LustrumLethe @mixedmindmultiplex - Tumblr Blog

theunfortunate-author

my daily affirmation as an author

neoyorzapoteca

The Woman Dies | Aoko Matsuda | Granta Magazine

ythefuknaught

I found one of my old poetry booklets from highschool Damn 2011

adhd-alien

I get a lot of DMs asking me “How do I know if I have ADHD?” and the short and boring answer is “you can’t unless you talk to a doctor”.

But I want to share what I think should have been obvious clues to me!

I think it’s hard to judge your own symptoms if all you’ve known your entire life was ADHD. I was convinced I had no problems and just had to stop being lazy and all my problems would go away.

So, to everyone asking themselves “what if I’m just lazy?”, I hope you can find the courage from this to seek a diagnosis! And if you can’t:

Your struggles are legit and real, if they have a name or not.

maxillo

what bothers me most abt mainstream understanding of adhd is that it’s effectively “not as severe”. that it’s just comedic relief, funny, quirky, limited to just distractibility and hyperactivity (“look, a squirrel!”), and something that you can grow out of or only affects children - or, even worse, nonexistent and just an “excuse” to blame otherwise normal hyperactive behavior in children.

the adhd brain and nervous system is wired completely differently. rsd wasn’t even given a name until recent times due to the heavier focus on what was more easily observable, which was - surprise - attention and hyperactivity. i didn’t even know emotional dysregulation in general was a symptom until 6 or so months ago, and ive had the incredible luck and comfort of being diagnosed early in childhood and taking meds that work for me which a whole lot of other people did not and still do not have access to. and still, not knowing that one symptom seriously took a toll on me because it significantly controls how i interact with people. i avoid rejection at all costs. i’m hyper-aware of the reactions of people around me and actively curb my behavior to fit what i think would be “acceptable”. and even the smallest subconscious thought that some part of something i say or do could be interpreted as “bad” is enough to deter me from doing it at all, whether or not it’s actually there (and it usually isn’t). the feeling of being held to a negative observation terrifies me more than anything else - that somehow, it will permanently damage how the person sees me, and that i won’t have been able to predict this thing ahead of time to avoid it. while i’ve improved with this fear given time, it still hinders me in many ways that it would not for others without the disorder, and if i had known about it, i wouldn’t have believed for so long that it was my fault, and i was just somehow irreversibly inferior to everyone else around me and always destined to make the wrong decision.

adhd is a disorder. it is debilitating. it affects your daily life. it is not just some funny quirk or something to dismiss as behavioral issues. it should be taken far more seriously, and the fact that it isn’t is exactly what’s hurting us.

depresseddisneyprincess

pack-of-rats-archive

Sounds familiar!

weltenwellen

Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

persecutorhelp

What a persecutor is: An alter that harms the system in one way or another. This may be to a specific alter, or to the entire system. This often stems from abuse and/or warped thinking they learned through years of an unhealthy environment.

What a persecutor does not have to be: Aggressive, angry, rude, or violent. Some do act this way, but it is not inherent. Persecutor and rude alter are not synonymous. Keep in mind that while it is very possible for them to act this way, a lot of this can come from being pushed away, insulted, or not listened to, or it may be an unhealthy coping mechanism.

What a persecutor is not: Evil, a parasite, a menace, something to repress, something to try to “lock up” or “get rid of”, the “dark side” of a system, someone who does not deserve to recover, or a lost cause.