i should’ve told you what you meant to me, ‘cus now i pay the price…
in which, sukuna is working as a doctor. his job has been a burden. home feels cold, no matter how much you bring to the table, it feels hallow. empty, maybe it’s him, he sometimes even questions if the emptiness is from you. but he doesn’t realize that it wasn’t you, it was never you. until it’s too late. or is it?
⤷ tw! angst, hurt, mentions of death, car accidents, blood, needles, modernau!sukuna.
»»»
mornings with sukuna are always calmer, sometimes it’s good, or sometimes it’s calm in a way that makes your skin wanna crawl under another layer of skin. he’s so silent these days, you figured—it’s not the worst you’ve seen him, but this was way far from the best.
you heard his coffee mug clank down on the kitchen island, the sound of him putting on his work attire, deep blue ink scrubs. he’s silent, he doesn’t move behind you, hug your waist and asked how last night’s sleep was. you swallowed the lump in your throat and packed up sukuna’s lunch for today, which you were cooking up in the kitchen.
you usually never take this long cooking his food, and packing it. you feel him waiting, staring holes into the back of your head as you flip the egg onto the other side, it was entirely your fault—your mind was wandering to all the possibilities that could’ve happened to allow sukuna to act like the way he is acting right now.
sukuna’s grip on his backpack tightens, he starts breathing exercises. he lets you off with these things all the time no problem. but with work squeezing every single drop of perfection he’s gotten, you and your slow pace couldn’t help him any better.
finally, sukuna breaks the silence. and you’re almost relieved for a second. until the words enter your ears as you hold his lunch box up towards him.
“couldn’t you have taken any fucking longer?” he snaps, the grip he had on his backpack fell and instead, he used the hand to snatch the lunch box out of your hands. eyebrows scrunched up in a form you’ve never seen. he’s never yelled at you like this, even when you had broken things that he cherished most, he would console you with gentle kiss, a small sigh, as he brings a broom and makes sure you don’t hurt yourself from the broken things.
he turned around, thumping out of the house forcefully. no goodbye hugs, no usual goodbye kisses, no whining of him trying to spend time with you while he’s at work, saying stuff such as ‘pick up my call and watch me eat at lunch break, k?’
sukuna slammed the door as he left, he used to purposefully take extra long to put his shoes on so he could see you stand by the doorframe, his favorite view. your morning head that causes your hair to mess up a little, his oversized shirt drooping over one side of your shoulder. your arms are always crossed with concentration but your face always had a smile, a warm one that makes him feel like it’s worth it to wake up at 4:30 to go to work for everyday.
the house was left empty, your mind though. was everything but that. not only did your mind started mushing ideas of its own inside your head, your heart started racing completely, in a bad way. in a way you couldn’t control with the pills that you had just shoved down your throat just now after sukuna had left. your eyes stung, your legs felt weak, they trembled in a jelly-like rage.
you took a few deep breaths, after calming yourself down from what felt like forever, you finally decided to do something with your time since sukuna was gone.
usually, you’d go out, for a walk, shopping, buy yourself something nice because sukuna would probably be grumpy towards you if you didn’t treat yourself with the money that he wired to your account. the money was enough for your yearly rent. he treated it as pocket change.
but today, you didn’t feel like doing any of that. sukuna seemed way too exhausted. and in all honesty, you deserved to be yelled at in every way. he was already stressed enough as it is. and you couldn’t help. you have been no help these past few days.
so you decided to do something thoughtful out of the kindness of your heart. bake him his favorite chocolate chip cookies that he swears only you could make it right. and cook him a big dinner, one that he deserves, one that he will enjoy eating even if he walks through the door with a frown and sharp eyes tonight.
time flew by so quickly, it was already 6pm. the food was all done, ready and plated down on the kitchen island. you bit your tongue staring at the clock a few miles away from you, your husband comes home at 7:45pm, there’s still some time for you left to go out and buy him some roses right? as a form of apology for how helpless you’ve been these past few days.
the more you hesitate, the more you realize that sukuna does these things for you in a heartbeat. you get your period? he’ll come back home 7pm sharp, your favorite takeout, a teddy bear, your favorite flowers, chocolate, chips, and a warm towel. you feel down? he’ll go out and buys cute matching pjs, snacks, and a thing called face masks that he embarrassed himself looking for in the supermarket. and yes, he allowed you to put the face masks on his face, if that meant it would put a full smile on your face.
the car keys jingled in your hand. the weather was cold outside, without wasting time, you quickly ran into the car. as you buckled yourself up you were already deciding on what flowers to buy, and how happy his face would be when he sees what you’ve spent the whole day preparing.
the flowers were now seated on the passenger seat, you were supposed to feel relieved, or a sense of joy. but drive back home felt odd, way odder than the drive you made going to the flower shop. the roads were so busy, slippery from ice, causing a hazard in the middle of traffic. you had a heavy gut feeling, that something was going to happen.
you thought about calling sukuna to tell him you might be home a little bit late because of the crazy traffic, unfortunately, you wanted to see his face so bad but you didn’t wanna ruin the surprise by calling him and telling him, so you typed out a message instead. a short, simple one that conveyed the right information.
as you were about to send, trying to find the pink heart emoji, you felt a heavy thud coming from the back of your car—and suddenly, the car started spinning. the ice was thinning out, causing it to be easy to slip on. a car had bumped into you and now you were going down a hill. the wheel lost control and you tried everything in your power to stop it, afraid of breaking sukuna’s car and causing an even bigger burden onto him, so out of panic, you swerved onto the side—trying to stop yourself using the grass on the side of the road.
but instead, you crashed into a stop sign. and the last thing you knew was, the sound of the message was sent. the phone slipped out of your hand, your head met with the horn of the car. blood gushed out of one side of your face, and you blacked out. completely.
rrrring rrrring, rrring rrring.
“someone take the phone, im clocking out.” sukuna says to his co-workers next to him. a guy to his left immediately steps up and picks up the phone.
“hello, this is … hospital center how may we—” the guy’s voice cut off, by getting interrupted by someone from the other line. his eyes widened and posture tense up immediately, sukuna noticed. this incident must be serious.
“EMERGENCY! I REPEAT SEND AN AMBULANCE TO STREET […]” the guy says using the hospital’s emergency radio, a siren alarm rang through the outer of the hospital.
sukuna felt enraged, why does this have to happen at the end of his shift. but he can’t back out and leave for home, a life is a life. he immediately puts on his face masks and gloves in the emergency van, everyone is sitting at the back. the van finally takes off in a hurry.
sukuna pulls out his phone from his pocket to text you, informing you that he’d run late tonight, he’s been feeling so guilty recently that he tried leaving work early. to spend more time with you, but seems like he’d have to stay another night without knowing when he’d be leaving.
sukuna looks at his phone screen in confusion, your text message says that you’d be home late because of traffic, you said you were on a street. a specific one that sounded too familiar, it ticked him the wrong way. what were you doing out at night in such weather? especially when he’s not the one driving, you knew how he felt about that.
but unfortunately, he couldn’t call, he quickly typed a message and sent it, in hopes of you seeing it and understanding. he’d be dead meat if his co-workers saw him on his phone while he’s in an ambulance.
the scene was tragic, sukuna jumped out of the ambulance to see a black car. it strangely looked so much like his car that his heart almost dropped for a moment, but he knew. he knew something like that wouldn’t happen, you’re home safe. you’re waiting for him, he’ll make it up to you tonight no matter what.
as the firefighters put out the fire coming out from the outer car, sukuna waits with his team to pull the victim out of the vehicle.
sukuna’s eyes wandered around the license plates. and once the fire was all put out. his eyes widened, his jaw dropped and his body stills. staring at the fogged up driver’s window seat that his co-workers were trying to break into.
“no.” he shakes his head. and for the first time in forever, his eyes sting with tears, without a second thought—he pushed everyone out of the way, he acted before his actions every registered in his brain, a strong punch was thrown to the window, it shattered almost instantly. his hands fumbled on the familiar car locks to unlock it, he tried to prove himself wrong, the girl slumped on the honk who’s car had the same license plates as his, was not you. you weren’t his wife. you can’t fucking be.
a scream of horror tore through sukuna’s body once he moved the limp girl off of the car seat, he was meet with the face of his lover. and that was when the strongest man she knew—fell on his knees. with her, in both of his arms.
his team tried prying her off to place her on the ambulance bed, his hands were shaking, he couldn’t even push the bed to the ambulance properly without tripping over his own body. guilt washed over him, your pulse slowed down while his rushed up too fast.
“please! you have to save her!” he begged, he was the doctor. but nothing felt harder, nothing filled him with more fear than trying to fix the love of his life, and failing. he could see thousands of people dying in worst fates, but nothing felt heavier than seeing you injured. nothing even came close.
you were so small, your body trembled like it was the only function working. the oxygen mask was the only line keeping you tied with the brim of life. sukuna’s shaky hand cupped your face, your bloody face.
you had a scar, a huge one on the left side of your cheek. blood drooped down, too much of it. a doctor had never felt so afraid at the sight of blood he swore he was losing his mind.
he hics, lowering his body to your ear. “please, stay with me…don’t leave me please—i can’t live without you.” sukuna’s co-workers were dumbfounded at the sight of sukuna acting so vulnerable for this girl.
he’s never shown emotion, maybe an empty sigh when he fails to save a patient, maybe a meaningless apology when he fails in an important surgery. but his words never quivered, voice never cracked and his eyes were never filled with such tears before.
sukuna was left out of the surgery room, they had to immediately perform surgery on your head the second you were moved into a hospital room. sukuna tremblers outside the door, beating himself up for everything. he stared at the message on his phone, if he had just been a little bit faster—maybe you wouldn’t have had to go through this pain.
he’d swap lives with you in an instant if that meant he would be the one in surgery instead, he can’t bare seeing you in pain. but the thing that made his heart heaviest—was the fact that he’ll even have to consider the fact that you won’t be what he’ll wake up to every single morning he lives on this earth.
every memory flashed in his head like heat waves. he remembered how the scene played out this morning, when he yelled at you for taking too long, he wish he could’ve had beaten himself up for that. he’d risk it all to go back and apologize, cry, beg, yell, anything—if it means you’ll understand the feelings he has for you. he didn’t mean to yell at you, watching how your excited eyes shifted into hurt put a wrench in his heart, god this is hell.
one of the surgeons walk out from the surgery room, and sukuna rushed up on his feet, “how is it?! how is she?!” he grabs his co-worker’s shoulders and shook him with bloodied hands, the surgeon sighed, sukuna tried pushing aside to enter the room to see you. but he gets stopped.
“her condition, it’s dangerous. it’s not guaranteed that she would be saved. she’s in need of blood—”
“blood! i’ve got blood, take it from me. she’s type b and so am i.” sukuna cuts the surgeon off and insists him of taking his own blood to go help you.
a few minutes later, sukuna finds himself with a needle in his lower bicep. tears still linger on his face, chest rising as fast as it goes, his head always turns to your surgery room. wishing for a miracle to see you walk out of there, there’s nothing he wants to see more than you walk with a big smile on your face, big bubbly eyes still looking up at him. it was truly the only thing that kept him sane, and right now. he’s losing his sanity.
the surgeon hold two blood packs in his hands, “we will be using this in the surgery, thank you doctor—”
“take more, that’s not enough to save her! take more.” sukuna yells in demand, tugging on the uniform of his co-worker. but his co-worker denies it, “you’ll be in danger if we take more blood, doctor.”
“right now, im not a fucking doctor and that’s my wife! get more blood for her!” he loses it completely. causing a scene for other patients trying to get sleep. no matter how hard he was getting convinced that this would be too risky, sukuna didn’t care—and finally, the doctor hesitantly sucks out another bag of blood before walking into the surgery room.
after hours of surgery, it was around 3am in the morning, quietness numbed sukuna’s ears and leftover tears stung his eyes. his legs trembled up and down, he refused to eat, to sleep. how could he when the only thing that he cares about in this world who’s life is hanging on a thread?
they have been keeping him out of your room for way too fucking long, the surgery was done already. no information was given other than ‘she needs to rest’ which wasn’t enough for sukuna. he needed to see you, your face.
and finally—he gives up and slams into your hospital room. the sight of you sleeping on the hospital bed, so helpless. it made his heart shatter, he hated whatever this emotion was. he’s never felt it so deeply before.
wires were attached to your body, this was sukuna’s nightmares. bandages over stitches, you in a hospital gown, your lips pale and your skin dry. sukuna kneeled down next to the hospital bed. his hands held yours, you were so cold. you hated being cold.
suddenly—he felt a finger of yours twitching. his head bucked up instantly, watching your every move. first, small whimpers left your lips. then a slight movement of your head followed along, and finally—the flutter of your eyes.
you woke up, feeling pain all over your body, you couldn’t move your neck, you squinted your eyes, trying to figure out where you were at. this doesn’t look like home…what did home look like…?
you tried sitting up but you felt two big palms pushing you onto the bed rest—helping you sit. you almost flinched at the sight of the guy kneeling down to your bedside, are you in a hospital room? was this a dream?
the pink haired doctor seemed shook, he gripped your shoulders lightly, tucked a strand of hair behind your ear—but you moved away. causing him to look somewhat…hurt from that action.
“how are you baby? are you feeling well? if you’re hungry i’ll go get you some food—fuck. i’m so sorry i wasn’t there. you must’ve been so scared without me.” the doctor says, he pulled you into a tight hug and cried in your shoulders, your body stiffens. “i thought i lost you my love.” he mumbles.
you immediately push him off of you, you were met with the face of him. still looking shocked and hurt, confused on why you did that. “baby what’s wrong? i—”
“who are you?” you asked.