Okay, I've been putting this off for too long. INTRO POST TIME!!!
Hi, my name is nerdysnz (she/her), you can call me nerdy, nerd, or just N. I am 19 and into snz and just sickfics in general (and sometimes some whump and angst stuff). In case you can't tell from my posts, I am a gamer! I like video games, as well as other media. I prefer talking about fictional snz, but I will also talk about irl sneeze sometimes. I am a lesbian but I also enjoy enby sneeze and occasionally male sneeze. I am asexual so I do not want to see anything nsfw on here. If a post shows up on my dashboard or a blog I'm scrolling through, I will just scroll past it, but please don't send me anything directly or i might block you. I also have Autism and ADHD if that matters to anyone.
hello and welcome to a completely unscientific shitpost featuring a selected list of what I am deeming to be:
extremely snzfucker-coded plant species
aka plants from around the world that are either onto us (or one of us)
please do not reblog to non-snz blogs // Minors DNI (18+ blog)
Hi, I'm Leni and you may remember me from the post I wrote titled the snzfucker's guide to the snziest plants. I'm a plant ecologist and snzfucker (and generally just a huge nerd) and while this post will be based in facts, I'm about to be deeply unserious and mildly chaotic, so please enjoy. Or scroll on by if that's not your thing.
In this post you'll be introduced to:
Longleaf Pine (used to treat colds AND fight allergies - she's doing the most)
Pampas Grass (the feather duster of the plant kingdom with a kinky backstory)
Q-tip Tree (you'll understand why when you see it, I promise)
Handkerchief Tree (yes, that's the actual common name)
California Tree Poppy (aka the used Kleenex flower)
Let's dive in!
Longleaf Pine
Alright, first up we have Pinus palustris, commonly known as the Longleaf Pine that, by all appearances, seems to have evolved specifically for inducing. The dried leaves (needles) of this species have long been used for treating colds and other respiratory ailments, as they are high in Vitamin C and also acts as an expectorant (thinning mucous/clearing congestion). Dried leaves can be brewed into an herbal tea that is often mixed with peppermint and other beneficial, cold-soothing herbs.
Fun fact: Extracts of its pollen are widely used as the standard for pine allergy testing and immunotherapy in the United States. While many plants in the Pine family produce highly allergenic pollen, this particular species is less allergenic than its relatives, as its pollen is heavier and tends to drop to the ground instead of being light and easily airborne.
snzfucker rating: 10/10. This plant has it all, including cold + allergy lore + pine needles that are safe to induce with which truly just look like they've evolved specifically for that purpose. what? who said that?!??
Pampas Grass
Next up we have Cortaderia selloana or Pampas Grass. The resemblance to a feather duster is, well…do I even need to go on? Well, I'm going to go on an anyway. It's also an extremely allergenic, wind-pollinated grass. Ever seen comments of plants with people saying "haha wow even this photo made me sneeze"? Yeah, well, this plant is the perfect candidate for whatever...that is.
Fun fact: This widely cultivated and once popular garden plant was the subject of a kink-related urban legend dating back to the 1970s following claims that those who planted it in their front yards were identifying as a swinger household. As a result, its popularity plummeted - because people were afraid to plant it in their yards! Which, in my opinion, is good outcome, as this species is often highly invasive outside its native range (...I can neither confirm nor deny that this rumor was initially started by conservationists/ecologists).
snzfucker rating: 9/10. bonus points for being the feather duster of the plant kingdom + having kink lore + being extremely allergenic... but I've subtracted several points because, well, we hate invasive species in this house, folks.
Q-Tip Tree
Next on the list is Clerodendrum quadriloculare aka the Q-Tip Tree. I don’t think I have to elaborate on why this made the list. I think y'all should just look at the photo and nod along with me.
Fun fact: This species is a member of the mint (Lamiaceae) family, believe it or not! Many members of this plant family have invasive tendecies when introduced outside their native range. It's also known as the 'Starburst Bush' which is a pretty groovy name, in my opinion. Obviously, I'm going to stick with the alternative Q-Tip Tree.
snzfucker rating: 7/10. Its definitely got some "👀" qualities... if you know what I mean.
Handkerchief Tree
Yes, seriously. Davidia involucrata is known as the Handkerchief Tree because of its white bracts that flutter in the breeze like pinched handkerchiefs. Again...do I need to elaborate?
Fun fact: This plant takes up to 10 years to flower after planting! Well worth the wait, in my opinion. It's native to the woodlands of southern China and prefers... moist/wet conditions...😈 ...no, seriously, it does. I'm not just shit-posting here. Well I am, but...this is genuinely true.
snzfucker rating: 8.75/10. It's freakin' called the handkerchief tree, y'all. Spectacular. No notes.
California Tree Poppy
Last but not least we have Romneya coulteri aka the California Tree Poppy which bears such a remarkable resemblance to used tissues that folks will often post photos to gardening/flower-related Facebook groups asking others to help identify “this flower that looks like a bunched up Kleenex.”
Fun fact: This plant is native to California, and has the largest petal width of any wildflower in California! Plus, it smells very sweet - remarkably like apricots.
snzfucker rating: 8/10. Any plant that resembles a crumpled tissue is pretty darn snzfucker-coded if you ask me. Want to imagine your fav sneezing into a flower? This might be the ideal one!
🌾 🌼 🌲
I hope you enjoyed this silly little post. Feel free to reply/reblog with your thoughts/alternative ratings. I'll be back soon with another post about plants that have been used throughout history to treat colds and all the snience (snz science, hehe) behind it! 😊
p/ovidone i/odine c/ ookie would absolutely show up to work with the sneeziest, messiest cold and completely ignore the others' concerns about contamination.
So...I might have an answer! 🤗 Get ready for Fun facts!
To start, I do know the first copyrighted silent film ever made in the US dates back to 1894.
And it's 5 second clip...of a guy sneezing. 😏
Stay with me now, folks! Did a little research. The ancient greeks saw sneezing as a gift from the gods, as good luck. Turns out there is actually a LOT of ancient greek sneeze fables, humans AND gods.
For my homies in the E/pi/c Fandom (Ayyy @girlsn0t and @rosieknows ), I guess gods canonically DO sneeze, even MORE than humans in OG Mythology and there's even a canon Mythological Te/le/mach/us sneeze story.
But the oldest story? Fucking 400 BC...
Xenophon, tells a tale about a Grecian battle in Turkey, in which some random soldier sneezes during a speech, and they believe it's a sign of good luck from the gods before they fight the Persians.
okay, so the T/imekeeper C/ ookie spoiler video had me CACKLING but then i started thinking about how T/imekeeper called C/roissant to tell her they were skipping work shortly after they clocked in. like what if they make a habit of doing that whenever they want to run off and have fun and finally one time C/roissant has had enough and goes to their office to scold them just to find out that this time they actually called out because they weren't feeling well...
caretaking (from a mildly annoyed C/roissant) ensues, obviously.
Lohen had been standing out in the middle of Knight's of Favonius Nod Krai camp listening to one of the other knights drone on for merely five excruciating minutes, and he was already contemplating actual murder.
He wouldn't go through with it of course. He could patiently wait until he was face to face with monsters from the Abyss who actually deserved it.
He would continue to merrily contemplate it though.
These kinds of meetings were arguably the worst part of being a knight. Normally, he'd skip out or sneak off once he got bored, but unfortunately, Varka had caught him the last time he'd pulled that stunt, and had politely implied (aka, threatened) he would send him off back to Mondstadt if he snuck out of another meeting.
So, for the time being, he was stuck here.
Bored.
Mentally going over various ways to hide a body.
Sniffling- sniffling?
Why was he- oh.
As soon as he became aware of it, Lohen suddenly couldn't put the itch in his nose out of his mind. After checking to see if anyone was watching him, he subtly rubbed at his nose.
Well… it didn't make things worse.
But it didn't make the itch go away either.
Lohen's eye twitched briefly as he resisted the urge to shake his head to get rid of the sensation. He shifted his weight ever so slightly, taking his knife out and slowly running his finger along the side of it in an attempt to distract himself. Anyone who might glance at him would think he was just cleaning a spot off of it or… something, he didn't care what they thought really so long as…
A light breeze blew through the camp.
The itch in his nose flared, and he barely choked back a surprised inhale, nearly dropping his knife.
He hurriedly put it back in his pocket. He really did not need anyone getting on his case about him accidentally injuring himself right now.
He rubbed at his nose again. Again, it didn't help, but didn't make it worse either. He wasn't sure if he was grateful for that or not.
Ugh… and without his knife to focus on now…
He took a slow breath in, ignoring the slight shakyness of it, held it for a second, then slowly let it out.
He could ignore it.
…Fuck, it was starting to burn now-
"Hh-hHh-!" Lohen put a hand over his mouth and nose, quickly glancing around to see if anyone was looking at him.
Thankfully, it seemed like everyone else was somehow enraptured by the knight currently leading the meeting. How, Lohen had no idea. The guy was boring as shit.
Still though, it gave him the chance to slowly move from his usual position, until he had managed to sneak his way to the back of the group. He wasn't willing to risk completely leaving, he was sure at the very least Varka had likely noticed him moving towards the back, but so long as he remained at there, everyone's view of him should be obscured enough for him to-
Lohen practically doubled over from the force of the first sneeze that he stifled into silence. Holy shit, that had been more powerful than he had been expecti-
"HihN'Gtt-sh!!"
Fuck, that one had hurt- it felt like all the force behind it had nowhere to go, like it had absolutely slammed into a brick wall. (It didn't seem like he could really keep them quiet for long, which he hadn't expected to be able to anyways. But, at the very least, it seemed like it was quiet enough for not even the knights standing right in front of him to bother turning around.)
The same sensation repeated for the third stifled sneeze. And the fourth. And the fifth. And the-
Archons damn it, what was wrong with him? He didn't usually sneeze this much. The last time he could remember was-
Wait. Didn't one of the other knights say they'd planted some dandelion seeds around the camp a few weeks ago? Something about a reminder of home? Surely those would be full grown by now, so…
Well, Lohen hadn't thought much about it at the time- he'd gone through desensitization therapy after all, it shouldn't affect him anymore.
Based on how he felt right now though…
"HhNG'SHht! heh-h-heHSH'Ngt-!!"
It had to be his dandelion allergy. Nothing else had ever gotten him as intensely as dandelions had, and he should know, he had tested it. Multiple times in fact. He'd even technically done it accidentally on a stealth mission once, which had been both equally thrilling and frustrating. Was it possible for an allergy to come back? He'd have to send a letter to Sucrose and ask. Hopefully without revealing exactly why he was asking, though she'd probably figure it out anyways.
For now though, he had to bring himself under control. He couldn't afford to have everyone's attention on him at the moment.
"Hih-h-hh-hHNn'TSh! hiH'NG'Tt—!!"
Ow.
….That felt good.
And it wasn't- it wasn't like anyone else was paying him any attention right now, immediately. Somehow, he was getting away with this. Again, his stifles weren't exactly silent, but as long as he kept doing it, he could continue to go unnoticed… And it would continue to…
His nose briefly gave him a sort of reprieve, if one could call a lost sneeze such, though the burning itch remained, his nose twitching and red with irritation. Lohen took the opportunity to quickly wipe the allergic tears off of his face, and glance around just to make sure that nobody had noticed anything-
Mika was staring at him.
Fuck.
As soon as they made eye contact, Mika turned and tugged on Grandmaster Varka's sleeve, pointing in Lohen's direction.
Double fuck.
Okay, this was fine. All he had to do was hold back, and Varka would just think Mika was just seeing- seeing t-things-
"Heh-hhH-h-hngh-" He nearly bit his tongue trying to grind his teeth together in an attempt to prevent his breath from continuing to hitch. It didn't work. "Hih-hh-heH-"
And, evidentally, even if he hadn't actually sneezed, his likely visible struggle with it was enough for Varka to start making his way towards him.
Damnnit.
~
Lohen sat cross legged on top of one of the cots in the healing tent, doing his best to look unimpressed.
He failed the instant his gaze turned hazy again, his breath hitching widly before he snapped forwards with another stifled-
"HhHNG'Ttshh!!"
"You're going to explode your brain doing that." Varka said, re-entering the tent, clearly having finished his talk with the healer outside. "Sounds like it hurts too."
"Snf, nngh, it d-hh-hH-! ….it does." Lohen did not elaborate. It didn't seem like Varka had really expected him to.
"Well, the good news is, you're not sick." Varka pulled over a chair, sitting down beside the cot. Lohen rolled his eyes, he could've told them that, if any of them had listened during the quite frankly humiliating period of time wherein Varka had forcibly lifted him up and carried him to the healer's tent. Not that he minded a lil bit of humiliation of course, but still. This would probably be lorded over his head by some of the other knights for days.
Wait. What could the bad news be-
"However, you're not allowed to patrol until you get some allergy medicine into your system."
Lohen experienced a moment of actual shock before he quickly fixed his expression to give Varka the most offended look possible.
"But-"
"No buts."
"I don't want the allergy medicine."
"Oh? And why's that?"
"…." He couldn't just say it was because he was, well, enjoying this. That wasn't really a conversation he wanted to have with Varka of all people. Plus, based on past experience, the Grandmaster probably wouldn't accept it as an excuse anyways, which only left Lohen with the answer of; "It makes me drowsy, I can't f-focus when I'm o-on i-ihH-hhH-hESH'NGtt—!!"
"And how exactly do you plan to focus when your nose is twitching like a bunny?" Varka asked, and Lohen would've responded with a scathing insult, but-
Well, he was a little preoccupied.
"Hh-hIH'HNG'Ttshh!! Heh-h-hH-hihH-hH'N'Gtt-sh!!" The hand he wasn't using to pinch his nose shut subconsciously reached out and gripped onto the edge of the cot. Fuck, he was starting to get dizzy… "Hh-hHNn'TtSHh!! hNnG'Ttsh!! Hh-hhiH- hHnNT'GShh!! Hh-hhiih-"
Varka reached out and pulled Lohen's hand away from his face. At this point, Lohen couldn't really form any sort of protest to the action.
"Hh-hhih-hEH'NXxSHhtt—" He managed to hands free stifle the next one, but- "HhEH'SHhhu!! Hh'ESHhu!! Hh-hihh-h-hh-hEH'CHhuu!! ngh.. guh…."
After a moment of no further hitching, Varka let go of Lohen's hand. Lohen bent over slightly, holding his head in his hands, taking a deep breath in and letting a slow breath out, trying to get the world to stop spinning. It was in some weird way pleasurable, but he really didn't want Varka to have more reason to bench him for longer.
When he finally felt put together enough to look back up, Varka was holding out a pill and a cup of water to him. Lohen glared at him, but Varka didn't seem like he was going to budge on this.
…Sighing, Lohen took the pill and, just to be contrarian, swallowed it dry.
