Hello World! @justagoblinthing - Tumblr Blog

theshitpostcalligrapher

req'd by @seadeepy

honestly not sure

text: Does a zero make your spell save DC?

#shitpost #calligraphy

itsyveinthesky

seabassapologist

penismage

Hello!

Howdy!

I’d like, uh, two normal rolls.

Sure thing!

And one with the… With the pumpkin seeds.

Which do you mean?

The one with the… With the seeds.

What are they called?

Uhm… A, uh, “crunchy pumpky.”

Sure thing. Would you like anything else?

Uhh… I’ll also take a, uh… A… A Nutella donut…?

Unfortunately, I don’t know at all what you mean…

A… One of those right there!

You really must tell me, what’s it called??

I… I’m… I’m a dumb piece of shit.

Sure thing! Anything else?

That one there?

You know what you need to do. [Here she switches from the formal, customer service voice to addressing him casually and familiarly.]

I… I’m a little greedy pig, oink oink?

Do it!

[grunts like a pig]

That comes to €13.50, please! Have a beautiful day!

Hello! I’d like an “I hate my father” and two “I have a small willi—” [The word that gets cut off is Pimmel, an un-sexy term for penis.]

pluviofleur

stretches my legs out so far with all toes spread out wide

pluviofleur

unpeeled-human

pollsforadults

Spin the wheel. Now, imagine you're on a first date with someone who says they`re a [result]. How does this affect the odds of a second date?

100% guarantee I'll want a second date

It's significantly more likely

The odds don't change

It's significantly less likely

There wont be a second date. Absolutely not

Remaining time: 4 days 1 hour

Picker Wheel is a wheel spinner for a random picker. Various functions & customization. Enter choices or names, spin the wheel to decide a r

(anon submission)

#I got sex magician #the only reason for a second date is pure curiosity

sister-lucifer

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,

rhyme-plus-zombie

sorry i had a vision and i just had to draw it

dragon-in-a-fez

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

alsophila-grahami

mutuals to sit under this thing with

catchymemes

donutdrawsthings

I was thinking of a pride art challenge people could do with their OCs, because I thought it'd be cute! A queer/trans artist with their creations.

but then I realised that same challenge would be infinitely more funny with folks who have atypical or horror OCs

isabellecantread

first rule of parasite infection is to have fun and be yourself

lesbianmasterchief

second rule is to start being something else

oddarette

Bet you never seen a licorice bulbasaur. Fun fact, those little licorice candies are called “allsorts”

#illustration #pokemon #bulbasaur #licorice #candy aesthetic #digital art

beetroot-merchant

im not a girl Unless ☝️ im being told to go piss

ratbastarddotfuck

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.