#(d)c

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

[mal-is-tall]

fannie is so sweet

i was afraid she might not want to be around me, because i think the last time i spoke to her i was very agitated and made some kind of death threat

but fannie says i make too many death threats, and no one is afraid of them anymore.

fannie brought me some coraseed buns. they had koja nuts in them. my favorite.

you know, fannie is prettier and nicer than me. i am sure that if ben solo suddenly decided to choose a girl, he would choose her. i do not usually trust human boys who date twi’lek girls, but if ben solo dated fannie i think it would be fine. just my heart would be broken, but that is all.

do you know fannie and deirak have still never kissed? fannie says it’s because they want to wait so it will be more special, but i think it’s because she is not actually attracted to him.

anyway. fannie and i didn’t talk about boys at all. because we had better things to do than to talk about men.

well, actually we did talk about men a little bit, but only because we were talking about our families. she was telling me about her father.

i have never really seen fannie angry. but she seems very conflicted when she talks about her father. she told me how her father treated her like a slave when she was younger.

she told me that once, when she visited ryloth a few years ago to see her family again, her father hosted a party. there was much debauchery and much drunkenness, and when he was really wasted, fannie’s father tried to get her to dance for his guests.

fannie said no. her father asked again, and she said no. then he grabbed her arm, and fannie pulled out her lightsaber.

she didn’t hurt him, but he was surprised, and that gave her the chance to run away.

the next morning, her father didn’t remember any of it, and fannie didn’t tell him.

“how old were you when that happened?” i asked.

“i was thirteen,” she said.

thirteen.

i hope my father is not that kind of man. i don’t even know if he is alive, or if i will ever see him again, but i think i would feel better if i knew i was not descended from that kind of person.

i asked fannie what her mother is like. fannie says that her mother is like her: kind, maternal, soft-spoken.

i believe it.

she asked if i remembered anything about my own mother. i told her not really, except that my mother was kind of weird. she would say people were chasing her, when there wasn’t anyone there. sometimes she forgot who i was, or acted like i was a monster or something. she was convinced i could tell the future. i think she might have been on drugs? or maybe there was just something wrong with her brain.

when she was in her right mind, she was okay, i guess. she would sing a lot, and stroke my head-tails to make me fall asleep. she used to call me “mali.” she taught me to speak togruti (but after i came to live with luke i only spoke basic, so now i can’t anymore). when my mother remembered i was her daughter, she would go hungry to make sure i had enough to eat.

but that was only when she remembered. otherwise, she would leave me in random gutters all the time. whenever that happened, i would use the force to track her down again, except i didn’t know i was using the force. and then once i found her she would get scared of me and ask why i was following her.

sometimes, she would snap back into her right mind after she had left me someplace. and then she would search for me in a very distraught manner and  once we were reunited she would hug me and cry “next time, stay close to me mali; i don’t want to lose you.”

and then maybe half an hour later she’d forget all about me and leave again.

living with her was very confusing. i never knew what to expect. i never knew if today i was her daughter, or if tomorrow i’d be a stranger—i never knew.

and then one day when i am five she says “we need credits, mali. we need credits or we won’t have any food. want to help me get some credits?”

and i say “yes mother!”

and then she says “good!” and takes the ribbons from my head-tails and ties my wrists with them and drags me out to the street to sell me like an animal.

i was too shocked to protest.

i wonder if she was in her right mind when she sold me. maybe she wasn’t. maybe she was in the middle of an episode, and then woke up later with the credits in her hands and her daughter gone forever.

i wonder if that would have made her sad. i am not sure. it was hard to tell if she really loved me, because she was loony half the time.

fannie asked if i loved her. but i don’t know if i loved her or not. all i know is i was kind of glad when luke took me home with him.

but. i do still think about my mother sometimes. i wonder if she ever thought of me, afterward

—a

[crownedlegend]

STOCK IMAGE - PRESIDENT AND QUEEN, 1976. President Gerald Ford and the First Lady entertaining Queen Elizabeth II of England and Prince Philip in the family dining room at the White House in Washington, D.C., J... by www.DIOMEDIA.com

[tearsforsimvus]

tentativa de fazer fanart da minha bebêzinha <3

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

[mal-is-tall]

guess what? deirak and i made up.

he came up to talk to me today before morning session began, and i got very nervous. but then he said “hey chum, i just want to let you know i forgive you for the incident. i know it can be pretty ruddy frustrating when you lose a match, especially when you’re used to winning, and i appreciate that you said sorry afterward. i’m sorry i responded poorly when you apologized. i was still angry, which wasn’t the jedi way. the fact that you apologized at all was pretty impressive, actually—don’t think i’ve ever seen you do that before. and i’m sorry i made you cry.”

“i didn’t cry,” i said. “i had dust in my face.”

“whatever, mali,” he said.

“don’t call me that,” i said. “my deranged mother used to call me that.”

“okay, amalia,” he said, looking at me kind of weird. “anyway, i’m also sorry for calling you a freaky giant girl a while back. ben reminded me i said that, and told me it wasn’t very nice—i admit i completely forgot about it, but now i agree. you’re just the right size for you, and rather pretty in your own way,” he winked.

“save it for your girlfriend,” i said, rolling my eyes, but inside i was grateful to hear him say that. and grateful to ben for sticking up for me.

"oh, fannie doesn’t like it when i compliment her,” he said. “gets her all flustered. speaking of the girl, fannie and i were thinking of going down to the waterfall for a picnic. maybe you and ben would like to join.”

“oh, a double date?” i joked, but deirak took me seriously.

“i didn’t know you two were dating!” he exclaimed. “should’ve expected it, though. you’re always at one other’s throats.”

“first of all, i was joking,” i said, “and second of all, it is very unhealthy that you would assume two people to be dating based on their repeated abuse of one another. anyway. you can count me in. i’ll bring some coraseed bread.”

—a

[mal-is-tall]

Do you think Fannie is using Deirak to get over her feelings for Ben?

…no. did ben tell you that? well, ben solo doesn’t know what he’s talking about half the time.

i will not deny that deirak shares some similarities with solo. deirak is definitely not as attractive, in my opinion, but here are some things they have in common:

human

seventeen years old

enjoy writing

nerdy (ben is into history and politics; deirak is into art and film)

opinionated and into debates (but deirak is more polite than ben)

tall and lean (but ben pulls it off better)

see? you don’t even need to meet deirak. just take ben and make some tweaks and you’ve got deirak. he’s like a sprite recolor in a hologame.

anyway, i think it’s really obvious that fannie is still in love with ben. but, from what i know of fannie, she would never “use” another person for selfish reasons. maybe deirak reminds her of ben, and that’s why she likes him. but i don’t think fannie is trying to “use” deirak to get over ben.

besides, i don’t think fannie will ever get over ben. and i don’t blame her. i don’t know what kind of pheromones that guy produces, but they are…potent

i already deleted the coruscant cosmopolitan spread of ben solo on vacation, because i don’t want to support a publication that profits off of misinformation and gossip and humanocentrism and the illusion of the class hierarchy and invading the privacy of celebrities-who-are-actually-real-people, and also. i am. already. kind of.. beginning to get over ben but. you know where i first saw that little holozine spread? on fannie’s datapad. HA!

—a