12/19/25
It's been almost a year since I posted an update. I am obviously still alive and for once, I'm glad I am.
My life was genuinely insane the first few months after my husband left us. I didn't elaborate much on things back in Jan/Feb, because I wasn't sure who still read my posts and if my ex-husband would think to snoop. So he's a break down of what's been going on, month by month.
Feb/March - I reconnected with my ex-boyfriend from 2023. The day my husband left, my ex and I spent the night together in a hotel room that he paid for and we hooked up. He lead me to believe that was some sort of hope of us maybe getting back together, but it turned out that entire situation was some revenge ploy? I still don't even know exactly what was going on in his head. I recently found out that he had/has a girlfriend and did the ENTIRE TIME we were talking again AND when we hooked up. If you want the whole story of that mess, go watch the video I posted on my YouTube (https://youtu.be/hf-qDmPyPXU?si=Mp6gaSSfd9o3xX0u).
March was filled with.. a lot. I reconnected and made amends with a few people. One of which was one of my best friends that I knew because of my ex-husband. There was a messy situation that happened between us and well we stopped talking for over 5 years. That is all sorted now. Said friend wants absolutely NOTHING to do with my ex-husband. They were once as close as brothers, but with everything that happened then and all the things that have happened since we split, he HATES him. When the ex found out I was talking to this friend again, he tried contacting the friend and the friend refused to answer and just immediately sent me screenshots of the heinous shit my ex was saying about me.
I took my planned trip to Omaha to visit my best friend and that was amazing. They gave me a Dodge Charger for a rental, since I didn't have a credit card to put on file to rent the "actual" sport cars. I had a lot of fun driving it. The weather out there that first 24 hours was pretty insane. I got into town around 6AM, slept for a few hours, got up to go grocery shopping and to Enterprise. (The car they gave me at home had lots of issues and I needed to trade cars, because it was dangerous. Bald af tires, broken wipers, shit brakes, etc.) It was about 60F outside when I left the Airbnb. It was monsoon season by time I left Enterprise. I went to a cat cafe to see some kitties. I couldn't stay long, because they were going to close early due to the weather. By the way, on my way TO Omaha in the middle of the night, I got a BLIZZARD WARNING. So when I woke up in Omaha, I was very confused how tf there was supposed to be a blizzard.
I went back to the Airbnb and just hung out for a few hours. I had planned to meet up with my bestie at her work in Iowa that night, because she wasn't planning on coming to the Airbnb until the next day. I went to leave later that night and.. welp.. blizzard. All that rain had turned to ice and it was snowing sideways. I made an attempt to leave, but me insisting on having RACEKORRR, RWD + snow = nope. I couldn't even get out of my parking spot.. and then I couldn't get back in. It literally took me a half an hour of just literally inching back and forth enough to get back in my spot. T_T
The rest of the trip and my time with bestie went off without a hitch. We went on many adventures. Gaga's new album dropped while I was with her and we got to listen to it together when it dropped, so I will always think of her/then when I listen to it. The drive home was exhausting, but I detoured through Chicago, because I've never been there before. I didn't really get to stop, because it was late and I had no idea where the hell I was going. I also felt like I went through a time jump, because I didn't realize it was the day we bumped the clocked ahead AND Iowa is an hour behind where I live, so I was super confused why the math wasn't mathing on my GPS. XD
Back home, I was just trying to take care of myself, the kids, the house, etc. I couldn't just wallow in misery. Bills still needed paid. Life was still going on. I tried using dating apps, but that was, just.. not for me. I was spending time with some guy friends of mine here and there. But I had zero interest in pursuing a relationship with any of them, or anyone else for that matter. I was beyond broken at that point. I also was constantly dealing with my ex-husband, who was literally doing everything in his power to send me into constant fits of psychosis. I have come a long way over the last 5+ years when it comes to my mental health, but I was with him for 12 years.. he knows where my buttons are and how to punch them. It was an absolute mess that went on for MONTHS.
At the beginning of February, I decided to get a sunflower that my ex-boyfriend drew me in 2023 tattooed on my arm. I did it for a few reasons, but mostly because of the symbology behind it. I may hate that idiot at this point, but I will not regret the tattoo. Mid-March I also finally got my Sleep Token piece done on my leg. It turned out amazing and even after all these months, it still looks stunning.
April - This month started off very complicated. I was developing feelings for someone close to me (R), but it didn't seem like he was interested? I then became closer with another friend of mine (B), who was also dealing with having recently split with his long-term girlfriend. B and I were spending a lot of time together, basically a couple, but he wasn't ready to put a label on it. R and I often discussed the goings on between B and I and I realized that I was apparently oblivious to things, because R basically confessed to being in love with me. HOWEVER, R wanted me to pursue things with B, because he felt that B could give me "everything you deserve and then some, things I can not give you and don't feel its fair of you to expect less when you deserve more" (paraphrasing, but you get the point). It was beginning to feel like the who ex-husband and ex-boyfriend situation from 2023 all over again and I was beginning to get genuinely upset. I didn't want to go through that shit again. I did not want to have to sit here and "pick one".
I ended up having a long, long conversation with B one day while we were together. I was just trying to understand where his apprehension was coming from when it came to wanting a relationship with me and making it official. We had been friends for over 4 years. Not super close, but close enough. I felt like the conversation went well, but that night after I got home, I ended up going BPD mode on him and just snapped out. I was beginning to feel like I was being used by B and I told him as such. I told him I was done with whatever the hell this was that we were doing and that was that. I spent time with R the next couple days and then B messaged me and essentially apologized and said he realized "he royally fucked up" and assumed I wouldn't even want to talk to him again. I am an extremely forgiving person and said as much. This will be the death of me one day, I'm sure, but not because of forgiving B.
He came over that night and we talked and he invited me to his "niece's" birthday party with him that weekend and I said "as what? what are you telling people I am to you?" and he said "my girlfriend". That was May 1st.
May - B.. Brandon and I became official on May 1st. We have been inseparable ever since then. It's like he came over one day and just never left. Mind you, he has his own house. His mother and grandmother lived with him, but it was his house. He was literally driving over an hour to/from work during morning and evening rush hours. He would stop at his house to grab his lunch, have dinner with his mom, and then come home to me. We spent weekends together doing whatever. He'd take me shopping, take me out to eat, he treats me like a princess. He had mentioned that he had planned on buying another house. He had gotten promoted at work RIGHT before we started seeing each other and the promotion came with a new location/commute. (He used to work literally 3 minutes from his house.) At that point, he was mildly amusing the idea of me and the kids moving with him, but he was on the fence and also wasn't really house hunting at that point. Nothing else terribly exciting happened this month, aside from Brandon and I going to see Lacuna Coil. I also officially started the divorce process at the end of the month.
June - The lack of house hunting did not last very long. We took our first vacation/road trip together mid-June to Watkins Glen, NY for IMSA with the Hyundai N group (he has a Veloster N) and we had such an absolutely amazing time together that by time we came home, he was not only sold on house hunting ASAP, but he wanted me and my kids with him and he wanted my input on the house. He wanted to start our life together. By the way, IMSA was the coolest shit ever. We got to do a parade lap on the track with the other Ns and it was hands down one of the most amazing experiences of my life. By the end of the month, we had secured a realtor (a friend of mine) and began touring houses. We absolutely loved the very first house we looked at so much we put an offer in on it, but they ended up accepting a different offer. We were both disappointed, but I just reminded Brandon that it wasn't meant to be and everything happens for a reason. We continued on with our hunt.
July - Every weekend for weeks was consumed with house tours from the end of June through the beginning of July. One house we toured (#5 of 9) stuck out to us, but we weren't totally sold on it. It was beautiful house, but some aspects were cosmetically dated. BUUUUT, it did check all of the boxes for both of us. Shorter commute to work for him (with no rush hour traffic), 2 car garage, huge driveway (we have 5 cars between the two of us), central air, 2 bathrooms, at least 3 bedrooms, dishwasher, decent school district, big dining room. I can't remember right now what else we had on our lists, but those were the main focuses between the two of us. When we were at house #9, which was on the opposite side of the neighborhood from #5; we really liked that house, but their asking price was out of budget and rather absurd in our opinion, because they said it had more bedrooms than it did, because they were saying the secondary living room space, that had the access to the deck, was a bedroom. I mean, sure, but you'd have to put a door in and then you'd have everyone walking through your bedroom to access the deck? Like.. it made zero sense. Plus, that side of town, even though it was the same neighborhood, was a different (higher rated) school district, which is likely why they were asking as much as they were.
We talked it over real quick and then turned around and asked if it was possible to go back to look at #5 again while we were near it. Our realtor was taken aback by this, because he thought we hated that house. We never said we hated it. I even said when we were there that it was definitely not ruled out. He made a phone call real quick and we got the okay to go back to #5 again. While we were on our way there, I noticed a few things.. signs, if you will. Now, we know I don't believe in coincidences. At all. I had pointed out the first time we toured the house that it was on Kenneth and there was tons of alcohol in the house, that whoever lived there was clearly an alcoholic. My Uncle Kenny died of cirrhosis. Irony not lost on me. Well, on the way there the second time, I noticed that you turn off David to get on Kenneth. Uncle Kenny's last name? David. Not only that, but the intersection RIGHT before Kenneth and David is Judy and David. Judy was the name of my Nanny's (Kenny [and my mom]'s mom) dog when I was a kid and also the name of my cousin (Kenny's daughter)'s first car. Then I realized.. the house number.. 116. My mom died on January 16. The mailbox? Cardinals on the design. Neighbor next door? Sydney. Kenny's granddaughter's name? Sidney. And there are sunflowers EVERYWHERE in this neighborhood. I already mentioned my sunflower tattoo and the meaning for me, right? Well one other thing. When Kenny was in hospice dying? All of the rooms on his floor were named after flowers. His room? Yep. It was the sunflower room.
Needless to say, when we went back there, I was picking up on ALL of this. We looked through the house again and we realized, flaws and all, this was it, this was our home. Sure, it's dated in some areas, but it's all cosmetic and it gives the house character and we love it. So we put our offer in. They accepted. Then came all the blah blah bullshit that comes with buying a house. We'd hoped to close on August 8, but it ended up not happening. What did happen is we closed on August 13, drove to our new house with a singular load of crap in Brandon's truck, went home and packed, and left first thing in the morning in our "cool" cars for Detroit for Woodward Dream Cruise. T_T We started the extra slow moving process of getting all my shit out of my house and all his shit out of his house on August 19. We did ALL of the moving in his truck and my cars. No U-Haul. Basically no help. Just us. I got the very last of my stuff out of there sometime in September.
September - This month was spent with endless moving, as well as adjusting to our new home and new life together. My son started in a new school. Right off the bat, he was making friends, including kids in the neighborhood. At this point, he comes home from school, throws his bookbag on the floor, and says "I'm going to so-and-so's" and just spends his days outside with the friends he's made in the neighborhood. They play, ride bikes, and I know he's safe, because we're in a plan and in a cul-de-sac. All the neighbors know each other, most have lived here forever, they're all super nice, everyone waves to each other. I legit felt like I was in The Truman Show the first few weeks I lived here.
Brandon and I drove to Louisville, KY to see Sleep Token at Louder Than Life in the middle of September. We got an Airbnb on the way there to sleep, but slept in the truck on the way home. We had to be home the day after the day we had passes for, because I was seeing Manson with my daughter. This was Brandon's first time seeing Sleep Token and my third. (He is a big fan, too, but not as obsessive as I am.) After seeing them, he was so moved and solidified in his fandom, that he agreed with me that we have to go to Cleveland to see them again no matter what. Which we did. Drove out there with no tickets, ended up leaving with 6 tickets (long story lol). But we got floor seats and not overpriced. It was absolutely amazing.
October til NOW - It's been pretty chill, calm, peaceful. We had a couple car events we went to at PittRace (RIP) in October. My son got to ride in a race car on the track at one of them. My bestie came to visit for a week before Halloween. I surprised Brandon by taking him to see ADTR early in November for his birthday, because that's one of his favorite bands and he'd never gotten to see them before. Life has been fairly uneventful the last couple months. We adopted 2 kittens last weekend on a whim. They're angel babies, but also tiny terrorists. Other than prepping for Christmas, there really isn't much going on. Brandon and I spend our free time together just loving each other and enjoying each others presence. Sometimes we go do stuff, sometimes we just loaf at home. Neither of us care, as long as we're together. This man has been an absolute god send in my life. He has been everything I've begged for for decades. He his patient with me, loving, kind, understanding, treats me like God himself handed me directly to him. He doesn't take me for granted, nor do I him. I love him so so so so so so much and I'm so glad that the universe worked its convoluted magic to bring us together. I wasted over a decade of my life giving an ungrateful narcissist everything. I am now more than settled in to being a wife to a man that should've been my husband from the get-go. No, we're not married or engaged.. yet. But it's been discussed at length. He wants to marry me, but obviously we have to wait for this stupid divorce to be finalized. I also made it abundantly clear that I am NOT going to accept some bullshit when it comes to how I'm proposed to and that I want a REAL wedding this time. No suicide note proposals, no court house "wedding", no clearanced out homing dress as a wedding dress.
That covers most of it. I know once again I'm talking to myself and that I will probably be the only one to read this, but it's okay. It helps me remember/recall things.
Later, guys. <3
