[bandagedthoughtsblog]

[princesscabinet]

I want to write about my grandma’s death and those heartfelt moments with my friends. But I don’t even know where to start.

Desire is easy to write, yet love feels almost impossible to record. Words fail, but I will try.

[princesscabinet]

God please send me a real freak. Don’t let any boring people in disguise waste my sweet perverted mind.

[achillesinhighheels]

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and i'm losing sense of time

[princesscabinet]

Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinner.

[princesscabinet]

Forever felt like the only truth at that moment. It was inevitable. Almost destiny. The only truth. But now it felt like forever since I whispered your name.

My images still trapped in your tapes…Movements compressed into data. Memories compressed into fear. Frames of illusion. Fragments of laughter. Glitches of almost love.

Hey. Could you bear just a glimpse of me. not even… could you even endure just one glimpse of that ghost of images and memories… She haunts me too.

[princesscabinet]

If you are getting stalked or harassed by me you are not special.

[princesscabinet]

A tragic

We aren’t cheerful enough, nor are we truly carefree. We aren’t stupid enough…far too sensitive… nor quite sharp. We aren't good at pretending, yet we lack the courage to be entirely candid. Our jokes don't really deserve to be called jokes. And our truths are detached from reality. Therefore we speak our truths as jokes, and treat the jokes as truths.

[princesscabinet]

I’m here lying in my bed reminiscing over those words. Replaying the words in my head. Therefore I could feel the tingles on the lower right side of my back again. I love that feeling. As if I feel your feelings. As if your words has a container which is this body of mine.

[princesscabinet]

I am making love to the memory of you through writing, within the most hidden corner of my soaked heart, where your existence outstayed your tangible presence. 

[princesscabinet]

Recently I couldn’t fall asleep again. I feel uncomfortable. Things feel wrong and unresolved. I haven’t felt this way for a while. Maybe I should blame it all on the thrilling and perverted manga I’ve been reading. I feel bloated, tired, and unsettled.

When I close my eyes, I think about things. Big things. I want to end things. Start new things. Just things taking over and stirring up. I think about the man kneeling in front of the LED screen in the shape of a cross. I think about the man jerking off for hours to three huge characters written on the wall that says pretty young girl. I think about Iran. Those beautiful, lively faces buried in blood. Then myself.

I’m having a fever and I’m not liking it. Three painkillers and a little bit of Xan. I’m a good girl. I just want some sleep. My body is feeling a little better. It felt very hot before, like something was burning inside me.

I’m waiting for the Xan to take control over me. Waiting for it to put an end to this nonsense rambling. Waiting for it to make me feel safe again.

He’s sleeping soundly right next to me, and I’m not liking it. He feels far away from me. He’s not home to me tonight. I want to leave. Leave this reality for the dream world, where I could temporarily escape. I always have great dreams…

I’m feeling the Xan. I’m hoping for a wet dream tonight.