and what if i said i have another onslaught of hollanov headcanons that are probs only plaguing me??? huh? what then??
ilya quotes tik tok audios but in his regular tone and inflection. or just completely deadpan. like he doesn’t even try to match the audio. and it’s always the super outrageous ones that sound a little insane out of context.
i.e. “someone sedate me!” “i need to buy a gun…” “i know what God really wants. he wants me to kms. that’s why he fucks with me…”
shane is so v concerned (bc that man avoids social media for the most part like the plague) and so he legit doesn’t get the references. and he’s abt one more weird comment from either calling Galina or putting ilya in a 72hr hold.
he only doesn’t when holmeburg hears ilya muttering one of the man quotes he’s picked up and subsequently finishes the quote for him. shane’s concerned for all of 20 secs that it’s some weird cult thing he missed until he realizes it must be a tik tok thing. (harris confirms after laughing at shane for a solid 5 mins)
idk if i’ve mentioned this before but ilya does indeed have adhd. he doesn’t take medicine for it tho. in part because he doesn’t really “need” to. like his job is something he’s learned how to do and adjust to without it. also it expels a lot of that energy he has.
i also think that it took a lot for ilya to even take anti-depressants (namely 8 and 1/2 months of therapy with Galina, a really bad depressive episode of which he’s never felt closer to his mother, and an unofficial suicide watch orchestrated by the hollanders and centuries unbeknownst to ilya)
so the adhd medicine is off the table until further notice. and it’s honestly not bad. like the coping mechanisms from therapy are working just fine. also depression is connected with adhd and anxiety. so it sort of helps to be so aware of it and what is likely triggering the other.
i also think ilya has a mixture of hyperactivity and the “inattentive”/ attention deficit aspects.
ilya always forgets to take his medicine/ if he took it. the only reason it’s taken on a fairly regular basis is bc shane ALWAYS remembers. even when ilya is being stubborn and won’t ask bc he feels like it’s not shane’s responsibility to tell him if he took it or not, shane will even know if he can’t remember or won’t ask for help.
when asked he just says he knows ilya that well. really it’s bc they spend almost 24/7 together and shane’s learned ilya’s habits enough to be able to decipher if he had taken his medicine or not depending on the order of his tasks that day. but he can’t say that bc then he sounds like an obsessive weirdo (affectionate). so he keeps the mystic and whimsy.
shane starts OCD exposure therapy and he somehow makes it a competition??? he essentially pushes himself too fast too soon trying to “beat they hierarchy”. they restart and create stricter guidelines and mandatory check in to avoid this happening again. he thinks this sucks ass now bc it’s no longer a “fun way to emotionally/mentally challenge” himself
shane’s quick to anger/ irritation while ilya is quick to tears or getting upset.
ilya isn’t allowed to rage bait shane anymore bc he was starting to get actually angry with ilya.
i also think that ilya hates real arguments. mainly bc they remind him too much of his brother and his dad. esp with how aggressive and combative they were.
but bc he has adhd brain and arguing and fighting (makes more sense why he chirps sm and gets in fights on the ice) gives ur brain surges of dopamine he does like to play fight. like mindless HARMLESS bickering that’s down out of playfulness and love and very much not real at all.
everyone thinks shane is the sensitive one but it’s ilya. like he genuinely takes sm shit to heart and gets his big little feelings hurt.
which in part is js who he is and in part bc of the rejection sensitivity of adhd. (i also think he had high rejection sensitivity. and yes im projecting but idc)
shane gets extreme cuteness aggression with ilya and legit bites his face. never heard enough to leave a mark but firm enough that the itch goes away in his teeth.
after finally feeling safe and stable with shane, ilya cries A LOT. like legit over some of the stupidest shit. shane at first thinks he did something wrong and when he’s assured he hasn’t, he thinks there’s something going on with ilya.
ilya has to tell him that it’s actually mostly bc he was repressing his feelings for so long that now that he feels safe they often come out in big ways or seemingly inappropriate times.
but also a big part of it is that ilya is our resident crybaby. always has and always will be. and there’s nothing wrong with it. but i think its js really off putting to everyone that curated this idea of ilya (even shane to some degree) and having it completely disproven.
shane has a special inside hammock in their house. it’s where he decompresses, relaxes and reads a lot. no ilya isn’t allowed in it unless he can behave. and they absolutely do not have sex in it. (that’s what the sex hammock is for 🙄) ilya has been banned for a significant amount of time before for trying to initiate in shane’s hammock. he didn’t try again after that.
shane LOVESSSSSSS Rotten Mangos. i think ofc he does love hockey shit and documentaries but he does have other interests. he specifically loves Stephanie Soo bc of how in-depth all her episodes are and that you can tell she does the research. she’s also super respectful which he also admires.
i think shane doesn’t love regular true crime shit bc of the dramatizations and how a lot of times they’re vague. so he always preferred podcast anyways. one thing led to another and he found Stephanie Soo and it’s all history from there.
he doesn’t have a preference for listening to the episodes vs watching them but if ilya is with him they watch bc he knows ilya is more of a visual person
ilya lovessssss OLD trash reality tv. new trash reality tv pisses him off tho. so, he’ll watch the v beginning seasons of the Kardashians, early Are You The One?, Jersey Shore, The Challenge, TeenMom, early Catfish, etc.
shane does the dad thing where he pretends he’s not interested but will stand behind the couch asking questions and putting in his two cents. whenever ilya asks if he wants him to restart it shane says “no” but moves to sit next to ilya and hands him the remote so he can restart it.
shane actually kinda hates cooking. like he did it bc it’s a necessity for yk living and bc his diet used to be so complicated that no one else quite did it right. but he doesn’t enjoy it.
ilya enjoys it but it took him a while to get into it bc his dad wouldn’t let him help in the kitchen after he turned 8 bc that’s a “woman’s place”
neither of them really knew how to do like around the house handy work. ilya bc he always grew up in some city and if there was something wrong it was best not to be around his father while he fixed it.
while shane knows a little more (bc david will be DAMNED if he’s letting his baby off to live by himself and he doesn’t know basic handy work) but still not super in depth bc he would have rather done hockey stuff than learn
if something’s wrong they call david. he used this as a teaching moment every time. much to their dismay a lot of the time. but they do learn (tho shane takes to handy work a bit better). they do still call david to make sure they aren’t fucking anything up tho
if it’s mechanic shit, then they call yuna. i headcanon that her dad was a mechanic and taught her everything so she was self sufficient and so shops couldn’t get over on her js bc she’s a woman.
it works about the same way it does with david but when it comes to cars ilya takes better to it.
shane has bigger hands so he always asks ilya to reach his hand in somewhere or get something bc “his hands are smaller”. they truly aren’t THAT much smaller but ilya’s always able to do it while shane can’t so he doesn’t argue.
okay on this next one js follow me. so i think ilya was a breastfed baby but like irina couldn’t ween him off til he was almost 4. and it was more of a comfort thing for ilya esp bc he didn’t take a pacifier and grigori wouldn’t have allowed him to take one after he turned 2 anyways. why he didn’t care abt breastfeeding? well bc he’s stupid and irina js said it was normal and a womanly thing of which he had no knowledge of. (which in all truthfulness every kid is different and a 3 yr old still drinking breast milk isn’t THAT abnormal)
anyways bc of this ilya as an adult still loves skin to skin contact. like yes, he’s a touchy person in general but something about bare skin on skin fills his soul.
shane for the most part doesn’t mind as long as they don’t fall asleep like that. mainly bc ilya drools in his sleep and shane hates the feeling of drool pooling of his bare skin
they’re the type to mad at one another but still hold hands. they started doing this after extensively working on themselves and one another separately. bc they way they were fighting in the begging stages of their relationship (*cough* TLG *cough*) was not it. and leaving is not the answer. needing to step away from the conversation is but not clarifying why you need to walk away is not.
yuna makes them play family board games in their “get along” shirt. yes, she made them a shirt for this specific reason. yes,it is hilarious. no she does not gaf
ilya’s over dramatic but shane will genuinely complain about things more.
they both do that parent thing of “ask mom” “ask dad” with the rookies. like they’ll ask one of them something and be sent back and forth across the locker room to ask the other.
