obnoxious
one weird thing about my life compared to people who are 'age peers' with me (basically the same age as myself, or a bit older or younger) is that I had a somewhat anomalous experience of my 20s, wherein I basically "absorbed" a lot of trauma aged 22-26, then abruptly absorbed a ton of responsibilities at age 26, all while doing pretty high skill level work for low pay. so I am now in the position of balancing all those things that happened to me/I decided in my 20s, and I find that my age peers at work and in social groups are frequently way less burdened with the accumulated mental and physical load that I am?
which I think amounts to basically: I look, feel, act, and seem older than I am, because of my Life Experience, and I generally relate more easily to the parallel work and life experiences of people who are at least ten-fifteen years older than me?
but at the same time, I think there's some wounded part of myself that is stuck inside the self that existed at 23, and never recovered.
I don't regret my life or choices and indeed, the violent crime done to me has been Processed, and the abusive relationship has been Long Ended, and I have a lot of opportunities and power available to me in some ways, but this rupture internally is sometimes made apparent to me, and I honestly don't even know what it means.
