Panzerkatzee

I am really bad at updating tumblr...

[panzerkatzee]

I

Prompts: An urgent message arrives via an unconventional method. - Mythpunk - The bridge of a faster-than-light starship. - An ancient being and the mortal who summons them.

[CW: Giving birth, traumatic birth, loss of a child at birth (implied)]

Humans were fools. Beings of an imagination so limited, Maie couldn’t really blame them for the lies they told about her and her sisters. They needed to make sense of the world around them in ways they could relate to. But their frame of reference was the violence and disregard for life, which seemed to be their lot. Their nature.

Never would they learn the truth, that she and the other Pleiades, were not mere women of incomparable beauty that gave birth to the beings they revered as godly. They were beyond their finite sphere of comprehension. Beings of another order. Not necessarily higher. Yet so divergent from definition of existence, their limited imaginations might never fully grasp her own truths.

Those thoughts swirled about Maie, as she flew past Earth, in her vessel. A vehicle, that in a human mind might bear the name “starship”. Deep within her navigation pool, her mind one with the void and stars around her, these thoughts took on shape and form. Swirling colours of a beneficent green marbled with yellow sparks of irritation and clouds of confounded blue. Maie swam through them, like her ship did across the skies. From down below it would be seen as a shooting star, a pinprick, illuminating the darkness for just a heartbeat.

But one heartbeat was more than enough for Maie to sense it. To feel the grief, fear and pain, she could never ignore. Like her sister, the earthen-bound Callisto once did, a woman was crying out for help.

Red and black surrounded her, as her own panic rose. She felt the grief, the pain, the blood curdling fear of a mother in labour. A mother afraid for a child that might never see the light of dawn nor the light of stars. Maie turned. She would not allow for any child to pass into the void without ever seeing the stars.

[As some cultural context, in German, an "angel baby" or a child that dies just before or at birth, is colloquially called "Sternenkind" which translates as "starchild". I know it has a different connotation in English, but given Maia's association with birth and midwives, I found it oddly fitting.]

[shamebats]

There's this whole story unfolding on TikTok right now about this account that got popular — a woman in the US who calls up churches & pretends to have a starving newborn that hasn't eaten since last evening & asks them if they could help her out with a can of formula. Unsurprisingly, none of the ridiculous megachurches actually ever say yes, and the churches & other religious institutions that did say yes are getting lots of support from people.

But I just saw a video of a TT user explaining that they decided to do their own little social experiment — by walking up to drug dealers on the street, telling them there's a young woman with a baby who needs help with formula, and literally all of them immediately reached into their pockets. In this story, the OP did have a real neighbor with a baby who ended up getting some much needed baby supplies. Thanks to the charity of local drug dealers.

A lot of Americans are learning that their rich white Christian churches are less willing to help their communities than black churches, mosques, buddhist temples, the satanic temple & apparently also crack dealers.

[mortarion-thinks-youre-toxic]

“And if you gaze long enough into the warp, the warp will gaze back into you.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

[wonderful-language-sounds]

Websites to learn languages by reading

Hyplern

Language Crush

Readlang

Vocab Tracker

[violentlilies]

I HC that Mortarion has a chronic cough

When he’s around you can always hear him hacking up a lung and it sometimes sounds like he’s actively dying. You can hear him before you see him, like general grievous from Star Wars (I kinda picture him to sound exactly like him voice-vise when he has the respirator on)

This is all pre-Nurgle btw, having a toxic gas vape strapped on 24/7 has got to impact you somehow- so this is mostly self inflicted (Tho I think he also has some permanent health damage from fighting Necare)

He also gets mad at anyone who suggests that “hey, perhaps stop huffing poison”

[rocinanterising]

And another.

Not Alone.

[rocinanterising]

[riemann-zeta]

Just finished Master of Prospero... and I have a lot of feelings

[mandable-draws]

The Pale King

[panzerkatzee]

How have I never posted this...

Anyway.. Apollonius au Valii-Rath drawn for Inktober '23~

[dangerandbeauty]

This was all I could see when Diomedes, Cassius, and Darrow were bickering after their trial so I had to doodle it 😂

Thunder, Lightning, and the Storm: the best three razormasters to share a room—prison—in the last sixty years, not one of them taken in a straight fight 🤭

[panzerkatzee]

This. Is. Gold. Literally.

[panzerkatzee]

I am back!

Kinda...

Sooo November is coming and this time, I don't plan on ending my relationship halfway through NaNoWriMo...

Given I am not engaged in any romantic relationship, the bar is admittedly very low. Anyway.. I am planning my writing project for November and instead of starting something from scratch I am going to focus on something I've already written...

Not the Sci-Fi project, as its subject matter is so utterly close to home... well I will continue an older project and rework an old draft from 2022 to fit my new vision of the project in hopes of bringing it into the editing stage during the month..

I am currently doing all the ground work, sorting through all the 35 Chapters I've already written and deciding on what to keep, what to scrap and how to rewrite the chapters I already have. As this is a set up for characters that will shape my fantasy world quite a bit but show them in a closed off story, I hope to one day publish it as my debut novel.. Anyway.. enough talking about the writing... Time to get back to real writing~

Have a lovely day <3

Image generated by Midjourney. I don't condone the use use of AI Art as book covers.. but this was created for me by someone who did put some thought into it.. hence I do hold this image dear.. But too all my fellow authors out there... AI might be a nice help and a way to create references for an artist.. but will never ever replace a true master of his craft! So support real artists, especially if you have the money~

[panzerkatzee]

Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier.

[panzerkatzee]

Update - Squirrel Brains, Meds and Magic

Sooo... where were we? Ah yes... life update, because writing stuff helps me process things and writing just for me feels kinda pointless.

CW: Mention of ADHD Meds, dependence on meds, medication withdrawal

So I just came out of a very weird phase.. like extra weird. Why you ask? Well.... after having teeth surgery on the twelfth of December, I deemed it a splendid idea to just.. carry my heavily regulated ADHD medication in my backpack.. and for a reason yet unknown and hopefully as meneial as... it fell from my pack and is lost somehwere in my room, I lost it. As it is heavily regulated and my psychiatrist deems it a "non essential" drug for me to cope, I spent the last nine days without it.

Which was... better than anticipated, yet still shit af.

I tried my best... and I had only one really bad day, luckily the rest were filled with Christmas stuff and my family being surprisingly supportive. Also.. I gave in to the temptation and installed Conan Exiles once more... my one biggest addiction ever. It might have been a very stupid choice or a decent one as it did help me to cope and is without consequence at the moment.

It also provided me with the chance to reconnect to some old friends I met while playing the game, which is exceptionally nice... and discover all the great new cosmetics the modders included soo double yay.

Luckily, yesterday I managed to get my prescription renewed from my doctors christmas substitute and as of today, I am back on the meds. It is... a fucking relief. Because I can finally sort through my thoughts, cope with sensations and centre myself once more. Something I struggle with a lot, when off meds.

Sometimes it becomes really hard to string together a complete sentence and the inability to do so... is excruciating for me.

Also it's absolutely essential from real self regulation. I did notice, even off the meds I had a better time at clamping down on my impulsivity.. but of all the intractions I had over the last nine days, the only one that didn't completely stress me out, was that with my best friend yesterday, where I knew I didn't have to mask (as much).

I even managed to meet my daily writing goal today, which is a nice bonus. Not that I am specifically working on any projects right now, but I actually started working on a fantasy story two days before my meds went out... and I plan on continuing on it.

It combines a character from a previous story, I started as a self-care project during NaNoWriMo with a world I started to create more than... 12 years ago.

It is a new take on the story I had actually planned, and we'll see how it turns out!

A small snippet for you, should you be curious now..~

Fjinna swore, she would shit herself any moment. Ever since sitting down at her table, the shrewd eyes of her newest opponent, had not left her. Pale, glinting like the Northern Peaks at sunrise and cold as the Eternal Glaciers, these eyes bore into her like darts thrown from a decisive hand. They did not stare, no, they seemed to flit about, but never so far that the fairhaired girl left their field of vision. By now, the avid dice player of interest was suspecting the reason for the sudden appearance. When the lady in the run down gown had sat down, she had been knees deep immersed in time-magic, profiting of the fact, that here in the Lower Rungs, no one knew shit about real magic. Only the crude Elementalism, the Legion practiced, and as Fjin wasn't trying to blow, burn, wash or push the dice, they had no idea, how she was actually manipulating the game. Looking at the glimpses of future, to know how the dice would fall. Something she did every other round, so the other players or the dice boy, wouldn't get suspicious. The woman couldn’t have been drawn by her stark white hair, now neatly tucked beneath a slightly rumpled but rather realistic wig, marking her as a daughter of the Emerald Banks, instead of the Isenfjrode. Especially paired with the pallid skin and assortment of freckles dusting her cheeks. The rest of her was as unremarkable as they come… rancid coat, rancid shirt and a pair of very nice breeches, she nabbed during one of her travels topside during the last dead night. When the moon wasn’t peering down with her baleful glare. So instead of fretting further, she fixed the woman in her best “This city shat me out so better don’t mess with me, asshole!”- stares and asked in the rough, slightly deeper voice she had picked up in this place: “Do I ‘ave sum’thin’ on me face or do we ‘ave a prublem Missy?” A thinly plucked eyebrow rose at the Sludge drawl and her head cocked ever so slightly. “No, not at all, your face is quite… pristine. Or at least in this environment I would call it that.” She scoffed, while noting her guess. The hairs on Fjinnas neck immediately stood on end. Magic… close. It was an effort not to gape at the woman, something she wouldn’t have managed, before coming here. That bitch… Her eyes quickly moved to her opponents hair, black, not too dark. Her eyes… they were… was she? “Ohh look at that… it seems like… great minds do think alike.” The lady chimed, really pushing the topside dialect she spoke in, eyes still on Fjinna. “I wonder, what else they could.. come up with..” Some of the other players now looked about them, confused, some brows were raised. “Cash out…” she hurriedly blurted, when she felt the tug. Not on her body or her mind… but on her soul. That stinging, ripping HE had been so proficient at, as the Eshari across from her tried to subdue her magic, chain her very soul.

[the-quasar-hero]

Lyria: Darrow should’ve stuck with his own

Also Lyria: I have to travel across the solar system to save MY Obsidian princess or I’ll explode

[panzerkatzee]

"When falls the Iron Rain, be brave. Be brave." - Lorn au Arcos

Darrow o' Lykos as The Emperor Card

A project I was toying with in my mind for a long time... a new set of Tarot Cards, inspired by Red Rising in the style of the Cyberpunk Tarot cards... for the second part of the series, bc @phantomrin already did an amazing series of tarot artworks for the first three books <3

[tessawrecks]

Eaglet One

[panzerkatzee]

NaNoWriMo Journal Day ... well does it matter?

Soo.. I have returned from my hole in the ground. I am not going to continue NaNoWriMo, for the reason, that November is... well almost done. But that's fine.

I went through a rough patch. Not sure if I pulled through completely by now.. buut... I did some healing, by playing the best game on earth, aka Cyberpunk 2077.

After ending my relationship, diving into a sewing frenzy and seeing my ex not one week after breaking up... I deserve falling apart for a bit.. besides.. its not all that fell apart in my life, so that's more than reasonable. I just finished Cyberpunk, again. This time choosing the new Phantom Liberty Ending, called the Tower. Best so far.. although that's mostly due to the fact, that I don't really believe in sacrificing yourself for others, especially not hot assholes like Johnny Silverhand :D It was as bittersweet as most pages promised.. but I still think V deserved to survive, and a martyrs mentality will get you nowhere.. except for six-feet under.

Anyway.. had a great time, did some quest I missed last time around.. and kinda ditched Panam along the way.. was happy to reunite with Misty tho..

And... yeah... gathered some motivation for writing. As of now, I will probably stick to my daily challenges, and see if I can go from there, in regards to my current project :D