Real isn't means being rude
Do you ever pierced or hurted by a thoughtless, random words by a friend, a family, or a stranger yet you don't feel like you have the right to confront or complain about it?
Scenario one:
"Hey, lets hang out tomorrow before I leave!"
"No."
Ough.
Scenario 2:
"Sara, look at my dress! Isn't look nice on me?"
"Only if you lose 5kg."
Ough.
Scenario 3:
"Ken, I really feel in love with this girl."
"C'mon, she'll never look at you!"
Ough.
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Is there any similar scenarios, or words by some close friend or your sister that came to your mind?
Do you always feel hurt or just feel bad easily by what some random thoughtless comment made by others?
If you are, this article is for you.
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Well, we all know - we shouldn't be affect by what others said, we should be able to control our reaction, we shouldn't take it personally.
That's the worst part, really. Now we're hurt and im addition, we blamed ourselves for feeling the way we feel.
If that's what you think, please know that I truly admire your self-reflection and independency. But I also urge you to not be harsh on yourself. Yes, we shouldn't be affected. Yes, we shouldn't live in the opinion of others but damn, we like it or not, we live with them! And leaving them isn't always an option. They could be our best and closest friend (they're usually our best and closest friend). Their words meant something and that thoughtless comments or inappropriate tease - do hurts.
Most often in close relationship, we tend to take each other for granted. We tend to be direct, thoughtless and - as trendy opinion suggests, be more real.
There's a huge misinterpretations in the virtue of being real, that being real is almost equal as being rude.
It is why we don't confront our friend. They're just saying the truth. My friend, more often than not, you aren't being too sensitive. You are sensitive and human being are suppose to be sensitve.
We aren't suppose to live in a war and dont shed a tears for a bomb. We aren't suppose to bullied in workplace and take it all in. We aren't suppose to feel hurt and expected to smile through it.
If you're as sensitive as me - especially towards word. I know how careful when you give a compliment, a criticism, an advice, a promise. I know how important it is, to receive a praise from our parents, to receive a well-intended and loving criticism, and how serious we take a promise.
We're those who have a sensitivity with words and their energy. It is not a weakness. It is a gift.
Being real isn't equal to being rude.
Im here to tell you, you can protect yourself by telling your friend:
Scenario 1:
"I'm upset by your blunt rejection. That makes me feel ignored."
Scenario 2:
"I don't think 5kg will makes me more flattering. Thanks for your opinion, anyway."
Scenario 3:
"C'mon dude, maybe thats true, but I kinda need some support from you."
If we're sensitive with words, we will also have the power to use it to educate others.
Here's some tips on how to protect or express yourself while educating others who are less sensitive and thoughtful in communication:
1. Feel your hurt, accept it, and understand it
2. Recognize how the words are inappropriate or makes you feel hurt - is it disrespectful? Is it inconsiderate? Is it triggered your wound? Is it depreciating?
3. Speak kindly and respectfully, regardless - teach by example and treat others as how you would like to be treated
4. Be generous with understanding and forgiveness - most people just being mindless and careless with words and do not really mean it.
5. Feel the energy, and don't be too uptight with the words. The words are just representative - it is the energy behind it thats matter (fuck comes with varieties of energy, eh? ;) )
Hope these helps if you to learn to protect and express yourself when you face another similar scenario! It takes time to master, but when you do, you will only gain more respect and true friends. Good luck!