m o n o

A monologist, a daydreamer and a medical student struggling with med school

[itsmymono]

Quarantine had me developed a lot of fear especially fear of people and insecurities. It's not about the virus or social distancing. It's about how I distanced myself from people by losing contact and ghosting.

[itsmymono]

Took me such a long time

It took me such a long time to understand how life works. Took me 20 years to understand why money is so valuable to everyone. Took me decades to understand how human works. Now I know.

[itsmymono]

Stuck as the old me

You could never start over in life. Not with the same environment.

Once you set foot in a place, that first impression, that you & those interactions are never going to change.

It’s easy to think that you could change your fate if you move places. But it’s never easy once you’re in that place. Not easy. You’re still you. And that you is me.

[itsmymono]

This is not the kind of balance that I need

[itsmymono]

On my 2nd week staying in college.

Excuse my bare study table. I don’t know why I feel more tired and lazier. Supposed to be productive here.

[itsmymono]

Look at my cats 😂. Totally entertained with the icon everytime I open the home screen.

[itsmymono]

I want to go to bookstores and elegantly walk around the shelves looking for books.

[itsmymono]

I don’t know why this has start to become a bookblr now

[itsmymono]

‘The Secret To Not Drowning’ by Collete Snowden

“The secret to not drowning,” she says, “is to get out of the pool before you get too tired to keep swimming.”

About 📜:

Marion, the once clever and courageous girl who always dreamed of being a Charlie’s Angel somehow becomes a coward and submissive woman. She fell into her domineering husband's spells who controls and bullies her any chance he got. She finds freedom in swimming by drowning herself in her thoughts. When she encounters an old friend, she is reminded of the person she used to be. And might still be.

Comments 💬:

The story was painful to read in the beginning. I was not ready for some tormenting part. It breaks my heart to read that Marion was suffering but so silent about it. Most of the time I felt like she was a student on probation while living with her headmaster. It terrifies me more when she names her husband as ‘He’ as if he is some God to her. I believe it was a symbol of fear.

However, the story got less tormenting after some chapters. But still, it sounds manipulative. I don’t know how to label the type of abuse she experienced as it could be physical and psychological abuse at the same time. There are times her nameless husband appears to be a caring and loving one but there are also times when he appears to be a bully.

The reason for my rating is I don’t seem to like the writing style. It sounds like Marion was telling her story to a friend with unstructured sentences with all the I’s. But I’m not a good judge of that. There must have been a reason for that writing style. It bores me after some chapters.

The other thing is I don’t understand the description of her husband’s affairs. It seems to me that her husband always targets vulnerable woman that somehow sounds similar to Marion herself. I wonder if it’s all just her imagination due to her husband’s nonchalant and cautious behaviour. Or was it some reason to reveal her husband’s wrongdoings so that she can get rid of him easily?

Nevertheless, I am glad that she’s able to get herself out of the destructive marriage although I find the ending was abrupt. Because she knows at the end their marriage is never going to change.

[itsmymono]

‘With Malice’ by Eileen Cook

“Who we are is what comes out when shit goes bad. You can’t tell anything about a person when things are great. If you want to really know someone, be there when everything goes to hell.”

“Why is it they say that you always hurt the ones you love? Because you know exactly how to do it.”

About 📜:

A fake friendship between eighteen-year-old Jill Charron & Simone McIvory was revealed on their trip in Italy. Jill wakes up in a hospital bed with lost memory of 6 weeks being the sole survivor after getting into a so-called accident with her best friend in Italy. The story follows the confused Jill’s point of view to get the truth to unfold.

Comments 💬: (SPOILER ALERT)

This is the first thriller book that I read and I am impressed by how well-written the story is. The story was written like some crime documentaries with police transcripts, Facebook posts & text logs to make it more interesting. At the same time, it was confusing because the story got twisted from mouth to mouth. After reading this, I realize even an unimportant photo caption or tweet can be used against you in a criminal case.

I can’t help but keep guessing what happen because the truth was not revealed until the end. I was unknowingly siding with Jill this whole time because the story follows her POV most of the time. It was confusing. I don’t know what’s true. Now that I look back at my annotation, I can’t help but agree with people who were against Jill. She could be what you did not expect her to be. Things that I don’t expect from Jill are not that unexpected.

To be honest, no one was that innocent in this book. They both were pretty much insincere and feel kinda forced into their friendship. Just because they were tied with a long-time friendship. It scares me that there are these kinds of people that treat friends as a rival. Hence, I guess that is what makes this book interesting because your judgment will go back and forth between characters doubting who’s real and fake.

I also like the psychological view of the story such as the indications of possible conflict that they discussed and the insight on a relationship when one looks superior to the other.

The ending was unremarkable but I got to give credit for it because if you look closely at the book cover, the subtitle ‘the truth is how you tell it’ would explain everything. Jill was the only one who knows the whole story because she’s the only one who survives. Hence, she could choose to tell the truth the way she wants.

[itsmymono]

‘Pushing Perfect’ by Michelle Falkoff

“We don’t have to be perfect to get on. We just have to be good enough”

“Perfection is an unrealistic aspiration”

“All this pushing for perfection is damaging, you know.”

Summary📜:

A story with a point of view of Kara Winter, the so-called “Perfect Kara” is mainly about a friendship drama revolving around 3 girls that shifts into a mystery because ‘Perfect Kara’ is not as perfect as she looks. Kara held so much secret herself. Her social anxiety. Her panic attacks. Her breakout face. And lastly, when she gets herself into some drug-dealing scene. The story then mainly becomes a journey of her with her friends finding out the blocked sender that manipulates them to be stuck in the illegal scene.

Comments💬:

This one was a reread. But, I love every single part of it because I don’t seem to remember much from my first read. I read some reviews on Goodreads about this book and found that a lot of people don’t like the story. I was surprised because I absolutely love the page-turning thrills of every chapter this book holds.

I understand why people find Kara’s personality annoying because she has such a negative outlook on herself. With all the insecurities and lies she made, she adds up the frustration people had on her. But, people like Kara do exist especially among teenagers. So, I mostly just sympathised with her rather than annoyed. The friendship drama revolving around Kara’s habits of making up lies shows that honesty and communication are important in a friendship. Kara is not being honest, then being all sad and apologetic and asking her friends to forgive her is the conclusion of how she is with her friends. However, she creates a new friendship with unexpected teenagers like Alex, Raj & Justin and begins to experience a new journey.

After the first quarter of the book, the story starts to become a drug-dealing activity. That’s when the journey begins. Every single chapter after will reveals an important discovery of the mystery. I can’t stop turning pages because the ending of every chapter is just intriguing. However, I did not like the ending very much as I really want justice for the teenagers that were manipulated into continuing the illegal works. It did not sit right with me that the case was easily handled with just mutual assurance.

[itsmymono]

The Remarkable Journey of Charlie Price

I didn’t read any reviews or synopsis of this book. So, it was an unexpecting turn of a story while reading the book. The beginning of the story got me thinking about a pure story of friendship and kinship keeping a 12-year-old stable while dealing with grief. However, this book held so much more. A parallel world.

A story about a 12-year-old boy, Charlie Price keeping himself sane after coming with her sister down a hole to the parallel world where his dead mother is still alive. After spending some time in the parallel world, he gets suspicious of the parallel version of his Mom. The 2 worlds were somehow similar but different. The pain in the back of his head, the fading picture and the losing memory. He goes through a remarkable journey to save his beloved who got stuck there. A terrifying but beautiful journey that gets him through grief.

Since I just got myself into ‘Stranger Things’, reading this book remind me of ‘The Upside Down’. Gives me the creep.

I admire Charlie’s bravery and determination to not fall into his desire. His quick thinking helps him strategize his way out of the evil world together with his friends and sister. I believe he is able to do so because he never wishes for the other world first while Frank, Elliot & Imogen easily fall into the trap because they are the ones who desire the other world.

Dealing with grief and loss must have put an individual to spend more time on the other world while losing touch with the real world. I love how the author decides to use the topic of grief in this story with the element of fantasy. It was a fun read and a remarkable one.

[itsmymono]

‘How Hard Can It Be?’ by Allison Pearson

A sequel to ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ that follows the story of Kate Reddy re-entering the workforce after resting from it to fulfill her responsibility as a mother of 2 and a daughter to both her mother and mother-in-law. The problem is she’s turning 50 in few months and she had to lie about her age in the resume to be accepted by the company. She also has to deal with her naive daughter, irresponsible husband while being in a ‘not unhappy’ marriage and reappearance of her first lover, Jack.

I did not know this book was a sequel but I could understand the storyline without reading the first book.

This was a long read for me that I even had a reading slump while finishing this book. This book did not interest me maybe because it carries the point of view of a middle-aged woman. However, the character of Kate Reddy just drives me to finish this book as she is such a selfless woman by wishing that Kate is going to have a happy ending in this story.

She thinks a lot about her children, Emily & Ben. I adore their cute relationship where her kids just fell into her arms although they could appear tough with Kate at times. There are many times I just want to smack them for being rude to Kate after everything she did for them. I could just melt away with all the cute nicknames Kate called them. She is such a lovely mother and a great one for being able to make her children comfortable enough to share with her.

Towards the ending, the development Kate had with Jack kind of got me hooked on how the story going to unfold for them. Love has once again starts to bloom between them or should I say it never dies. She deserves this for her happiness after being a supermom and a single parent most of the time. Richard is such a useless husband for not making effort in their unhappy marriage. His selfishness in putting his desire by cheating with another woman while on his counselling session. I guess it gives way to Kate to not let Jack go anymore and she should start thinking about her happiness too.

Ever since the reappearance of Jack, I could not help but like him and was hoping for a happy ending for them both because he is just too good with words. There are times I felt giddy like a teenager hoping something to happen between them. Not to forget he’s wealthy too. Sounds too good to be true but I could truly see some hope in the ending.

[itsmymono]

Nothing is more painful than knowing a good series that I got attached to will not continue and it ends with so much cliffhangers. ‘Anne with an e’ left me so much questions on what future holds for the characters. I am so invested in this series that I want to know more. But, there’s no more seasons. 😩😩

[itsmymono]

Do you know why I love hardcover books? Because they are like SURPRISES. You buy books by inspecting the cover details, the synopsis and the intro or outro. It’s the same for both hardcover and paperback. But for paperback books, that’s it you just left with the story. However, for hardcover books you get one more thing which is the real hardcover. You take off the book cover and you get something different inside. A different colour and a different texture than the front cover. Like a surprise. I always check the hardcover once I bought the books instead of before buying them so that it sparks anticipation to read it. I love it for that 🥰

[itsmymono]

🤍 the white

[itsmymono]

The Thing About Leftovers

A story about a 12-year-old girl working to win the Southern Living Cook-Off while being the “leftover” kid from a marriage that both her parents want to forget. Things get harder when her father’s new family is getting a child and her mother is getting married. She feels unwanted but decided to keep things to herself. 

This book was a light read. The vocabulary is simple and easy because it follows the perspective of a 12-year-old girl. So, it takes short time to finish the book. Following the point of view of a 12-year-old girl, it was fascinating to see how mature Fizzy is. She puts others before herself and is very careful with her words. I also admire her clever comebacks in most of the conversations she had with people around her as it adds humour to the book. You can’t help but chuckle while reading. 

I also love that Fizzy gives credit and takes notes on the qualities of both Suzanne, her stepmother and Keene, her stepfather showing that she is making effort to accept the people who enter her life. However, there is a part that touches my heart when her Mom said that families don’t keep score. They accept each other not because they’re perfect but just because they’re family. Hence, it shows that Fizzy did not accept them as a family yet. I could relate to Fizzy a lot in this book. It does feel like that at times - unneeded and unwanted like leftovers. But, I guess it is better to stop something when it gets unbearable like how you stop eating and refrigerate the food. 

Some of the relationships I adore in this book are the love-and-hate relationship of Fizzy with her alarm clock and her friendship with Miyoko and Zach. Their friendship was pure and cute especially with Zach who subtly shows affection to her. It kept me smiling throughout the book. 

I am glad that Fizzy decides to let it all out to her mother at the end. It was relieving to read that part. She has been too hard on herself. Being relatable to Fizzy a lot makes me want to care for her and be there with her all the time. She has a special spot in my heart together with this book.