summary :: garrett graham had been a secret. your favorite one. but how long could the both of you really keep it all a secret when the line between secrecy and feeling had become to thin to see.
content :: explicit content (18+ mdni!!), swearing, alcohol consumption, smoking, smut (possibly. will be updated as the series goes on), mentions of phil graham + abuse
authors note :: idk how long this series will be or how often it will even be updated!! but secret relationship garrett graham calls to me
The secrecy hadn’t meant to be a part of it all.
It just happened.
The hotels. The late nights. The hands through your hair. All of it was just a big, giant, circumstantial coincidence. You knew there was another girl on campus. Molly, you think. Or Mia. Kendall? It didn’t matter because Garrett acted like she never existed so you hadn’t needed to spend the energy to remember her name.
That’s why it started. The secrets.
He’d mentioned once that she had been possessive over him for no good reason. He wasn’t hers to have and she didn’t mean anything more than meaningless sex to him.
Getting involved with the hockey star definitely wasn’t the best idea you’ve ever had. You were both at a bar one night and one thing led to another and you sorta just…ended up in the same bed. You were stressed about exams. He’d shared some complaints about his father that didn’t matter in the morning. You were both lonely, stressed, and needed to blow off some steam.
Fortunately for the both of you, the only way you knew how to do that, was in bed.
That’s when the secrecy started.
After the second time you had fallen into bed together.
“Let’s just keep this here,” he’d whispered into your hair late one night. Fingers combing through the sweaty strands stuck to your forehead like his fingers had belonged there the whole time. “For us.”
You’d agreed. Stupidly maybe. But nevertheless, you’d agreed.
Garret Graham became your little secret.
He wasn’t anyone else’s. And you weren’t either.
Only each others for the time being.
Now came the third time. The third hotel room. The third time you’d fallen into his bed. The third time this thing of yours had been only yours.
He was sprawled on the bed unashamed, blanket thrown haphazardly over himself as his arm rested against his sweatied hairline. You’d been picking clothes off the floor. Clasping your bra back together and pulling the lacy panties you’d bought a while ago back up to where they rested against your hips. The same spot that Garrett had pulled them off with his teeth not even a few hours ago.
“You free this weekend?” He’d asked carefully. Calculated like he always was. The same way he’d tried to explain new hockey plays to his team. You were a play he was trying to get past.
“Studying.”
He’d stayed quiet.
You both knew that was a lie.
This plan was stupid. You knew that before you barely even agreed to it. Not verbally at least. But you just couldn’t seem to get yourself out of it. Because it was good. He was good.
“We should probably get back.” The room stayed quiet again. Like the tension in the room could sense the slowly building tension. The no strings attached deal that you two had going on shouldn’t have been breaking to the surface like it was, but it was. “Someone gonna figure out we’re gone.”
Garrett watched you move around the room with careful eyes. He wasn’t worried about people on campus. The two groups of friends you guys kept to yourselves weren’t connected. They’d never cross paths even if you guys tried.
“C’mere,” he called out softly as you pulled the closest shirt you could find over your head.
You looked over at the bed, looking exhausted like a person waiting for exams to be over and for someone to release every ounce of stress from their body as fast as possible. You just needed to relax.
“You need to relax.” Garrett had spent the last week and a half trying to ease you down. The soft touches on your thighs, the soft squeezes of your arms while his thumb drew patterns into the soft skin over the two freckles that laid across your cheeks. The ones he’d spent nights kissing softly like they were the most delicate thing in the world. “No one’s gonna find out. It’s just us here.”
His hand was firm against the side of your face. His thumb tracing the freckles just under your eye as his fingers squeezed gently across the back of your neck.
“What do you need?”
A heavy breath escaped you as your eyes caught up to your brain before they darted to his still swollen lips. You really should leave. As much as you wished you and Garrett were two opposite ends of a magnet, there was something always pulling you closer together.
“Tell me.”
“We should head back,” you finally managed to will yourself to say. Despite the fact that your eyes were still trailing over his lips. Only when his tongue darted out did you finally look back at his eyes. “Home. I have tests in the morning.” You swallowed thickly to collapse the lie. “You have practice.”
“Humor me for a few minutes, huh?” You’d finally collapsed down against his chest as he pulled you with him.
Soft kisses across his chest. Fingers combing through your hair like it had been the only brush you needed in like. This felt comfortable. Safe.
Safe in Garrett Graham’s arms was dangerous. Safe in Garrett’s arms meant secrets. Secrets you were keeping that were bound to get exposed one day. It came with the price of being hockey captain. People wanted to know what was happening in his life, and if there was something they didn’t know? It spread like wildfire.
For once, he wanted something for himself. Something real. Even if he didn’t want to say it out loud. In the secrecy of the hotel rooms and the late nights, that was enough for now.
if there’s one thing dean loves more than sex, it’s calling you his wife despite the fact you were clearly not even dating.
any chance he had, there was a high likelihood he was throwing on a "my wife!" at the end of every greeting or defense in your name.
it happened the first time at a party. he was clearly drunk, you were tipsy, the entire house had a buzz going through it that could only come from the hockey boys playing another fantastic game against their rivals. it was brutal, mean, and downright unfair playing. but none of them seemed to care because they won 4-2. that alone called for a celebration.
you were in the kitchen throwing back another shot that dean had convinced you and the boys to take. the numbers of shots that had been consumed was already a high enough number that your tipsy brain couldn't even count to if you had the concentration required to do so.
"my wife is insane, you guys," dean cheered, grabbing your wrist and throwing it over your heads in celebration of the shots that everyone had just consumed. but to him, you had taken it better than any of the boys. "did you see that?"
"she's not your wife," garrett reminded like the only sensible one around, a cough coming out with his discretion as the back of his hand wiped away the remaining shot on his drunkenly swollen lips.
"she's not even your girlfriend," logan interjected.
all you could do was laugh, the alcohol in your brain not even arguing with the fact that were definitely not his wife..
the next time was at malone's.
the fundraiser that logan had thrown together last minute had been a hit. there was karaoke, drinks, fundraisers, raffles, everything they needed to get the college kids out and sponsors donating to the local youth hockey.
tucker was somewhere up front entertainment with a very drunken rendition of save a horse (ride a cowboy) unashamed. garrett, hannah, allie, and logan were cheering him on front row.
you were at the bar with dean ordering drinks for the group. that's when you had heard a girl come up to dean and started flirting without a care in the world. you'd gotten used to it over the years, the girls throwing themselves at him. usually he reciprocated - like eighty percent of the time - but times like tonight, when he was fully at your attention and mercy without you even having to say anything, he gently pushed them away.
two drinks in his hand that the girl always tried to accept for herself before he placed them on the counter before she could even touch them.
"sorry, that ones for my wife."
you heard him say it as the employee handed you the half a dozen drinks for your table, then you heard and even louder scoff come from the girl at the mere thought of being rejected by dean di laurentis of all people.
"y'know," you started, carefully picking up a few of the drinks and leaving the rest for dean as you started the crowded trek back to the table, "you've gotta stop telling people i'm your wife."
"why?"
"they might start believing it," you choked on a laugh.
dean looked genuinely concerned. like the mere thought of not calling you his wife hadn't ever occurred to him.
"why's that a bad thing?"
"we're not even together. so yes, people assuming we're married when we've never even had sex might start confusing some people."
"a man tried to treat his wife right and he gets killed for it," he shook his head around his glass. "unbelievable."
"you're unbelievable," you laughed. "why are you calling me that anyways? you want me to start going around calling you my husband to everyone?" you leaned against the table playfully as he relaxed into his. his arm resting against the bench and his foot resting on his knee carefully.
"depends."
"on what?"
"you gonna start putting your name as di laurentis on everything? cause then yeah, be my guest," he smiled.
"i already wear your shirt to hockey games? that ain't enough for your ego?"
"never."
"i'm gonna start wearing logan's then. heard the girls are going crazy for him these days."
"you wouldn't," he placed his glass down on the table, eyes challenging like he was daring you to even try wearing a jersey with Logan's name splattered along the back. "i will burn any jersey you have that doesn't have di laurentis on the back of it. because mrs. di laurentis doesn't love anyone more than her loving, boding, gorgeously handsome husband."
"i think mr. di laurentis has lost his mind," you joked.
what if i can’t close my eyes without you in my head?
summary :: sleeping had been so easy when buck was beside you, but now that he was gone? the bed grew colder by the day without his body next to yours
content :: a brief breakup, buck being sleezy (over the phone breakup), maddie being a sweetheart, probably incorrect information abt stars, no use of y/n
wc :: 1k
notes :: new 5sos album has taken over my life. thinking of a part 2 so lemme know!!
You hadn’t always been this self proclaimed insomniac. You wouldn’t even consider yourself to be a bad sleeper. It was just some nights, when the bed was cold and empty, that sleep had evaded you.
Those nights when Buck was working a 24-hour shift or those times the two of you had simply retreated to the comfort of your own homes for once. You could never quite seem to catch those eight hours of recommended sleep. If you were lucky, you had caught about three on any given night. It had become exhausting.
Some times there would be the faint glow of your phone on the bed beside you that causes you to open your eyes after hours of failing to fall asleep. An innocent text from Buck who had been having his own hard time falling asleep.
the stars are out.
The stars. They had been the same no matter where you saw them from. Littering the sky with the faint light of their livelihood even though they were trillions of light years away. You’d never see one up close, you didn’t want to. But the idea that you could look out your window and see the same stars and the same moon that everyone else in the world had seen, that was comforting enough.
You’d get that text at least once a week from Buck. He’d be sitting on his balcony and you would venture up to the private roof of your building to watch them with him. Every once in a while he would point out a constellation he recognized, sending a picture as you stared at it like you were supposed to have any idea what you were looking at.
You didn’t.
But the idea that Buck had always been so excited about them and the stars was enough for you to listen along.
He’d point out the different stars, names to their bright lights while the only one you could point out was the North Star. And he let you pick it out every night, purposefully avoiding it until you had sent your own picture of the bright star. You knew it wasn’t actually called the North Star, he had corrected you the first time you pointed it out. “Technically, that star is the star Polaris. It just happens to be facing north when you look at it from where we are. It’s directly above the North Pole, so if you ever get lost…just follow the North Star.” But every time since then, he wouldn’t dare try to correct you again.
The night would fade, drowning the rest of the world into its sweet, comforting blanket of sleep while the two of you talked until the early hours. By then, the phone call would be reduced to quiet murmurs of Buck retelling stories from his work day while you finally, finally drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
You remember it vividly. It happened on a Wednesday. The middle of the week before it had quickly become the worst week of your life thus far.
Another late night, more hours wasted away and unable to fall asleep in the cold bed. Another text. Buck. Always right on time.
can we talk?
It was storming outside your window, the rain beating against the glass like it had been attempting to break it open. Break it open like Buck was about to break you heart. Wide open.
You figured it was just another hard day at work, he’d been having a lot of those and they usually ended up with him just retreating back to his own loft. Leaving your bed cold for another night. But he never followed it up with another text when you had answered right away. Never leaving his messages unread for more than a few minutes. Old habit, you suppose. It had started ringing with a phone call.
The faint sound of rain on his end of the line made itself known before he did, and then you heard it, his voice breaking on the other side. “I’m sorry.” That was it. A six minute phone call and your life had been flipped. “I was thinking this would never end.”
He said it like he wasn’t the one who had ended it. Like he wasn’t the one that was putting you guys through this.
But he had.
And it was another night of sleepless pacing and crying for you.
Maddie and Jee arrived a day later, a tray of prepackaged baked goods in one hand and a pizza in the other. She claimed it was the perfect post-breakup meal to gorge yourself on. You’d barely touched it, but Jee had eaten enough cookies to give her a serious sugar crash. That’s eventually how it just became the two of you while Jee slept so soundly on the bed you could never seem to sleep on.
“I’m scared I’ll never sleep again,” you’d said later that night earnestly as Maddie cleaned up your mess of a kitchen. You’d hadn’t meant for it to get that bad, but after Buck it all seemed to just fall apart around you. “I can’t close my eyes without him in my head.”
Maddie, the ever optimistic, just said it was okay, claiming her brother was an idiot. That it would all work out like it was supposed to. But the hole in your heart said otherwise.
You’d spent the rest of the night with her on the couch, your eyes traveling to the window as a few stars peaked out from behind the cloudy sky.
Then you saw it. You found it almost immediately. The same star you had taken so many pictures of on previous nights that had Buck smiling at his phone at your sheer enthusiasm.
The North Star.
Maybe you would be okay after all.
If you ever get lost…just follow the North Star. Just like Buck said.
Maybe one day, you’d find your way back to each other.
i only see him as a friend, i just tripped and fell into his bed
summary :: a bachelor party turns into a long awkward morning when you and eddie wake up together in the bathroom after sleeping together. only problem is neither of you can seem to remember anything.
content :: sexual content (not smut, but definitely a little steamy in the beginning and some kissing at the end). mdni!!, mentions of alcohol, being drunk, hangover of the century, one mention of being bad at relationships, sappy confessions, buck being buck, no use of y/n
wc :: ~ 4.5k
notes :: is eddie being drunk and hooking up w someone a little ooc…maybe. but it’s needed 🙂↕️. title song from our queen olivia rodrigo!
partially edited so any mistakes are my own!
“This is a bad idea, right?” A gasp left your mouth as he sucked a mark onto your neck, his tongue smoothing itself over it like he was content with the dark purple forming.
“Definitely,” he rasped, pulling you back down for a harsh kiss on the mouth as you moaned. You were drunk. Very drunk. The both of you. Off the multiple bottles of champagne you’d consumed, the copious amounts of shots…but mostly drunk off each other.
Your nails scraped down the front of his chest, his shirt long ripped off and only left him with his pink blazer. God, where did his shirt go? You couldn’t find yourself to really care at the moment. In fact, you’d have to find whoever ripped it off and thank them yourself.
“Fuck,” he practically growled, his hands squeezing your ass tightly as he picked you up from where he trapped you against the wall. His hands working quickly and wrapping your legs around his waist with ease. It was three quick, wide strides that he took before he led you into the bathroom to escape the raging bachelor party behind you.
“Eddie,” you moaned into his mouth again. His foot kicked the bathroom door shut, hand reaching to lock it as you tugged on his hair eliciting a groan from deep within his throat. God, you could listen to that all night. “We really shouldn’t. It’s gonna ruin everything.”
“I know,” he took a second to breathe. His forehead dropped to yours from where he sat you on the counter. “You wanna stop? Pretend like this never happened?” His hand squeezed your waist tightly, restraint and the thin layer of clothing between you two being the only thing holding him back.
“Hell no.”
In retrospect, you definitely should’ve stopped.
But in the moment, you really couldn’t find it in yourself to stop. Not when you had felt like you were on top of the world. Now though? The raging headache that was already in full force behind your eyes was certainly not worth it.
“Oh my god,” you groaned before you even opened your eyes. You squeezed them shut tighter, blocking out the light from the window you were pretty sure was right next to you. Don’t people believe in curtains anymore?
Your hands tried to clear the fogginess from your eyes, rubbing tiredly at your squeezed eyes before you finally managed to blink them open. It was bright. So goddamn bright. Trying to gain any sense of your surroundings, all you were met with was the ceiling fan, and…white porcelain.
Were you in the tub?
“What the hell?” Your hand reached for the edge clumsily, attempting to pull yourself up before you almost immediately regretted it. Stomach lurching and brain being way too big for your head at the moment. All you could do was rest your head on the edge of the porcelain of the deep tub.
“Hey, c’mon —“ someone was knocking on the door harshly, ready to rip it off its hinges. “If you don’t answer, I’m knocking the door down, Eddie!”
It was Buck. You didn’t have the energy to answer, nor did you have the energy to think about anything else that wasn’t throwing up all over this hotel bathroom floor. The cool tub against your forehead was the only thing that was willing to help.
“Alright, I’m coming in!”
You barely had a second to think. To tell him to not knock down the door. But it was too late, cause a second later, the door was busted open and Buck was standing in the doorway. He looked around curiously, eyes a little frantic before he stopped at the sight of you in the tub.
“Woah —“
There was a shuffle behind you, a quick one that was shortly followed by a sharp groan.
“What time is it?” Was the only complaint you could get out. If you had looked as miserable as you felt, you were sure you were a shade of green that wasn’t even humanly possible. You were sweating, shivering, and covered in goosebumps all at the same time.
“Woah,” was all Buck said again. “Uh, did you guys…” he trailed off.
“Oh, god,” that same groan sounded from somewhere in the bathroom. It sent a shiver down your spine. That voice sounded so close, like it could’ve tickled the back of your uncomfortably sweaty next if you had leaned back just a little. “What happened?”
“D-did you guys sleep together?” Buck stammered out his question awkwardly.
Your brows furrowed against the tub, picking your head up slightly just as Buck looked away as if he was trying to have to keep some of your dignity. Almost like he was embarrassed.
“What?” You choked out through your hungover daze. There was another rustle behind you, the same deep groan eliciting from whoever was behind you as he tried to stretch himself out. Buck couldn’t answer, too busy looking around the bathroom for something before he had nodded his head shortly behind you. Your head turned, freezing just as fast as your mouth dropped when you saw who was behind you.
Eddie.
Eddie Diaz.
Eddie your coworker Diaz.
Eddie Diaz who was also totally naked behind you in the same tub you were stuck in.
“Oh my god,” you whispered, consciousness snapping back to you like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice cold water over your head. “Oh my god. Did we —?”
“Oh god,” Eddie seemed to finally realize what was going on. Sitting up in the tub and looking around the messy bathroom before his eyes landed on you. That’s when you had become acutely aware of the fact that you were also barely covered up. Nothing more than your lacy underwear you had remembered picking out the night before because they had matched perfectly with your new dress. The heat of his gaze snapping your own eyes down to yourself, covering yourself with your arms as fast as you could.
Buck silently offered you the shirt, still looking away from the two of you before grimacing slightly when you ripped it from his hands and threw it over your head as fast as humanely possible.
You scrambled out of the tub as fast as you could, at least covered now, before you almost tripped when Buck caught your arm to stop you from going face first into the tile floor. The three of you were standing off, opposite sides of the bathroom while you tried to regain any sense of control over the situation.
“We didn’t…” you breathed heavily, eyes closing as you tried to regain any sense of an idea what had happened last night. “There’s no way. We wouldn’t have —“
“Oh god.” That seemed to be the only thing Eddie could say. His hand reached quickly for the towel hanging on the wall beside him, awkwardly covering himself up as you shook your head in utter confusion.
How could you let this happen? There’s no way you would’ve let it get this far? For years, there had been some silent agreement between you two that you wouldn’t even cross that line. No way a few drinks had broken it.
“Uh, well —“ Buck cleared his throat, “this is what I came in here for,” he held up a Polaroid picture awkwardly. The tips of his fingers holding the flimsy picture almost like he was disgusted by it. “Was gonna…talk to Eddie about it before you woke up.”
You ripped it from his hands with the same about of vigor that you had taken the shirt from him. Whoever’s shirt it was, you sure hope they don’t want it back. Because it wasn’t happening. It didn’t take much for your eyes to land on the center of the picture. There, in the middle, all drunk off bubbles and the playlist that was blaring, was you and Eddie. On the couch…making out.
“What is this?” You questioned, staring at the picture while Buck moved around the bathroom to help Eddie gather his clothes he was asking for. “Who took this?”
“I have no idea,” Buck answered honestly, standing at the far corner of the bathroom to avoid your gazes like he was in trouble or something. “It was just stuck on the door,” he motioned aimlessly to the door behind you.
You or Buck didn’t say anything else. He looked almost apologetic, but you were too busy staring at the picture to notice. Nor did you notice Eddie finally clambering out of the tub. Pink pants now covering himself as his blazer rested on the edge of the tub.
Neither of you spoke a word, you just handed him the Polaroid before you dropped your head into your hands and started pacing.
“Oh my god,” you mumbled under your breath. “There’s no way. This was such a bad idea.”
You froze, those words bouncing around in your mind as the night replayed in your mind in flashes. The feeling on his hands on your ass, squeezing you like he couldn’t possibly get enough of you even though he had all of you. This is a bad idea, right?
Do you wanna stop?
Hell no.
Eyes catching Eddie’s, you seemed to have the same realization at the same time. You slept together. And you don’t even remember it.
“Wow,” you breathed just as Eddie took a steadying breath.
“Okay…” he started as his eyes involuntarily looked back down to the Polaroid in his hands. “I’m really starting to wish we didn’t drink those last two shots,” he muttered.
A humorless chuckled escaped you before you could stop it. “You think?”
“So, w-what happened?” Buck asked from behind you.
You barely looked over your shoulder at Buck before you were living eyes with Eddie again. The bathroom fell silent again as anyone tried to figure out what to say. No one came up with anything.
“I think we have a lot of talking to do,” Eddie finally offered.
You let out a sharp breath, reluctantly nodding in agreement.
Talking. Talking is good.
Talking works through problems that everyone has, that normal people have. Especially....especially two coworkers who most definitely just slept together.
Another groan got away from you just as you doubled over. Head in your hands and back aching as you bent over.
"We'll be in the other room," Eddie's gravelly voice filled the bathroom, looking at Buck to silently tell him to following him back into the living room. "Give you a minute," he offered gently.
The bathroom door clicked shut behind them softly as they left you alone in the bitter quiet of the bathroom. You stood up straight — well, as straight as you could with every bone in your body aching — hands interlocked behind your neck as you stared at the ceiling.
“What is wrong with you?” You muttered to yourself at the ceiling. Sleeping with coworkers is like no-no number one of the job. You just don’t do it. It complicates things, it ruins friendships, it makes the job harder because you’re not focused on what you’re supposed to be.
And god forbid anything happens, it’s just incredibly awkward for the rest of your coworkers. Everyone tiptoeing around you like you might break if they mention the other persons name. If you even try to keep it a secret, it will get out. Because everything does.
They hear something, they see something, hell they even assume something and it all come crumbling.
You’d always been good at keeping the private things private. Separating your home life from your work life, but the more your work family became more like your family, it got harder to keep stuff from them.
And this?
Well, this will be nearly impossible.
Especially will the sheer amount of bruises covering your neck. You could see them in the mirror from across the bathroom, your fingers already brushing over them before you had really even noticed them.
Moving your shirt down just a little, you could already see too many that you could bullshit through some excuse. Concealer for the week it was, then.
"Jesus, Eddie," you whispered, fingers ghosting over the prominent dark mark on your neck that had been a reminder of the night that had gotten away from you. You were sure in the moment it was amazing, but seeing the marks littering your neck and collarbones...you couldn't help the regret flaring up in your stomach.
No. Not regret. You definitely don't regret it. You just regret not being able to remember it.
You let the shirt collar fall back into place, the stretched material revealing the edges of the marks. All of them except the one right under your ear...that was a problem for later. Right now you couldn't find yourself to care much about anything besides Eddie in the other room.
You could hear murmurs of the hushed conversation. It was surely Buck asking Eddie what the hell was wrong with him, but Eddie couldn't get so much as a word out. But he didn't have to defend himself...there was nothing to defend really.
By the time you even thought about leaving the bathroom, face splashed with cold water, the faint scent of the night still lingering over you, the living room had gone quiet. Guess Buck and Eddie worked through what they needed to.
Eddie was sat on the couch, elbows resting on his knees while his hands rubbed at his face like he was trying to sober himself up still.
"Hi," your voice broke the air.
Eddie looked up at you from where you stood on the other side of the table. "Hey," his voice cracked, not yet fully awake. It was another second before he snapped out of your gaze. "Uh, here," he reached for something on the table along with a glass of water. "Take these," he handed you the small pink medicine pills he had laying out on the table. Ibuprofen.
"Thanks," you accepted the medicine with a small smile.
He nodded, sitting back on the couch and running his hands up and through his hair before scratching at his scalp shortly. The room fell silent again as you sat quietly on the other side of the couch. Sitting right on the edge of the cushion like it might open up and swallow you whole if you sit back any further.
“Where’d Buck go?” You noticed the sudden absence of the man as Eddie looked up, eyes still squinting against the bright sun coming from the windows.
“Breakfast,” it was half a sentence, but you understood it all the same.
“I think if I eat I might throw up,” you tried to joke, but it just came out dryly. But there was a faint crack of Eddie’s lips you could see from your side of the couch.
You resigned yourself to your hands tucked into your lap, no pants in the near vicinity for you to throw on so you were stuck in the too large t-shirt Buck had handed to you.
Sitting in silence had never been awkward like this with Eddie. It was always comfortable. Always a place for you to just relax. But right now? Right now, you felt like you could implode from the sheer tension of unsaid words.
Where do you even start? Hey, sorry we slept together? Let’s never do it again! You can’t say that without sounding vile. And you weren’t exactly sure you never wanted to do it again…
Based on your neck alone, you two had definitely enjoyed yourselves.
Eddie watched as you scratched at your neck absentmindedly, brows furrowing slightly when your hands had moved the shirt out of the way just enough to reveal more than one bruise on your neck.
“Did I do that?” You looked over at him quickly, your own brows furrowing before looking at your hand where he had locked his gaze. He just pointed to your neck, watching as you touched your neck again before your face flushed nervously with a quiet, nervous chuckle.
“Oh, uh…um yeah,” your face pinched slightly before you looked around the room again, eyes locking on the bathroom for a second to long. “Apparently we really enjoyed ourselves last night.”
“Shit,” his hand carefully brushed your hair from your shoulder to reveal the bruises. “M’sorry.”
“It’s alright,” you promised with a short smile honestly. “Nothing a few weeks of concealer can’t fix. Not the first one I’ve had to cover up…and apparently not the last.”
Eddie tried to smile apologetically. Though, it came out more as a grimace that you couldn’t help but laugh softly at. He did truly feel bad.
“So, um —“ you cleared your throat awkwardly. Eddie cut in before you could even go on.
“Do you remember any of last night?” He was looking at you intensely, dark brown eyes boring into your own eyes before he was looking around the trashed hotel room.
“I think I lost track after the third shot,” you whispered with a wince.
“Yeah,” he agreed gruffly. “Sounds about right.” There was a nod from him that followed. You could just stare at your hands now, worried what might happen if you catch his eyes again. You’re pretty sure you were still a little drunk. The hangover was teetering on the edge of ruining your entire day, but for now, it had broiled itself down to a headache and some achy bones. Even the nausea had died down. But it could definitely be worse. If you had caught Eddie’s eyes again right now, you weren’t sure you could keep yourself from saying something you didn’t mean too. “I think I remember there was a…beer keg? A keg stand?”
You nodded. “That was Buck,” you winced, recalling the faint memory of Buck wheeling in a beer keg he had somehow coaxed from the kitchen staff.
“‘Course it was,” Eddie’s gruff laugh filled the room.
“But, uh…after that it’s all — it’s a little fuzzy.”
Alright, a lot fuzzy. But you weren’t going to admit that.
Eddie nodded in understanding, staring at the bathroom now like his life had depend by ed on it. Trying to rack his brain for something, anything that would help him figure out what had gone on after the third shot had been consumed. It might have even been the second shot…you really didn’t remember.
“I’m guessing…we slept together, then,” he finally muttered, still staring at the bathroom before your own eyes traveled to the room. You could still see the edge of the tub where you woke up, Eddie’s pink blazer untouched since it had come off last night.
“Yeah,” you cleared your throat and adjusted on the couch awkwardly, a slight shiver running up your bare legs. You looked around the room again, avoiding Eddie and now the bathroom.
“Which I’m also guessing we don’t even remember it?” It had come out as a question, but you both knew it wasn’t. All you could do was give a feeble nod. Hands shoved between your thighs to calm their trembling, you finally caught a glimpse of Eddie as he sat beside you…staring right at you. “I wouldn’t regret it, ya’know?” He said softly. “I don’t regret it. Even if I don’t remember all of it.”
You couldn’t help your eyes as they flicked over to his for just a moment.
“Sleeping with you,” he explained as if you were lost. “If I’m being honest, I’ve waited a long time to make a move,” he gave an awkward laugh just as your brows pinched together, confusion racking you like you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It felt like you were listening to this outside your own body, like he was saying it to someone else. “I was just always worried it would…ruin everything. Ruin our friendship. Because the last thing I wanted to do was drive you away and never have you in my life again.”
“What?” Your whisper shook, so uneven that he had smiled a little at how small you sounded all of a sudden.
“You mean too much to me to be able to stand losing you,” his head shook as he picked at his calloused palm. “I know the job, I know the risks, and every time something’s happens on a call, I — i feel like I stop breathing. Even for just a second. Cause all I can think about is losing you. I’ve been keeping you at arms length for so long and I…I don’t think I wanna do that anymore. I want all of you. If — if you’ll have me.”
“Eddie…” your weak whisper was the only immediate response. He was the one avoiding your gaze now, staring at his hands like they could solve all his problems in the world. You saw the small shake of his head like he was trying to brush it off, forget he had said anything at all as you ducked your head towards his. “Can you look at me?”
It took him almost a full second to will himself to look over at you. You smiled, a reassurance in your eyes that had him taking a stuttering breath while you reached for his hands.
“I like you, Eddie Diaz —“ you had barely been able to get out before he had shot to his feet.
“Wait — what?” He turned to face you as your hands dropped back down to your lap. You couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped you as he stepped back half a pace. “What?”
“I like you,” you repeated. “More than I probably should and more than I would care to admit,” you said truthfully. “But I’m — I’m not good at relationships. I never have been. So I’m just…scared, I think. I don’t want to mess it up because if…if something goes wrong then I can’t talk to you anymore. And that kills me. It kills me to think about not having you in my life because you’re my favorite person,” you stuttered for only a second, staring at Eddie where he stood on the other side of the table where you had been just minutes before. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”
“I love talking to you everyday and I get — I get almost giddy at the thought of seeing you when I walk into work. It’s ridiculous, I feel like I’m in middle school again with a silly, stupid crush, but it’s true. I’ve been so scared to say anything because I don’t want to ruin this. I can’t stand to lose my favorite person,” your statement trailed off with a whisper. “I miss you when we’re not together and I feel ridiculous for it even though I could call you at any hour of the day and you would pick up. You always answer my texts, and my calls, and you’re always there when I need you.”
You sat on the couch breathing heavily, waiting for a reaction from Eddie who was doing nothing but standing and staring at you. Maybe you’d fucked this up. Maybe the two of you were supposed to live the rest of your lives keeping the unsaid a secret, letting it boil over in you until you couldn’t possibly imagine ever speaking it aloud.
“And whatever happened in that bathroom last night — if we did have sex or not — I don’t want that to change anything,” you whispered. “Because I like you too much to let you go, Diaz.”
“Yeah?” He finally breathed, the question escaping him before he could stop himself. But you had nodded, reaffirming your statement.
“Yeah.”
He just nodded once, seemingly working up the courage for something before his hands unclenched at his side.
“Good,” he breathed, rounding the table so quick that you didn’t have time to question what he had meant by that before his mouth was on yours.
A surprised squeak escaped you from the sudden force of the kiss, but you had melted into it just as fast as your hungover brain could muster. It was over before it started, at least the pieces your brain had even registered. Your hand was in his hair, the faint memory of you tugging at it last night flashing through your mind when he groaned. And the sound again had knocked you out of your daze briefly to tug him closer.
It was pure bliss, ever fear, anxious feeling, worry you’d ever had about being with Eddie had faded into nothing. This was it. This was your big happy ending you hadn’t allowed yourself to face head on.
“I’m keeping that Polaroid, by the way,” he muttered against your lips suddenly. “You looked way too hot to let it go to waste.”
You could feel him smile into the kiss when you pulled him back to your mouth. “Good.”
He chuckled that time, hand molding into the side of your neck like it had been made for it. You were pretty sure this is what heaven felt like. If this wasn’t what it was like when you get there, first thing you were doing was asking for a refund.
“It’s about time!” You pushed Eddie back like you had been seen committing some vile, heinous crime when someone was shouting from the door suddenly. It was just kissing, but getting caught with Eddie of all people had your heart beating and your spine tingling.
“Jesus, Buck,” Eddie only groaned in annoyance. “Don’t you know how to knock?” He turned towards Buck, standing in the middle of the room as Buck stood at the open door with a bag of food in his hand and a tray of coffee in the other.
“It’s my room too!”
“Technically, it’s Chimney’s,” you muttered, sitting back on the couch as you rubbed at your swollen lips gently, biting back the smile that was trying to break free. “We just crashed it.”
“Whatever,” Buck scoffed. “You two,” he shoved the food bag between you two pointedly. “It’s about fucking time you figured that out. I was getting tired of seeing you both make heart eyes at each other.” You scoffed this time, shaking your head as Eddie dejectedly denied the statement. “Oh, don’t give me that, Diaz. You couldn’t make it less obvious if you tried.”
Maybe a drunk hookup wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
it’s clear to me, they’re meant to be something, somehow, someday
summary :: babysitting for maddie and chimney, you and buck find yourselves on the floor of the nursery talking the night away.
content :: fluff, established relationship, mentions of starting a family, like half a second of tears (happy tears!), buck being a sap, no use of y/n
wc :: 2.1k
notes :: i am a firm believer in daily allotted floor time so here we are. sometimes the floor really is the most comfortable place and i mean that. title is from the song ‘something, somehow, someday’ by role model!!
not edited so any mistakes are my own!
The apartment had been quiet for a while.
A little too quiet if you were being honest.
Buck was…somewhere. You’d lost track a while ago. Last you’d seen him he was putting the kids to bed. He always put them to bed. He was exceptionally better at it than you were, the man was like a wizard when it came to that. If you had tried, most likely, Jee-Yun would start whining.
Apparently, Buck was a much better bedtime story reader than you were.
It has almost been an hour now though since you had last seen him…you were starting to think he might’ve fallen asleep in Jee-Yun’s bed with her. Which wouldn’t be the first time you’d seen the giant man fall asleep in the tiny toddler’s bed. And you certainly don’t have a photo collection on your phone with half a dozen photos for such occasion. (You definitely did). But after checking her room, you had come up empty.
“Buck?” You called out softly to the apartment after shutting the door, the creaky floorboard in front of Jee’s door successfully avoided as you ventured further down the hall to the other bedroom.
That’s when you heard it. The faint sound of Buck talking from behind the cracked open door. The light from the hallway had let in just a sliver of light, illuminating the tops of Buck’s jean covered thighs from where he lay on the floor.
The room was a soft shade of blue, the nightlight that was plugged into the wall was doing a mighty fine job at lighting up the room. Stars littering the ceiling as a few twinkled from the light flickering. Buck had looked so small lying there, talking quietly to the baby even though he had been long fast asleep as Buck told endless stories.
You smiled softly, dropping your head gently to the doorframe as you watched him for a minute. His hands behind his head as a quick solution to a pillow and his voice so soft, it almost didn’t sound like him.
“I don’t know why you would want to go to space anyway. I mean, it’s space. I don’t even like flying domestically,” he explained softly. “There’s so much we don’t know about space. I mean it literally never ends, going up there seems like the least smart idea anyone’s ever had.”
“Plus, there could be aliens,” you chimed in quietly, smiling when Buck startled from his spot. He relaxed when he saw you walk in, taking an empty spot beside him and lying with him. “I would much rather stay on Earth with the crazy people than deal with crazy aliens,” you joked.
Buck laughed that time, head shaking a little as the two of you swallowed yourselves into a comfortable silence. He’d unlocked his hands from behind his head, opening his arm for you as you locked yourself into place beside him. The missing piece of the puzzle.
You’d never get tired of sleeping beside Buck. Didn’t matter where it was. But you’d figured out quite early into the relationship that your new favorite pillow had definitely been his arm. And he certainty didn’t complain…until it was two in the morning and he had woken up with a numb arm. But even then, he never complained.
“You’d never go to space?” Buck asked when you had finally gotten comfortable in his side. “Not even if someone offered you like a million dollars.”
You thought about it for less than half a second before you shook your head. “No. Definitely not.”
“Not even if I was there?” He teased, poking your arm gently. You could hear the smile in his voice as you watched the stars above you twinkle on the ceiling.
“Oh, certainly not if you were there.” Buck scoffed as you chuckled softly. “Doesn’t matter how much you pay me, or if they bribe me with you as a space partner, I still wouldn’t do it. I’ve always been scared of space, so no way am I trying to get over that fear now.”
“You’re scared of space?” Buck inquired.
“Mhm,” you nodded. He’d wanted to ask why, but you had went on before he even could. “It’s too vast,” you said quietly, acutely aware again of the sleeping baby in his crib beside you. “Too much of the unknown. Like the ocean.”
“You know that only about 5% of the ocean has been explored?” Buck stated the fact. “All this time they’ve spent in it, and we barely know anything about it. It’s crazy. “
“Exactly the reason that I also hate the ocean,” you laughed. “Too many unanswered questions for my liking.”
“Would you still hate the ocean in they found mermaids?”
You looked up at Buck from your place on his shoulder, seeing the way too happy smile on his face at the thought of mermaids being real.
“No. Cause they’re probably evil,” you defended.
Buff guffawed.
“They’re not evil —“
“You don’t know that. They could all be evils sirens just waiting to lure in some unlucky man and sink his ship.” Buck rolled his eyes playfully as you laid back down on his shoulder. “I’ll miss you when your ship sinks, Buckley. I’ll be sure to send some flowers and a ‘miss you’ card to the station.”
Buck pinched your side playfully as you laughed, it dying down to a hushed giggle before you draped your arm over his stomach and finally looked up at him to talk to him.
“No oceans.”
“And no space,” he finished.
You nodded once as a smile creeped onto your face.
The room had fallen quiet again. You could hear Buck’s heart thrumming under you, the slightly quickened pace never seeming to ease itself when you had been around Buck. It had put you at ease, reminding you that he was still here, he was okay, he was alive. It was a welcome reminder.
You’d never tell Buck to give up his job because it was unsafe, he loved what he did. It was practically his lively hood. But you couldn’t help but express certain concerns about the jobs, especially when he had a few too many close calls for your liking.
But no matter what, he had always come home to you.
That was the one promise to anybody he had yet to break. And for that, you were beyond grateful everyday.
“How long you think he’s been asleep?” Buck asked suddenly, looking towards the crib like he just realized the baby was actually sleeping.
“Probably the second you start talking,” you said truthfully.
“I can’t tell if I’m supposed to take offense to that. You saying I’m that boring that you can fall asleep that easily?”
“No,” you laughed out your answer. “I just mean your voice is soothing. It probably knocked him right out. It’s a good thing. Especially when only one of us can get these kids to bed, because it certainly isn’t me.”
Buck shook his head, lost in his thoughts now as he watched the twinkling stars above him while his finger traced mindless patterns on your back. You’d resigned to watching the sleeping baby beside you guys, his squished face against the mattress as he breathed steadily.
“We’ve never really talked about that, you know,” Buck’s gentle voice came out suddenly.
“Talked about what?” You whispered, tracing your finger along his rib softly.
“Kids. If we want kids, I mean.”
“Oh,” your finger stilled against his side for a second. Hesitancy. You’d thought he hadn’t noticed, but of course he had. It’s Buck. “Do you want kids?”
“Yeah,” he resigned with a nod. “I think so.” You nodded softly this time, eyes still watching the sleeping baby. “A little girl would be fun.” You smiled softly at the thought of Buck with a daughter. Hesitancy would totally be the ultimate girl dad. You weren’t sure why…but he definitely seems like he would. “What about you?”
“Uh,” you cleared your throat with a shrug of your shoulder. “I don’t know, really. I guess I haven’t thought about it,” you’d offered. “I’ve never been good with kids so…I suppose I hadn’t thought of the possibility of having my own someday,” Buck continued the small traces on your back as he listened intently. It was a good thing you couldn’t see his face right now, cause you’re not sure you could handle the probably crushed expression on his face at the mention of maybe not wanting kids. “My sister has two. And I love my nieces more than anything…but I just don’t know how to take care of them. Is that ridiculous? That I don’t know what to do around a kid?” You looked up at him just as he looked down.
“No. Of course not,” he said earnestly with a shake of his head. “Some people are just natural care takers.”
“Like you,” you teased. He smiled lightly before shaking his head.
“And some people are just better at the other stuff. The listening when someone needs an ear to talk off. A shoulder to cry on. All the little stuff that other people don’t even think about,” he went quiet for a second, thinking to himself. “That’s what I love about you the most.”
“My unnatural ability to take care of a child?”
“No,” Buck didn’t even laugh that time. “That you’re always there when someone needs you. You’re always someone’s shoulder to lean on. Any time someone needs something, we turn around and you’re always there. No matter what. And always remembering details that someone had mentioned once off handedly and getting it for them for their birthday when not even they remember they said they wanted it,” he shook his head like he was thinking to himself again. “It’s all that stuff, that’s what makes you so great. So what if you don’t have the natural instinct to take care of a kid, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you all the same.”
You fell silent this time. With a deep breath, you had to blink back the sudden onslaught of tears that threatened to free themselves.
“Wow, okay,” you swallowed thickly. “Wasn’t expecting that,” you wiped at your eyes quickly. “Buy me dinner first next time, Buckley,” you joked with a teary laugh.
“We should’ve thought about that before we started sleeping together, then,” he said plainly, but you could hear the smile in his voice. It had been four years together already, and yet everyday feels like it’s the first day you met. You slapped his chest with a laugh, using it as leverage to pull yourself up to stare at him.
“Keep it in your pants,” you smiled, it falling just slightly before your brows pinched together. “Do you really mean that?” You asked so softly, he always couldn’t hear it. “Everything you said?”
“Course I do,” his hand splayed across your back from your upright position as he stayed on the floor, watching you. “Cause it’s true.”
Another smile cracked at the corner of your lips. You were at a loss for words, so you just resigned to lying back down to his shoulder, letting him pull you closer as you draped yourself over him.
“I love you,” you whispered. He squeezed your shoulder gently. Three times. I love you. It was a sign that he had heard you. “And you would make a great dad. The best one.”
“You’d be the best mom, even if you don’t feel like it,” he whispered back solemnly. “I know you would.”
It was finally late enough into the night that you could barely hear the city of LA outside anymore. Everyone returning home to their own families for the night as you and Buck let the silence consume you.
The concept of time had been long since forgotten the second you stepped into the too. It could’ve been hours you two had spent in the room on the floor, but it was long enough that the two of you had drifted off yourselves into a somewhat comfortable sleep. As comfortable as it could be on a carpeted floor. But it didn’t matter. Because you had Buck, and Buck had you…and maybe if the circumstances change. Something, somehow, someday you could have a family of your own to love as much as you had been in love with Buck. It was just another piece of him to love and you couldn’t wait.
By the time Maddie and Chimney had even gotten home, hours later. Well into the night and a few wine glasses in, the couple was a gaggle of giggles and happy smiles. Your names were called out with no avail, falling on empty ears. That’s when they had walked right into the room to see the you and Buck sleeping right where your conversation had drifted off on the floor.
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