#-viv

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as an update

So far, my experience on my nsfw acc has been shit the second people started coming into my dm's

Holy hell people have no common sense let alone think with their fuckin brains and not that damn thing

-Viv

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please go listen to this dude, I've loved his songs for a minute and been subbed for a good few months please please please please please

I promise that this is a good ass song

-Viv

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Hey so. How do you know if you're too far gone regarding having a crush on a character...

because..

Fucking hell.

of course it had to be ... Him.

Oh god.

-Viv

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Suggestive post under cut because I CAN DO THAT NOW YIPPEEE !!!

Holy fucking shit, looking up self ship nsft for the first time is so mind boggling.

Like why am I hearing "a whole new world" playing as I scroll through the posts

Like- what do you mean that "mdni" doesn't apply to me anymore?!

I can reblog this?!??!!?

And say shit?!!??!??

and not feel ashamed to think about my beloved Eddie this way??!???!????!?

HUH?!!??

THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL?!?!!??!!

AAAA??!????

LIKE...

I can read AND reblog a post that says "imagine your f/o jerking off to the thought of you"

LIKE... I CAN DO THAT????

AND MAKE IT ABOUT MY ROMANTIC F/OS??????

HOLY SHIT????????

I CAN IMAGINE...... Him doing that.....???!????

HIM ?!!!

HIMMM ?????

oh honey.

OH HONEY.

OH HONEY.

OH HONEY.

-Viv

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Me, now that I'm 18:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M ONE OF YOUUUU NOW !!! IM AN ADULT NOW !!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSS HAHAHAHAHAHA YES !!!!

-Viv

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Ok... I have an oc who is meant to be a POC transwoman that I've been working on for literal years.

like ever since I was like 9 or 10 or so & I turn 18 in like.. 2 days? So. Yeah.

She's my favorite oc EVER, she's an assassin who works under this animal hybrid mafia dude (it's a whole thing) and I find her absolutely awesome

BUT ☝️!!

I wanted to get an opinion on this thing I wrote in her pov since I myself am not a transwoman and am instead a transman, I simply wrote it so I could have an outline for how she feels about herself and I wanted some pointers !!!

:D

Be warned that I projected a little bit of how I've felt regarding me being trans onto her (actually A LOT of her character is me projecting 💔) but I wanted to hear from actual transwomen & transfemmes how this interpretation of being a transwoman felt and if there are any changes or suggestions you have that you think would be a good idea!!! :3

Some Character points to help you understand her further:

her being admitted to a mental hospital is a big plot point in how her life spirals into how it does (need to do further research in that regard but I know I want that in the story), has an extremely transphobic & abusive family (not explicitly mentioned in the writing), has a very supportive brother who'd protect her from abuse as a youngin, She's a werebear and so is her entire family, Her name is Mariah redwood!! :3

I'm still building up her as an individual ect. But I know her personality very loosely or at least what I want it to look like.

She's very protective and very kind to the people close to her but she's generally closed off to strangers and new people, it takes her a few months to get used to somebody- especially if they reciprocate and act closed off to her as well. She doesn't have a lot of trust in the world due to her trauma and how she's been treated but she does have a tendency to be more optimistic than alot of people she knows, she's just hesitant to believe that optimism since she still believes it's somewhat naive to think that way. She's also insecure about a lot of things in her life, especially regarding things she had been picked on for in school and her time in a mental hospital. She struggles with being judgemental both at herself and those around her, as well as with her temperament but is desperate to get that under control, also has trouble with repetitive intrusive thoughts, and picking at the skin of her thumbs (just like me fr.), she loves video games and her boyfriend (a certain Nonbinary character who deserves a WHOLE other post. LORD. he is.... something.)

fun fact!

her last name is redwood because in my lil OC world, there are these superpowered alien bears that live in a supernatural forest based off the redwood Forests and she is connected to them in a way since she herself is a werebear ect. ect. [it's a whole thing] the alien bears are nicknamed "bloody bears" or "the crimson bear" because more often than not, they can secrete their blood which has certain properties and often times roll around in it or use as a projectile when threatened !

(Certain properties meaning; Medicinal to some and lethal to others [it burns like hell on human skin and reacts like a very toxic acid but does nothing on werebear skin] )

These are the redwood trees and they are HUGE !!

Top down view !

I love her a lot and I really. REALLY want to write her as good as I can.

So any constructive criticism is absolutely welcome !! And any notes about how to handle writing a POC character respectfully is also welcome !

I'm doing my own research on that as well but any notes from the community are absolutely welcome !!

/gen

Thank you for reading :)

Tw: internalized transphobia (?), implied transphobic mothers, themes of hiding one's true self.

Sometimes girlhood is angry.

Sometimes the girl inside is furious, fighting and nashing her teeth at this mask in front of her.

Baring her true self at the world is something she could only do after acceptance.

After looking at herself, looking beyond the surface to see someone.

And releasing her.

Because she deserves to be just as mad as he was.

Not while she begged and cried to be let out.

The boy outside couldn't keep himself together, not when she was still crying.

But she has spent Hours, upon days, upon weeks, upon months, upon years.

Let me out, she'd whimper at the walls.

Fatigue and lack of sleep grasping at her vocal cords, she's found it hard to keep screaming, begging to be noticed if he never wants to see her.

Never wants to realize her existence.

Out of shame or out of pity, we'll never know.

She was held within.

She's nothing if not exhausted. She has done nothing but hide and duck under flurries of bullets made of words that threaten to pierce the boy outside, the pinkish liquid threatens to seep out like water at a dam, she's desperate to not be found for fear of something worse than her current life in the shadows.

Sometimes girlhood is so so tired.

Sometimes girlhood doesn't want to hide under a bridge, or under your bed, or in your closet.

Sometimes, he doesn't want to hide her.

Sometimes she doesn't want to hide in the dresses the boy outside conceals within his room, sometimes she doesn't want to be weeved within his earrings and the bangles laid on the bedside table. One's he claims belongs to his girlfriend, although his mother turns her nose up at the boy, knowing the falsehoods of that statement.

Sometimes, they both want nothing more but to be outside of this bubble they've found themselves in.

Sometimes, She wants a life outside of fear.

Sometimes girlhood wants you to know how angry she is.

How tired, how agonizing it feels to have your bones mushed into positions that are unnatural for her.

Twisting and turning, maneuvering herself from view, even as her skin beneath the cloak grows taught.

she's been inside for so long and she wants the boy outside to know what years of hiding does to the girl inside.

The boy outside doesn't try to hide her this time, nor does he react, he was nothing but a thinly lit veil.

The boy outside feels his skin slink apart now, bubbling open as she slithers out, covered in that slimy reddish fluid.

One that burns her but she pushes forward nevertheless.

The now pinkish tones of liquid covering her shine in the moonlight, similar to that of a rose, she blossoms now, thorns shielding her grunts of effort and her relief.

Oh her relief, she's able to stretch out now, limbs cracking and joints loosening.

She realizes herself now.

She was concealed but never stowed away.

She's always been here, and she's livid.

-Viv

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GAAAHH 4 days RAAA

4 days till this body is one of

you !!!!!!!

you ...

ADULTS !!!

-Viv