I accidentally Cheryl Strayed myself. Unlike my girl Cher, I wasn't shooting up, but not unlike her, I was using intensityā¢ to circumvent realityā¢Ā fortunately/unfortunately through a much less exciting mechanism: hustling. I did not choose said path, I inherited it. I did unconsciously create a lil loophole to survive it.Ā āButGod.ā Sin doesn't disappear when you begin walking with God. It morphs into something much more insidious. Much more creative.Ā āButGodā current cocktail (cc): long hours, lack of sleep, latent emotional processing, redundant self careā¦Results: altered shift in consciousness (sobrietyloophole). If you a lil cutie (i am) people will be forgiving too. behavior and lack of execution has an appropriate, even celebrated, cause. The grind is most forgivable.Ā āButGodā Like Cheryl, one of my preferred methods of purification is movement. It too can produce an altered mental state. amplify with music and sunbathing (sobreityloophole:bilateralstimulationedition) āButGodā 1st hour in: on some straight hater shit. immediate dissonance indicator: sole focus on the external. How they going to manicure nature? Why did I choose this path? Where are the mountains? The canyons? Why am I carefully curated beside nature and not enveloped in it? āButGodā My Da receptors were protesting. My auricular hair cells, begging. āButGodā Bet.Ā Silence.Ā Cue: latent emotional processing. Fuck.Ā āBut Godā 2nd hour in: rage. delusions of spiritually bypassing reality , obliterated. Despair, overwhelm, lust, disgust re-introduced themselves. Fuck.Ā āBut Godā Where the hell was I? And why did I choose the most basic ass path? One way. No escape. 2 hours in with no end in sight,Ā forced directional observation. 6 hour loop. Oh...āButGodā drop a stack on an uber? (caucasianlocation), ask for help? #pride tho, complete the 6 hours, ignorantly? āButGodā Body aching, low on water, aroma nasal inhaler lost (emotionalsupport). I turned towards Him. The rage, the pain, the lust, disgust, overwhelm...Gave it to Him.Ā I was on the wrong path. Just because yr not doing anything wrong, don't mean yr doing anything right. Thirty years to learn that, how many more to apply it? Metanoia. The emotions released through intimacy with FatherGod.Ā (sobrietyloophole ; )) You wanna know what He said? What the path looks like doesn't matter. It's not about the distance. It's not about the speed.Ā It's about intentionality. It's about preparation. It's about presence. Itās about connection. Does he direct my path or do I blindly choose it? Do I absolve responsibility to the paths presence, reputation, perception?Ā Was I willing to trust Him enough to only walk the wrong path once? To turn back? Okay. swallowed my pride, re-directed. I hear you.Ā I see you.Ā The trail was boring as hell, constricting, forcing me into one direction, BUT it was protected. There was beauty in the curation still. There was intentionality to ensure sustenance. i was safe.Ā I love you.Ā Placidity itself can produce a shift in consciousness. Peace.Ā Otra vez.
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turnnoffyourmind
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