General things I’ve gathered from the seven-ish years I’ve been in choir
1. Nobody likes the sopranos
2. The sopranos don’t even like the sopranos
3. The only people that like sopranos are the ones that write the music and that one soprano that dominates the rest
4. The altos are never loud enough
5. But when they are, they’re the most beautiful sounding creatures and make the sopranos jealous of their rich tones
6. Basses hardly get the attention they deserve because their parts are so. dull. And yet they have the most work to do because singers barely know how to sight read and these basses have to read the goddamn bass cleft does anyone even understand that shit???
7. But you better believe everyone is going to pay attention when it’s just the basses practicing because holy shit have you heard a bass sing
8. No one knows how to sight read. Literally everyone is doing it by ear. And half the time, the sopranos don’t even have to sight read because they have the melody. Again.
9. The tenors have the entire music industry catered to them, and yet they will always be secretly jealous of the basses
10. A first soprano will be offended if you demote her to second soprano for even one song. No one knows why.
11. The choir director is always tired. And angry. And passive aggressive. Do not chew gum in front of them unless you want to be chewed on yourself.
12. If you think having Christmas decorations being sold in November is ridiculous, don’t speak to someone in the choir. They have been practicing every Christmas carol since the first week of September. The Christmas Spirit does not exist for a choir soul. They are numb to it.
13. Do not make the choir sing anything by Handel. That is a form of Torture. Please be kind to the choir. They’ve been through enough already.
14. Stay away from the piano. Especially if it’s a Steinway. Firstly, no one likes that one douchebag that plays Heart and Soul every goddamn time they touch the keys. Secondly, that’s a Steinway and the choir director will have a heart attack if it’s even slightly damaged.
15. The most common phrase heard in choir is “SOPRANOS, NOT SO LOUD”
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