Idk if I'm reading too much into it but it looks like Kamui got dressed in front of Subaru here? He's been in his sleeping yukata during previous chap (since he got injured) and in first panel here seems to be buttoning his shirt up.
Maybe Subaru just walked in but it doesn't seem like it? They appear to be in middle if conversation (Subaru noticing Kamui struggles with his hand and dressing up).
Anyhow if it really happened - very bold of you Kamui, very bold 👀
Subkam version of "two dudes chilling in hot tub five feet apart because they're not gay" meme is two dudes sitting in each other's lap but they don't know they're being gay
About the SubKam ship ask, does one has a bad habit that the other dislikes? Like, Subaru's smoking habit?
I don't see them fighting over mundane daily stuff? Like leaving house messy or one partner spending too much - they don't have such habbits. Both are introverts and seem like tidy (no house mess or slobby issues) people. Intuitive as well so no senseless arguments about miscommunication or "dont be on your phone on dates" level type issues.
Since Subaru spent 9 year in bad mental state becoming more and more self-destructive, he probably developed some habbits reflecting that (like smoking or disassociating); those annoy and sadden Kamui at same time. He's bothered by Subaru smoking too much, especially when he increases daily intake out of sudden. Indicator that something is bothering Subaru internally or he's in bad mental state again - and not saying anything. Similarly he'd have a habit of closing off and distancing from time to time, while still seeming kind and emotionally present. Kamui wouldn't notice such episodes ar first, but when he does they'll bother him; both because it feels like Subaru can't trust him (other factors are at play, it's not a matter of trust really) and because he hates seeing Subaru in pain, emotional and physical.
Moment like this one for example:
Kamui reacted and opposed Subaru for the first time here. Of course, situation was extreme here as they were talking about Subaru's death wish (which he wanted to gloss over; I don't think that's a matter of trust really, but more combination of Subaru not wanting to burden others with something so "selfish" and simply not feeling comfortable talking about suicidal intentions). But it does prove Kamui would and could oppose Subaru on bigger issues, especially if he's feeling confused about something - he'd search for explanations.
On Subaru's side, I can see him being bit uncomfortable if Kamui is persistent with questions; but as I mention, Kamui is compassionate and would be able to sense Subaru's mood shifts, so he'd quickly change the approach. Since Kamui is a teenager, he might say something he shouldn't have in a hear of a moment; that might sting Subaru more than annoy.
If Subaru is Sakurazukamori however, Kamui would accept him as assassin but wouldn't approve too much of it; he wouldn't understand why Subaru took up that position out of own freewill. So Kamui might leave snarky passive-aggressive comments from time to time, especially when he's irritated himself. Maybe even about Subaru "betraying" him back then, when he left Seals. That would sadden Subaru but maybe even miff a bit.
HC: At some point during his lowest moment of his life, 16 year old Subaru met Kamui, who was still 6 years old at the time. Kamui did a small act of kindness for Subaru, be it a mere pat on the head or shoulder, an encouragement and/or a reassurance, an offer for an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean/cry on, etc. It was nothing for the future potential savior/destroyer of the Earth, but for the onmyōji, it was a gesture he shall never forget...
YES! And if you don't mind me...
Post TB, angst, mostly Subaru-centric. I'll tag this as subkam but there's obviously nothing romantic going on between them in this one shot as Subaru is 16 and Kamui 6.
It's been a month since her death.
Nothing was getting better. Subaru wished he could say it wasn't getting worse either and stand behind his words; but he couldn't. Life after her just was. Neither vibrant nor tearful. Neither fiery nor blue. Just empty, lonliness so consuming that it numbed him to the point where he couldn't even feel a thing. No outlet, no emotions, no tears - just gaping void where heart used to be, just painful reminder that he's alive when he ought not to be; when his twin sister wasn't. Just regret on top of regret.
And a wish. No - a goal, reason for being. He'll find that man, even if he wastes all his life trying. Subaru had no qualms about that after all, with her death all his dreams died too. It almost felt wrong, wicked even, to try to actually live without her there. No, he could never permit himself that luxury. Mere thought of that evoke something akin to guilt yet emotion was felt from inside of glass ball; distant and distorted, far cry of intensity emotions should be felt with.
In that manner, Subaru wished he could break down sometimes; wished he could snap and destroy something; wished he could seize a goal that's not within reach. He gripped swing's rope to the point where palm ached as in amendment. Would it be too much for me to wish for an outlet? Do I even have the right to ease my own distress?
But it wasn't to say he felt nothing, far from it. If anything, today's case served as a reminder that he's still not able to separate pain of others from very own. Yes at surface level perhaps, but at very core? Not at all. Bitter pill to swallow, but denying it would only bode for more mental torment of uneasy heart and restless mind; always wandering where it ought to not go, thoughts never kept at bay.
Ghost of middle age woman was wandering through busy streets of Ginza and causing mayhem. Should have been an easy job: talk to her, resolve what was tying her to living realm after death and let her move on. Nonetheless case went astray. As it turned out, she was shot by her ex son-in-law while shielding her daughter; only wish of hers was to protect her, no matter the cost. I don't have regrets about that, if I return to past a thousand times I'll trade my life for hers every time. Only wish left to make sure her daughter was doing alright. Subaru assumed it'll be an easy feat; guide her to her daughter, let woman see she's fine and then she'll move on.
Except she wasn't fine. Ghost of her mother became upset and caused serious spiritual upheaval as result; all involuntarily of course, but there was no other - Subaru had to banish her from physical realm.
But he couldn't banish the memory haunting within mind's cage. Neither of that encounter, neither of what happened two months ago. He opted for lesser of two evils, decided to ruminate about that family's tragedy instead of his own for once. Such senseless preventable tragedy; perhaps exactly that is additional layer of tragedy to them. She died protecting her loved one; died as sacrifice noone asked of her to make. Much like his si - no, don't go there. Subaru exhaled raggedly as to ground himself in a moment; yet to no avail for racing thoughts are never kept at bay, especially not when something reminded him of her. Or even worse, that man.
Unfortunately it often did; Subaru couldn't pinpoint if he was merely projecting or city of Tokyo was so rotten to the core that tragedies were as common as sunrises. Chest tightened but no blues emerged; he was numb at very core. Angry and devastated yes, but dissociated nonetheless. His hands itched for something to grab on and concentrate on. He wished for an outlet, to finally break down and let emotions pour out of him until there was nothing left but a trully empty shell. Be it tears or uncomfortable fury, Subaru couldn't care less for both filled him from within but he couldn't actually feel them. Guilt and remorse were mostly reserved for her. Scorching anger only for that one person.
Why are you crying? Tragedies like this happen every day in Tokyo. Shut up. Like you ever cared about anything but yourself.
Breaking a glass cup, breaking your arm like this, what's the difference? Shut up.
You're an object of no importance. Damn you for poking into wounds of my already nonexistent self-esteem.
You're so kind. And you used that.
Subaru-kun, I lo- no you don't, you lying bastard. I hate you so so mu-
"Excuse me, you're hurting yourself"
Soft voice snapped Subaru out of his irritation and musings; he looked to the right and saw a kid - little boy in shorts and oversized jacket, no older than six or seven. Cute kid, that much was discernable by one glance, nonetheless something about his eyes rooted Subaru on the spot. No, not just unusual blend of bluish and purplish shades but intensity of that gaze - gave impression of piercing through one's facade into very soul.
"Please don't hurt yourself", child repeated and paced closer to him. Whatever do you mean, Subaru wanted to ask but only then did he realize - he's been punching swing's metal construction the entire time; fist wasn't bleeding but it indeed appeared sore red, even in night's darkness. How did he dissociate so much not to realize what he's been doing, Subaru had no clue. Nevertheless, if he possessed any more sense of self-worth he might have found will in himself to be alarmed by this discovery; but he simply didn't care what became of him. As long as he's strong enough to fulfill wish for revenge.
Kid paced further towards him; came to halt only when he was within arm reach. Innate kindness held its roots, Subaru felt he needed to offer something back.
"...you shouldn't be taking to strangers", he uttered at last. Perhaps noone had told this boy not to do that?
Boy seemed puzzled for a heartbeat, almost conflicted. "Oh... but I trust you!", kid answered cheerfully, eyes shining with inquisitiveness and joy. Perhaps this is how my own glinted a lifetime ago. Not to rain on anyone's parade but some cautionary tales had to be told.
"You shouldn't do that either". Like I shouldn't have. At Subaru's words boy appeared almost hurt, like he wasn't expecting such dismissive answer; rather distancing one indeed but meaning did hold as true, especially in cities ruthless and uncaring like Tokyo. Thin was the line between sheep and wolf in its clothing.
Boy's eyes glinted like he was about to cry. Before he was even aware of his own actions, Subaru reached forwards and cupped his cheek; maybe instinct to comfort those in need still held root deeply within his very soul; or maybe there was something special about the boy for Subaru couldn't shake off the feeling of uniqueness and silent power radiating from small being in front of him.
Boy seemed surprised at gesture but not startled; also no tears emerged on eyes' corners but he did strike as saddened and puzzled. It couldn't be helped, no child could or should ever understand remore and guilt he's undergoing thought; especially not on personal level.
"But there's something in your eyes. I can tell you're a kind person"
Same instant Subaru's pupils dilated and breath hitched up in throat. No, he wasn't expecting to hear that from anyone, let alone a child; they weren't prone to lying like adults were. Subaru felt his lips fall into flat line; eyes became downcast and doleful expression overtook his features; no point to even try pretending, something about this child told him he'd be seen right through.
Boy appeared hesitant, almost apprehensive for a moment. Briefly Subaru contemplated what brought such change. One unsure look to side, then boy clearned his throat and finally asked - "What hurt you so much?"
My own naivety.
"Some things in past", Subaru replied ambiguously and immediately continued as to prevent child from probing any further into his unhealed wounds- "I appreciate the concern but I really don't care if I hurt myself"
Alright, maybe he shouldn't have confessed the last part but he couldn't find it in himself to hold that self-deprecating statement back. Before he could ruminate on whys and therefores, Subaru felt his hand being squeezed into tender hold. Boy cupped his larger hand with both tiny palms of his; despite coldness of night, his hands felt warm.
"But... what about those that love you?"
"...there's no such person. Not anymore at least", Subaru offered back distantly, almost like on autopilot. No... he couldn't think about that at the moment, not when mere thought of her hurt like arrow through the heart. Everything ached, body and soul. Subaru looked to side, expecting boy to drop the subject as it was way beyond mental capabilities of little kid.
He didn't.
"If you're hurting, they'll be hurting too!", kid yelled a bit too loudly. Subaru flinched, but it wasn't because of volume or kid's high pitched tone - but because of epiphany befalling onto him. If his sist - if Hokuto could see him wallowing in regret and self-blame to the point of neglecting own identity and self, how guilty would she feel? What would she say? Would she break down and weep for both their fates? She was gone of course - dead. But Subaru couldn't help but wonder how she'd react; in that very second it felt like she was still alive, still with him and giving him something to look forward to when waking up next day. Nee-chan, I'm so sorry, would you ever forgive me for not forgiving myself?
"I know how it feels when - ah there's my mom", kid began then halted in speech once be spotted older female dozen of meters away. He broke both tender caress and hand hold, then began jogging in direction of park's exit. "I'm sorry for bothering you but even if I don't know you I felt bad for seeing someone as kind as you suffer"
No, I'm not kind. I don't deserve your sympathy and support, Subaru wanted to protest to those encouraging words but all that left his lips was - "Wait!"
He bolted up from swing, reached forwards with one arm but didn't try to chase after the boy; why so, Subaru had no clue. Perhaps something from within just resonated to him, akin to inner calling but Subaru couldn't put mark on exact source of that sixth sense feeling.
Boy gazed back at him for a second and waved - "I hope we'll meet again. Goodbye for now!"
Then dissapeared from eyesight.
Subaru stared into vacancy for a minute or two. Then mental exhaustion kicked in; he collapsed back on swing.
He failed her.
He failed himself too, but that one was long established that night in hospital when his childhood innocence ended. But at the mere thought of falling his sister who traded life for his so he could live, and here he was surviving day after day, it was... Subaru felt something wet falling onto his palms. Reaching up with fingertip he traced it up his cheek and -
He was crying.
When realization settled in, so did the uncontrollable tears. Letting out a wail, Subaru lowered head into both palms and wept. Sobbed like a soul that hasn't for years; it has been mere months but anguish and tragedy he has undergone through felt like burden worth decades and decades. Tear after tear slid down face, Subaru neither could nor wanted to stop this outlet of repressed emotions: remorse, guilt, self-blame, anger, sadness, desolation, lonliness, hatred and oh so more - world seen in monochrome ever since both he loved left him, but now Subaru experienced it in color of emotions once again; overwhelming and almost terrifying yes, but after weeks and weeks of living in void of utter lonliness, more than desirable change.
Subaru didn't know how much time had passed when he returned to himself. Thankfully it was still dark outside. Mind vacant for once, no reminders of past's tragedies nor fury at future revenge schemes. Just himself locked with an empty moment of catharsis. Yet still, Subaru couldn't help but recall that little boy that triggered it, along with his unique powers and piercing eyes.
I don't even know your name but somehow when you said we'll meet again I felt like those words were fated. Perhaps I only wish them to be but if we really do then I'll be able to finally thank you.
If they ever meet again, Subaru would make sure he hear those words.
'K so you know how Roger & Anita met in Disney's "101 Dalmatians"? Let's make it SubKam!!
So basically, each has a pet. A Pembroke Welsh corgi dog for Subaru & a Chartreux cat for Kamui.
One day, they're both out doing errands & stuff. Until they're about to pass by one another...from opposite directions. Neither notice each other...but their pets do.
Each animal stares at the other for long, almost 15 seconds. Eventually, Kamui's cat breaks eye contact & resumes walking along his master. Subaru's dog, however, stays rooted in place, prompting Subaru to ask what's wrong.
That snapped the dog out of his trance. Realizing he's about to lose Kamui & the cat, the dog chases after them. Subaru has to hold on the leash so he won't lose his pet, but boy does the dog's speed makes Subaru struggle to keep up.
Eventually they catch up with Kamui & his cat. Shenanigans ensues, and it ends with both Subaru & Kamui fell into a nearby lake.
Omg the shenanigans. Also sorry for late reply :<
Drabble, 946 words. Subaru and Kamui are both around 16-17 here. Also i Googled cat breed and cat reminded me of Kamui, thus cat's name is Shiro now :D Fic is under-cut.
"I'm so so sorry!", boy in front of him apologized for nth time.
At least he didn’t bow anymore, Kamui added mentally. What ought to have been a peaceful fifteen minute walk turned into diaster; well, maybe nothing so scandalous, maybe he was exaggerating things. But definitely a misfortune. Apparently while he wasn’t looking, his cat provoked someone’s dog, hence when they weren’t within eyeshot, dog chased after them, dragging unsuspecting owner with it. Dog chased them around the block, all the way to nearby park. In the end, dog caught up with them and somehow its owner got tangled up in leash; he stumbled down and fell forwards Kamui, who tried to move out of way but didn’t manage to do so in time. How they managed to fall into pond however, Kamui had no clue.
“It’s fine…”, Kamui reasoned for matching nth time. In no shape of form was it ‘fine’ however, he was soaked to the bone; leastwise it was sunny March afternoon. Perhaps some algae even got into his hair. Ugh, he’ll have to wash it as soon as possible, there was no other. Still, Kamui didn’t want to complain about how uncomfortable wet jeans and button-up felt, simply to not upset boy in front of him any further; Kamui had a hunch from how profusely he apologized for something that wasn’t even his fault, that he had inclinations to self-blame.
Speaking of that stranger, Kamui couldn’t help giving him a once-over: casual wear consisting of gray sweatpants and sneakers, black t-shirt; being drenched as they are, clothing accented boy’s slim figure. Kamui’s gaze traveled to his face. Puffy short hair, striking green eyes and flushed face. Perhaps whole accident wasn’t all that bad, after all; not one to usually fall on feet in front of attractive person, but there was something about this boy that just intrigued him; pulled forwards. Perhaps it wasn’t all attributed to attractive appearance, maybe more was -
“He’s… not usually like this”, stranger explained, snapped Kamui out of mussing. Wait, who? Boy turned towards his dog and clapped for him to come over. Dog turned around, gave its over a brief look, then returned to circling Shiro.
Speaking of that little devil, only now did Kamui realize how peculiar his behavior was. Scarcely ever, or to not beat around the bush – never did his cat engage in any socialization with other animals; let alone dogs, which he hissed at from miles. Right now however, not only did Shiro not mind dog’s presence, but also provoked it into play with paws and tail. Dog took the bait per expected, circled around Shiro while barking and wiggling tail. What made his cat act docile, even playful, for once, million dollar question.
“Neither is my cat”, Kamui admitted after prominent pause. That little devil of the cat got him into this mess, Kamui glared at his own pet; yes, adored him, yes, but no amount of unconditional love would be enough to gloss over what feisty and self-centered creature he was; little disaster. Fleetingly Kamui recalled when he got Shiro as a two month kitten; such adorable creature, yet only on surface for even back then cat was wayward; but pliable and purring whenever he wanted something or was about to get in trouble. Hence mother teased how such cat was like born for him as personality-vise, there wasn’t dime’s worth of difference between them. Kamui initially pouted and protested, only proving the point. Thus cat ended up being named after him…
Shaking head to wash away distant memories, Kamui focused on present moment - “He either hisses or ignores everyone” much like me, Kamui added internally with sarcastic chuckle.
That got boy’s attention; eyesight shifted from their pets to him; he gave Kamui a shy smile. Instantly heart skipped a beat. Kamui hopped he wasn’t blushing; he lowered head down and pretended to inspect state of his shirt, hoped bangs would hide his pink cheeks. Really, how would he explain to total stranger why he was blushing at mere smile, without seeming like a weirdo?
Boy’s eyesight felt from his face to shirt; in same instant smile did too, altered into frown.
“I’m sorry once again about your clothes! It seemed like you were heading somewhere”, boy apologized yet once more, this time in timid voice; Kamui felt pang of guilt. Fleetingly swirled head around and hissed at demon of his cat; little creature glanced his direction, raised chin up and turned around; even shoved him his backside! So prideful, so smug. Looks like Shiro paid more attention to dog than own master; excusable, Kamui realized, given he was doing the exact same.
No, he wasn’t heading anywhere truth be told; blessing in disguise however, as he’d have no other choice that to go home and change clothing. It was one of his aunt’s jokes about how he should always look his best. You never know Kamui, you might run into love of your life on street! Yea…hell would freeze over before that happened, or so would Kamui retort back to that inane wishful thinking. However -
“I wish I could make it up to you somehow…”, soft murmur grabbed Kamui’s attention. Gaze shifted to side, eyes narrows and frown on lips. Boy appeared hesitant, yet stuck as expecting something. What precisely, Kamui couldn’t pinpoint, but it both sparked idea within him and gave courage to act upon said impulse; perhaps even a wish.
“Hey”, Kamui began, snapping boy out of his daze. Oh well, not like he had anything to lose, why not shoot his shot? Kamui regarded boy with sincere smile and -
I was thinking of something stupid lately. I noticed that since Kamui was pretty much adoring Subaru after their meeting in the dream, and both Subaru and Fuuma, also Hinoto and Kakyou said Kamui hasn't realized what his true wish is. Kamui ofc took Fuuma dearly, but in the end of the day, his way of thinking has changed and Kamui was concerned about Subaru the most since Rainbow Bridge. It will be fun if Kamui's wish, is, to be with Subaru (of course not directly said like that, like there is underline meaning but that's the big picture).
On serious note, I also think that since Subaru's story reached its end by him inheritating sakurazukamori power, he will be the sole survivor in the promised day. He was there as an observer. But since Subaru was shown with no emotion in latest chapters, he will show emotions once again and given a purpose to live other than preserving sakurazukamori's power. And I truly hope it has to do with Kamui though since if not, why did they bother to give us special Kamui-Subaru bonding scenes?
Two dorks in love 💕 this prompt just spells Kanui because he's impatient one and how to let his boyfriend not pay attention to him when he craves it?
35 - kissing to get their attention
He was being ridiculous and he knew it. After all, Hokuto just returned from her ten days ski trip. It was only natural Subaru paid more attention to her than own boyfriend when they were apart for so long. Only logical he sat beside her in school's cafeteria as this was first hour they spent together in close to two weeks. Only natural...
"And have I told you about this wonderful girl I met there?", Hokuto asked but it sounded closer to yell given volume of her voice.
"Another date?", Subaru replied and turned toward her fully.
No amout of rationalization will wash away bitter taste from mouth, Kamui realized. Never one to be possessive or suffocating in any manner; quiet the contrary, he always made sure to give Subaru enough space and encourage him to spend time with friends and family. So far their relationship (which started a month ago, after year worth of pining reached culmination) had been without problems; he didn't want to make one by implicitly demanding all of Subaru's attention when he just reunited with his twin.
"Yes!", Hokuto replied instantly. "She even complimented my fashion style! And - "
Kamui mentally blocked out rest of her ramblings. He usually listened to them with some mid curiosity; after all, she was the one who teased them about one another for almost a year now. Kamui had a hunch that if it weren't for her Subaru would not only never realize his feelings, but also wouldn't build up courage to ask for a date (which eventually lead to first kiss and start of their romantic relationship). Heavens knows Kamui was grateful for that - but for some weird reasons he really really wanted to be with Subaru now. Ever since he woke up few hours before he felt that intense craving for Subaru's company and attention; hope he'd drench that oddly intense thirst once they met in school on lunch break.
"That sounds terrible!", Subaru's worried tone snapped Kamui out of his musing. Wait, what happened? Maybe he should have paid attention to their conversation instead of being unreasonablely envious like a five year old.
"Aww cute of you to worry Subaru but twisted ankle heals fast", Hokuto beemed while pulling her twin in side hug. Kamui wanted to touch him too. He felt himself pouting slightly; great, he couldn't even manage a poker face.
Subaru gave her a shy smile, then asked - "She gave you a piggyback ride then?"
Subaru wasn't ignoring him on the purpose, Kamui knew that. Hokuto's presence demanded all attention, cheerful and bubbly as she was. Still Kamui felt isolated in the moment, insecure even. Baseless anxieties, yes he knew, but he couldn't help the way he felt.
"She even gave me her number afterwards!", Hokuto yelled so loud that table next to them stared. Subaru gave Watanuki and Himawari apologetic smile.
"Do you plan to call her Hokuto-chan?"
"Ohohoho, of course I will!", she replied instantly. Inane of him to be so thrown off loop by little lack of attention (it's been less than ten minutes of lunch break to the boot), but Kamui really really wished for Subaru to even flash him a smile.
"In fact I -", Hokuto began, then abruptly stopped. Why so, Kamui had no clu- wait, what is he doing?
"Awwww you two are so adorable!"
Before Kamui was aware of his own actions, he was of Hokuto's squeal. In heat of moment he leaned over table, grabbed lapels of Subaru's uniform and pulled him into passionate kiss. It didn't last long however (but enough for him to feel softness of Subaru's lips and manage to flicker tongue over them once), he broke it the same moment he realized what has happened. But it was long enough to capture almost everyone's attention in cafeteria.
Kamui didn't know what was more intense - shouts of "so adorable!" echoing through walls or redness of both their faces. He didn't think either of them blushed this hard ever before.
"No! I'm so-sorry I-", Kamui began with apologies but Hokuto cut him off.
"No, it's me who should be apologizing, I stole all of Subaru's attention", Hokuto lamented like she committed a crime. Got up from her seat and - "Don't neglect your boyfriend Subaru!"
Volume of her voice got everyone's attention. Kamui wished for Earth to open and swallow him whole.
"Not so loud...", apparently Subaru shared his opinion. If his face was just as flushed as Subaru's or even worse, he had no clue.
Hokuto whinked his way. Kamui knew painfully well what it meant - he'll never hear end of teasing about 'desperate kiss in front of whole school'. With parting wave and Hokuto teased -"We'll be seeing later then, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone~"
Then she got out of sight and left two of them alone in awkward silence. Under any other circumstances Kamui would relish in every second he got to spend with Subaru. Now however, he didn't know how to break the tension.
Silence went on for another minute or so. Then Subaru got up and sat next to him. Their thights brushed against each other's. Kamui's heart skipped a beat, he wanted to kiss Subaru again. But didn't know if he should push his luck.
"I'm sorry Subaru. I don't know what got into me...", Kamui murmured and lowered head down as shame ate him alive. He didn't think Subaru would be mad at him per se, more that he embarrassed them both.
"It's fine... I just wasn't expecting it", Subaru murmured and comfortingly rubbed at his shoulder. No, it wasn't right. He acted on impulse and embarrassed them both. Even if nothing major happened, Kamui felt the need to apologize to Subaru for dragging him into difficult situation.
"No, it's not fine. I just -"
Cheek caress made words die in throat. Why he was so reactive to whatever Subaru said or did, or such simple touch, Kamui couldn't fathom. Alright, maybe he did. Maybe he was just a lovestruck dumbass who got over year worth of pinning and wanted to be treated as special by his very special boyfriend. Lord, he felt so cliche, so like a teenager.
"Don't beat yourself over it Kamui", Subaru whispered into his lips, just for two of them to hear; then kissed him properly. Kamui wrapped arms around Subaru's waist and responded immediately.
Heavens knows he wanted them to make out then and there, but Kamui knew it'll be a bad idea in front of so many people; not to mention shameful. He allowed himself a few more luxurious moments, then pulled away. Subaru said nothing at first, just lowered forehead over his and gazed into his eyes. Maybe he was missed too, Kamui realized rather hopefully.
"It was cute how you wanted my attention as if you don't have it every day"
Ah to hell. Of course Subaru knew what it was all about. Kamui felt another blush raising up cheeks, both from Subaru's words and realization they were still mushy in front of dozen of people. Kamui even heard a snap in distance; heaven help Tomoyo if she photographed them again.
"I liked it", Subaru admitted with slight blush. Tore gaze sideways and smiled meekly, almost as if flattered Kamui couldn't contain himself. For that sight, Kamui decide embarrassment of being number one school scandal for week was worth it.
TRC AU where the vampire twins have been part of the Tsubasa gang's journey from the very beginning.
Ohh this is intriguing. I won't be going too much into TRC concrete plot or relationship between TRC main gang themselves, I'll focus mostly on Subaru and Kamui (and SubKam):
Paying with their blood isn't enough for twins to hop dimensions so Yuuko suggests they travel with TRC crew. Kamui is instantly distrustful of them (nothing person, he's just vigilant like that) but even Subaru is slightly on guard. After all, person who he trusted just betrayed him and tried to kill him, forcing twins to be on a run.Seeing as they have no option other than accept, they begin traveling with Syaoran, Sakura, Fai, Kurogane and Mokona.
When they arrive to Hanshin republic twins see Sorata and Arashi and are instantly reminded of ones from their world. Of course, Sorata and Arashi from this world don't recognize them; since it's their first world, Subaru get extra melancholic and lonely because of that. Kamui gets frustrated too but mostly beause of Subaru's melancholy and fact they're surrounded by strangers (TRC gang). However it's in this world where all six of them are getting to know each other (ofc minus twins and Syaoran -> Sakura). They instantly bond with Mokona however, Kamui can’t say no to that cuteness and being doted on. Mokona compares him to a hissing kitten. Kamui blushes and is about to join Kurogane’s mission of killing that little thing - but it’s first time he saw Subaru laugh since they stated being on run, so Kamui lets it slide. He’s a hissing kitten from there on.
In Koryo and Fog country Subaru and Kamui begin forming bonds with rest of crew. Since Fai is shady af in this part, Kamui takes a subtle disliking on him because see what happened last time they trusted someone shady? Subaru consoles Kamui and suggests they give Fai a chance (to which Kamui hisses even more but he can't really be mad at Subaru). Fortunately for Kamui, Subaru spends more time with Syaoran and Sakura; Kamui follows as well and he feels like they're safe with those two teenagers. Twins are hiding fact that they're vampires although, mainly because they aren't sure if they'll be hunted down and how TRC crew would react. Plus Kamui is worried something like what happened with Seishirou would happened again and someone would get vampire blood from them. Nonetheless, Kurogane suspects something isn't as it seems about twins. Something feels off. just like with Fai, he won't hold back on calling Kamui out on 'moving so fast' or 'never seen eating human food' and so on. Kamui avoids him because of those call outs. Twin feed on each other only, in complete privacy so noone knows.
It's in Outo that things go down. Since Kamui is more battle-inclined than Subaru, Fai suggests Subaru stays behind and helps with Cat eye cafe while Kamui helps Syaoran and Kurogane fight against demons (Kamui gets called hissing kitten and Subaru docile puppy). Nonetheless neither of twins can shake sense that something just feels off about Outo. Kamui is worried something really bad might happen but Subaru reassures him everything would be fine; he cant stand seeing his twin anxious like that. Then one day Syaoran returns to cafe saying he ran into his ex-teacher, Seishirou. Last bit of hope vanishes when Syaoran retells story of how they met and how he’s searching for vampire twins. Seeing as how pale and anxious twins became, Kurogane and Fai put two and two together but kept realization between themselves.
Of course twins want to leave world asap but there’s a catch: Sakura’s feather in still somewhere in country. Kamui denies they’re vampires upon asking but even he knows it’s inane to conceal truth any longer. Gang agrees to stay in world few more days the most and if feather isn’t found in that time, they’ll leave for safety reasons. Kamui refused to leave Subaru’s side in meantime; that night instead of going to his room Kamui said he’ll sleep by Subaru’s bedside. Subaru insisted Kamui shouldn’t sleep on floor when they shared same bed when younger countless times before. So they cuddle and reassure each other, eventually falling asleep in each other’s embrace; still, neither of them can deny that something fees different from how they cuddled before. Why bumping heart and fuzzy feeling within chest? Still, they have much more pressing issue at hand than sources of said warm fuzzy feelings and mushy thoughts.
Since they’re connected via blood, Seishirou manages to locate Subaru and Cat eye cafe next day. Full blown fight breaks out. Fai goes out first just like in manga; Seishirou removes him as he has no business with him. So that leaves twins (and Sakura, who was told to escape and seek Kurogane and Syaoran) with Seishirou. They fight but Subaru is more focused on protecting Kamui than injuring Seishirou (for various reasons). In the end Seishirou fake-attacks Suabru, causing Kamui to attack recklessly; just as Seishirou is about to deliver a blow to Kamui, Subaru pushes him out of way and gets pierced by scythe instead. He ‘dies’ and transports to Edonis where Fai and Chitose explain everything about Outo. Of course, Kamui knows none of that and thinks Subaru is really dead - he goes berserk. Kurogane and Syaoran arrive in meantime and Outo slowly dissolves. Seeing how fiery and none-human Kamui is fighting, Crew concludes twins are vampires. Even if Seishirou caught up with twins, he never imagined they wouldn’t be alone. As it’s 1-vs-5, he has no choice other than to leave; but he threatens he’ll never abandon what is ‘his’. Ofc Kamui’s blood boil when he hears that hunter refer to his twin like that (and he’s still afraid for Subaru’s safety), but there’s more to ire than protectiveness. Twins reunite and Kamui weeps in Subaru’s arms how he thought he was dead. TRC crew gives them a minute of privacy before leaving Edonis. Subaru reassures him and cuddles closer; they talk, faces inches apart. Magnetic pull is drawing them together, Subaru impulsively leans in to - Fai accidentally interrupts them; he knows what has almost happened between twins but chooses not to comment or tell others.
In Idol country they sort of catch a break. Twins disclose some of history they share with Seishirou and why he’s hunting them down. Inconvinince for all of them yes, but Kurogane says he’ll give them a hand in battle if it comes to that (since he took personal disliking on Seishirou; very valid of you Kurogane). Subaru and Kamui are glued to each other after Outo accident but neither of them can deny how atmosphere between them shifted; there is tension lingering. Kurogane, Fai and Mokona notice it too, but only Fai knows what that is truly about. Just like with rest of crew, he’s trying to keep emotional distance but not be too obvious about it so Fai decides it’s better for him not to meddle. Mokona asks Subaru why he’s being so jumpy whenever Kamui touches him now, but Subaru can’t give a proper answer; neither to himself nor Mokona. She asks Kamui in private too, he can’t answer either.
One of my fave headcanons is how Kamui, the prettiest of pretty boys, grew numb to being complemented on appearance. Everyday someone tells him he's beautiful and guess he probably is then? So what? What difference does it make? People notice him on street easily so that's even a minus.
Then one day Subaru comments mid conversation how beautiful he is. Kamui combusts on spot
Ohh that would be hella interesting actually, especially in X timeline where tragedy after tragedy happens.
By the time Kamui and Subaru meet, Subaru has already been coughing flowers for eight years. Subaru was forced to visit hospital few times in past because of intense flower and blood coughing but all doctors could do is ease the symptoms for a little bit. Removal or roots and flowers is possible but extremely dangerous since many years have passed and disease reached lungs. Subaru doesn't care for state of his body as long it serves him; he wants to die anyway, but he'd rather he was killed by Seishirou than die in middle of operation.
Kamui figures out about Subaru's condition few weeks after they met. He saw Subaru coughing before and overall being 'sicky' but attributed that to cigarettes (Subaru is using them to mask flowery scent). Then one day during study date he notices Subaru coughing profusely; when he pulls hand away Kamui notices sakura petals. Even if he never witnessed Hanahaki in person before, Kamui is no fool - he knows what's disease about. Kamui asks who is it for but when Subaru gives him a sad smile that's all of answer Kamui needs. It hurt; also is none of his business, Kamui reminds himself. But it hurts that Subaru had to suffer like that because of someone who not only doesn't care about him, but also sees of no more worth than a flower petal. Subaru cherishes the concerns but reassures Kamui there's nothing to be worried about, he'd push those feelings aside and fight if he ran into Sakurazukamori (but Subaru doesn't mention he'd fight so he'll make his suicidal wish reality). Kamui gets miffed because that's not why he was worried in the first place. He explains it to Subaru he's concerned for his health, both physical and emotional. It comes as a surprise to Subaru but he dismisses those concerns.
Then Sunshine 60 battle happens and Subaru gets blinded. When he wakes up in hospital Subaru finds out he can breathe properly - for first time in nine years. There's no other, doctors had to have cured the disease. Still, with eye injury and Kekais falling he has much more pressing issues at hand to think about than whether he still feels something for that man; nor would that analysis be an easy feat. But just as Subaru's discharged from hospital Kamui wakes up one day and has a violent coughing episode; has to be cold he thinks. But when he pulls hand away he witnesses two sakura petals. He knows very well what it means: first, he fell in love with Subaru. And second - it's one-sided. Doesn't come as a surprise given Subaru referred to himself as love-sick, but it still hurt to know for certain his feelings aren't reciprocated.
Kamui is bending back and forth to hide beginnings of Hanahaki from everyone. Seeing as he coughs petal or two a day (unlike Subaru who had violent fits of coughing and coughed full flowers, some even bloodied or withered, nothing but thorns), Kamui sucessfully manages to hide his little secret. All until Sorata finds out one day. Kamui protests about letting everyone know, not because of illness itself, but because of implication. After few days talking Kamui lets go of stigma associated with Hanahaki and tells Arashi and Yuzuriha; he just cannot tell Subaru, he just can't.
But Subaru finds out nonetheless when Kamui's body betrays him and has a coughing fit in front of him. Kamui was injured week prior, so respiratory issues shouldn't come as a surprise; it's Kamui's alarmed expression that speaks to him. Being victim of all shapes and severities of Hanahaki for years, Subaru shares some advice with Kamui as to how handle it the best. Assuming Kamui has unrequited love for other Kamui, boy that he called Fuuma, Subaru doesn't even ask for who he caught the disease; plus being epitome of kindness and polietness, Subaru thinks it'd be uncivil to be too nosy. For first time Kamui is grateful for Subaru's unobtrusive nature. Still, even if Subaru doesn't know, other Seals are aware of Kamui's feelings for him.
Being supportive as usual, Subaru suggests Kamui he pursues his wish and one-sided love no matter what. But the Subaru gets a shock of his life when Kamui takes him up on advice one day, leans over table and kisses him. Then realization kicks in - it's not Kamui of Dragons of Earth he's pinning for, but him.
Still, even if he cares about Kamui, Subaru knows dating him would bode for disaster given, well - everything. From grim fates to tragedies, to age difference serving as reminder of Subaru's own past, to their positions and the fact Subaru saw himself as terrible choice for dating. He gently rejects Kamui, telling him even if those feelings of his are real now (given the illness), Kamui would know better in time and stop idolizing and loving him in romantic way. Plus that distance might make feelings go away as staying with someone who caught flowers because of you is never a good idea. Kamui is further heartbroken of course. He knew his feelings weren't reciprocated but hearing Subaru dismiss his feelings like regular teen crush does hurt. He pleads Subaru to not leave him which Subaru agrees on in the end. But he insists he's not a good choice and even if he shouldn't, nor has the right to tell Kamui what to do, it'd be for mutual best if those feelings (along with disease) went away.
Day after that Rainbow bridge happens. Subaru realizes why he wasn't coughing flowers since leaving hospital - but it is too late. His own wish would never be realized now. That night he leaves Seals and goes into seclusion; later on inherits role as Sakurazukamori. Even if he's not with Seals, Subaru still feels guilty for Kamui suffering because of him (from Subaru's perspective); from time to time he keeps an eye on Kamui, both to see how he's doing and observe Hanahaki's state.
In meantime Kamui feels abandoned; in a way he is abandoned. Not even Subaru's absence did cure the flowers, Kamui is convinced nothing would. He's fearful that just like Subaru, he'd be forced to survive years and years coughing flowers while not even once seeing his loved person. Little does he know Subaru's observing him from afar. Subaru is convinced nothing good would come out of seeing Kamui directly, that he'd only give Kamui false hope. But fate plays other game and they meet during final battle. Fuuma ends up returning to his past self but he has no memories whatsoever; not of Kamui, Kotori and their past, not of apocalypse. Kamui ends up being wounded during battle and since he was on brink of death, Subaru took him to his house. It took Kamui few days to regain consciousness and couple more to recover completely. They finally talk; during all that time Kamui is trying to convince Subaru he won't stop loving him; he's also trying to see why Subaru is so adamant about believing he's terrible dating choice; he's so kind and compassionate after all, always thinking about others before himself. In the end Subaru agrees on letting Kamui move in with him since he has no reason to stay on half destroyed Clamp campus.
Nonetheless Kamui is still coughing flowers. He's no fool - he knows Subaru cares about him, loves him even - but not in same manner Kamui loves him. Both of them feel guilty about whole situation. Kamui is trying to reassure Subaru that it's not his fault and he's not trying to guilty-trip him, just feels that way. Gradually Kamui's condition worsens; he starts coughing blood along with flowers in full bloom. Alarmed by that as he knew first hand how disease can hurt, Subaru suggests Kamui goes to hospital and gets lungs fixed before too much time has passed and Hanahaki roots in deeper (like it was with him). Kamui gets hurt by suggestion since Subaru makes it sound like his feelings are also a problem. Because there's a catch: if Hanhaki gets surgically removed, feelings he has for Subaru will also be permanently gone. Of course Kamui doesn't want that; one-sided nature of it does hurt, but those are his feelings, his love - part of who he is. Subaru sees the point, he understands, but also insists Kamui could potentially die because of Hanahaki. They argue a bit over that over course of few months.
All until Kamui's state worsens significantly one day. He falls into semi-coma and Subaru is forced to take him to the hospital. Upon waking up Kamui realizes he could finally breathe properly. However instead of being happy about that he feels miffed - Kamui is fearful Subaru told doctors to 'fix' the disease while he was in coma. It takes Kamui couple of weeks to realize that's not what happened at all. One evening over tea Kamui finally snaps and asks Subaru why he removed flowers against his will. Subaru gazes at him and meekly says he didn't. Kamui asks how he's not coughing anymore then. Subaru gazes down at table and says nothing. However that silence is more than enough of an answer to Kamui.
Alright, I've been in two minds whether to actually make Subaru and Kamui soulmates since they're not clamp's 'soulmates' couple. And since I'm usually against idea of soulmates this is my little protest to that trope. Plus them choosing to be together is way better than being fated to be together so yea... they actively chose each other :D
As for marks, it's the last words your soulmate will tell you. So angst assured.
Ever since he was little Kamui was taught to hide his mark. It’s spreading over back so it’s no uphill climb to hide it from view. Still, being in such position, not even he could tell for certain what mark said. Mother always said he’s too young to know; she also instructed him to not tell anyone he has a mark, not even Fuuma and Kotori. Still, being a curious child, Kamui asked them one day to read what it to him what mark said. Both Fuuma and Kotori fell quiet. It was only years later when Kamui was tall enough to reach mirror that he realized why.
Similarly to Kamui, Subaru was trying to conceal his own marking. It was three words spelled around wrist, so he was bound to read them when he was old enough to read. He didn’t cry, but did fall into melancholic mood whenever reminded of those words; Hokuto offered comfort of course, but there was little that could be done. As markings on arms were common, it was easy for Subaru to conceal his; alot of people hid their own after all, to show another person your mark is considered intimate act. Beside his grandmother and Hokuto, only person Subaru ever willingly showed his mark was Seishirou (during Bet year). He assured Subaru that just because he has a soulmate, that doesn’t mean Subaru must met them and be with them. After all, what about people without soulmates, like him and Hokuto? Subaru feels a bit reassured by those comforting words but little does he know Seishirou is lying to him. He has a matching mark around wrist that says ‘I wanted to get killed by you’. After betrayal happens and Hokuto dies, soulmate thing becomes last thing on Subaru’s mind; he can’t separate Seishirou’s lies from what little of truth he added in the mix, so why lose sleep over that? Subaru is convinced his soulmate is some random person he’d meet later in life, who would die because of Subaru’s work and whose sole purpose would be to serve as another reminder to Subaru why he’s a failure. A guilt reminder basically.
After Kamui and Subaru meet they don’t talk about soulmates marks. Nothing unusual, most people don’t talk so casually about it as it’s ‘too intimate’. Subaru is certain Kamui has a mark; little inane for someone as special as Kamui to not have something as special as a soulmate mark. Still, none of his business he thinks, so Subaru doesn’t believe he has the right to ask; nonetheless he is curious. Kamui beats him up to it however, he asks one day out of sudden whether Subaru has a mark. Without too much deliberation Subaru nods. Silence follows. Kamui asks if he thinks he met his soulmate yet, to which Subaru says he’s not sure; but hopes not. Out of curiousity Subaru asks if Kamui believes he’s met his fated one yet, to which Kamui explains he dreads meeting his soulmate. After Fuuma got transformed, Kamui is fearful about him being his soulmate based on Fuuma’s actions, but he doesn’t want it to be true. Little to say Subaru is curious about nature of those words (can’t be anything but grim given Kamui’s deduction and apprehension), but poking too much into Kamui’s business is uncalled for.
Still, as time passes on, Kamui begins developing feelings for Subaru. All his life Kamui tried to stay away from all romance as he feared he might fall for his soulmate and trigger another tragedy to happen. But society they live in frowns on partners who aren’t soulmates. Flings and casual relationships are one thing, but lifelong partnerships another. He doesn’t want something akin to one night stand with Subaru, Kamui knows he loves him for certain; he wants something concrete. But on top of all anxieties about apocalypse and what happened with Fuuma and Kotori, Kamui has to worry about his soulmate. One one had he wants Subaru to be his fated one, but then he recalls what his mark actually says. If Subaru isn’t his fated one however, that’d be a blessing in disguise but only soulmates are bound to stay together for life, right? Kamui shares his worry with Sorata; they get into discussion about soulmates and whether it’s moral to love someone who isn’t your fated one. Whole fated vs free will thing and social stigma. In the end, Sorata shows mark he’s been hiding - words on ankle that say ‘I’m happy I protected you with my life’. Still, Sorata explains that even if he’s fated to die protecting Arashi, he’ll chose to do so even without those words or preordained playing its cards. Kamui feels a bit reassured about his feelings for Subaru; he decides to give thing a try even if they’re not soulmates. But then remembers that just because he decided he won’t search for his soulmate, it doesn’t mean Subaru is fine with loving someone who potentially isn’t his fated one. So he delays confessing love to Subaru in fear of rejection; as well as not putting Subaru in uncomfortable position.
But Kamui doesn’t need to wait long. Rainbow bridge happens and he realizes what has been Subaru’s wish all along. In last moment he manages to save Subaru from crumbling bridge. Kamui drags Subaru back to campus and they talk. Feeling apprehension rising, as well as his love for Subaru, Kamui dares to ask if they’re soulmates. Subaru shakes his head, telling he believes he’s already heard those words. Kamui is still dreadful, he insists that words aren’t unique and that just because one hears those words from someone, it doesn’t mean that person is necessarily their soulmate. Subaru agrees; he adds how it is impossible to tell what a person might say or do next day, let alone years from now, but he believes he won’t be hearing those words from Kamui. Then Subaru rolls sleeve down and shows Kamui the mark. It’s started fading, much like pentagrams on hands, but Kamui could discern gray words that say ‘I lied to you’.
Just like in original timeline, Subaru disappears and becomes Sakurazukamori in meantime. While he’s in seclusion, Subaru runs into Fuuma. They talk about various topics, including why Subaru abandoned Kamui. Subaru starts with excuses and stuff, explains how it’s in Kamui’s best intention to realize his wish and how to make it reality. Still, Fuuma sees through him and tells Subaru he’s just protecting himself emotionally by being away from Kamui, first person he cared about in close to a decade. Subaru falls quiet, silently accepting words as true. But he asks Fuuma about a mark, to which Fuuma shows him words on shoulder that say ‘Why did it have to end like this?’
While in seclusion Subaru slowly begins to realize he might have felt something more for Kamui than he assumed; Subaru was no fool however, he subconsciously realized Kamui might feel something for him long ago, so one of reasons why he’s staying away is because he knows nothing good would become of them dating. They aren’t soulmates, there’s a big age difference which serves as a reminder of Subaru’s own past and mistakes, apocalypse is going on, there’s an issue of their mental health, Kamui has things on his own he needs to focus about etc. But still, Subaru can’t deny he feels something, especially now when they’re separated.
Day before Final day Kamui finds him somehow. Kamui explains how he feels betrayed yes, but he won’t hold Subaru’s actions against him; especially since Subaru had his reasons. Kamui leans in and kisses him, silently confessing his love that way. Just as Kamui is leaving for the last battle, Subaru asks him over threshold if he’s still worried they might be soulmates, even if Subaru’s own mark has faded away. Kamui shakes his head and tells Subaru that he’s known for months already who his soulmate is but refused to accept it. All until today, when he’s finally ready to deal with painful reality. Subaru grabs him by the arm. Kamui turns around, is about to ask what’s the matter but Subaru kisses him. Both of them understand the guesture - silent ‘please come back alive’.
Tokyo is almost completely destroyed. Battle goes on and on, all until Kamui realizes only solution is if one of them were to die. Under regular circumstances Kamui would have gladly died if it meant Fuuma would return to his previous personality; but there’s a promise he has to keep, plus Kamui feels something dark within him, bred out of months and months of desparation and anguish. So in the end, that unknown darkness from within acts out and he stabs Fuuma. Instead of returning to previous self in last moments of life, Fuuma remains a Dragon of Earth. Kamui’s weeping over him, lamenting his fate, Fuuma’s fate, fate of whole world, of Subaru who had to suffer like that, Arashi who was widowed, Sorata who dies, everyone’s. Fuuma chuckles, then says ‘You secretly wished to see World burning. I dirtied my hands so yours can remain clear’. Prophecy ends up fulfilled, Kamui is forced to accept there was part of him that wished for revolution and destruction. With no place in the world where Kamui can feel like home now, without guilt eating him alive from destruction he implicitly brought, Kamui returns to Subaru.
Immediately Subaru notices something is wrong with Kamui, but attributes that to having to kill his dear ex-friend. Mark is starting to fade, but it only confirms to Kamui what Fuuma said was true. After death of your soulmate it takes a week for mark to completely vanish. On sixth night Kamui decides to show his to Subaru. After few minutes of tense silence Subaru tells him he’ll always accept him as he is, even if with blood on his hands. Next morning mark is gone, Kamui’s self-blame anything but. That’s his punishment, he believes. But at lease he has someone to share it with.
idk exactly where I'm going with this but fae!au where subaru is the prince of the spring court and kamui is his body double and bodyguard when the situation calls for it.
kamui's family, the magami, has served the royal family in this capacity for centuries, going back to the very first rulers of the courts.
the magami assigned to the royal is raised in secret alongside them. to everyone except those who Need To Know, kamui is just another noble fae child at court.
subaru and kamui grow close. part of it is because kamui has to know everything about subaru to do his job, so they obviously spend A Lot of time together. lessons, meals, magic and weapons training.
there's also the unwritten/unspoken rule that the guard and royal do not have Feelings for each other, but, whoops. kamui catches feelings for cute but clueless subaru.
something something seishirou tries to ruin everything as usual. his family probably ruled spring before they lost it to the sumeragis, and now they want it back ???
something something subaru giving kamui a "come back to me alive" kiss. spoilers: the next time subaru sees kamui, he's bleeding out and not in great shape.
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