Master Kohga

(Parody acct) I am Master Kohga, great accomplished banana loving leader of the Yiga Clan.

[masterkohga]

Hey, you owe me rent on that bathtub I gave you a while back. Stealing from the Wild one wasn’t easy, so pay up.

-Bunny Merchant Landlord

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do you take bananas as payment? Or perhaps can I sell you some stock in the Yiga Clan's secret banana plantation? NOT THAT THE YIGA CLAN IS OUT OF MONEY WE ARE NOT BROKE AT ALL-

In fact, our banana company is flourishing! Our chart is continuing to be the color red, just like the Yiga Clan! It looks like this:

See! Our stocks are doing AMAZING! I think that this is because our bananas are priced reasonably, much higher than other bananas. Also, the company is a SECRET!

Please don't take my money :(

[masterkohga]

Your men can't stop flirting with the Hero. Can't give him a good beating ever. I know it's true. You guys are fakes, just admit you're fans and move on. You're not bringing your Lord back with your unserious joke. You don't deserve the bananas. You've got no abs. Not a question just hating. Hehe ☆

I would like my followers in the Yiga Clan to be informed that this person has been disposed of by NONE OTHER THAN ME, THE GLORIOUS MASTER KOHGA!!! This person shall be a reminder to all those that DARE TO DEFY THE YIGA CLAN and make me cry enough to fill a small river!!! Also, if anyone else dares to say such awful things about me they will have banana privileges revoked for ONE FULL HOUR!!!

[masterkohga]

What is the Yiga Clan Hierarchy Like?

The Yiga Clan Hierarchy is almost like a bunch of bananas.

At the very bottom of the bunch, we have Footsoldiers. Though they rank very low, they make the foundation of the Yiga Clan, and are very important.

Thank you Footsoldiers.

Next, we have Blademasters. They start as Footsoldiers, and go through special training to learn new techniques and tactics to lead Footsoldiers.

Thank you Blademasters.

AND AT THE VERY TOP, HAVING THE VERY BEST FOR LAST, WE HAVE THE GLORIOUS MASTER KOHGA. YES, ME, THE GLORIOUS MASTER KOHGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM THE VERY TOP BANANA.

You may ask, "Glorious and esteemed Master Kohga, how do regular Yiga such as myself reach such a high status as you?" and the answer is...you can't. This is because I am IMMORTAL and I WILL FOREVER REMAIN THE TOP BANANA.

And are there any other rankings in the Yiga Clan?

I believe that this is the right time to have a moment of silence for my former right hand man, Sooga. Sooga stuck with me through everything, thick and thin, but unfortunately he wasn't immortal and died. He also had great abs, the second greatest abs (after my abs).

May he rest in peace.

Glory to me.

🍌

[masterkohga]

Yes, even I, the Glorious Master Kohga get nightmares...

Last night, I had a horrible nightmare. A banana lay in the distance, surrounded by holy light. I ran to it, but the banana only seemed to get farther and farther away. Even I, the Glorious Master Kohga, get nightmares. And the fact that I got through this dream shows that you, my footsoldier, can get through anything.

Here is an artistic depiction of my dream, from none other than me, your glorious leader. I wonder what this dream represents...possibly it means that I should go and eat a banana. Yes, I think that is it. That makes sense.

[masterkohga]

“Ah, Master Kohga, I must confess- nay, PROCLAIM, that I have chosen to partake in this most bewildering of traditions known as ‘April Fools’! Thus, I beg, steel yourself- for you shall soon bear witness to an act of such audacity and mischievous cunning that you will undoubtedly find yourself FLABBERGASTED! I love that word hehe…”

Balali spread his wings wide, puffing out his chest, before leaning towards Kohga and whispering in a sort of… Conspiratorial tone.

“I have, in an act of unparalleled deception, entirely transformed your quarters! To your most extravagant and deeply cherished- to my knowledge- subconscious desires! I have spent months hunting blupees for this very endeavour hehe… A heinous jest indeed!”

He crossed his arms, chuckling before flinging open the door.

((ooc: My wrists are starting to hurt lol sooo- imagine like… shiny dark wood floors with the yiga eye gilded in here and there, giant fluffy rug in the center shaped like a banana, giant woven banners on the wall of kohga looking cool, giant four poster bed (plushies!! Many pillows!!!), a zonai dispenser full of bananas instead of machines, a mirror with ‘His most excellent, unrivaled, Master Kohga!!!!!!!!’ (With all those exclamation marks), crates full of mighty bananas, giant gold statue of Kohga ofc, the Sooga Memorial™~ etc etc lmao))

( @yigabalali - who definitely does NOT understand what a prank is )

MY GOODNESS BALALI YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF! YOUR DEVOTION TO THE YIGA CLAN IS UNPARALLELED! A BANANA FOR YOU, AND MORE BANANAS FOR YOU! YOU HAVE PROVEN YOUR LOVE FOR THE GLORIOUS MASTER KOHGA! THANK YOU MY DEVOTED FOLLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!

🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌

(for you)

[masterkohga]

Dad?

Just because I (the Glorious Master Kohga) am not present in your life does not make me your father.

But, if you join the Yiga Clan, you will become my child by the strong spirit of my cult organization! Join the Yiga Clan, take the Glorious Master Kohga as your non-biological so I don't have to pay child support for the entire Yiga Clan father!

Yiga Clan Website: here

(if you are actually looking for your father, even if you aren't the person here, I am genuinely sorry for the deadbeat dad jokes. Here is a banana 🍌)

[masterkohga]

“Hi, uhm…. I brought you some banana icecream- Imadeit-“

( @yigabalali )

YES MY GREAT FRIEND! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS GREATLY APPRECIATED AND WILL DEFINETLY GO TO THE FOOTSOLDIERS HOLDING UP THE CULT I MEAN ORGANIZATION AND TOTALLY NOT ME, THE GLORIOUS AND VERY HUNGRY MASTER KOHGA!

Thank you for contributing to the great effort to find that nasty awful evil horrible annoying Link! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

[masterkohga]

The Yiga Clan's One True Love <3

[ninizilla]

Master Kohga : *breaths*

The entirety of the Yiga clan :

[masterkohga]

Yes, this is entirely true. I am talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before.

🍌

I am the best. I am the Top Banana.

[masterkohga]

FAQs About the Yiga Clan, from the Glorious and Muscular Master Kohga

Q: What is our mission?

A: To eliminate Link, and to ultimately resurrect Ganondorf

Q: What do we serve?

A: Bananas, cunt, the Prince of Darkness (Ganondorf), and of course me, Master Kohga

Q: The Yiga Clan is known for its affinity for bananas, but what beverages do we enjoy?

A: Interesting question... generally we prefer banana flavored drinks but a variant answer would be Dr. Pepper.

Q: Is the Yiga Clan a cult?

A: NO!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!! We are merely those enlightened to serve a greater purpose; the ones chosen by me, Master Kohga. WE ARE NOT A CULT THIS IS FAKE PROPAGANDA FROM LINK THIS IS SLANDER-

Yiga Clan Website: here

[sleepy-the-loz-enthusiast]

Can somebody please bully me into reading through notes and revising I have an exam next week which I have not prepared for at all (various personal things that I'm still processing and recovering from) please help-

[masterkohga]

If you don't study I will send the Yiga Clan after you.

-

If you do I will give you a banana (terms and conditions may or may not apply).

-Master Kohga

(also pls join the Yiga Clan)

[masterkohga]

Yiga Clan Website: here

[juleboo]

My application for Yiga school

Hopefully they let me in… I sold my clothes, furniture, and my house just to afford the uniform

Once again, don’t look too closely at the fine details. I slapped ‘em on and called it a day, just how I like it :)

🍌 Glory to Master Kohga. 🍌

[masterkohga]

You're in.

[masterkohga]

Addressing the Allegations

Recently there have been many allegations against me, the Great Mighty and Powerful Master Kohga. There have been hurtful things said about me and the Yiga Clan, said by horrible, banana-hating haters. One of these bongos, who will remain anonymous (except that their name starts with an L and and rhymes with sink), has spread an awful rumor that I am "an evil cult leader" and "have manipulated my followers into believing false claims." These rumors are all false. However, I have also heard allegations that I have eight pack abs and am absolutely ripped. Those allegations are, in fact, true.

Join the great and powerful and strong and awesome Master Kohga in my mission to resurrecting Ganon, and above all, eliminating that awful Link!

Our Website: here

Our Youtube: here