Whatever I Want @phantom1014 - Tumblr Blog

miles-b-morales-deactivated2026

Why a lot of Millennials don’t like Baby Boomers.

Add on: Ya screwed and continue to screw native Americans.

Sometimes I really like this place. No one I know personally follows me. It lets me rant about how I feel without making my friends worry about me. Either way, right now I just feel like I’m am other peoples emotional punching bag. I’m to be used, abused, and thrown away. That’s all I’m good for, that’s the way I have been my whole entire life. I give and give and give to those I think matter the most, to people I think I might build some sort of meaningful relationship beyond friendship.

In the end maybe I am the one that broken and I am not worthy of being loved. I know I can be imature at times but at least I am loyal. I know I make mistakes, but I am honest and I do everything I can to make it right on the spot. I’m not cruel, I’m not violent, and I always give a listening ear even though I need to be told to shut up sometimes. I don’t know what it is about me or what I do that I am discarded like trash.

I don’t want to be treated like trash. I don’t want to be broken. Over and over again I fall into these pit traps and I’m always the one hurt the most. It’s like, after all the emotional kindness I give to someone, after all the hurt I shared, it’s taken and shoved onto me all at once with a knife stab to the heart for good measure.

I’m left standing wondering what went wrong. I feel so humiliated and used.

Sometimes I’m way to prideful to ask for help. Sometimes all I want is to talk to someone to distract from the things I see in my head. Even after four years since I left my ambulance I still have voices and faces from those I tried to help. I see grandparents going from home to the doctor only to be rushed to the ER while their families beg me to save them. I see drug addicts screaming at me trying to hurt me. I See the faces of the children that died. I see my own face wispering in my ear of how shitty I am because I didn’t do more, or how terrible I was because my hands shook to much when I started a line. Or how I was to slow in doing anything. How I could I be a true believer in EMS when I wasn’t even fast enough providing care.

I see myself floating around the room in my old uniform berating me, screaming at me about how much of a fucking coward I was when I didn’t pull the trigger and blow my own brains out. How fake my tears are and just how I am the most shittiest person in the world. I left the ambulance, and sometimes I feel like a horrible person that I did.

All these things hit me at once even after all this time. I’ve tried and tired to put my thoughts in order. I’ve tried and tried to put the faces behind me and they just come back. Each and every one telling me how much of a horrible person I am. The worst is when I try to sleep and I wake up with faces around me. Maybe my low self esteem is just exacerbated but what I think are my worst falilures. But hey, I know that at least one of those faces was a kid that was already dead when I got to the scene. Not much I can do for the dead. I’m not a miracle worker, or at least that’s what I like to tell myself when I cry over that kid because he didn’t have his seatbelt on.

I know that the best solution is to talk it out with someone, but there are so few people to talk to. Sometimes those you want to reach out to are not there, or you know that you just can’t share that burden with that particular person for whatever reason. I don’t have money for therapy, and god forbid I try and talk to a colleague. Maybe it’s pride that holds me back.

Sometimes I just want to talk about anything to distract me long enough for these sudden onset’s to go away. Maybe I just don’t want to be alone when they come back. Maybe I shouldn’t fight the tears like I have been doing and just let myself feel. Maybe I should just stop shoving all the negative feelings down into that box that I shoved to the back of my head. Is it healthy, nope. Last time that box got so heavy.....well at least I have my end of life papers in order.

I don’t feel any better than I did when I started writing this incoherent rant. I had to stop twice because I told myself I wasn’t gonna cry. I don’t want my family to hear me weep. I know eventually the stress will build up and up and up and my box will get heavy again. I hope I have the strength and fortitude to overcome my demons and the bitter loneliness it brings.

#suicide #ems #ambulance #depression #loneliness #sad thoughts #small rant #can’t sleep

phantom1014

So here is my two cents, taking down all the porn on tumblr won’t do jack shit. All it is doing is is punishing people (mostly females and LGBT) for expressing their sexuality on their own terms without having to actually go to a regular porn site. Tumblr is within their rights to do this, but should they do this is the real question. So many people here found this space on the internet to express themselves comfortably and freely and gather a following of like minded people.

Years ago social media was not was it was today. There where so many places to choose from, but tumblr was the most welcoming for millions. Now the changes are for the worst. December 17 tumblr is going to shame human sexuality as a whole. Millions of people through their own consent are going to be told that their pictures are shameful and do not belong. Sex workers will be told they should be ashamed of what they do and ashamed of their bodies.

This is sexual repression and it is wrong. We should not be ashamed of our bodies. We should not shame others for expressing their sexuality. We should not shame sex workers. Those that feel the need to try and shame people for this should themselves be ashamed.

A sexual being lives inside each and every human alive, and we should all never be ashamed for it.

Spread the love ❤️

phantom1014

I need to bring my post back up. I wote this before the purge to spread the love of all things sexual. Seeing what tumblr has become now is just so depressing. So many people have toned down their content that it’s just not the same anymore. Even with that many of their posts will get flagged or banned. Most users have left to the cesspool that is reddit hoping they will get noticed. I really hope tumblr returns to the way things where, but as it is now, it never will. I hope that everyone reading this sees how much of a beautiful person they are inside and outside. Never repress who you are and never be ashamed of your sexuality or the sexual person that lies within you. Never be ashamed if you are a sex worker or someone that discovers the amazing sexual beast that’s inside you.

ur-girl-amber

Hot tub party !! Hubs inside playing poker with the guys. I’ll behave for sure ...😉🤥🙊

ur-girl-amber

Happy Father’s Day to all my pervs that are dads !!! Getting to know some of you and finding out I have lots of great dads in my friends list. Mmmm I’m kinda horny !! I might need to ride one of you dads !! Kinda need to cummm now 🙊😩

phantom1014

Her pics are always the best

badlittlegoodgurl

Yep!

cutedevilishangel

She’s back everybody, she’s back 🤩🥳🥳🎉🍾

🌸🌸🌸

Hey, have you seen or heard anything from Ariel Banks lately?? She’s been gone and I’m worried

Shes fine, havnt seen her on social media in about a week though.

amber-307-wife

I need someone to come eat me out over my panties that’s not cheating and I can come over and over !! I’m sooo horny my clit is throbbing it has a pulse 🙊💦💦

I would love to have someone just eat me out till my panties are sooo cum soaked and wett the material becomes so thin from how wett that my panties mold to my pussy and then hummm on my clit and lick on it. I had an older guy go down on me the other day ( shhhh not cheating 🙊🤫) and he kept humming on my clit while finger fucking me and licking my clit and omg that continues hummm he was doing was making it like a vibrator while getting my clit sucked and licked and fingered I seriously came so fucking hard my legs were numb after. And then after he was done he said “ you’re welcome “ 😂 and left. Older guys are so Fkn good in bed and so low maintenance not needy. Mmmmm I love me an older guy !!! Now I’m always on the look out for 40 to 50 years olds. Hell honestly even 60 would be fun let’s face it older guys are good in bed have thier life’s together and they get better looking with age. Mmmm how I neeed it 😉👨🏻‍🦳👴🏼👨🏽‍🦲👴🏾👨🏾‍🦳

madeinbr-deactivated20260221

senzano-me-deactivated20240721

Guardiamo Netflix insieme.

heart-lesssssss-deactivated2020

🍕

solostella

phantom1014

How to Netflix and chill

nerd-nugget

There’s 15% off onlyfans for the next 30 people who sign up ❤️❤️❤️

phantom1014

One of the best angels still on tumblr. Love you Victoria

volatilebbgirl

phantom1014

I love this girl. She has such a big heart and needs all the love she can get.

onesubsjourney-deactivated20180

How to love a broken girl

How to love a broken girl. How many would benefit from an instruction book for that? Its easy to love the carefree girls, the “normal” girls, the confident girls next door, but what about the broken girls? The girls with fortresses around their heart and shields in their eyes? The girls whose souls have aged beyond their earthly years? The girls with bodies and minds that have survived wars which would break the strongest of men? Sometimes these girls should come with a warning label. The warning pendulum swings both ways. This warning is not only for how you must treat her but for all the ways she will ruin you.

1. You cannot love her gently. She does not realize she deserves to be loved. You must love her with a force that can crush mountains. You must burn her soul so hot with your love that doubt melts away. Your love must be unconditional and you must show her on her very worst days.

2. She doesnt know shes beautiful. She can get compliments all day and she wont believe it. There is a demon on her shoulder whispering that its not true. It takes a dozen compliments to erase one hurtful torment from her past. Shower her with compliments, be her cheerleader, until your words are her heartbeat instead of her doubts.

3. Chase her. I know we often have the attitude of not chasing anyone. I know it is said to be weak if we chase someone who walks away, but we need to see you are weak for us. Sometimes a broken girl needs to see how much you need her. She needs to.see that vulnerability in your eyes to feel ok. We need you to need us.

4. She needs routine. Broken girls over analyze everything. They notice everything, too. Did you stop asking her for pictures after some time passes? Did you stop using a pet name? Every broken pattern to us means the end of the only thing we have ever wanted and it terrifies us.

5. Smother us with affection. Touch us. Kiss us. Touch us some more. Broken girls have not experienced enough positive affection in their life. We will absorb every ounce as a person dying of thirst demands water. You cannot shower us with enough of a good touch.

6. Be honest and keep promises. Broken girls have not dared to dream much. Every vow made to us has been broken. Every promise has been a lie. We would rather you never let a promise escape your lips than have you utter false ones.

7. Prepare to drown. If we let you inside our chaotic soul, you will be immersed in a madness you will not understand. We sometimes walk the balance beam of insanity and sometimes we fall. The biggest warning we should have is this.. if we love you, it is forever. We will love you with a loyalty that will amaze you. We will be committed and our heart will beat your name. While we are still broken we will try to devour all of your pain. We will be perceptive to your wounds and eager to heal your soul. If we love you, please be prepared that we will forever stay.

***This was not written by me, but by Lady-Savant on fet, she gave me permission to post, and asked no links be added.

feistypaegan

I cannot breathe for the emotion clogging my throat

-//-

prettytraincrash

Never not reblogging this post. It fits too well.