Bol'she

Bisexual genderless gremlin. Not diagnosed, but it's probably autism and perimenopause. https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaynotgoodprobablybad/collections

[penandinkprincess]

the Potential of tuna meltdown in shallergies verse given that one potential symptom of anaphylaxis is a sense of impending doom

so they eat, have handsy time on the couch, smooch smooch, first names, and oh. OH. gotta. gotta go. oh god. bad bad. death is coming. bad. bad bad.

and shane doesn't even realize at first what's happening because he thinks it's just the first names getting to him (and it is. partially.), but he's like. halfway back upstairs when what's ACTUALLY happening hits him.

and now we've got the combo of, "oh, i just came on this person, attempted to book it, but uuuuuuh hey ilya. i need. a favor. like...NOW."

[okaynotgoodprobablybad]

[rougevelvet]

The perfect weighhted blanked doesn't exis-

[alittleorchidinsideofhim]

“Wow, this Montreal girl works you up, brother!”

The Montreal girl in question:

[hudconera]

this is like a renaissance painting

[lexicanons]

Shane accidentally breaks Ilya’s chain. The two are roughhousing at Shane’s place when Shane reaches up to grab the back of Ilya’s neck. His hand slips, his fingers get caught in the chain and it breaks. The necklace falls onto Shane’s chest and the room falls silent.

“Shit! Rozanov, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-.”

“I know.” Ilya quickly scoops his mother’s necklace and examines it. He sees that the clasp is broken. He looks up to tell Shane about the clasp that’s when he notices Shane’s heavy breathing. Shane’s hands are trembling and there are tears in his eyes. “Hollander, it is okay.”

Shane shakes his head. “No, I’ve ruined it.”

“Hey, it is fine, is just clasp. I broke it before. It is easy fix.” That’s a lie. Ilya has never broken his mother’s chain but Shane is on the verge of a panic attack and he needs to calm him down.

“Really?” Shane questions and Ilya nods. “Let me up.” Ilya moves off of Shane and watches as he goes over to his dresser. He looks through a box before going over to Ilya.

“I got this from a brand deal but I don’t really wear jewelry. You can use this until the chain gets fixed.” Shane offers Ilya the box. He opens it to find a thin gold chain staring back at him. Ilya carefully takes the cross off the broken chain and threads it onto the one Shane gave him. He asks Shane to put it on him and Shane happily obliges.

If Shane notices that Ilya is still wearing the chain he gifted the next time they hook up, he doesn’t mention it.

[gaynehollander]

Sometimes I think about the fact that almost every single person who found out about Shane and Ilya felt the need to ask Shane "him? really? he's the one you want to be with?"

I think about how Ilya has had to make his way through life mostly on his own since he was twelve years old, about the, how he moved to a new country as a teenager and was immediately thrust in front of a camera without knowing the language or how to cope with his newfound fame. I think about the preconceived notions of Russians and how, in the absence of being able to accurately communicate (both because of the language barrier and his repressive upbringing), Ilya decided to or was forced to lean into that stereotype. I think about how soft Ilya allows himself to be with Shane, about how he takes care of him, about how silly and goofy he can be, how he's sometimes just a grown kid, how other times he's the only person who can shut Shane's brain off. I think about how kind he is, how caring, how deeply he feels, how incredibly empathetic he is. I think about how wildly Shane loves him. How there literally never could have been anyone else. I think about how incredibly hurtful it is that no one trusts Shane to make his own decisions about his own fucking life and how much it hurts seeing the coldness the world regards his partner with. I think about Shane getting home and walking straight into Ilya's arms, after having to (once again) justify his love for the best man he's ever known, allowing himself to take comfort in his warm embrace, even when it feels to Shane like he should be the one providing both comfort and shelter.

I think about the surety Shane would feel when thinking to himself, "yes. Him. No one else."

[userilyarozanov]

HEATED RIVALRY (2025 - ) ▸1x04, i'll believe in anything

[penandinkprincess]

i know in my heart that post-outing, ilya is using the FUCK out of "because you are homophobic?" when he's not getting his way

you will not let him have the seat he wants on this bus? ah, he sees. clearly the homophobia.

you will not give him the lemon-lime gatorade and are trying to keep it for yourself? you think gays should have to drink only fruit punch? he is telling twitter IMMEDIATELY.

you will not come cuddle with him instead of doing the dishes? just because he is queer? "ilya, i am literally your gay husband." "yes, violence from within the alphabet is the worst kind. 😔" "🙄"

[bolshe-ilya]

Lmao, and I bet he learned it from Harris.

Like when he first moved to Ottawa, Harris doesn't know what to make of a russian player with a shiny orthodox cross hanging on his neck. But he has never shied away from being himself so tries to make friends like he does with everyone.

Slowly he learns Ilya isn't like that and is quite comfortable with Harris being more outwardly gay, and even enjoys joking with Harris about it.

So one day they are talking in the locker room and the coach comes in and tells Harris OK get out now, the team has to practice. And Harris is like oh, so now you're kicking out the only gay guy here? I see. That's really homophobic.

Ilya is struck with jealousy, esp as he sees him make this joke more often.

One day, Ilya tells Harris he can't stay late to film a video for social media and Harris calls him homophobic. Ilya has to pinch his thigh to stop him from informing Harris that he is the one being homophobic by asking Ilya to cancel his plans to drive home to suck his boyfriend's dick.

[manhasetardis]

Heated Rivalry + Textposts 30/?

[creamsiclemelt]

the fact that He Doesn't Even Know He's Going To Be Eaten Alive here.....

[iressails]

Ilya 'tornado blowjob' Rozanov (via intergalacticmca)

[jimmysownworld]

yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and he’s had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mama’s favorite, and it was her birthday today.

yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.

[darlingofdots]

In the background of the video clip, posted by a fan at the hotel breakfast just before Christmas 2018, Shane Hollander is talking on the phone. He looks tired but he's smiling, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with a fork. "I saw, baby," he says. "No, definitely, no way that was slashing, I'm with you. You'll get them next time, though. Beautiful goal you got in the first, that was so fucking sexy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Love you."

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

And Shane Hollander is so consumed by jealousy he almost chokes.

[hardlyhinged]

Tags via @gaynehollander

[ravenclairee]

HEATED RIVALRY — 1.05 "I'll Believe in Anything"

[penandinkprincess]

the main post is getting giant and has so many threads on it already, but the idea of the first time shane has a contact reaction being AFTER ILYA KNOWS ABOUT THE ALLERGIES AND HAS TRIED SO HARD TO KEEP HIS HOUSE SAFE

during the literal YEARS of not knowing he could potentially kill shane? NO

THE ALLERGIES WAITED UNTIL HE FELT SAFE

he had fries or something while he was out at a bar with the team and didn't think about it because he didn't order them and was just absentmindedly grazing from the plate that got shared, but he goes home to shane, kiss kiss, starting to strip, and then shane just *increasingly frequent pauses to try and clear his throat* *realization about what's happening*

and after the terror is over and shane has been treated and is okay again, ilya is just ??? fucking SERIOUSly??? years and years of lucky breaks and it's a few random fucking fries cooked in peanut oil that do it??? what the FUCK

[penandinkprincess]

GOD post-outing but pre-knowing about shane's allergies, the team just assumes oh?? the bar must have said something homophobic or something??? cap must have been the only one who heard it?? and they're now like well FUCK that place >:( and start refusing to go there, too.

only to find out later it's because ilya blames it for making his kisses deadly to boyfriends with peanut allergies

[penandinkprincess]

RODNEY NOOOOOOO

[ginalinettiofficial]

rodney’s wife over here watching her husband of thirty years go through a one-sided breakup just like “babe. babe the bar is still doing fine this isn’t affecting our bottom line and i’m SURE it’s just a coincidence and boodram was having a bad day.” but rodney can’t and won’t hear it. the centaurs hate him, personally, and he is inconsolable about it.

[penandinkprincess]

fucking TEARS IN MY EYES laughing at this but also filled with so much real sympathy for this fake man.

i'm just picturing a long montage of rodney just fucking. looking at the pictures and sighing. looking out the window and sighing. looking at the table the cens usually sit at and sighing.

and meanwhile tanya is just, "?? why are you taking this harder than when the kids left for college??"

[dreamofbecoming]

#heated rivalry#shallergies#the kicker is that if ANYONE talked about ANYTHING rodney would have anything peanut out of that bar IMMEDIATELY#GONE#GONE FROM HIS BAR#he would personally spit on every peanut he sees for the rest of his life if it would mean the return of his boys </3#GOD#after shane is in ottawa someone in passing mentions the bar#and it's kind of wistful but they're like 'good riddance for being shitty to cap though'#and ilya is just ?? 'what?? what are you talking about?'#'y-you hate that bar?'#'yes is bad place.'#'??? be-because?? someone said something shitty to you?'#'what? no? they made me poison hollander.'#shane from the side: 'what??? are you talking about???'#'the time i kissed you and you went into shock when you were visiting. is because i was at the bar and something had peanuts i didn't know.#the rest of the team: '...THAT'S WHY WE STOPPED GOING TO-'#and now shane is just 'ilya you can't swear off a bar forever because you accidentally cross-contaminated me'#'can and am and will hollander. no forgiveness.'#'ilya they didn't even fucking know. you're being ridiculous.'#now everyone on the team who has given rodney the cold shoulder is just 'o-oh no. oh god. oh fuck.'#them returning to the bar with a gift basket and having to be like 'soooo due to a misunderstanding and also peanuts-'#pffft oh my GOD roddy's bar ends up becoming one of the most allergy-safe bars in ottawa after this XD#rodney becomes fucking MILITANT about it#it takes like six times of the team going there and reporting back before ilya decides to trust it again#and rodney nearly sheds a tear the day it finally happens#meanwhile tanya is just 'you really couldn't have just like. bought a mustang or something?? if you were going to do the late life crisis?' (via op)

pen you can’t keep doing this to me you can’t keep dragging me into fandoms i’m not in and making me emotionally invested in characters who aren’t even in the source material! please i have a family!

[penandinkprincess]

IF HE HAD TO BE OTTAWANDA TO KEEP THE CENS AT HIS BAR, HE WOULD BE OTTAWANDA TO KEEP THE CENS AT HIS BAR.

i also love the idea of this older man who wasn't a homophobe but also wasn't like. an active outspoken queer ally because it just didn't occur to him as something to be. who is now AGGRESSIVELY inclusive in this bar. if you don't like it? get OUT. he lost the cens once, and it will NOT happen again. not on his watch! not while he lives!!! for every shitty comment, five new rainbow flags go up!! keep pushing him!!!

and the kids aren't, like...judging. but they are going to tanya and being like, "uuuuh, mom? is dad...trying to come out? in like. a really weird sideways way?"

and tanya just *heavy sigh* "honey i WISH it was that simple."

[hollanoveau]

“ilya’s curls” this “connor’s curls” that. sit down and shut the fuck up. mycliff’s curls. his luscious mane. i live here. do not look at me.

[hollanoveau]

@hollanderspussycat FAVORITE TAG AWARD

[thisfeebleheart]

Shane chasing Ilya's lips: 🤌