All of the important things I have learned thus far have been through experience and reading.
I immerse myself in the words of strangers that I’ll never come to know for the troubled and wounded people they really are. After all, authors are said to be the loneliest people on the planet.
One of the things about love and relationships that I’ve interpreted to make sense in my head is to WHY we fall in love. Whether it’s with the right or wrong person, people who are toxic for us or the timing not quite right - it all boils down to one thing:
Perfectly explained by Alain de Botton,
“We fall in love because we long to escape from ourselves with someone as beautiful, intelligent, and witty as we are ugly, stupid, and dull. But what if such a perfect being should one day turn around and decide they will love us back? We can only be somewhat shocked-how can they be as wonderful as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us?”.
I tried to explain this theory last week to a friend as to how I thought the phrase ‘opposites attract’ came about. He was saying how he’s waiting to find someone who is ‘’exactly like (him)’’.
“Finding someone like yourself is boring”, I said. One woman’s opinion.
What he meant was not in terms of material commonality but what I suppose he did mean was in fact, mindset. Which, of course is incredibly important. Priorities and beliefs need to be common.
I suppose I disagree because I’m secretly a self-loathing-unlucky-in-love-hopeless-romantic which is never a good combination. Eager to fill a parental void in a man with the utmost speed. A cry of “show me that I’m good enough” for self-gratification to cross off the ‘self loathing’ title written on my forehead.
A year ago, I would have tore my soul apart to feel something. Now, I’m a little bit wiser and know that the love starts from within. To scratch off the word ‘loathing’ and replace it with ‘love’.
Fall in love with yourself.
“There is usually a Marxist moment in every relationship, the moment when it becomes clear that love is reciprocated. The way it is resolved depends on the balance between self-love and self-hatred. If self-hatred gains the upper hand, then the one who has received love will declare that the beloved (on some excuse or other) is not good enough for them (not good enough by virtue of associating with no-goods). But if self-love gains the upper hand, both partners may accept that seeing their love reciprocated is not proof of how low the beloved is, but of how lovable they have themselves turned out to be.”
discoholicmusic
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
annaxmalina
areudirty
jacobvanloon
kaledo-art
titsay
jbbartram-illu
