saw the post "scout who keeps accidentally calling another merc dad and spy who is PISSED about it" and now i gotta mentally run down the roster
Soldier: is delighted to be called dad on accident. might even fight Spy for the right of it. truly nothing more american than to raise a son. Spy is going to hate Soldiers guts and Soldier is refusing to back down. hes gonna teach scout how to fish and scouts going to hate every second of it.
Pyro: ....Scout gets a drawing, at best a hug. then it is never brought up again. unclear if pyro understood it beyond a general "found family closeness" sense. Spy is agitated but also has no idea what to do about this.
Engineer: kind enough to not look for a deeper meaning and graciously pretend he didnt hear but hes gonna be smiling and amused about it up until he catches spy glaring holes into him and then engineer is like "ah. this is a problem. oh."
Demo: laughs his ass off and then apologizes for laughing and then tries to redirect scout to someone more reasonable. Eyelander is 100% like "KILL SPY" (with full intentions to whisper at demo to kill scout too later). if Demo catches Spy glaring at him, Demo will be annoyed though like "hey cmon its not my fault now is it?"
Heavy: he thinks of scout as a little brother but his sisters grew up with Heavy and no father so really Heavy has DONE a fatherly role and just called it being a brother. so while he'd correct scout on the label "not father", hes still going to be patient with scout. however he canonically knows spy is scouts father and would be like "try again with other man on team" looks increasingly disgruntled as scout keeps calling him dad and spy keeps glaring at him. has at least one moment where he corners spy and is like "quit being angry and say something to leetle boy"
Medic: ohoh! he did not expect to be called dad. however a man who puts baboon uteruses into the Classic mercs is not going to have a stable relationship with the concept of fatherhood so he will not back down from the challenge! can he experiment on people who call him dad, is that allowed? what if he promises to turn your DNA to be more like his? no spy cant have scout back, medics called dibs hasnt he ? (medic has no idea how to dad. it is an enthusiastic nightmare but scout appreciates the enthusiasm) (medic calling dibs is in the "mine" sense more than the familial sense but medic needs at least one work week of time to figure that out >:3 )
Sniper: Sniper cringes so hard and does a full-body flinch. if scout keeps calling him dad he will alternate between hiding from scout and also genuinely stressing about it. "I didnt have the best relationship with my father what if i mess this up" (whispered to demo in a panic. Demo chokes on his drink from laughing too hard). Spy is glaring at him and Sniper is getting agitated like a cornered coyote. someone is getting bitten in the panic
Enemy team scout: terrifying concept. both scouts are frozen in shock and horror. says something about how scouts look similar and whether the enemy scout is subconsciously reminding scout of his own reflection which is subconscious reminding scout of his father
sorry im sure you didnt need a full analysis but your post gave me THOUGHTS
omg anon these are so good . thank you so much.
soldier taking a mile and fully trying to claim parentship over reluctant scout is So Good. soldier dragging scout through a Stereotypical Father-Son Bonding montage. forever envisioning a scout trying to wish himself back in time to undo his freudian slip while soldier tries to teach him(grown man)(plays baseball) to play catch. genuinely so funny i think itd be good for them
im also so crazy about sniper. literally everyone involved is STRESSING but they just keep digging themselves deeper. specifically the moment it first happens is so like visceral to imahine i can like feel the weird cringe awkward embarassed energy. can you imagine Alredy having an accidental calling your older coworker dad moment and he reacts like That. so fucking mortifying.
ALSO ALSO i never considered the concept of him calling the enemy scout dad but that is So Fucking Good oh my god. simultaneous scattergun fatalities. so fucked
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