My Thoughts; sort of sorted
This is going to be a long one. I don’t know if Tumblr has any limits to this thing but we’ll find out I guess. Also I do not know if I have the capacity to write all this in one sitting so it might come in parts, just so you know. I’ll keep adding to this. PS: This will just be rambling. PPS: Like really just rambling. Anyway here we go.
Ever since I was about eleven or maybe twelve I’ve had clear thoughts about what life is and what it means. Where I live it’s normal to have these confirmations. It is traditionally a way for a Christian to reaffirm his or her beliefs, kinda like a bar or bat mitzvah in Judaism, but it has also taken a deep cultural role here in Norway. Everyone at the age of 15 does it. Of course everyone isn’t Christian so there is actually a alternative for those who do not believe, like me. So when I was eleven I had been in some cousin’s Christian confirmation and when we got home my mom asked me if I wanted one when I was fifteen. She said something along the lines of “Think of all the money” (You get a lot of money from family and friends for your confirmation.), I said no. You do also get money for the non-Christian one too, but normally people who believe from your family, like grandparents and such, might not give as much. Cold, I know. My mom was kind of surprised. I mean in a class of thirty people, about half a person chose to do the non-Christian confirmation. When she asked me why, I had this long rant about God, Religion and most important of all; the afterlife. I still talk and think about these things a lot, but I think that the basis of my philosophical stand comes from kid-me. What I said was not something a ordinary kid would say and my mom was worried for at least a good couple of years afterwards. I said that life was pointless because there is no afterlife. I still stand by what eleven year old me said, but not fully.
For a time, for a long time, my only aspiration in life was to become famous for something good that I would at some point do. Yes, shallow, I know. I wanted to, much because of my lack of belief in an afterlife, be remembered after I died. This was a huge problem for me, being in a standstill without proper friends or any real progress at school. I struggled with feelings of helplessness and insignificancy (is that a word?). I felt like I was being wasted, I still do to some degree, I think I always will. My thoughts and aspirations changed though, particularly the latter. My aspirations in life were, and are, no longer to become famous, but just to do something good for humanity and to try to stay happy myself.
“But what is the meaning of life?????” Well it’s simple. Like I said there isn’t one. That is sad. It’s hard to fathom for us puny humans. And I thought of it like this for a long time, as sad and depressing. I still do. I envy people who believe in an afterlife, but I now realize that if there is no meaning in life, that means I can do whatever the fuck I want. And that’s nice. I used to use the life being pointless excuse to not do anything, to not make hard choices or choices at all. It was easier that way, but also a lot harder at the same time. I still use that excuse a lot, but I’ve learned that I need to enjoy the one life I have. (Stupid cats who have nine, SO JEALOUS). To sum up I think that there is no distinct meaning to life. God or anything similar to him does not exist (next part will go more into this). And therefore there is no afterlife. There is no one to judge whether you lived your life in a good or in a bad manner, except yourself. To quote myself a couple of years ago: “Life may be pointless but that doesn’t mean it should be empty.”
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