ROBERTA SAYS

just shit roberta says. this blog is mostly for our own amusement, because she's amazing and hilarious.

[robertasays]

OMG MUM

Brother: Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis should do a film together.  Mum: But Samuel L. Jackson has already done a film with Bruce Forsyth.

[robertasays]

Driving to Tesco's

Mum: Who's this singing?

Me: Panic! at the Disco.

Mum: Who? Pain au chocolat?

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Mum: I descaled the kettle today...well, I gave it a good rub.

Me: haha

Dad: Did the Genie come?

Me: hehehehe

Dad:

Mum:

Me:

[robertasays]

talking about Game of Thrones

Dad: It has a lot of boobs in it.

Me: No genitalia though.

Mum: Genitalia's not in it?

Me: No.

Mum: She must be filming something else then.

Me:

Mum: Genitalia......Jenni Talia.

Me: *LOL*

[robertasays]

Mum: Oh did you hear about...

Me: Richard Griffiths died? Yeah I know.

Mum: Uncle Fester?

[robertasays]

Me: Mum, what are you doing?

Mum: Do you expect me to talk?

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die.

Me:

Mum: haha.

[robertasays]

Brother: What would happen if you had a really big microwave and a really small microwave and put them inside each other and microwaved the microwave inside the microwave?

Dad:...............

Me: MICROWAVECEPTION

[robertasays]

Me: OMG Monster's Inc is on!

Brother: How can you tell?

Me: How can you NOT tell?!

Brother: A lot of cartoons have monsters in.

Me: Like......

Brother: Bug's Life.

Me:

[robertasays]

watching the million pound drop.

Me: Her name is Binky. WTF. That's the fat, mean one in 'Arthur'.

Mum:

Me: You know, the CBBC cartoon?

Mum:

Me: You know..... 'everyday when you're walking down da street.'

Mum:

Me: 'everybody dat you meet'.

Mum:

Me: 'has an original point of view'.

Mum: No.

[robertasays]

You know when you say the wrong thing? Well he farted and I said, 'bless you.'

My brother.

[robertasays]

watching 'Pulse' with Ian Somerhalder

Dexter (Ian): Can I show you something?

Me: Yes.

Mum: Your willy.

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what guy is ever too tired to wank

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It must be guys from Tommy. So much christianity they just go psycho. I bet if they were athiests they'd all be mysterious, sexy fuckers

[robertasays]

this is gonna be one weird process of sucking from the bottom!

[robertasays]

Me: I'd love to be a property developer.

Dad: You have to have some money to start with.

Me: Does it make a lot of money?

Dad: What?

Me: Does it make a lot of money?

Dad: What?

Me: Property developing.

Dad: What?

Me: PROSTITUTION.

Dad:

Me: .... property developing

Dad: Well, it depends, it doesn't make a lot of money over night.

Brother: Prostitution does.

[robertasays]

my dad is video calling me from downstairs. what.

[robertasays]

May: I bet he dumped her for someone else.

Roberta: ...for a burger.