing your hands over the fabric of your dress. It’s soft beneath your fingertips, sleek and form-fitting, hugging the shape of you in a way that suddenly feels too revealing. You refuse to dwell on it.
You smooth your hands over the fabric before stepping out, ignoring the way your pulse picks up the moment you re-enter the living room.
And the moment you do, Caleb stills.
He doesn’t shift, doesn’t smirk, doesn’t offer some offhanded remark the way you expect him to. He just watches, his gaze moving over you. Then, his brows pull together slightly, his head tilting as if he’s weighing something in his mind.
"Hm. I don’t know."
You gasp, almost appalled at the comment. “What do you mean you don’t know?” You’re trying your best to sound normal, and not like your cheeks are burning under his gaze. He looks effortlessly handsome, sprawled across the sofa with his arms draped over the backrest, legs spread in a way that makes him seem both completely at ease and utterly in control of the space around him.
His eyes lift to yours. "Turn around for me."
The request is effortless, spoken with the same ease as everything else he says. But something about it—the quiet authority in his voice, the way his gaze stays locked onto yours, unblinking—makes your skin prickle.
You try to shake off the thought, rolling your eyes dramatically. “Turn around? What, am I on a runway?”
A smirk tugs at his lips. “Exactly. Indulge me.”
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
You try on another dress, stepping out with a little more confidence this time, expecting at least some approval. But Caleb only exhales, tilting his head slightly, his mouth pressing into a thin line.
"Not my favorite."
You huff, retreating into your room once again, determined to find something he can’t find an issue with. But it becomes a pattern. No matter what you put on, Caleb always has something to say.
"That one’s not very practical."
"You’ll be freezing in that."
"It’s fine, I guess."
But you’re not stupid. The pattern is glaringly obvious—the more revealing the dress, the less he seems to like it.
After one final unimpressed hum from him, you let out an exasperated breath. There’s a pile of clothes on your bed and your muscles are aching from the endless zip-twirl-sigh routine. “Okay,” you snap, sharper than intended, “you’re officially no help.”
Caleb smirks, stretching his arms overhead until his shirt rides up, revealing a sliver of toned stomach. “Just bein’ honest.”
You roll your eyes, reaching for your phone on the coffee table. "Whatever. I’ll just ask my friends."
You barely hear whatever excuse he’s offering now, his voice a low murmur in the background as you tap out a message. Then, an idea pops up in your head. You glance up from your screen, cutting him off mid-sentence. “You should go out as well.”
Caleb stops, his gaze flicking to yours, just for a second. Then, he shakes his head, exhaling lightly. “Clubs aren’t really my scene.”
You nod, finishing your message and sending it off before locking your phone. You lean your shoulder against the wall, the cool surface pressing against your heated skin.
"Well, who knows—" your tone is casual, "you might meet a cute girl."
His laugh is hollow. “Doubt that’s happening.”
“Oh?” You tilt your head slightly, feigning innocence. “You have someone back home?”
The room stills.
You notice Caleb’s jaw shifting just slightly before his frown deepens. It’s not irritation—not exactly.
"I don’t." His voice is steady. Then, his gaze sharpens, latching onto yours, his expression more serious than before. "I would’ve told you, like I promised."
A breath catches in your throat.
"Like we promised."
Caleb’s words linger. I would’ve told you. Like we promised. You stare at him, throat tightening as his gaze sharpens—he’s studying you, dissecting the guilt spreading across your face.
“You never told me,” he says, voice deceptively casual, “if you ever liked someone.”
Your phone buzzes in your hand, but you barely register it. You don’t want to answer this question. You swallow, but your throat feels dry. "We weren’t talking as much." The words come out quieter than you intend, "It didn’t seem relevant."
“Relevant.” He repeats.
You inhale sharply, forcing yourself to meet his gaze even as something in your chest tightens. "You can’t deny we grew apart, Caleb." The words claw their way up, bitter and ugly, “And you're the one to talk - as someone who decided to go no-contact for months.” and the second they leave your mouth, you regret them.
You watch his face shift from stunned to something that looks an awful lot like hurt.
Before he can speak, you sink onto the sofa beside him, your scarred knee bumping his. “I’m sorry.” you curl your fingers into the fabric of your dress to keep from reaching for him. “I didn’t mean that.”
His eyes soften and a sigh leaves his lips. Then, the faint pressure of his palm settles on your head, the familiar gesture offering comfort. “You don’t have to apologize,” he says, voice low.
You lean into his touch, eyes burning. “But I am sorry.”
“I know.” His hand stills, heavy and warm. “So am I.”
The admission is so quiet you almost miss it. You glance up, but he’s already looking away, jaw clenched against whatever else wants to spill out. So am I for leaving. So am I for coming back broken. So am I for loving you like a man who was never meant to fly—reaching for the only light that ever felt like home, even knowing that if I get too close, you’ll be the one who burns.
You don’t press. Instead, you let your shoulder bump his. He exhales, tension seeping out of him as his hand slips down to cradle the nape of your neck. "Come on, pips." His voice is quieter now, lighter. "We should get some sleep."
The argument dissolves, but the ache remains—a bruise you’ll both keep pressing, to remind yourselves it’s real.
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
Even though it was late, you had insisted on finishing the rest of the movie, clinging to the familiar comfort. You slipped back into the playful banter – you had whined about the pile of clothes still sitting on your bed, blaming him for it. Caleb, ever unbothered, had only smirked and offered to neatly put them away tomorrow.
While he was in the shower, you took the time to make up the sofa, tucking the sheets with more care than necessary. When he stepped out of the bathroom, hair damp, skin warm from the heat of the water, you didn’t comment on the familiar citrus scent clinging to him—the scent of your body lotion.
You’d exchanged a quiet goodnight before retreating to your bedroom, closing the door behind you.
Grabbing the pile of discarded clothes, you stacked them onto the armchair in the corner, ignoring the mess for now. You had planned on wearing your usual pajama tank top, but Caleb had insisted you wear one of his shirts again, claiming it was more comfortable.
You’re here now - lying beneath the comforter, pajama shorts brushing against soft sheets, the soft fabric of his shirt enveloping you, and yet still— you’re completely awake. Your eyes remain wide open, staring into the darkness, as if sleep might find you if you just keep pretending you’re not thinking about him.
You shift beneath the comforter, rolling onto your side, then onto your back, only to flip your pillow to the cooler side and press your cheek against it. The softness offers no relief.
A deep sigh slips past your lips, but the weight in your chest remains.
I should have told him.
You should’ve told him about the men you’ve dated. You should’ve kept your promise. That’s what he did. But you tell yourself, keep comforting yourself, that at some point your lives drifted apart. When time and distance made him feel more like a memory, you thought it didn’t matter anymore.
Except it did. It mattered to Caleb.
He’d said it plainly —I would’ve told you—as if keeping that promise was as simple as breathing. No loopholes. No expiration dates.
Your breath hitches slightly, something twisting in your chest. You roll onto your side again, eyes drifting toward the empty space beside you.
The dull ache in your lower back pulls at your attention, a stiffness lingering in your shoulder. You shift slightly, frowning at the discomfort— a souvenir from last night when you’d fallen asleep on the sofa. He had carried you to bed, made sure you were comfortable. And now, he’s the one out there, sleeping on the same sofa, crammed into a space too small for him.
The guilt creeps back in.
Finally, with a sigh of surrender, you throw off the covers and rise from your bed. You move carefully through the dark, the wooden floor cool beneath your bare feet as you make your way toward the living room.
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
The apartment is silent, save for the faint hum of the city beyond the windows, and as you reach the doorway, you pause, peering inside. Your eyes take a moment to adjust, but you can already make out the shape of him—Caleb, stretched out on the sofa, one arm draped over his stomach, his breathing steady. For a second, you think he’s asleep -
"Can’t sleep?" His voice is quiet, but in the stillness of the apartment, it still makes you flinch.
You step closer, your gaze meeting his, even in the dark. “You should sleep in my bed tonight.”
There’s silence for a moment. You can’t make out his expression, but you can feel the hesitation in the way he exhales slowly.
Then you hear a soft chuckle. “I’m perfectly fine here.”
You narrow your eyes, irritation mixing with your exhaustion. Of course, he’s being stubborn. Any other night, you might have tried to coax him with teasing, maybe thrown in a snarky remark or the fact that he’d be doing the same thing for you if the roles were reversed.
But it’s late, and you don’t have the patience for an argument you know you’re going to win anyway.
So instead, you move without warning.
With one swift motion, you snatch the duvet right off his body, yanking the pillow from beneath his head before he can even react. A startled breath escapes him, but you don’t wait for a protest.
You’re already retreating toward your bedroom, grumbling under your breath, "I’m trying to be nice here."
Behind you, Caleb exhales a quiet laugh, shaking his head. He doesn’t argue this time, just watches for a moment before finally pushing himself up from the sofa and following.
By the time he steps inside, you’re already back beneath your comforter, curled on your side. The mattress shifts slightly as he settles in beside you, his presence familiar yet suddenly overwhelming.
“Goodnight,” you say, too stiffly.
“Night.” His reply is softer.
You close your eyes, and the fact that he is sleeping in a comfortable bed eases your mind long enough to let you drift off to sleep.
⋆｡ ‧˚ʚ🍎ɞ˚‧｡ ⋆
When your eyes blink open, the darkness feels denser, heavier. The digital glow of your nightstand clock blinks 3:07 AM. You're not sure if you ever truly slept or if your mind simply hovered somewhere between dream and wakefulness.
The room is silent, save for the distant murmur of the city and the steady rhythm of Caleb’s breathing behind you—deep, even, grounding. You listen for a moment, letting the sound soothe you, lulling your nerves the same way it always used to. From the sound of it, he managed to fall asleep.
Slowly, carefully, you shift onto your other side, moving as if the smallest rustle might wake him. Your body rolls toward him, your eyes adjusting to the dark until his silhouette takes shape in front of you. He’s asleep, facing you. The moonlight spills in through the slit in the curtains, illuminating his face with delicate silver light. His brows are relaxed, mouth slightly parted, and one cheek is gently squished against the pillow.
Seeing him like this makes you smile, faint and bitter-sweet. He looks like a memory. Like all those nights you used to crawl into his bed after a nightmare, when he’d shift just enough to let you under the covers, barely awake but always aware of you, always there.
But the warmth of that memory fades almost as quickly as it came. Guilt rises like bile, acrid and insistent.
I don’t blame you.
You should have said that. You wish you had. When you apologized earlier, when you sat beside him trying to make up for your comment, you should’ve said that too. Because it’s true. You don’t.
You understand why he disappeared. You understand why he didn’t call, why he let you think he was gone—you know that he did it to protect you.
But the girl who slept with his necklace clutched in her fist for months, who scrubbed explosion residue from her hair until her scalp bled—she blames him. A splinter of her still does, lodged too deep to dig out.
Your eyes sting, but you blink quickly, swallowing down the lump in your throat.
You focus on the rhythm of his breathing, his lashes that cast delicate shadows on his cheeks, the slight sheen on his lips. He is right here.
So close you could reach out and touch him. So close you can feel the warmth coming off his body.
And yet, so impossibly far.
But wasn’t he always?
Hadn’t he always felt just beyond reach, even when you shared the same space, the same roof, the same memories?
You had spent so many years convincing yourself he didn’t see you that way—that his devotion was born out of duty, not desire. That he was bound to you by shared history, not longing. You told yourself that he saw you as something fragile, something to protect—not something to love.
But there were glances. Touches that lingered longer than they should have. But he never crossed the line. Never let himself want aloud.
So you told yourself he didn’t want to. That he couldn’t. That you weren’t something he was allowed to reach for.
And that’s why you found distractions. That’s why you chased comfort in other people. Because if you couldn’t have him, you had to have something.
But now, lying here beside him, in the quiet of your own bed, there are no distractions. No excuses. No distance left to hide behind. And suddenly, you wonder—
What if he wanted more?
What if he was always waiting for me?
You could wake him now. Could trace your fingertips over his eyelids, could say the words that have lived in the marrow of your bones since before you knew their name. I loved you then. I love you now.
But your lips won’t move. Your hand won’t reach out. Instead, all that comes is the memory of the aching regret that followed you around when you grieved him, whispering your sins in the dark - You should have told him. You should have been brave.
But now—he’s alive. He’s here. He’s right beside you.
But nothing is the same.
And even if you let yourself reach for him, even if you handed over every buried feeling and begged him to take it—the world around you hasn’t changed.
The people who tried to destroy you once are still out there, still watching, still hunting. There are still shadows at your back, and Caleb has always been the one who walks toward them first.
And if you lost him again—really lost him—
You don’t know if you’d survive it.
Because if regret was unbearable before, the devastation of another goodbye—this time after knowing what it’s like to have him— would split you open, would leave you hollow as the day you buried an empty casket.
You don’t realize the tears have started to fall until your vision blurs, until a soft sniffle betrays you. Caleb stirs - he takes a slow inhale, then a deeper one. You still, but it’s too late. His eyes open—drowsy with sleep—but the moment they land on you, on the shimmer on your lashes, they sharpen with clarity.
"What’s wrong?" He whispers softly, concern clear in his voice.
You swipe hastily at your cheeks, the salt sting lingering on your skin. “Nothing,” you lie, offering a trembling smile. “Just a nightmare.”
He doesn’t question it. Doesn’t search your face for more or press for the truth he knows you’re not giving. He just reaches out. His hand finds yours first, then the warmth of his palm presses against your side, gentle as it invites you closer.
You hesitate, just for a moment. But then your body moves on instinct, pulled to him like it always is, like it always has been. He shifts onto his back, making room for you, letting you tuck yourself against his chest, his arms wrapping around you.
You let yourself melt into him. Let yourself take comfort in the solid warmth of his body, in the slow, steady rise and fall of his breathing against your cheek. Your tears dry slowly, absorbed by the fabric of his shirt. Your fingers trace the chain around his neck, finding the pendants, the metal warm from his skin.
And you listen to the heartbeat beneath your ear.
Strong. Steady. Real.
He’s alive.
He’s here.
He’s yours, if you want him.
The fear is still there. The shadows haven’t disappeared. The world is still dangerous, still cruel, still capable of breaking him again.
But here, in the cradle of his arms, with his heartbeat syncing to yours, you finally understand: bravery isn’t the absence of fear.
So, maybe…
If that’s what sits at the end of this—if tears and heartache is what awaits you—then let it be. Let the hurt come. Let it hollow you. At least the emptiness will echo how fiercely you loved him.
You lift your head from the steady rhythm of his chest, propping yourself on your elbow, your face hovering just above his. Your eyes find his in the moonlight—half-lidded, warm, still laced with sleep, but softened by the sight of you. A small, barely-there smile touches his lips, a quiet relief. His thumb brushes your cheekbone, calloused and warm, and you lean into his touch, your lashes fluttering shut. Then you feel the press of his lips against your forehead, featherlight and lingering.
When your eyes open again, he’s still watching you. Your faces are close now, close enough that your breaths mingle, close enough that the brush of your nose against his sends a soft shiver down your spine. You glance down at his lips, drawn to the place you’ve denied yourself for too long.
His fingers still on your cheek.
And when your gaze returns to his, you see it - the look you’ve spent years misreading. The one you chalked up to pity or duty, something you’ve caught glimpses of over the years and turned away from. Something you didn’t recognize at first. Then later, refused to acknowledge out of fear.
But now, there’s no more running.
You shift closer slowly, cautiously, as if giving him time to stop you if this isn’t what he wants. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. His eyes dart to your lips, just once, but it’s enough.
In that stillness, you close the distance.
The kiss is soft. His lips are warmer than you imagined, but still a little chapped. He goes utterly still, as if fearing the slightest movement might dissolve this moment. But when you press closer, his hand slides to the back of your head, his other arm wrapping around your waist to pull you flush against him.
And when you finally pull back, his forehead rests against yours, his eyes still closed.
“Tell me I’m not dreaming.” he murmurs.
You smile softly, and press a delicate kiss to his eyelid.
“You’re not dreaming, Caleb.” you whisper.
His lashes flutter open. His gaze searches your face like he’s still trying to understand how this happened. His hand rises to your cheek, thumb brushing the corner of your mouth with aching gentleness. And then he moves. This time, he closes the distance. His mouth moves over yours, his breaths shaky against your skin. There’s no practiced skill, no calculated seduction—just raw, aching want, tempered by the fear of wanting too much.
Your hands slide from his chest to the nape of his neck, fingers threading into the silken, messy hair. He groans, low in his throat, the sound vibrating through you as his tongue brushes hesitantly against yours. It’s clumsy, earnest, his nose bumping yours, his teeth catching your lip by accident.
“Sorry,” he mumbles against your lips, but you laugh—a soft, breathless sound—and pull him closer.
“Don’t be.”
You lean into it, guiding him with soft sighs and quiet hums.
His hands hold you tighter now—one on your back, the other slipping down, splayed at your waist like he doesn’t know how to stop touching you now that he’s started.
And when your lips break apart for breath, you don’t pull away. You rest your forehead against his, and you whisper, barely audible, "I don’t want to stop."
He exhales, "Me neither."
Your fingers tremble slightly as they wander from his hair, along the line of his jaw, your thumb brushing the corner of his mouth before trailing lower. Over the column of his throat, skimming the pulse beneath his skin, before drifting lower—over the planes of his chest, the ridges of his abdomen. You feel the way he shivers beneath your hand, how his muscles tense slightly.
His breath hitches when you tug at the hem of his shirt, fingers curling there, his gaze locking onto yours.
He doesn’t need you to say it.
Without a word, he sits up, the sheets pooling at his waist as he yanks the shirt over his head. The fabric falls to the floor, and for a moment, you just stare—you’ve seen him shirtless before, but never like this. Never yours.
You gently press against his shoulder, coaxing him to lie back down, and he does so, collapsing against the pillows. You swing one leg over, your thighs bracketing his hips, but you hover just above him—close enough to feel his heat, yet far enough to let him breathe. You lean down to reclaim his mouth, your hands framing his face. The kiss deepens, and you tilt your head to better taste him, to feel more of him. He gasps into your mouth, one hand slipping to your lower back, the other lowering—slow, unsure—to brush against your bare thigh, the contact making you shiver.
And still, his hand doesn’t wander, doesn’t explore. It lingers like he’s afraid of being told to stop.
You pull back just enough to see his face, your breaths mingling between kisses. Your hand covers his where it rests against your leg, and you guide it higher, to your hip, where your skin is warmer.
You hold his gaze. “You can touch me, Caleb.” Your voice is soft, “Wherever you want.”
His eyes widen slightly, color blooming high on his cheeks. His fingers flex against your skin, then he speaks, “I don’t… I’ve never—” He swallows hard, and you see the flicker of frustration in his eyes, not at you, but at himself, at his own nerves.
“I know,” you whisper, your hand slipping up to cradle his jaw, your lips brushing just beneath his ear. “It’s okay.”
Then, slowly, you lower yourself until your hips meet his, the hard ridge of his arousal pressing against you. His head falls back with a groan, eyes squeezing shut. Heat blooms through your belly at the contact, and your hips rock forward just enough to make him shudder.
His hands clamp down on your hips, holding you still. “Wait—wait.”
You freeze, pulse thrumming in your ears. “Do you want to stop?”
“No,” he says, eyes snapping open. “Just… let me—” He swallows, his voice dropping to a plea. “Let me do this right.”
You smile, and brush his hair away from his eyes. “There’s no right, Caleb. Just us.”
He exhales, nodding, and then his hips roll upward tentatively, the friction drawing a gasp from both of you. His thumbs press into the soft curve of your hips as they continue to move against him in a slow, rolling rhythm. The thin barrier of fabric between you—his sweatpants, your pajama shorts—only amplifies the heat, the friction of every roll of your hips against his. His breath hitches, his eyes fluttering closed, as you grind down again, your own shorts riding up, the seam catching just right. He curses under his breath, hips jerking up to meet yours, his hands sliding down to grip your thighs.
You want to feel all of him, nothing between. And the way his hands start to roam, still cautious, still learning, tells you he’s thinking the same thing.
You shift slowly, rising from his lap with a final roll of your hips that leaves him gasping, lips parted, brows knit. His hands fall away reluctantly, his eyes flickering with confusion and curiosity. Your hands trail down his chest, over the taut planes of his stomach. His muscles jump beneath your touch, his breath hitching when your fingers graze the waistband of his sweatpants.
“Wait.” His hand covers yours, trembling. “You don’t have to—”
You lift his palm to your lips, “I want to.” Your gaze holds his. “Let me show you how much.”
He swallows hard, but nods.
You hook your fingers into the fabric, tugging gently. He lifts his hips, letting you peel the layers away, his eyes never leaving your face. When you finally see him, all of him – hard, heavy, straining for you, you feel a fresh heat rise in your chest, in your belly, deeper.
When your eyes meet his again, you find him watching you just as intently—like he’s searching your face for any flicker of doubt. But there’s none. At first, his body tenses—thighs taut beneath your touch, hands clenching the sheets under him. He tries to hold still, tries to be polite, tries to hide the way his hips twitch when your lips press to the sensitive skin just below his navel.
“Breathe.” you whisper against his skin, and you feel it when he does - shoulders softening, jaw loosening, a low groan slipping past his lips as you finally take him into your mouth. You take your time, learning what makes his body melt under your touch. You relish the way his hips stutter when you swirl your tongue, the broken whimper he tries to smother with his fist, the devotion in his voice when he rasps your name.
Gradually, his iron grip on the sheets loosens, one hand resting on the back of your head, and his hips finally start to move to the rhythm you set.
His breath starts to come faster. You feel the change in his body—the way his thighs tense, how his fingers flex and twist in the sheets. “Wait—” His voice is rough. “If you keep going, I’m gonna—”
You don’t stop. You slow, just for a moment, lifting your eyes to his flushed face. You reach for him, one hand sliding up his stomach, calming. “It’s okay,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to the sharp cut of his hipbone. “Let me take care of you.”
He groans at that, head turning into the pillow. He doesn’t speak again, but his muscles start to twitch, his legs falling wider, hips stuttering as your mouth picks up the pace. His moans become deeper, more raw, and then your name spills from his lips again.
“I’m—fuck—I’m close—”
You hum in acknowledgment, not letting up, your hands gripping his hips as he shudders beneath you, and then—he falls apart. You taste him on your tongue, feel every desperate pulse of release as his thighs tremble beneath your hands, coming undone in your mouth—helpless and wholly yours.
You don’t pull away. You stay with him through it, coaxing him through the final tremors. You only ease off when he makes the faintest sound of overstimulation, brushing your lips one last time to the hollow of his hip before sitting up.
Caleb is panting, eyes closed, arm thrown over his face.
But when you crawl back up his body, he opens his arms instinctively, pulling you into his chest, where you hear his heart is thundering under your ear. And after a long pause, his hand cups your cheek and kisses you softly, tasting himself on your lips.
His breath is still uneven, and there’s a slight sheen of sweat glistening on his skin. But he sits up, and for a second his eyes search yours again—asking permission without words. You nod once, and his fingers curl around the hem of his shirt you’re wearing.
He pulls it up slowly, his eyes tracking the reveal of your stomach, the curve of your breast, watching the way your chest rises and falls a little faster under his gaze. His hands tremble, just slightly, and you can see it - that mixture of reverence and disbelief in his eyes. He bends to kiss you again, before his mouth trails down your jaw, your neck, the flutter of your pulse.
He guides you onto your back, and shifts to follow, half-hovering over you. His lips trail kisses along your neck, your breasts. You arch into him, a gasp escaping as his tongue flicks over your nipple, and he hums in response, the vibration rippling through you.
His hands move lower, fingers hooking under the waistband of your pajama shorts. He pauses, “Is this okay?”
You nod, your voice failing you, and lift your hips. He slides the shorts down, his knuckles grazing your thighs, his breath hitching when you’re finally bare. For a moment, he just stares. Fading moonlight spills across your body, catching the sheen of arousal between your thighs. A shaky exhale escapes him as he drags a single finger across the wetness, his touch featherlight.
But before he goes further, before his mouth finds its way to where you’re already pulsing for him, something else catches his eye. The faint scar across your knee. Fading now, but still there. His thumb brushes gently along the uneven line, before he leans forward and presses a kiss to it, the silent apology making your heart flutter.
Then his mouth drifts lower, lips brushing against the soft skin of your inner thighs. The first flick of his tongue on your folds is so startlingly gentle you flinch. A soft laugh escapes you, breathless and giddy, goosebumps blooming on your skin.
Caleb stills, lifting his head, brows creased in confusion.
“You’re tickling me,” you murmur, threading your fingers through his hair in reassurance.
He huffs a laugh against your skin. “Got it,” he murmurs. His mouth presses more firmly, his hands holding your hips as his tongue parts your folds and he groans at the first taste. Your back arches off the bed, a moan slipping out, and it spurs him on. One hand stays braced on your thigh, the other moves to gently trace one fingertip around your entrance, testing. You whisper yes, please, and that’s all it takes. He sinks a finger in, his eyes flicking up to watch the way your face shifts—lips parted, brows gently pulled, the rise and fall of your chest now uneven.
His mouth finds your clit, more confident now. The heat of his tongue, the wet pressure of his lips - it’s clumsy but it’s honest, driven by need and the desire to learn what makes you tremble. Then his finger finds that spot inside you, the one that makes you fist your hand in his hair, the one that makes your toes curl. You whisper yes, yes, yes, and you swear you feel him smile.
His free hand finds yours, interlacing your fingers against your belly.
“Look at me,” he rasps, and you force your eyes open, “Want to see you.”
Your body is starting to unravel beneath him, soft moans spilling from your lips, your thighs trembling.
“Another,” you pant, and he obeys instantly, adding a second finger. His rhythm stutters at first, but you guide him with whispered pleas, your hips rolling against his hand. His tongue flicks faster, his fingers pumping in a deep, steady curl, and you’re suddenly so close to the edge. His name spills from your lips like a prayer, and he growls against you, as if your climax is his own.
And when you fall apart with his name on your lips and your hands tangled with his, Caleb doesn’t stop. He holds you through it, lets you ride it out, his fingers easing only when your thighs start to shake, when your hips twitch with overstimulation. He pulls back, resting his forehead against your inner thigh, his breaths ragged. His erection strains against the sheets, but his focus still on you, always on you, even as his hand trembles where it grips yours.
You pull him up, his body collapsing over yours, and kiss him slow and deep, tasting yourself on his tongue. His hips grind reflexively against your thigh, a broken noise escaping him, but he doesn’t push. Just holds you, his head dipping into the crook of your neck, your hands cradling his damp hair.
Neither of you speaks for a long moment. Just breath and skin and the quietness of the morning twilight.
His fingertips trace along the curve of your side, not teasing, just feeling. Like he can’t quite believe you’re here.
Then he murmurs—soft, regretful, honest:
“I should’ve been your first.”
The words make your heart skip a beat. Still, the way he says it isn’t bitter. There’s no accusation in his voice. Only ache.
You draw back just enough to meet his eyes, your palm resting flat on his chest, right over his heartbeat. “Then be my last.” You whisper.
His breath hitches, eyes widening for a split second. He presses a kiss to your temple, before he meets your eyes again.
“Do you… have anything?” A pause, his gaze dropping to your lips. “Protection?”
You pause for a moment. Then you nod, brushing your fingers over his jaw.
“Left drawer,” you whisper.
He hesitates, his thumb circling your hipbone. “We don’t have to—”
“I know.” You press a kiss to his furrowed brow. “But I want this.”
He shifts to reach for it, but you catch his wrist. “Wait.”
His eyes snap to yours, brows furrowed.
You trace the skin with your thumb, suddenly too sheepish to meet his gaze. “We don’t need it.”
He stills at your tone. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." You finally meet his gaze, “If it’s you… I don’t want anything between us.”
He exhales, shakily, the tension in his shoulders softening as his arms wrap around you again.
When your legs shift, parting around his hips, you feel the hard length of him press against your entrance, and it pulls a soft gasp from you both.
Caleb stills. One hand rests by your head, the other cradling your jaw, thumb stroking softly across your cheekbone.
“You okay?” he murmurs.
You nod, threading your fingers into his hair, your lips brushing the corner of his mouth.
He exhales slowly, trembling slightly as he reaches between you, lining himself up. The head of him nudges your entrance, already wet and aching for him. You feel the pressure first, a stretch that makes your breath catch. He sinks in just a little—then stops immediately when you tense.
“Too much?” he breathes.
You shake your head, running a hand down his back. “No… keep going.”
Inch by inch, his body presses into yours, your warmth pulling him in, taking him deeper. His jaw clenches, a guttural sound caught in his throat as your walls flutter around him, as your hand curls over his bicep for something. His restraint is palpable, sweat beading at his temples as he presses deeper, his hips rolling in shallow strokes until he’s sheathed fully inside you.
For a moment, neither of you moves. His necklace rests warm against your collarbone, the metal shifting slightly as his chest heaves above yours.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” he whispers, his lips grazing your temple.
You kiss the corner of his mouth. “I will.”
His thrusts start slow, each one sinking deeper than the last, his eyes locked on yours as if searching for permission with every roll of his hips.
“Fuck,” he grits out suddenly, halting his movements with a trembling inhale. His entire body shudders as he lowers his forehead to your shoulder, nose brushing your throat, lips finding your pulse.
“I need a second…” His voice is breathless. “I don’t want this to end yet.”
You cradle his jaw, lifting his face up so you can look at him. “You don’t have to be perfect,” you whisper, your thumb brushing his cheekbone. “Just be here. With me.”
His gaze falters, then finds yours again. He draws back just enough to move again, slow at first, like he’s trying to find a rhythm that won’t break him.
One of his hands tangles with yours, fingers lacing tightly together as he presses it into the pillow above your head. The other slips between your bodies until his thumb finds you, pressing a gentle, slow circle over your clit—and it draws a gasp from you, your thighs tensing around his hips.
“Like that?” His voice is hoarse.
“Yes,” you breathe, hips chasing the movement of his hand. “Just like that. Don’t stop.”
He groans low in his throat, the sound vibrating against your lips as he leans in to kiss you again—messy now, all teeth and parted mouths. He keeps moving inside you, each thrust dragging along your sweet spots, and the rhythm of his thumb against your clit grows more confident, bolder with every breathless moan you give him. He watches you with blown pupils, flicking between your face and the place where your bodies meet, as if committing every detail of your pleasure to memory.
His forehead drops to yours, the weight of his body pressing deliciously down as his thumb circles faster, more intently, chasing the way your thighs begin to tremble, the way your grip on his hand tightens.
Then his hips shift—just a little, but enough for a sharp discomfort to shoot through you. You suck in a breath through your teeth, a soft, involuntary “ah—” escaping your throat.
He stops immediately. Every muscle in his body locks, his expression flashing from concentration to concern in an instant. “Shit—did I hurt you?” he asks, breath still ragged.
You shake your head quickly, already reaching for his face, your palm cradling his cheek. “No, no,” you whisper. “Just... not like that.”
Your legs tighten around his waist, your heels pressing against the small of his back, gently urging him into a better angle. “Here,” you guide, your voice low and coaxing. “A little lower. Like that.”
He swallows hard, still frozen in place, but the panic softens as he watches you, sees that you still want this. He nods, his throat working with the effort to calm himself.
“You’re doing so good,” you murmur, brushing your thumb along his jaw. “I promise.”
He exhales on the word promise, and then he moves again. His brows draw together, not in worry now, but in focus, lips brushing your cheek as he resumes the rhythm that had your body unraveling.
Your nails dig into his shoulder as he grinds deeper, the angle just there, the friction so exquisite your vision blurs.
“Caleb—” you gasp, voice cracking as the pleasure rises sharp and fast inside you.
“I know, I know.” he rasps. His hips snap harder, deeper, the slap of skin echoing as you spiral closer. “That’s it,” he grits out, his thumb pressing harder. “Let go. Let go for me.”
When your thighs lock around his waist, when your walls clench around him in a sudden, overwhelming spasm, your release rips through you - deep, intense, every nerve alight. Your back arches off the bed, a cry spilling from your lips as you pulse around him, your fingers clawing into the sweat-slick skin of his back.
“Fuck—” His rhythm stutters, his thrusts turning erratic. With a shattered groan, he buries himself to the hilt, his hips jerking as he spills into you, his forehead pressed to yours, his breath a ragged pant against your lips.
For a heartbeat, you’re both still, just a tangle of sweat and shared breath, his necklace resting between your breasts, now warm from the heat of your skin. Then he collapses against you, his weight comforting and grounding, his lips brushing your collarbone. His arms curl tightly around you, one hand tracing slow, mindless patterns over your hip, and the other splayed beneath your shoulder. You exhale slowly, your fingers sliding through his damp hair.
You’re not sure how long you lie there like that, tangled and breathless, your hearts gradually slowing from their frantic rhythm. The first sliver of sunlight filters through your curtains, golden and gentle. You tilt your chin to study him, how sunlight looks like powdered gold over his lashes.
“You’re staring,” he murmurs, eyes still closed.
“You’re beautiful,” you say, because it’s true, and because you know it’ll fluster him.
His nose scrunches, a half-smile tugging at his mouth. “Men aren’t beautiful.”
“You are.” You brush the hair from his temple. “Like a pouty Renaissance angel.”
He only chuckles, burying his face against your chest.
You tilt your head to kiss his temple, your voice a soft murmur against his skin. “Come on. Let’s wash up.”
He groans. “Or we could stay like this forever.”
“You’re sweating all over me.” you protest, already nudging at his side.
He lifts his head just enough to squint at you. “You liked it when I was sweating five minutes ago.”
You roll your eyes, pushing him off with a laugh as you both untangle from the bed. The sheets are a mess, still warm with everything that happened, and your thighs ache, making you bite your lip as you stand. You grab a towel and toss one at him too. He catches it, looking far too smug for someone who was blushing just an hour ago.
As you step under the warm spray, Caleb holding your hand for stability, something crosses your mind.
He puts on the tough exterior because it’s expected of him, and it’s necessary. The big crime boss and leader of the N109 zone (who is an excellent employer, by the way) is supposed to have this untouchable air about him. He’s supposed to be tough and cocky and unreachable. He’s supposed to be cold and nonchalant. That is the façade he puts on, but we know otherwise.
Sylus is a loverboy.
He has this hard exterior around him, at first with mc as well. His words are different from his actions. He is loving and kind and supportive. He is gentle. He is generous. He is not afraid to show his affection, and is willing to announce it to the world.
Sylus craves the affection and attention. He needs it like air. He needs the attention in bantering, and the little jokes just between him and his lover, he needs it. His words may deny it, but the way he leans into touches, how his eyes soften, how he carries himself in a totally different way and becomes SKYE a fucking fruit vendor because mc is worried.
He does not want to control or particularly manipulate his lover. He does not lie, and instead avoids because he can’t find it within himself to willingly lie to mc. He waited for her, and remembers everything. He left hints to try to help her remember him and find him.
He doesn’t turn to violence unless there is no other option. He adopted two young men that he saw were trying to assassinate him, and he simply asked them to prove themselves. He built a little bird for a reason that hasn’t been fully communicated yet, but most likely for easy surveillance. He loves Mephisto, and treats him with dignity and respect, like a living being.
He is a good man.
He is so much more then the N109 zone crime boss, and I wish more of y’all could see that.
Zayne: On his side, one arm draped over you. Doesn't move much, but his head might end up resting against your chest by 'pure chance'. If he has nightmares, he holds you a little tighter.
Xavier: Doesn't make noise or move at all. Seems dead except for his moving chest. This isn't a problem unless he falls asleep on top of you, crushing you. Immovable object.
Rafayel: Moves around quite a bit, and if he wakes up, he always complains about how 1. You're hogging the blanket and 2. You're not cuddling him. (He literally pushed away the blanket and you himself)
Sylus: While Xavier might crush you by accident, this man does it on purpose. Fully covering your body with his, face neatly tucked against your neck. He snores constantly but softly.
Caleb: Spooning, iron grip version. You're not going anywhere while he's out. Sometimes he talks in his sleep. Your name, mostly. He doesn't tend to snore, but when he does, it's one singular loud as hell snore.
I haven't jumped ship to Caleb, I'm still firmly Zayne and Sylus' girl (both my boys have their rings now), I've just added Caleb as my 3rd multi man.
I WILL be writing fics for Caleb if the mood strikes me or I get an ask about him, but probably not until I clear my backlog of Zayne and Sy, because my main men deserve their attention first before Caleb gets his.
